The Fourth Daein | (Anti-)Self Sacrifice

[maidaein]

[ Micaiah's video feed opens up to her sitting almost serenely at Genessia park. But despite this, something in her face reads "exhausted". It seemed that she also had to work up the nerve to actually talk, as for a moment, she would stare at the video, seem to want to say something, and then fail to. Eventually, she would take a deep breath and then talk again. ]

The last week or so has been a little trying. I had fun at the fair, but afterward, I felt like I had to work harder, and give more of myself to keep the people here happy. War has yet to rear its ugly head here, and I dread the day it does.

[ She gave a rather dry smile. ]

But for some reason or another, I wound up using my healing art a little too much, and I had to go to the hospital. I've only just gotten out, and my job apparently forced me to take a brief vacation. I suppose if there's a lesson about giving too much of myself away, then that was it.

I was also advised to live "a little more selfishly". But... how do I do that without bringing others to harm? I already just retreat on my own to recuperate from large crowds. Isn't that enough?

[ Action | Genessia ]

[ You can actually catch Micaiah at that same bench. She's not alone, apparently quite a few birds are around and find her perfectly harmless. So harmless, that one of them is apparently roosting on her head. At least one brightly colored bird is flying around, chirping incessantly in a panic. ]

Yune, I-I think it's alright...

Comments

[primeddreams]

Someone dressed in a rather unusual set of full body armor appeared on screen. It was highly decorated with gold and painted in muted greys greens and blues.

"In my experience it's difficult to find that middle ground. No matter how much we do there will always be people who are beyond our reach of helping."

"It will help, however, if you learn to prioritize and work with others who can compliment your abilities or cover your shortcomings. You can't assist anyone else if you burn yourslef out."

She was speaking from experience.

[maidaein]

Micaiah stared at the oddly dressed person for the moment, but she shook herself out of the surprise; after all, this was Genessia.

"I suppose that's true." Micaiah said. "Still, what came over me that previous week felt all too real. Maybe it was a curse? I do remember feeling a bit of dread if I went too far." She couldn't be sure, though even the doctors in Genessia had said it was likely.

[Video]

[holyswordarm]

[The video feed shows a man wearing armor that would look totally at home in Tellius. The only standout feature he had was what appeared to be an arm -- or at least the shoulder -- made of silver.]

Overwork can be just as bad as underwork, I've discovered through my own experiences. One of the most important lessons I had to learn was how to properly pace myself so that I could accomplish everything I needed to without exhausting either my body or my mind.

[Only to completely disregard them when he was sent to the Holy Land, but that's another story.]

...But, that aside, I must ask out of my own curiosity. You seem to fear war coming to this world. May I ask why?

Re: [Video]

[maidaein]

"Good advice. If only I could make sure to remember it when the time comes." Micaiah said with a nod.

But to address his more urgent question, she then said, "No, it's not something that would happen any time soon, not from what I know. But humans and conflict go hand in hand. I'm somewhat paranoid about things like this, I came from a land that had just ended it."

[youfool]

["The people"'s (whoever that is) happiness and its association with war is a mysteriously disturbing one. That aside: moral quandaries. Ted's favorite! Usually. Prepare for minutes she'll never get back.]

Good morning, Micaiah! Well, dying for others' lives is a perfectly noble thing to do. Then again, an unconscious healer isn't much good to anyone. Suppose it's like how airplanes advise securing one's own mask first: what seems like selfishness is really charity disguised.

[She'll totally know what an airplane is despite Genessia having none that function.]

As for "living more selfishly"...mm, bad phrasing. Certainly that's preferable to the kind of unselfish person who whines that their charity isn't reciprocated or appreciated enough. It depends on the price of that happiness and the purchase.

If you, say, destroyed your inheritance to buy someone a spectacular birthday present, that would be going too far in a frivolous way. Musn't be silly in selflessness. So long as we're about bad examples, one other I've encountered--the most disgusting of its species--was something like sycophancy.

