You're a Real Doll, Doll

[quick_clean_pure]

WHO: Graverobber & Robert the Doll
WHAT: Graverobber really did try to avoid the eggs. Really. But then one falls on his head and he & Robert wind up in a hell of a weird situation.
WHEN: April 5th - Afternoon
WHERE: Genessia City



So if there had been one specific thing that had really gotten drilled into him when he arrived in Genessia, it was: do not touch the eggs. No, really. Seriously. Don't touch the fucking eggs.

And Graverobber was smart enough to heed that, especially since it seemed like there was a very real shot that it might wind up with him as a five-year old version of himself, and he was so not interested in that shit. Imagine if he tried to buy a beer or something.

So walking through Genessia City, he walked like he was sweeping the desert for landmines, stepping carefully until he got back to his temporary residence and settled in for a nice afternoon of Whatever the Fuck He Felt Like Doing.

Unfortunately for him, that meant he was looking at the ground as he walked, and not up above. If he'd been looking up, he might have noticed the tree next to his footpath was rustling, a small squirrel darting through the branches and disturbing anything it held, including one egg that had been hidden in the leaves and that was suddenly tumbling through the air right onto Graverobber's head.

As the egg hit, he only had enough time to shout "Motherfu-" before changing form.

Comments

[childsized]

The tragic part was that Graverobber hadn't been far away from the Commons - he'd almost made it there! That also meant that Robert hadn't been far away from him when he had his own... unfortunate egg incident.

It was a slightly familiar voice who cursed nearby, and a slightly familiar face he saw when he'd figured out human limbs enough to look at his reflection in the glass. So he headed over to where Graverobber seemed to have been when he exclaimed like that, a little belated but walking well now all things considered. What are knees? We just don't know.

"I suppose we couldn't avoid the eggs completely," he noted.

[quick_clean_pure]

From the second the egg hits him to the second Robert speaks, Graverobber is just a tiny doll full of rage and profanity, shouting every curse word he knows. "Shit! Fuck! Fucking fuck! SHIT!"

He's also a little disoriented because WOW does the world look different when he's suddenly four feet closer to the ground than he anticipated. Suddenly the grass and the pavement are right fucking there and it's dizzying how much that shifts things.

When he sees Robert -- or, well, he has to assume that's Robert, walking around in his skin -- that's a whole other layer of surreal weirdness. Because, hey, look, that's his normal body standing right there.

"This is such bullshit," he grumbles. "God damn it. I'd been doing so good about this."

[childsized]

It's surreal to be so far from the ground, almost like he's on stilts - surreal to have joints and bones and muscles and to blink and swallow and other human things - surreal too to hear his own voice cursing up a very loud storm and see himself agitated. Of course his expression isn't agitated because it can't be, but it's obvious enough if only from the cursing.

He really is short isn't he? It's different looking down at himself than looking up at other people somehow.

"We both have been. They seem unavoidable at times." He judged the people who had fallen victim after already being warned less now! "I suppose it could be worse. We're still in possession of our minds."

[quick_clean_pure]

"I guess," he says, still feeling sour over the whole thing. Also, wow does his body look tall from down near the ground. " This is still so fucking weird. This whole city is messed up."

He looks down at himself for a second and realizes that, apart from just being much shorter than normal, he also seems to be missing joints and muscles and bones. Not that he hadn't understood that Robert was a doll, but holy Jesus, not having his own anatomy type is kind of something.

He tries taking a step forward and looks like he's goose-stepping for a second as he sorts out his limbs.

[childsized]

"No argument there." There might be levels of weird and messed up but this still counted! It was just a weird and messed up that Robert could be patient about so long as it didn't last that long.

Hadn't some people who'd been affected by the eggs recovered by now? 'A few days' would be obnoxious but fine.

He notices Graverobber kind of noticing the situation he's in body-wise and how he tries to take a step, and crouches down to be more eye level. "It should-" he starts and then wavers backwards and sits down suddenly like a damn toddler.

