genessia | 22nd Automail

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22nd Automail | Video

[Winry turned on the feed and was currently surrounded by books on robotics as well as some medical journals. She figured that if her off time if she didn't have anything job related to do she would learn other things. The downside was she found she didn't really have much of a social life. She figured she should really change that since her only close friend was currently Eliot.]

I have a question. Does anyone here find it hard to want to form and gain connections here because of the possibility of them going home?

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Yes. But in my home world it was because they might die. I'm a marine, at constant war, so everything could be sacrificed without warning.

Some people are good at dealing with that kind of thing no matter what, but I'm not. No matter what world I'm in.

Maybe it is because I do not see the whole picture ...

... but losing someone is always inevitable. Sickness, war or distance. There are a lot of reasons for it. It doesn't only happen here either. I imagine the same dangers are the same back in your world.

Does being here in this place make it different?

I'm sorry to hear about your world. [She could actually understand that worry, though since some time ago that would have been a worry of her own.] And I understand that worry too. Back at home fighting and wars were always a possibility. The same with people getting hurt or killed. [She was at least glad that it wasn't the case from what she now remembered at least.]

I think I would be the same as you thinking about it. Not good at dealing with it.

I'm not sure how some people handle it well either. Is it a personality thing? Just a different outlook? They seem more easy come easy go in general, and have dozens of friends. I can't handle that. Not even conceptually.

I guess it is in a way because of the fact the friends we make aren't from the world we come from. So if they go it means we never see them again.

In war at least those we lose can be remembered, but when they go back they might forget us completely and really that's kind of sad to think about.

I think it all depends on the person. I know my reason is that's just who I am. I will worry and I will mourn and it will affect me. Because I am a kind person.

So for me forming bonds while I know is a good thing, at the same time I will still worry. But really we should ask those people who fall under the type you described because I wouldn't be able to think of a reason.

Even if you both are from the same world, the possibility is still there. You both could be looking at the same sky ... living on the same planet ... but that doesn't mean you are going to see them again ...

[ Sheryl has lost family, friends and lover before coming here, so at the moment she doesn't feel like the change of location feels different. ]

I see. So you are afraid of being forgotten?

[Well this sure is poking at a still open wound.]

At this point, I'm inclined to say formin' relations here is pointless. This shithole will inevitably tear them away, so really, why bother?

[There might be three years worth of bitterness in his tone.]

NOPE! CONNECTIONS AND FRIENDSHIPS ARE GREAT!

[He can say that because it hasn't happened to him. Yet.]

I did. I don't think they know any better than why I am this way either.

Did you lose someone recently?

For me, there's no going home. So there's no issue with that. But I can see how it would make it hard for people with something to return to.

If that’s a concern, then you’re going to live a pretty lonely life, Mortal.

No. A while back I lost a lot of people from home. I'm the only one left.

[And in one case she has expressed how she felt so that added an extra layer of hurt really.]

I think since then I just find it hard and stick to those who I was already friends with and find it harder to talk to others often.

I know, but at least you can still think about the person.

[She paused for a moment, she wasn't sure if that was the reason or not.

Maybe. I don't know. Usually, I am used to people leaving for various reasons but after being here it feels different.

[ Since she was new here, Sheryl wanted to understand. ]

How so?

Yeah.

I lost a lot of friends from home. Some dead. [Head tilt.] Maybe that makes it easier since I know here is the only way to see them again, but it makes losing them worse than losing friends from other worlds you know at least are going back to something, even if they forget everything about you. Adopted a kid, lost her a couple times. Sometimes she remembered me, sometimes not. Was glad to see her all the same. I didn't even remember a couple people who remembered me from another world, but I couldn't help but like them, just like in that world I suppose. Lost them too.

[Rubs the back of his neck.] I just spent the last three months not talking to anyone. That didn't send me back either. I like being proven wrong, but not on this sh-- [Quickly censors self!] -- stupid kind of thing.

[Headshake.] Part of me was actually coward enough to wait months to see if someone would stick around, then the minute we got close they left. Starting to think it's me. Now my few remaining friends tell me not to waste any second, or second chances. Easy for them to say, right? [Rubs the back of neck again and closes eyes.] Well, not really. It IS good advice. If I unplug my ears enough to listen. It's just hard to do.

I guess what I'm saying is... even if it hurts us more than others to lose people so easily to whatever ravages there may be... do you regret the time you spent with them, or do you miss the lost chances more? That's what we usually miss when we lose someone, right? Being able to be selfish and spend more time with them? For a time, I only kept trying with people so I wouldn't disappoint some of my friends. Then when they were gone, I was kind of like -- [Teeth grit cigars, censoring again.] They don't get a say anymore. I guess... you can't keep living in the past, right? It's up to you to make the present tolerable. And... it's like that kid I adopted. Make this place tolerable for someone else. If you can. Even though it hurts and you're the one left behind investing yourself for what feels like nothing. It's not nothing, because otherwise it wouldn't sting.

Edited 2019-04-12 11:54 (UTC)

That is what I wonder sometimes. Like I still have a close friend here, thankfully. But I do have that thought of why bother outside of that.

[Most of the people she knew had been gone a while and she wondered if that was why she still struggled slightly.]

Guess I am trying to figure out why others try even though it keeps happening.

I know they are great, but after important people close to you leave and in one case twice that happened. I just wonder if I can keep that up.

I'm sorry to hear that, but it's more the people from other worlds. Like... It's easy to bond quickly with someone from ones own world, but another where the possibility of them going and forgetting about you is another matter.

Plus it kind of hurts of you are close.

Hello, grumpy.

[At least it wasn't Mister Grumpy as a joke.]

It's just a question, seeing if people find it hard or not and if one way or another why. I was hoping it would be helpful in a way.

Most people gravitate towards what they know. It's easier that way. But is it worth not forming bonds because of the risk of being forgotten?

ALAS, WE CANNOT HANG OUT WITH EVERYONE ALL THE TIME. BECAUSE THAT WOULD MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO HANG OUT WITH DIFFERENT PEOPLE AT DIFFERENT TIMES! IF PEOPLE LEAVE, JUST WAIT FOR THEM TO COME BACK!!

Human nature, most likely. Attraction to other people is just a natural thing that happens whether you want it to or not.

[He scoffs, glancing away from the video.]

I'm certainly well beyond wanting to bother. Three years of this bullshit is tiring.

[And those three years don't even count everything he lost before coming here.]

Being able to live in the same time and space as a soul you could love is a miracle. I think instead of worrying about departing, it makes more sense to be grateful for meeting.

What's up, Sunshine? [Listen to that dry attempt at humor.

He sighs loudly.]

At the end of your lives, you mortals will all be separated anyway. The situation here just isn't death-separation. You should be more excited.

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22nd Automail | Video

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