Neil Blair (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hellorhighwater) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2018-10-17 11:20 am
hellorhighwater) wrote in genessia2018-10-17 11:20 am
Entry tags:
Log (Open/Closed) ~ Neil Blair's Day Off
Who: Neil Blair and any/all residents of Villa Ascua, Neil Blair and YOU!
What: Rare idle day to putter around the house, and to later run some errands
Where: Villa Ascua in Fayren, later all around Fayren proper
When: 10/17
Warnings: Relentless family fluff, possible discussion of violence and fictional religion, will add if things come up.
Summary: Neil has a day off, and spends the morning catching up with things and family around the house. Later, he's off to run some errands...and yes, recon on a fox he still wants to kill counts.
[CLOSED to Villa Ascua]
One thing Neil loved about the new house was the courtyard. It wasn't as big as that of a castle, but its walls were warm and bright, and it was a comfortable place to train. Every morning, he rose before the sun to run sword drills, keeping his combat skills sharp, and somehow managed to turn a workout into peaceful meditation.
With early morning drills long done, instead of heading back in to reclaim his spot beside Regina in their bed, he was kneeling in that courtyard, facing the eastward home of the Sun Goddess. Back straight, knees spread and feet touching behind him, he sat back on his heels with his hands propped on his thighs and bowed his head in prayerful meditation--as had become a habit since the day Regina showed him her heart, and the true end of the path to dahgo.
Now he stood, immortal and invincible, his heart beating outside his chest and held aloft without protection...save for the hands of the queen that cradled it.
Reaching up with one hand, Neil touched the still sensitive skin at the low point of his nape, too high to be hidden by a shirt and low enough that his loose hair could obscure it from view. The black and red heart that now sat above the runes gifted him by his king was a more permanent way of keeping his heart exposed, a thing he had done quietly and without discussion. It represented the new path he now walked, the brand of his lover's heart upon his skin a symbol of his purification.
Or rather, his hope of purification. By virtue of his submission to his love, to Regina's faith in him, the Sun Goddess would welcome him into her sky when he died--but the more he thought about Regina, the more he thought about Charlie and the other kids, of this home they'd found...and the more he thought about his new family, the more he wondered if he really had achieved his goal.
Perfect conquest through perfect submission, namely to the light. And his heart still carried darkness.
And so each day, he woke, he worked...and he prayed, as he did now, meditating on the mysteries of the light undisturbed by a beating heart. Finishing with a quiet plea for benediction in the dragon tongue as he set his hands upon the earth and bowed to press his head against them, he finished greeting the Goddess for the day and stood, wincing only a little as his bad knee protested spending too much time spent bent into the cold unyielding brick.
Neil worked the stiffness out by walking--namely back into the house, heading for the kitchen. His cooking skills were rudimentary, but improving beyond making coffee and roasting game or eggs in their shells over a campfire. When he could be first to the kitchen, especially on a day off like he had today, he liked to be able to make breakfast for Regina and the kids--and, if he was really lucky, piss of Regina by making her a few minutes late to work with coffee in bed...and a few other things that had nothing to do with breakfast or coffee.
Today, with a good workout under his belt and a pleasant feeling of serenity that came with knowing his prayers had been heard, he was feeling more than a little bit lucky.
[OPEN to Fayren at large]
With a day off and a household to help manage, Neil took advantage of his day off to do some basic running around: shopping for food, picking up a couple things for Charlie's room that he could gift to her in stealthy fashion, spellcasting ingredients--miscellaneous bullshit errands that were simple and stupid, and way too much fun.
He hadn't, however, forgotten about the one problem that still lingered in Fayren--the fox fuck that had designs on taking over the joint. What started with spending the night with Regina in the name of recon had turned into settling down, and that meant killing the guy was all the more important. Neil was pretty sure that killing someone wasn't the way to go about finding something he wasn't sure he could call redemption, but he had to believe that the violence that lived within the love that made him crave this bloodshed was in service of a greater good.
Which was why he took care, more than he usually did for an assassination. He hadn't reached out, hadn't openly hunted--he hid recon in visiting the shops of Fayren and subtle questions probing for information or sightings of the beast. If he saw something, he followed a dozen steps further behind than he would otherwise to track it.
He enjoyed his free time, he did his share to keep his household running...and all the while, he continued to plan for the inevitable death of a self proclaimed god.
