004: My love & loathing always collide [ VIDEO ]

[saxophone]

»VIDEO
[ Misery enjoys company, but Gren has discovered that he lacks the associations to coordinate such an affair. The realization hit him hard after a recent fallout with a friend that brought his numbers down to 2, and that’s including a fifteen year old acquaintance that he just likes to harass. His social standing is pretty abysmal at the moment which is disappointing considering just how outgoing and personable he actually is.

He acknowledges the lack of effort on his part, but now he’s willing to give it a good honest try now that he’s no longer fussing over the friend he lost. It still hurts, but he’s found distractions in work, his music, a cute guy, and now in the pages of a sketchbook.

He’s not an artist by any stretch, but he enjoys the odd doodle from time to time. It’s been good enough to charm an ancient, reticent type so Gren figures it could work on others too.

The feed starts on a curtain-esque black, sweeping mass that is soon revealed to be the drape of Gren’s hair as he leans over his phone trying to stabilize it. Once it’s secure he backs away, sits down, and settles himself in the frame. ]

We good? Okay... Hey.

[ He smiles and grabs a black sketchbook that was sitting just out of frame. ]

So, I’m doing portraits for anyone who wants one. I’m a musician, so this isn’t exactly my thing, but I do enjoy it at times. Just don’t expect the greatest quality. I think it’ll be a fun way to get to know some of you more and you get a little something out of it, too. This is what you can expect. Quality will vary, sorry.

[ He flips open the sketchbook and turns it to the camera. The first image is of a handsome dhampir in a horrendous hat. ]

Cute guy, cuter in person.

[ He turns to another page. It’s a woman. Her name is written in cursive and beneath that there’s a small heart. A sweet, little detail that no longer bears any meaning. The sketch is old. Gren’s smile falters and he turns to the next page without a comment. The next image, well... ]

This is Sora the Soaring Menace laying eggs upon the public for absolutely no reason. That’s me being assaulted.

Comments

[Video]

[myfayevalentine]

*It takes Faye a bit of time before she is able to reply to this. She hesitates and doesn't turn on her video until she has taken a deep breath. She looks to have just finished a shift, her new deputy hat in her hands, twisting and fidgeting. Faye can't bring her eyes to his just yet, and her voice is full of trepidation*

The woman... Could you draw her looking sad and full of regrets? With the words "I'm sorry" underneath, and an even bigger heart...?

[Video]

[saxophone]

[ At the sight of Faye an emotional upheaval breaks out in his head. He can’t discern whether he’s more sad or angry, and the confusion of it all melds with everything else into a spuming, hot brew that burns him up inside. He drops his sketchbook and the pages flap uselessly in the descent. He’s up and approaching his phone with the intent to end the feed, but he stops short of doing it.

He instead snatches up his device and his face, a fretful display, fills the frame. ]

You’re just making noise, there’s nothing to it. Do you even possess the awareness to know what you’re apologizing for? Or are you just arranging noises to make the most appealing sound for me? Why are you sorry? What are your regrets?

[Video]

[myfayevalentine]

*She knew it. She knew she shouldn't have said anything. She should have left it alone, kept herself as far away from him as possible. Her shoulders tense at his anger and she keeps her eyes down, not paying attention to way she is twisting her hat in her hands*

For being awful...and selfish...and hideous...and rotten... For saying the wrong things... For being completely. And utterly. Fucking. Horrendously. Useless. And worthless.

*Then her breath hitches and she bends over more as the tears come thick and fast. Admitting to herself how terrible she is, that hatred for herself so open and so clear... Faye can barely stand it*

[keymemory]

....

Did... you ... just.