If someone does you a good turn, a world of difference yet remains in the motive. The normal, soterial way involving love and concern for another's good is well. Another would be mere...deference to their will. Giving yourself up not because it's good for them, but merely because they want it. Like how someone with borderline personality disorder would appease a narcissist, say. Or, worse, because they thought of it as some quid pro quo arrangement, and expected the same kind of thoughtless selflessness in kind.

Darker yet, one could assume the nobler motive without ever knowing a baser one. From the outside, they seem the same. You might think someone were singing along with you, when really they had reduced themselves to a mere echo of you because, well, who doesn't like the sound of their own voice?

[Present company excluded. As Micaiah might expect, Ted has personal experience of this kind of unselfishness. He barely suppressed a shudder to think of it.]

Well, I hope that doesn't come off as too negative. I bring it up only because I expect the good ways are known to you already.

Re: [Video]

[holyswordarm]

As for that, the best advice I can give you is practice. With enough practice, it becomes second nature.

[Bedivere takes a moment to ponder the comment.]

Hmm...I see your point. The history of man is rife with conflict. However, that's also only one side of the coin.

Re: [Video]

[maidaein]

I suppose that is also true. Humans struggle, misunderstand and hurt one another, but they also help and forgive one another.

I will do my best to practice.

By the way, I never caught your name, sir knight. [ It's been a long time since she addressed someone like that. ]

[maidaein]

Ah.

[ Micaiah listened to every word. Ted was a long-winded one, always willing to pontificate even during the most casual of questions. Of course, Micaiah's question had been far different than "casual", given her struggles to curb a certain part of herself after the festival. His examples showed some very real things she might have (foolishly) done had she not been stopped by her body giving out from Sacrifice.

She got the gist of his argument, but she wanted a bit of clarification on things. ]

Borderline personality disorder? General terms reach my ears, but I haven't heard of all of those. I understand much of what you said, but some of the examples are just right outside of my grasp.

Are you saying that I should be pickier in how I help others? I'm not surprised that there exists humans who would exploit the most selfless. But there are those who may very well need help even if they are the least deserving. I can't say that judging how they are is easy... or fair.

[youfool]

Ah, heh, suppose psychiatry may not have reached your lands just yet. It's barely come up in mine; probably for the better. It's infested with quacks.

Borderline, or BPD, is a personality disorder wherein one has no identity to speak of, so they look for someone else to give it to them. They do this because it's easier to get affect or relation from someone, supposedly, if one is the person they'd really like. They're psychological shape-shifters who earnestly believed whatever costume they've put on for whomever is authentic. Inattention is that unbearable to them.

As to help, it depends on the kind. Healing, I would think, is a no-brainer. No discrimination required there, unless it's the Devil. Suppose doing something like that for the wicked gets thorny.

Other things are thornier still. Since we're talking psychiatry, there are times when people shouldn't get advice because it's not internal. That is, even if they were given purest wisdom, it'd do them no good, because they'd doubt it. As if they were being manipulated by another. Unless it had its genesis in them, its external source would cast a pall over any application.

Alas, help requires a deft mind.

[maidaein]

I see. Psychiatry seems like something that might have dissuaded a few madmen in my world, but I also fear it would lead people astray.

As far as healing goes, I help who I can, when I can. I apparently overestimated my abilities that previous week, when even I’m not so normally careless. That being said, I’d ask you this: would you take a chance with the Devil if you believe he could be redeemed? It’s… not an answer I know or have for myself, but it’s something to think about.

[ The last thing though… ]

That sounds like paranoia to me.

[youfool]

Heh, probably a right estimate. Most of the people who go into it are those who'd like to study their own dysfunction. A more fallible discipline than most.

[Still fun enough to talk about though.]

Er...mm. That's a high question. Whether someone like the Devil, or any angel for that matter, could be redeemed is another. Angels are pure spirit, you understand. They're never tempted or moved by passion. Everything they do and act has their full force of will behind it. They're very...inflexible.

