genessia | [video + action] I'll love you in springtime, I lost you when summer came

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[video + action] I'll love you in springtime, I lost you when summer came

(Some spoilers for Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald inside)

Genessia had felt like a dream. When he had returned home, it did not feel like he missed a single step in resuming his life there, in shifting immediately back to his daily life at the school and his further plans among his friends for handling the rise of Grindelwald. There had been times, brief flashes, when he had thought of living in a city where he and Gellert both lived, where he had made many impossible friends, where the past and present seemed oddly intertwined in ways he had found fascinating.

But it was all too easily passed off as dreams. He could easily explain it away in his own mind -- of course he dreamt of Gellert as a younger man, when so much time was focused on him and he could only remember him as a youth. And there was so much terrible news and awful happenings that of course he would dream of a place free of that, where he could make friends and enjoy his time without a war on the horizon. It was the results of a busy, tired mind, and all of the elements were pulled from his real life -- he'd even dreamed of Newt there, after he'd planned to speak to Newt about Paris. There'd even been a Kelpie, much like one of Newt's!

Admittedly, though, he could not afford to focus much on such dreams when there was so much else to worry about. It was easy to push those thoughts aside when Gellert escaped from New York and the Barebones boy fled to France, when he had pushed Newt to go after him and then immediately had the Ministry strike down his own spells. He wasn't even afforded the joy of his own classroom anymore, being forced to abandon his own courses over a few vengeful whims.

And then Gellert had escaped once more, with the boy in tow, and a pile of corpses left behind.

Newt had brought him back his own blood pact, a thing he was immensely grateful for, but there was still too much to worry over. His work was not done yet, and Gellert was still rising, and there was still war on the horizon. And now he knew, for certain, that Gellert had aims specifically to kill him -- a thought that broke his heart all the more than it already had, especially when such a plan was to be done so coldly.

But he could not afford to let himself fret over that, not when there was work to be done, not when there were plans to be made. He fell asleep the night after Gellert's escape with those thoughts whirling through his mind, spinning through his head as he sunk into sleep...

...and then he was back at the docks. And it was as if no time had passed at all.

[video]

[Albus is standing in front of the dream docks, though this time he looks a bit dazed and disoriented. He doesn't look any different than before, except that his wrists bear marks on them like they'd been cuffed. For a moment, he blinks and seems to bring himself back to where he was, his memories flooding to him in a rush.]

...well. I seem to be back, now. From however long I was away for.

[action with Gellert Grindelwald]

[The first place he goes to is Gellert's home, without stopping to change clothes or rest or reorient himself. His head is still spinning, and everything is still a confused jumble -- Gellert is younger, but not, he loves him, he wants to kill him, he is killing people, he is working to be better. Albus can't keep them apart in his mind, the two of them melding together in his thoughts, and his heart aching with the confusion of it, of how mournful and pained and loved he feels when thinking of him.

But he does remember that he promised to go to him first once he returned. And in truth, he is desperate to see him, to remind himself of this version that loves him and wants to change. Even if his interactions with Gellert's plans have been distant and cautious, every word and image of him has been an ache to his heart. He wants to remind himself of the rest of him, of how much more there is to him, of the hope he'd had before he'd been summoned away from this place.

Albus knocks on the door a little frantically, looking dazed and tired but also desperate to see him.]

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Welcome back.

[Li's studying him, both curious and cautious since she knows next to nothing about how the dock affects people.]

How do you feel?

Thank you.

[It takes him a moment -- he remembers Li as a friend, but there is a second or so where he remembers all of it, the curse, the potion, the dragon's blood.]

Mostly, I feel confused. And disoriented. It's all coming back to me now in a rush.]

...Sounds like you're in for a massive headache.

[And is dissuading her from ever going near the docks.]

Hope things weren't too bad at home.

