You catch people, occasionally, in moments of impulse such that they have not even begun to anticipate the consequences of their actions, and have no ready excuse or rationalization. If the truth comes upon a mind suddenly or with great violence there is no defense.

You're well past that point, but look at this, you're attacking my question without answering. Do you really think it's that empty, or do you not want to fully consider whether, here and now, you have a purpose that justifies taking the lives of others into your hands?