What: Rare idle day to putter around the house, and to later run some errands
Where: Villa Ascua in Fayren, later all around Fayren proper
When: 10/17
Warnings: Relentless family fluff, possible discussion of violence and fictional religion, will add if things come up.
Summary: Neil has a day off, and spends the morning catching up with things and family around the house. Later, he's off to run some errands...and yes, recon on a fox he still wants to kill counts.
[CLOSED to Villa Ascua]
One thing Neil loved about the new house was the courtyard. It wasn't as big as that of a castle, but its walls were warm and bright, and it was a comfortable place to train. Every morning, he rose before the sun to run sword drills, keeping his combat skills sharp, and somehow managed to turn a workout into peaceful meditation.
With early morning drills long done, instead of heading back in to reclaim his spot beside Regina in their bed, he was kneeling in that courtyard, facing the eastward home of the Sun Goddess. Back straight, knees spread and feet touching behind him, he sat back on his heels with his hands propped on his thighs and bowed his head in prayerful meditation--as had become a habit since the day Regina showed him her heart, and the true end of the path to dahgo.
Now he stood, immortal and invincible, his heart beating outside his chest and held aloft without protection...save for the hands of the queen that cradled it.
Reaching up with one hand, Neil touched the still sensitive skin at the low point of his nape, too high to be hidden by a shirt and low enough that his loose hair could obscure it from view. The black and red heart that now sat above the runes gifted him by his king was a more permanent way of keeping his heart exposed, a thing he had done quietly and without discussion. It represented the new path he now walked, the brand of his lover's heart upon his skin a symbol of his purification.
Or rather, his hope of purification. By virtue of his submission to his love, to Regina's faith in him, the Sun Goddess would welcome him into her sky when he died--but the more he thought about Regina, the more he thought about Charlie and the other kids, of this home they'd found...and the more he thought about his new family, the more he wondered if he really had achieved his goal.
Perfect conquest through perfect submission, namely to the light. And his heart still carried darkness.
And so each day, he woke, he worked...and he prayed, as he did now, meditating on the mysteries of the light undisturbed by a beating heart. Finishing with a quiet plea for benediction in the dragon tongue as he set his hands upon the earth and bowed to press his head against them, he finished greeting the Goddess for the day and stood, wincing only a little as his bad knee protested spending too much time spent bent into the cold unyielding brick.
Neil worked the stiffness out by walking--namely back into the house, heading for the kitchen. His cooking skills were rudimentary, but improving beyond making coffee and roasting game or eggs in their shells over a campfire. When he could be first to the kitchen, especially on a day off like he had today, he liked to be able to make breakfast for Regina and the kids--and, if he was really lucky, piss of Regina by making her a few minutes late to work with coffee in bed...and a few other things that had nothing to do with breakfast or coffee.
Today, with a good workout under his belt and a pleasant feeling of serenity that came with knowing his prayers had been heard, he was feeling more than a little bit lucky.
[OPEN to Fayren at large]
With a day off and a household to help manage, Neil took advantage of his day off to do some basic running around: shopping for food, picking up a couple things for Charlie's room that he could gift to her in stealthy fashion, spellcasting ingredients--miscellaneous bullshit errands that were simple and stupid, and way too much fun.
He hadn't, however, forgotten about the one problem that still lingered in Fayren--the fox fuck that had designs on taking over the joint. What started with spending the night with Regina in the name of recon had turned into settling down, and that meant killing the guy was all the more important. Neil was pretty sure that killing someone wasn't the way to go about finding something he wasn't sure he could call redemption, but he had to believe that the violence that lived within the love that made him crave this bloodshed was in service of a greater good.
Which was why he took care, more than he usually did for an assassination. He hadn't reached out, hadn't openly hunted--he hid recon in visiting the shops of Fayren and subtle questions probing for information or sightings of the beast. If he saw something, he followed a dozen steps further behind than he would otherwise to track it.
He enjoyed his free time, he did his share to keep his household running...and all the while, he continued to plan for the inevitable death of a self proclaimed god.
the villa, obviously:
When she spots Neil, she gives him a semi-tired wave as she uses her telekinesis to open cabinets and pull things down.
"Morning, Neil," Charlie says cheerily, grinning some as she starts mixing things in a bowl, a pan on the stove-top heating up slowly.
Re: the villa, obviously:
“Morning, kiddo—pancakes are a good idea, but how can I ever spoil you kids if you keep being self sufficient and competent in the kitchen and shit? Seriously.”
Softening the teasing with a squeeze before he let her go, he squinted into her face with a raised eyebrow.