[The days haven't been easy and Gellert has occupied himself, keeping his hands and his mind busy to drive out the yawning absence of Albus. He will return. He trusts the other man's word, but that doesn't stop him from imagining all the horrors Albus might see. What if he comes back with a change of heart?

It's not like he could blame him. Mountains of corpses and a war would be enough to extinguish love of any sort - and vague promises made in a peaceful land could hardly outweigh what Albus might see.

So he keeps himself active, barely pausing to sleep, making potions, writing and discarding ideas for spells and, most of all, doing his utmost not to fall back on his violent tendencies. He feels a tug when Albus is returned, but before he can leave the house, there is a knock on his door.

Oh. Fear rises in his throat and he purposefully leaves the Elder wand on a table. He doesn't want to make any mistakes. His hand shakes as he unlocks the door and opens it.]

Albus. [He hesitates, struck by how exhausted the other man looks, before pulling him inside and into his arms.] What happened?

I imagine you're right.

[Even if his head doesn't hurt, exactly, it is a sudden huge rush of information. It's a shock-like feeling, the initial numbness slowly fading into an ache and then a sudden rush of knowledge he did not have.]

...they are not going well right now. [Which is an understatement, but also too complicated to explain fully for the moment.] What have I missed?

[At the sight of Gellert, something in his expression shifts and crumples in on itself, as if he had been forcing himself steady until he was able to lay eyes on him once more. Even if it has not been very long, it feels like twenty years have passed all over again, like he's seeing him again for the first time. Something about the sight of him young and caring undoes him, breaking down a barrier he did not know he still had.

Albus doesn't answer, not right away. All he does is grab Gellert just as he's being pulled into his arms, wrapping his own around him as tightly as he can. For a moment, he buries his face into his neck, breathing in the scent of him, holding him as if afraid he would slip away from him at any second or shift into something else if he let go for even a moment.]

[It's frightening how desperate and sad Albus has become. Gellert realizes he is the cause of all of this and it shatters his heart. Deep down, he had told himself "it's not that bad in the future" and he had almost believed that lie, but now he sees it is so much worse than he ever understood. Only a true nightmare could break Albus down so cruelly.

His words are jumbled and meant to comfort, his voice hoarse as his throat tightens.]

Shhh it's alright, Albus. You had a very bad dream and now you are awake again. [Gellert rubs over the other man's back and soothingly strokes Albus's auburn hair.] What have I done to you? Have I hurt you?

No. No, no, nothing like that. [Not physically, not with magic, nothing of that sort. His voice is raw when he speaks, the words muffled against Gellert's neck. Albus doesn't shift even a breath away from him, still wrapped in him, his fingers curled tight into the fabric of his shirt. He doesn't like feeling so very vulnerable and in need of reassurance, and yet Gellert's words are a balm in his ears, reminding him of which version of him he is holding.

He takes a deep breath, and then another, before he speaks again.] It is just...it is very good to see you.

[He communicates his relief by kissing Albus's temple. Then he leads them, slowly and carefully, to the bedroom. Once there, he sits down on the mattress and tugs on Albus to follow suit. All things considered, he is worried their legs won't hold them up for much longer.]

Is it? I'm glad to hear that. [Though, of course, it's complicated.] I want you to rest. I'm not going anywhere and I won't let anyone hurt you - including myself.

I see.

[Li isn't going to press for answers. Not right now anyway. Besides, there's no guarantee that he'll want to tell her anyway.]

Not a whole hell of a lot. It's been quiet.

All right. I suppose that's good, then.

[And then, the question he is admittedly desperate to ask:]

How is Gellert?

[Albus is very docile, letting Gellert lead him without a word of protest. Really, he savors it, appreciating the way he chooses to look after him. It is a sharp contrast to the plans of his older self, and he feels a surge of intense love for him for the way he immediately seeks to care for him.

Even as he sits down with Gellert on the mattress, he does not stop touching him. It is as if he fears that letting him go even for an instant would make him lose this version of him forever.]