[ Sora is flattered, happy, then angry, but not really, mostly he's flattered but then also a bit concerned. Now everyone is going to think he lays eggs out of his butt.. THERE'S VISUAL REPRESENTATION OF A LIE. How did this even snowball like this? ]

Why have you done this?! [ His voice is small, low, confused, betrayed? ] You doodle .... pretty good. [ So their last anonymous back and forth came to an awkward revealing from them both.. Hopefully Riku won't ever find out about that and Gren, well... Sora knows just how much Gren enjoys his own butt! ]

[Video]

[saxophone]

[ His humanity isn’t lost in the bitter tide that surges in his head, so seeing Faye crumble in tears nearly brings him to the point of shedding his own. He shakes his head, but the gesture isn’t clear in its opposition. He disagrees. He is dissatisfied. He can’t decide on which matter to voice first. It's difficult to formulate anything comprehensible with all the crying. It hurts him to see it. ]

Godammit, Faye.

[ He turns his head away and closes his eyes as well, doubling up the protection against the wretched view. ]

...You’re not worthless, but you are careless and oblivious. My god, would you get a clue. Maybe just start with the fundamentals of friendship because clearly you’re lost somewhere around there.

[saxophone]

You’ve got some nerve showing your face after what you did to me.

[ He taps a finger to the the artist’s depiction of said events and shakes his head. ]

[Private Video]

[myfayevalentine]

*Faye looks up for a moment to switch the video to private - she doesn't need anyone to see her in this mess. As she does, she will show a glimpse of her face, all puffy red eyes and running mascara. Even after admitting that, after airing her true feelings about herself, Faye still hasn't got theough to him how remorseful she is.

Then it was her turn to shake her head, sorrowfully, like the weight of the world is burdened on her shoulders*

I read those posts... I know what people think of me...

*Then she lifts her face again, if only to swipe her hands at her eyes to swipe away the tears, fingers black too with her eye makeup - at least it's the end of her shift...*

Of course I don't know about friendship... Why else do you think I don't have any friends? Why else so you think...that I wound up...so alone?

[keymemory]

What YOU fantasize I did to you! Let's just be real here! You have some wild ideas of what someone such as myself is capable of!

[saxophone]

[ Gren flips to a clean page and begins to draw something. The process is a wordless one, but when he finishes he turns his sketchbook to show Sora the image. Finally, he speaks. ]



You right now.

[video]

[draconixaviarix]

[Oh hey, it's her music friend..and with pictures!]

You're a man of many talents, these drawings are amaaazing..!

[Hana trilled, recognizing Sora and giggling]

What would you like for the portraits?

[video]

[saxophone]

[ Gren recognizes this face! He brightens, recalling her enthusiasm as he prattled on and on about music. It seems she even has some enthusiasm to spare for his mediocre doodlings. So sweet. ]

Thank you. All I want is a little of your time. We can chat a bit as I draw you? How've you been, Hana?

Re: [video]

[draconixaviarix]

Then as much of my time is your's, Gren~

[Hana was sitting contently on the roof of her new home] I've been doing pretty good. I picked up another job and I got a home that's FILLED with pillows, blankets, and beds!

It's super comfy. I even made some walls with the pillows. Much more fun with those and not with rocks.

....Although rocks are a little more..sturdier, gotta say..

You've been doing okay?

omg...

[keymemory]

[ He's ... he's so quiet right now.. because he just can't help the smile that spreads on his face. Outside of the implications and .. lies, Gren can draw some pretty cute stuff! ]

You're.... you are... so weird, man.

❤

[saxophone]

[ A loud flapping of pages signals the start of a fresh page and a new drawing. Really, he's the weird one? Once he finishes he turns the sketchbook for Sora to see. ]



The audacity.

;;

[keymemory]

Wha... are those .. bodies under there? Just how big do you think I really am?!

[Private Video]

[saxophone]

[ At the sound of the same old, rehashed bullshit his eyes pop open as if spring loaded. She was relentless with that noise. Unable to stomach the nauseating spiel anymore Gren’s frustration adheres to his voice, increasing its volume and vitriol. ]

You’re not alone! See, you're being careless again. There were positive comments about you, too. Do you remember those? How do you think it makes those people feel when you say you don't have any friends? That you’re all alone? Do you get it when I say you make me feel useless? It's like nothing ever sticks with you, nothing is ever good enough. You don’t have any friends because you won’t simply open your eyes and look at them!