“Truth: how long you been awake? You need to get enough hours to function...anything buggin’ your sleep? I can reinforce the dream wards on your bed if you need.”
Re: the villa, obviously:
"Truth? I got about six hours sleep last night. Broken, but...it's a record. And I've been up for about two." So, that's something. It's an improvement.
"I was thinking about the dream wards," she replies a little bit later, pouring a small bit of batter in the hot pan and watching for bubbling around the edges.
"I think I want them removed." Yes. Removed. "Sometimes my dreams are warnings, and this place is weird. I'd like to know if something was coming for the people I care about. I also think maybe we should just put fire-proofing wards or whatever on my room. Just as a precaution."
Re: the villa, obviously:
Knowing her issues, he felt more like dancing on her behalf, but he was playing it cool. It was easier as they sank into comfortable silence for a short while, him chopping and she working on her pancakes. The declaration about the wards gave him pause, audible in the hesitation of his knife rhythmically striking the wooden cutting board, but he didn't immediately say no.
Mostly because he'd been there. The Night Dragon bound his powers with permission, gave them back a little at a time, but Neil was no dragon. He couldn't impose himself upon her like a father, wouldn't unless it was life or death--and this wasn't. It was a teenage girl coming to terms with her gifts, and learning to control them.
"The wards make sure you get rest, kiddo--that's the only thing that makes me reluctant to get rid of 'em." he admitted. "Especially if you're makin' progress with sleepin' through the night. Takin' care of yourself will improve control, keep you focused...now I could change the wards, open them to dreams of prophecy? But if you want 'em gone for good, I'll strip their power. I'll give you one of my sprites and a piece of condensed dragon fire to keep under your pillow. Twofold protection: sprite'll douse the flame if a dream sets you off, and the stone will do the same. You're a fire worker, it'll shatter if you crush it in your hand. Dragon fire escapes, it'll eat any normal fire in its path."
the courtyard, sunset
More often, she rose, summoned a cup of tea or coffee, and took her portfolio to the bay window overlooking the courtyard where she could glance up from her work to look down on him and smile while he practiced his sword forms or did his meditation. She wondered if he had any idea how often (already, in two and a half weeks) he'd distracted her into soft-hearted daydreams just from the sun kissing off the muscled planes of his back when he knelt for prayer, or turned quickly to parry an imagined blade. Only this morning, she'd been in such a reverie and been drawn from it just in time to catch his hair swinging aside from a new mark on his neck. From where she sat, she could see it was no injury, so she noted it--and then spent the entire day at work mentally worrying at what he might have put there and why he'd have done it without telling her.
By the time she returned home (after interviewing a cook, because not a single person living in the house could cook seven decent dinners per week), put dinner (a sample meal prepared by said cook and paid for) in the oven for a late family-style meal, and poured wine for herself and Neil, the sun was slipping below the horizon, leaving tangerine and crimson trails in a deepening turquoise sky. Since the children were old enough to look after themselves and each other, and they had gardens and grounds for them to play in, Regina had no qualms about taking over the courtyard for an hour after work quiet time with Neil. They'd agreed, no sex-play around the kids, but they couldn't possibly have pretended not to be stupid, head over heels for each other, so if they were interrupted, it might be irritating or slightly awkward for a moment while they disentangled themselves, but little more.
And so it was that she stood by the high, round stone drinks table with a bottle of wine and one poured glass set on it, the other glass of wine in her hand, watching the sun set through the western portico, waiting for Neil to join her.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
These prayers, however, were very short, and were not unusual when Neil would meet Regina for these quiet moments where they could just be together. The sight was a familiar one when he would enter the courtyard, facing the setting sun and sinking to one knee, head bowed. The deep, nasal rumble of his voice was barely audible as the sibilant, sharp words of the dragon tongue fell reverently from his lips for about two minutes.
Those moments of prayer always felt more right when she was there--that his heart, now separate from him, be present when he thanked the gods for his mate, his children, and his day.
When he was finished, he rose and looked to Regina with a grin as he crossed the distance between them to wrap his arms around her and bend to kiss her with that same serenity he found in the morning: the knowledge that his prayers had been heard, the proof of it warm and inviting and tasting of magic in his arms.
"Beloved." he murmured against her mouth in greeting, his hand sliding idly up and down her back. "Dinner good to go when the brood descends?"