"..." He tried not to sigh, expression much more visibly exasperated than usual. Meaning at all. "It should be easier if you don't think too much about it," he picked up on the explanation again without comment and without trying to get up from his sitting position, instead shifting to try to sit cross-legged and managing it after a few seconds. (Knees again!) "You should be able to move under your own power just by wanting to move."

[quick_clean_pure]

"All right. I mean, you'd know best," he says, glancing down at his legs and trying to move without thinking too much about it, which was strange enough given that he was still wrapping his brain over the weird turns of the last 60 seconds. Still, he's able to get his legs to move in something resembling a function fashion, if a bit wobbly.

"How're you handling the, uh...being me situation?" he asks, tilting his head and looking over his-face-but-Robert's-face. He wondered how suddenly having bones felt.

[childsized]

"It's like talking or moving your head. You just assume you should be able to, so you can." Robert nodded as he seemed to get it right, no more wobbly than himself in Gravekeeper's body honestly.

"You won't break anything if you fall," he informed. "Your head isn't fragile. You will need to eat and sleep, but hopefully we won't be like this for long."

Handling being Graverobber, though... "Balancing will take a little getting used to," he admitted. Humans had a lot of angles and edges and parts that were supposed to bend and parts that couldn't, and... "You're tall." Yes. Good job Robert, that summed it up.

[quick_clean_pure]

"Good to know," he says, and it is, because hey, at least he won't accidentally break something of Robert's. The food part is also good to know, though he probably would have still indulged just because food is awesome.

"I am," he agrees, because he is, indeed, rather tall. "I'd advise being careful about low shelves and doorways. Also, uh, the hair can be kind of a pain in the ass, so just be careful of getting it caught in stuff." Usually he didn't do any worse than accidentally dragging it through food or something stupid, but getting a clump of hair caught in a doorway was a fucking nightmare.

[childsized]

"You might have a little trouble with the stairs, but they're manageable." Just throwing that out there as he remembers the Commons... There isn't much else he can think of to cover, though. Graverobber will get through it. (Or he won't, but considering that it's his body Robert is being a bit more forthcoming than usual, yes.)

"...I hadn't thought about that," Robert admits, crossing his arms. "Do you have anything to pull it back?" If not he might buy something, because seriously. Having it a little more manageable might help.

[quick_clean_pure]

"Not on me -- or, okay, on you at the moment," he says. He hadn't brought anything with him when he went outside. "Normal hair elastics usually do the trick." And are relatively easy to pick up when you scavenge garbage for a living, but he won't mention that part.

"I guess the only other thing to tell you is that I mentioned drug dealing and rock opera to a bunch of people when I arrived, so, if anybody asks you about that, that's why," he says, shrugging a little. "Otherwise, I'm just a normal human body, I think."

[childsized]

"Alright, that shouldn't be hard to find." Robert gave a little nod to himself, and uncrossed his arms, and paused for a few seconds as he tried to run through the process of getting himself back to his feet in his head before actually trying it.

"I'll keep that in mind. I've mentioned monsters and undead and so on, but the most likely thing to come up would be the Schnee Company. I told Uai we'd talk about what I found out there. Given what happened to him, I'm sure he'll understand."

He finally did get to his feet with a wobble. Then he paused. "You don't have any drugs on you, do you?" He both did not judge and was not interested; he mostly didn't want to risk accidentally syringing himself or something.

[quick_clean_pure]

"Nah, no drugs. The kind I used to sell doesn't seem to exist here," he says, shaking his head slightly. Though, he does think to add: "That said, you probably have a bunch of empty syringes and a few needles floating around the lining of the coat. Also a zydrate gun, which is like a tattoo gun but for, you know, drugs. Also a whole bunch of other crap's in the pockets, but that stuff's probably the only part you gotta worry about. The rest is just newspapers and crap."