[ He stops to calm himself. He doesn’t like yelling, especially not at people who are already upset. His voice lowers, but his words are no less bitter. ]

...Why are you so insistent to wallow in your miserable bullshit when there are people willing to be there for you?

[Private Video]

[myfayevalentine]

*Here she is, baring her ugly thoughts to him, allowing him to see her in this awful mess and still - still he is angry and disgusted with her? Where is the point in trying if this is how he reacts? She has had enough, her own voice rising to match his*

Oh, fuck off, Gren. That isn't what I meant! I have friends. I know that. They're few and far between, but the real friends I have see that there's some good in me. I tell you how fucking sick I am of myself and you still see me as some kind of entitled selfish bitch. But you know what? You must be right. You saw the shit that was posted on that post - shit, you probably wrote half of it. But there's someone out there who might have feelings for me, but they'll never tell me because they are sure I have no interest. No one has ever suggested they have had any true feelings for me - not romantic, not love, whatever the hell you want to call it. That's my loneliness, Gren. And that isn't one you can tell me I'm making up.

*Faye's fingers drum heavily on the hat on her lap but her eyes cast about her, looking for something to punch or destroy, any outlet for her rage. She looks troubled, to say the least, foot tapping the floor now too, unable to know what to do with herself. She focuses on Gren again for a moment, face pale, eyes searching, her voice quiet and trembling when she speaks*

I thought I had people willing to be there... I apologised. I tried to make amends. I did my best to reach out, to keep up a friendship I wanted to keep, to show that I cared. But somehow... somehow all of that went wrong... and the person I thought who really cared about me...made me feel lower about myself than I had ever felt... I apologise again...and I get yelled at. I don't know, Gren...

*Faye pauses to swipe at her eyes, angry at allowing herself to be so visibly upset. She scratches at the tears there, leaving red marks across her eyelids*

I don't know what I'm supposed to do to make that right. I don't know if I ever can.

[saxophone]

[ Gren studies Hana’s face as she speaks. Soft features and lively eyes all culminate into a pleasant expression. It’s a proper display for her sweet disposition and it’s something that makes him smile as he places his pencil to the page and attempts to capture the authenticity of it. ]

It sounds like you’re literally living in a pillow fort, that’s amazing. If you haven’t already, you should hang lights throughout your place. You know, the ones strung along a cord? It’ll give it a magical sorta ambiance.

[ He glances up when she asks about him. You’ve been doing okay? Not really, but that’s not for her to know. He smiles and nods. A-okay. ]
Yeah, I have a new job too. I’m working as a barista at Moonbucks, but I still play music part-time on the side. What’s your new job like?

[saxophone]

Big enough.

Video;

[faithfulsinging]

You say it isn't really your thing, but you really seem to have a lovely talent for it.

[ She smiles brightly, trying to hide her confusion about the Sora picture.
She wasn't going to judge his artistic choices, but it... really did confuse her.]

[keymemory]

[ He peers at the drawing, his eyes narrow, then he snorts, then he backs his head up and begins to chuckle. Quickly that turns into a giggle and he shoves his hands up to his face with a hoot. ]


OKAY FINE! [ He leans back from the video, finding support next to the wall he's standing next to. ]

[saxophone]

[ Gren lowers the sketchbook with a chuckle and a satisfied smirk. Victory. ]

Acceptance is the first step.

[keymemory]

[ Everything is so weird right now, Gren is so weird always.. ]

Weh, okay. So, I accept. What's the next step?

[saxophone]

[ "Gren? He's not like anyone else." ]

A month of groceries delivered directly to my apartment.

[keymemory]

.... That's a pretty good idea! I can make some extra money delivering groceries to people and shopping for them!

[ He's gone ... with the thought of that. All the fun he'll have delivering groceries! ... wait, he probably needs a car. Dang it. ]

No, wait.. I can't do that.