Re: the courtyard, sunset
All five of them had fallen easily into family routines. They were too new and the relationships too fragile still for people to pitch fits over favorite snacks eaten, toys misplaced or broken, more attention given to one than another, or Regina losing her temper over any of the many tiny things that tended to set her off. Even for as fragile as some of it was--Maddie's place in the family had yet to firm up, for example--it was still comfortable. Strangely comfortable. And she only panicked for a few seconds at a time over things like Neil referring to 'the brood.'
"I'll bake over the weekend." It was really all she could contribute to meals without tormenting them.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"See? I like these vintages." he chuckled, gesturing with his glass. "Too many of the ales and meads in the Five Realms taste harmless. Then you wind up drunk off your ass wondering how the hell you ended up tied to a post in the stables wearing nothing but your smallclothes and about half a gallon of Loran honey in your hair."
He paused, remembering the incident with some horror, then blinked and shook his head before shooting Regina a wry smile.
"...don't ask."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"Your stupid is showing, love," she teased him as she stepped closer into his embrace. "Because you can't honestly believe you can tell me a story like that and then expect me not to ask."
She knew better than to be jealous. There were no women in his life before her, other than those he paid. It was pure curiosity, nothing more.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"If you love me? You won't make me." he grimaced. "I'll tell you this: I was eighteen, summerberry wine tastes like strawberry juice, and never fuckin' trust a cadet to set the wager on a wrestling match when you've had more than two glasses of that shit--and leave it at that."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"That's what you get for drinking something that tastes like strawberry juice to begin with." She pursed her lips and wagged a finger at him. "But don't think my mercy extends to whatever shenanigans ended in a new mark on the back of your neck. Details, please."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"That's...not nearly as fun." he replied with a laugh, and a smile of wild delight that didn't match his words. "That's...well, it's yours."
And to make his point, he shifted to settle into a nearby chair, beckoning her over to stand behind him as he pulled his hair aside so she could get a decent look at the neat little black and red heart that sat over the runes on his spine.
"It's, uh--it's my heart. Wearing the colors of your own. Now that I've removed it, I thought I oughta actually do something with it, so..."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
For a long, long few moments, she said nothing, just very lightly traced the new ink atop his runes with a fingertip. Everyone knew stories of passionate idiots with the names of their mothers, their ex-wives, their motorcycles or guns indelibly inked on their asses or biceps. Part of her wanted to write this off as that same sort of ludicrous impulse, the same part that regularly tried to tell her that them living together and having a family together when they'd known each other two months was ludicrous. She paid it about as much attention.
The rest of her knew it was nothing of the sort. If he'd chosen to mark another step on his life-path, lock his heart onto his spine, decked in her colors as the Night Dragon had locked his magic there in his. He wasn't asking her to witness where he'd gone and tattooed her name on his butt-cheek as proof of her ownership but to witness his dedication to the path of dahgo. Yes, it did also contain the idea that his heart belonged to her, but only in that she was the vessel of the Light for him (no matter how ironic that sometimes seemed to her).
Heart-pierced, she bent to press a kiss to the top of his head. Words came hard, so for the moment, she only curled her hand over his shoulder and squeezed it gently. But then she considered that the Night Dragon had given him the other marks and he'd stripped them of their power to lock down his magic when he'd learned control. What could she contribute, besides sealing his heart in his chest? Which she should do, but perhaps not tonight.
"Mm, would it be all right if I healed this for you, or is the pain and itching of the healing important for some reason?"
Re: the courtyard, sunset
That she wanted to heal it for him, to seal his heart into his skin--nothing could have felt more right.
"No, it's not important." he assured her, reaching up to catch the hand on his shoulder and bringing it to his lips so he could press a kiss to the inside of her wrist with a ghost of his tongue darting out to taste her as his mouth sealed briefly against skin before he released her. "Be honest, I'd appreciate it. With my powers, healing don't itch, it burns. Go for it."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"I can't very well let my dragon knight--" He probably shouldn't have given her the ability to 'summon' him just by speaking the title she'd given him. It was too much fun to tease him with it, to let him feel her constant need for his attention and affection instead of having to ask for it. "--suffer needlessly." Even if her skill with healing was paltry and her magic ill-suited to it.
Focusing her power, she blew a breath of golden magic onto her fingers. When they glowed with healing energy, she stroked them over his new tattoo. Beneath the glow, the redness and weeping receded, and the ink bonded with his skin--as a side effect of how she healed, it would never fade. Neil would tell her that was as it should be: his heart was hers forever, until the shadows claimed the sky. She wanted to believe, so today, she did.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
And when she used his own magic against him, speaking the words that would let him feel her--it made his chest tight and his breath rush out in a sigh of his own. It was one thing to know he was loved and wanted, but to feel it so constantly, the intensity with which she needed him in particular, was joyfully humbling.