You are too kind. [He says it quietly, thoughtfully, looking at Gellert with deep wells of emotion behind his eyes.] I won't go anywhere. When I came back, I remembered that I promised to come here first.

[She went quiet for a moment or two.]

...Quiet. I think he's been keeping himself occupied.

Edited 2018-12-24 06:10 (UTC)

[He doesn't mind the contact - he needs it too - but he is more focused on making Albus comfortable. Bending, he removes the other man's shoes and encourages him lay down on the bedding.]

It's not kindness. [His brow furrows in worry and he pulls Albus into a sweet kiss, a tear slipping down his cheek.] I felt you return. I was just about to leave to go to you, but you were quick.

Albus... [His breathing catches in his throat.] I love you. Whatever you saw, whatever you experienced, I have always loved you.

[Albus lays back, still pliant, though he tugs Gellert to follow him. There is a neediness in him that he cannot shake, and it only strengthens the more Gellert seems upset. Which intensifies his feelings, even in their confusion -- for whatever else has happened, this Gellert cares for him truly, and he adores him for it.

The kiss makes him breathless, even one so gentle and emotional. Even though their time apart was not long, there is still a part of him that marvels at this, at seeing Gellert, at touching him so easily, of having him so near. It takes his breath away to feel his lips on his, as intimate as if they had never parted from each other, as if they were not so very separate in another time and place.

He reaches up to Gellert's face to wipe the tear away with his thumb, gently stroking his face.]

I know you do. And I love you in return.

[He sighs shakily for a moment before answering:] I am not angry with you, Gellert. Please don't worry about that. My feelings for you are as before.

[And it is true, for this Gellert, the one before him. It's the future version of him that makes things complicated, confused, painful.]

[He is eager to follow, laying at Albus's side. With deft fingers, he unbuttons Albus's shirt, running his hands over his chest in soothing motions. The contact of skin on skin has always calmed him and he hopes it gives Albus the same comfort. Just in case his aim is not understood, however, he draws the other man into a tender kiss. His heart aches at the contact and he can't stop the tear that escapes from his lashes.

Albus's lips are so soft; he could kiss them for an eternity. A smile curves his lips when they part and he embraces the other man with a contented sigh.]

Tell me what you saw. [He rests his cheek on Albus's bare chest, dipping his hand under the waistband of the other man's pants, stroking the tender skin there.]

How bad do I become?

Edited 2018-12-25 06:52 (UTC)

[All at once, it's strange and soothing, the easy way in which Gellert curls up against him, touching his skin without hesitance. Even as he remembers being with Gellert before, there is still some part of his mind that lingers on the other life he'd been in, feeling odd yet pleased at the ease of the way they embrace.

And then Gellert kisses him, and it sends such a beautiful warmth through him, one that he wishes he could capture for eternity. Ah, this is what it is like to be loved.

He takes a moment to answer, laying there and savoring the touches, torn between the ache he feels for what has happened and the contentment he wants to feel at that moment. Albus draws in a shaky inhaled breath, running his fingers over Gellert's face, his voice quiet and sad when he answers.]

You're trying to kill me, love.

[The affection flows from him freely; seeing Albus so distraught has brought out the emotion and his touch is warm and gentle. He traces over the other Wizard's chest, dipping down to his abdomen and then the top edge of his pants.

Then he indulges a bit, kissing him without asking for anything in return. Gellert just wants to feel those soft lips and the delightful brush of Albus's mustache and beard. He pulls back reluctantly, caressing a cheek with his thumb.

The answer breaks the growing peace between them and Gellert is left feeling like he has been gutted. Kill? The word doesn't make sense - except that Albus will always be his greatest rival, so perhaps that is why? But kill? The color drains from his face and he sits up, finding it hard to breathe.]

What would be the point of a world without you in it?

Edited 2018-12-26 09:10 (UTC)

[There is a flash of pain at seeing Gellert so distressed, at watching the way his skin pales. He truly is not angry at this Gellert, the one who touches him so gently, and it aches him to watch him become so stung and so shocked.