Sort of. It hearkens to that old adage "Give a man a fish", and all that. If one's supported from without, they may be hampered from a solution more central, which may be the only cure enduring enough to work long-term.

Re: [Video]

[holyswordarm]

[He nods at Micaiah's responses, then stops when she asks him his name. It's been a long time since he was addressed in such a manner, as well.]

I am Bedivere. What would your name be, milady?

[maidaein]

It is a high question. The gods themselves yearn to help men, but not all of them actually understand our plight. But it is possible... it just took the god's other half and an entire army backing her up to do so.

You just have to hope that such a thing isn't necessary.

[ She nodded at the rest of Ted's words. ]

It's not enough to be given the chance to pursue goodness, they must want to pursue it.

[Video]

[maidaein]

Micaiah. I hail from the kingdom of Daein.

[ She gave a smile. ]

Nice to meet you, Bedivere.

[primeddreams]

"A curse?" She tilted her head a little. Her voice suggested a furrowed brow but it was impossible to tell through the expressionless face plate.

"From what I've learned of this place such things are a distinct possibility. But I'm no magic user so I wouldn't be able to tell you one way or another. My skill lies in gun, blade, and piloting the warframes. All you can do is look at what happened and try to learn so you can exercise additional caution next time."

[maidaein]

"Magic can be strange, I agree," Micaiah said. "There's even kinds of magic I've never seen before. I will remember your advice."

She realized something, and smoothly added, "What's your name?"

[primeddreams]

The figure nodded once. "I see. I will keep that in mind."

"Ah-" She shifted a little bit. "I'm sorry. I've long since forgotten my name. Where I come from I carry the title of 'Tenno' and am addressed as such."

"What's your name?"

[maidaein]

“Micaiah,” now it was Micaiah’s turn to tilt her head. “Have you lived for so long that you’ve forgotten your name?” It was just idle curiosity for now, if laced with concern. Tenno did not seem like they’d care.

[youfool]

Ahehe, what strange, seemingly schizophrenic gods you've dealt with if one half warred with the other.

[He'd no idea she'd led such an extremely odd life.]

Just so. Leading horses to water is vain if they don't drink, much to my chagrin. Alas, goodness cannot be compelled very often.

[maidaein]

It's the essence of free will. It always has a cost.

[ She thought for a moment. ]

Have you come across anything interesting lately, Ted?

[youfool]

[True that. Of course, being surrounded by so many mannequins with no will to speak of...]

Aheh, it's Genessia. What isn't interesting? It's hard to encounter much else. Well, I recently ran into--almost literally--a cat corralling a shopping cart. Went to another carnival too, which was decent enough. One girl I knew had people continually bumping into her unawares, as though she were absent from every sense. Except mine; seemed a selective thing.

How about yourself? Have any secrets revealed themselves to you?

[maidaein]

On the one hand, I wish I had come across something more interesting than the possible curse that compelled me to sacrifice more than I’d normally do.

On the other hand, there are more people from my world I have met recently. They have told me about things that I have yet to actually conceive as possible, but I am grateful for their company. It makes this strange world feel a little closer to home.

Re: [Video]

[holyswordarm]

It is nice to meet you as well, Lady Micaiah. I must confess, however, that I have never heard of a kingdom called Daein. Where does one find it?

[Even if they're from different worlds, Bedivere enjoys learning. He's happy to learn about worlds that he'll probably never visit.]

[youfool]

Ahehe, careful. Interesting and beneficent aren't synonyms. A "possible" curse? You're unsure?

[Wouldn't be the first time a carnival had funny business.]

Oh? Like Ike and others?

[maidaein]

I can't trace its origins, and it's hard to know what magic feels like when it's affecting your mind, so I remain uncertain.

Ike was here once, but I speak of Nephenee and the "wandering scholar". Please don't mind their very obvious cat ears. [ Micaiah's tone became very dry when speaking of the scholar, though there's mirth in her eyes. ]