Bending his head forward a little further, he reached up to gather his hair and hold it to the side so she could better work. Strangely, the kiss of magic was a little different from the usual dark silk of her power--warmer, lighter, soothing away the constant irritation and burning. When it faded, he reached up to gently touch the spot and sighed with relief when there was no pain.
Letting his head fall back to rest against her stomach, he looked up at her with an unabashedly adoring smile.
"My hero." he declared, only half teasing as he reached back for her hand so he could draw it in again, kissing her palm. It reminded him, abruptly, as his thoughts wandered to the notion of the gift she was, that he had news for her--and a gift of his own to bestow.
"November 1st." he declared suddenly, his smile turning sheepish as he looked up at her. "Ran some numbers a week or two ago, forgot to tell you. The Harvest is November 2nd by the Gregorian calendar--that makes my name day November 1st. You said you wanted to know, so..."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
The sections remained separate despite him taking her hand to kiss her palm, but she couldn't braid with one hand. For the moment, she abandoned the project and leaned down to kiss that sweet, sheepish smile. "Thank you, love. I do want to know." And she had been thinking since the carnival about what she might do for his nameday, so she was glad to have at least this much advance warning. "Is there anything particular you want to commemorate it? Any traditions you'd like to keep?"
Re: the courtyard, sunset
There were gifts, of course--specifically, gifts were given to the honored by those who held love or respect for them. The Night Dragon always made sure to find a gift Neil would appreciate, but he didn't want Regina to feel obligated. It didn't feel right to ask for things when the Night Dragon tried to get answers out of him, and it didn't feel right now.
...but there was one thing.
"I have one thing for sure that I'd like to do for my nameday, though. And I'm hopin' you'll help me." he admitted slowly, looking up at her. "Because...it's something I wanna do for you."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"I know you don't like to be surprised, like me teleporting to you without warning." She kept her voice level as she gathered the sections of his hair again and one over the middle, then the other, she sought renewed serenity in braiding it for him. "Does that extend to things like celebrations?"
She paused to rub her knuckle against the back of his neck. "And, of course. It's your nameday. I'll help with whatever you want." Though she was curious, she didn't ask. He'd gone out of his way to speak around it, so he'd tell her when he was ready.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
“That’s a little different—I mean, I’m hard to sneak up on when there’s no magic involved.” He assured her. Then, more softly, unable to hide the awe and pleasure in his voice...
“I mean...if you want. Yeah—a celebration would be okay.”
His breath hitched at the brush of her knuckle into the back of his neck, just over his new tattoo—and when she said nothing else, his hollow chest ached with affection. She asked him so little about his past or his faith or the ways of his world, not because she didn’t want to know, but because she didn’t want to pressure him or intrude where she might not be welcome. She was so careful to respect his feelings, to avoid hurting him for any reason...
“The Sky Maker became a dark god when his Sun Goddess birthed their only son, the Ember.” He began quietly. “When he saw how dearly she loved their child, he was consumed by jealousy and bitterness—fear that she would love him less if that love had to be shared, even with their son. That’s why the Ember and the Sun Goddess can share the sky, but the Sky Maker remains below the earth with the crawling things, and can only see them when they come down to him at the end of each day. He remains below, and when his rage and his darkness become too much to bear, the earth will shake and moutains will burst, spilling liquid fire into the world. He’s the god soldiers, wicked men, and storm dragons pray to for his fury, his strength, and the protection of his cruelty.”
Flexing the fingers of his hand, Neil focused his thoughts on a spell he had been working on, one he started creating after they first met, after seeing her teleportation magic for the first time...
Balling his hand into a fist, he spoke the spell in the dragon tongue and flicked his fingers open. Dragon fire erupted in his palm, then vanished—leaving a small, rough hewn wooden box engraved with an arcane script nestlef in his hand and a brilliant smile on his face.