He touches Gellert's face, stroking his cheeks and his jaw, running over his skin in reassuring lines. Albus had forgotten how it felt to be so loved, but it occurs to him then that he had forgotten how strongly he loved Gellert in turn. His heart swells and aches for him, pained with how much he cares for the other man and his happiness in ways he could not remember in his other life.]

It would be one where Britain is open to you.

Edited 2018-12-26 18:35 (UTC)

[Albus may not be angry with him, but he is angry - and sickened - with himself. He can't imagine becoming so estranged from Albus - from his feelings for the man - that he would consider murdering him.

He jumps at the sudden touch, remembering to breathe. Cautiously, he glances at Albus, afraid what he might see in those eyes. He had loved how tenderly the other had looked at him before; has that now changed? Can he really blame Albus if it has? Gellert shakes and turns his face against the hand on his cheek.]

Open for what? Being alone? Being miserable?

[He continues to stroke Gellert's face, for the sake of reassuring both of them. Albus does not have any good answers to the situation, not for either of them. There is sadness in his eyes, a deep melancholy for both of them, for the way the world has fitted itself for the both of them.]

For power, I suppose.

[But he quiets after those words, knowing that those answers are not what Gellert truly needs. Albus needs to believe that they can change their circumstances, that they can avoid this war -- and yet when he had gone back, nothing had been changed. Everything had been as before, and his time in this place dismissed as a dream.

That knowledge settles like a dark fog over his thoughts, and he fights to not dwell in despair for the moment.]

I am not dead, though. I come to you now as unharmed as before.

[He hates seeing Albus's sorrow; he would much rather be stabbed by a dagger. At least, then, the agony wouldn't last - either he would die of the wound or find some sort of healing. But there is no healing for this. Gellert doesn't even know how his older self thinks and none of his guesses make him feel any better.]

I must be mad.

[Unforgivably mad. He has always been touched, but never to that degree. What triggers the change? Does he begin to deteriorate because of an illness or does the loss of Albus over a long period of time break him? Everyone has their limits and he understands, now, how important the other man is to him.

Gellert shakes himself from his despair and pulls Albus into his arms, kissing over his face in barely controlled desperation.]

You are not unharmed. [Inside or out. He reaches for Albus's hands, sliding his fingers along his bruised wrists.]

You are mad for power, I think, and whatever it takes to obtain it. But you are not insane. You are just focused.

[And there is such sadness in that, in knowing that he is a mere obstacle now. Whatever feelings the older Gellert might have, they are secondhand to his ambitions, pushed aside for the sake of a clear path. He is an annoyance and not a beloved, and that wounds him more than he knows how to express.

He accepts each kiss openly, just as desperate for Gellert's touch as he is in turn. All he wants is to reassure himself of this Gellert's love, that even if their future is soured and bitter, that in this place they are still inseparable.

Albus smiles wistfully at the touch to his wrists, curling his fingers towards where Gellert holds them.] These are not your doing.

I cannot hide behind the guise of insanity, then, but I would say I am delusional. [To throw away a chance for a reunion; a chance to feel Albus's love again is frightening to him. If power is all he holds dear then all that matters is him being on top. Once there, he will be utterly alone.

Who would wish for such a life?

Gellert tries to drown out the memories of his older self with kisses, pausing briefly before he presses their lips together. Then his focus shifts to Albus's wrists and he frowns.]

Who did it? [His lips now trace the bruises, beginning to heal them.] Were you cuffed?

I was. [He watches Gellert intently, his fingers curling towards his face as he kisses along his wrists.] The Ministry feared I might be interfering with their plans, so they wished to monitor. They put cuffs on me to know which spells I cast.

[His eyes are soft while they look on Gellert, observing the ways he cares for him so affectionately.] They do not hurt. And the cuffs are gone now.

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[video + action] I'll love you in springtime, I lost you when summer came

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