“He’s also the god of vengeance.” He finished, passing the box back to her. “This is a box of souls. You carve into it every torment you want to inflict on someone, place their name inside, and bury it at dawn, when the Sky Maker is parted from his goddess and his son and at his most bloodthirsty. He’ll take your box of names, and claim every soul you place inside...make them suffer as you ask, and ensure they never make their journey to the sky. Inside this one are scrolls bearing the names of every person, alive and dead, that’s ever done you injury—at least the ones I know about. I was hoping you’d add any I’ve missed...and help me bury it at dawn. On my nameday. I’d like to celebrate it with people like your mother in the Sky Maker’s arms...and knowin’ others like, uh, Keith and Gold—that there’s a place waiting for them by his side when their end comes.”
Re: the courtyard, sunset
Then after, she took the box and it felt impossibly heavy in her hands. To feel she held the eternal fate of people who had harmed her in her hands, it was a gift she shouldn't accept. And at some level, couldn't. She loved her mother as much as she hated her, and Rumple, too, in his way.
But at the same time...
She wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders, box floating mid-air by his hand, and hugged him tightly. It wasn't enough, then, for this man who loved her so much he needed to kill her enemies, punish them eternally, if only symbolically, and she moved around the chair to slip into his arms and his lap--potentially watching and giggling children far from her mind.
"What do we do with the fact that no one's ever hurt me more than me?" she whispered into the crook of his neck, and while it was a question, it was also acceptance of his offer and the statement, definitive: I love you.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
When she asked, he just smiled as he kissed her temple, then reached up and behind to snatch the box from the air. Holding it in one hand, he rubbed her back with his free one so she would look up. Shifting it so she could see the lid, he ran his thumb along one string of characters, reading them out loud for her.
"'Whisper her name into the ear of your goddess, so she will be known to the light, and feast upon her darkness when she meets her end so that she may make her final journey to the sky. Protect her...The Queen With The Dragon Fire Heart.'"
Re: the courtyard, sunset
It was the fact that he'd known she'd ask. Or he knew her well enough to know she had to be given up to his Sky Maker somehow. And even more, that he didn't argue with her and tell her she didn't have that darkness in he. He knew her.
And no one, not even Robin, knew her like this.
Probably, that knowledge should make her smile or kiss him, but if it did, she wouldn't be the woman he knew, would she? One day, maybe, being loved like he did wouldn't reduce her to wordless tears--maybe she'd be allowed to be with him long enough to get used to it.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
So he set the box on the nearby table with their drinks and framed her face between his hands, thumbs straying to wipe the tears from her cheeks as he looked her dead in the eye.
"You gave up your heart, same as I did." he reminded her quietly. "If I'm not allowed to forsake my journey to the sky, neither are you. We'll give our darkness to the Sky Maker, we'll watch over each other, and when we die, we'll walk with the goddess together." He paused, grinning with a lascivious wag of his eyebrows.
"Maybe stop behind a cloud or two for a quickie. This is us we're talkin' about."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
And she found a smile for the forever lusty turn of his thoughts. "Do we still get to have sex while we're walking with your goddess? There'd have to be a hell of an upside if the answer's no."
That said, her mate's flare of pain and panic settled (she hoped), Regina tucked herself against his chest again and rested there with her head on his shoulder. A few scattered tears fell, but she didn't mind them with Neil's arms around her. She had a lifetime's worth of suppressed sobbing. In her clearer-sighted moments, she knew it was going to be a long time before she'd emptied that particular well.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"Remind me to tell you the story 'bout what the Ember has to do to drown out the noise of the Sun Goddess and the Sky Maker when they get together--trust me, she's got no problem with it." he assured her, resting his cheek against her forehead with a sigh of contentment. "There's all kinds of upsides to walking with her, anyway. Like the souls she favors best? She'll let them speak to the living, share words of comfort with their loved ones. The living can't hear the voices of the dead, though, so they fill the sky not with sound, but with colors. Think in my world, they called the messages...ran-bows?...Rainbows. That's it."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
Which she hadn't really, not now. She just needed the quiet comfort of being with him to settle her emotions before the 'brood descended' as he put it. If Evie were joining them for dinner, or Henry or Roland, she could have a break if she needed it, simply by sharing a look with them. But Charlie didn't know what to do with Regina on a good day and Arya was too sensitive to her moods.
"I'm all right, love. It caught me off guard that you'd dealt with my darkness too. That's all." Apparently, she'd decided that she'd talk to him about it. She never did know when that was going to happen.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
He trailed off, frowning a little as he dropped his gaze--more thoughtful than discontent with the furrow of his brow.
"...and I'm startin' to figure out there's more to dahgo than just removing my heart, or even keepin' it free of my chest." he mused. "It's perfect conquest through perfect submission, but...not just to love, but to the light. I been kinda glossin' over that part, so I had to stop and think about what you'd do if you were me. That's how I figured it out."
Lifting his gaze again, he looked into her eyes with a sheepish smile.
"That's how I'm gonna keep figurin' it out. 'Cause...I think I need to. If I'm gonna do this right--walk the path, be with you, be any damn good to the kids--I gotta at least try to...see if I'm any good at being good, y'know?"
Re: the courtyard, sunset
That was simple fact in Regina's view. For all his bloodthirsty talk and wanting to kill and even enjoying it (she had, and sometimes still missed the feel of a life ending in her hands), he seemed relieved whenever she told him no. And he found pleasure, relief even, in devotion to ideals.
"You can devote yourself to the Sun Goddess the same as you did the Sky Maker's wrath." She pressed a soft, sweet kiss to his pulse in his throat and then returned her gaze to where her fingers smoothed his shirt over his chest, and the heart he believed he'd removed from it. "It wasn't... it isn't easy for me. That darkness you love so much, it pulls me back to it. Whenever I'm not paying attention, whenever I'm not focused on being good and making good choices, it's there to suck me in again. And it's not just some outside force. It's me. I doubt there will ever be a day when I can just relax and trust that I'll do the right things."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
Lifting her hand from his chest, he brought it to his lips to kiss her fingertips, then turned it to press a kiss against the pulse point in her wrist, fluttering against his lips--the ghost of the heart she'd surrendered to him.
"The only reason I was able to remove my heart was 'cause you showed me how." he pointed out, pressing her hand to his cheek so he could watch her face and tip his head into her touch. "I kept trippin' over myself tryin' to get it right until you finally knocked sense into my skull by literally showing me what to do."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
She leaned close and pressed her lips to his, a barely there kiss to say I love you, before she replied, "I'm sure you would have figured it out. I've never met someone so determined to have their heart torn out."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"Maybe--but it would have taken far longer, and I couldn't have done it then." he replied, tipping his head into her touch with a sigh of contentment. "See...when I was seventeen, I saw a boy I trained with in basic die in a duel over a woman. The Night Dragon and I built his funeral pyre. He made sure I understood that geynaz killed the kid--love's dark side, selfish and desperate...best translation I can come up with is 'the open vein.' This kid couldn't be strong enough to love without reward, so he died doing stupid shit to get in good with her hard and fast--shortcut, y'know?"
His eyes grew distant with memory, his smile broadening.
"So I asked him why we were burning the body--sending him to the sky to be with the goddess when he should've been fodder for the Sky Maker for loving selfishly." he went on. "He reminded me that the Sky Maker himself embraced geynaz over dahgo--that the root of dahgo, the first step on the path, is submission to the light through an act of faith."
Reaching for her hand again, he drew it away from his face, grinning outright as he stared at it for a second, then kissed her palm.
"I didn't understand that it wasn't my faith that was needed. It was yours. You gave me an opportunity to kill you in...spectacular fashion, you believed I was worth trusting with your life. You had perfect faith in me--I had to accept it, surrender to the truth of what you see in me. And when I did?"
Reaching up, he touched his chest, then laid his fingers in her palm, symbolizing the removal of his heart and placing it into her hand.
"Gone."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"In a lot of ways, it was your geynaz that led me to where I was when Henry found Emma." Again, she lay her fingers over his heart which beat strongly under her fingertips, even if for him it no longer existed. The two things coexisted for her without conflict. Magic often operated on impossibilities and contradictions, and she was used to hearts still being present when they'd been removed. "If I'd been able to let Daniel go, instead of trying to bring him back, I wouldn't have been bleeding out and trying to punish everyone else for my pain."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"But letting go...it's not easy." Neil reminded her. "If it was, the Sky Maker never would've made this world or the people in it to win her. If dagho were easy, everyone would be immortal...and anyway, I'm not sure Daniel counts there. You were mated. What you did wasn't willful, you were...well, in my world, you'd be dying. Then you married a man who didn't love you, 'cause of your...fucking mother..."
Neil trailed off, biting his tongue as rage burned in his veins, ratcheting up his body temperature by a couple of degrees until he made a point of gripping the box in his hand just a little bit tighter. It was a silent, steady reminder that Cora Mills was going to burn, and burn slow, for everything she'd done to Regina.
Neil's only regret was that he wouldn't be able to sit back and watch her suffer personally.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"Even so, I had a chance, dozens of chances really." For the first time in half a century she thought of the day she'd spent glamoured as a peasant woman, Wilma, in the company of her stepdaughter, and how she'd considered relenting even then. There was a peculiar comfort in knowing she'd thought about it, even if she'd rejected it ultimately. She hadn't been too far gone to love back then. "I ran away, not because I was dying, but because I was a coward."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"A coward couldn't have given up her mate to save a rival." he reminded her flatly. "A coward couldn't take a wayward child in and raise him like you did your son--and a coward couldn't put her heart into the hands of a stone cold killer, then ask him to help her put it back with perfect fucking trust. I don't know for sure if someone not of my world can give up their heart like I have--but if it's possible?"
He released her face, displaying his hand to her, palm up.
"Then yours is right here. You're a lotta things, Beloved--a hardass, a little uptight, and bossy as shit--but you are no fuckin' coward. Get that through your perfect goddamn head right the hell now."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
And by the time he'd finished his tirade, it was, at very least, buried again.
"I love you, Neil," she said as calmly as she could manage under the circumstances. "But you cannot rewrite the past by wishing it so. It was fear that kept me from forgiving Snow any of the times I might have." If she gave up her hatred, what would she have? "It was fear that kept me from going inside the tavern to meet Robin the night Tinkerbell led me to him." If she loved him, then Mother would kill him, and she would suffer again. "It was fear that made me reject chance after chance to do the right things."
She rolled her tongue behind her teeth and firmed up her jaw, but she didn't pull away from him. "I have learned to be brave. But I have not always been. Don't deny me the triumph of growing by insisting there was never a need."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"'Ever the moon shall rise.'" he tried again. "It's a saying in the Five Realms, it means that light and dark aren't defined by good and evil. In the name of the light, men have killed--that doesn't make their actions good, and in the name of darkness, a man might perform an act of charity to achieve a selfish end. Does that wipe the good his actions have done?"
Reaching up, he brushed a lock of hair gently behind her ear. As he did, he silently prayed to the Ember for guidance, for the right words to make Regina understand what he was trying to say.
"The darkness in you is infinite. Thrown across the sky, you could make this world even darker than my home--I have no illusions about that. But evil is a void, and that is not you. That has never been you--your darkness isn't a void. It's--blood and mud in your eyes when you're on the battlefield left for dead. Regina...you were afraid of being hurt, while you were already in pain. You were afraid it would stop, that you'd be free...and that something would throw you back there again. Torture will break any man if they're left to suffer long enough--all you have to do is give them hope that the pain will stop. They'll say and do anything to keep it from coming back. And that--that's not cowardice, I don't care what you say. A coward would fear the threat of pain--not pain itself. And I don't think that even in the darkest hours of your pain you were ever afraid of it."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
But he did know. He did understand. And so, yes, she trembled but not with rage, but adrenaline drain. They meant the same things, even if they used the words differently.
So it was just how he'd said it she took issue with. She held his gaze steadily in spite of her trembling, and in spite of the sick twist in her stomach.
"You can disagree with me, Neil, but when it comes to me, what I feel, what I lived, don't tell me I'm wrong."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
"Okay. I won't." he replied, quietly, evenly, looking straight into her eyes. "But in exchange for your 'truth?' You have to give me mine...swear to me that you will never again tell me that I'm a good man."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
She wasn't going to take on the issue of whether he was a good man. Not unless she had to. Because of what else she had to say.
"I'm telling you that I spent the first twenty-five years of my life listening to my mother do what you just did. Telling me at high volume that what I thought about my life was wrong. I need you to do that differently. Please."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
Well, now he knew what made her flinch--he should have known a few angry words wouldn't be enough to scare his beloved.
"I will." he replied simply, then almost as an afterthought he reached up to curl a hand around the back of her neck and pulled her in to seal the promise with a kiss. "I swear it."
Re: the courtyard, sunset
It would take a little while for the edgy emotions to fade, but she could easily sit through dinner with the children. And later, she and Neil could work the rest of it out, alone, in their bedroom.
Re: the courtyard, sunset
Neil set it on a nearby table, leaving his hand on the surface for a long moment before he wound both arms tight around her, keeping her tucked securely against his chest.
And to keep her from seeing the split second flash of glowing coal energy blooming on the lid of the box of souls, leaving in its wake a new line of characters spelling out the final name and punishment due to those who had hurt her.
Only then did the knot in his chest ease.
It would be okay. Justice would be done.