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Newspaper - Saturday Edition
[Did you subscribe to The Genessia Tribune? Did you even remotely wish you had a newspaper or some other form of media to refer to for news, weather, and current events? Then you're in luck! There's a paperboy riding through the streets of Genessia flinging newspapers onto doorsteps or, if you're unlucky, through your window. Even remote locations in the other cities will still get a paper if one of the residents ever wanted one. The Paperboy is just that dedicated.]
[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Harry Dresden, Professor Ozpin, Harpuia, and Weiss Schnee.]
Singles Ads
Bear-Slaying Geek
SWM age 17 seeks SF age 16-19, must be cute. Interested in video games and nothing else. Favorite foods include everything under the sun. Call me to hear my story about killing a helpless giant bear all by my lonesome!
Musician Royalty
SM seeks F for many enchanted evenings. Knows how to treat a girl like a princess, and when it's time for pizza and rock 'n roll. Especially fond of women who are 'pleasantly plump.
Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.
Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today!
Dear Tabby
The Incredible Exploding House
City residents were shocked when a relatively simple farmhouse in Lawrence, an Archway established in Everglade, suddenly and mysteriously exploded all over the place. Complaints were raised over flaming doilies that began to waft through the archway, though proof of such doilies remains to be seen. "Of course there's no proof, they burned up!" outraged citizen Hank Myers shouted. "One of them flew right up to me and burned me in the jugular! I want to know who's responsible for this!" As of yet, no secret terrorist organizations have claimed credit for the attack.
New Year Kegger
A swell time was had by all who attended Captain Hammer's New Year's Eve party, and an unexpected 49% of attendees got completely wasted and/or threw up on somebody's shoes. The caterers remarked that it was highly unusual to have no leftovers at the party's end, as they had brought enough for at least 200 people. Attendance included far fewer people.
Don't Molest That Dial!
Television viewers were shocked when a blank-eyed big-chinned madman seized control of Genessia's television station and began broadcasting violent programs. "My poor little Betsy was traumatized by this reckless show!" one citizen wept bitterly. "She won't stop meowing at the corner! Rabbits aren't supposed to meow at all!" Heroic response to the terrorist takeover was quick and timely, and in most cases a complete success. Genessia's television programming has resumed its normal schedule.
More Exploding Buildings
Owners of nightclubs have begun to issue formal complaints that dancers are beginning to take the lyrics to songs far too literally. 'Tear up the dancefloor' and 'the roof is on fire' are meant in a purely metaphorical way; however, two clubs were wrecked in a riot, and a neighboring building had its roof set on fire by a succession of very loud blasts. Though the damage repaired itself the next day, the proprietor of Jack's Karaoke has reported that the destruction, regardless, is considered to be very annoying.
Blonde Pugilist Goes Missing
Shortly after the ringing in of the new year, one of Genessia's more prevalent citizens, Yang Xiao Long, has been reported as missing for several days. Public sentiment seems to be genuinely confused. "Who the **** is he?" responded the manager of the shooting range, Rick Rob. "No one by that name has come in here, and no one's been shot in the head and hidden in the dumpster out back for over three weeks!" Local mad scientist, Dr. Albert Wily, expressed his concern with big sparkly tears in his eyes as he told the reporter, "What, Why are you even asking me about this!? Can't you see I have better things to do than worry about some missing child!? How did you even get in here!?" Another citizen wishing to remain anonymous commented: "Get out of my sight, you fools!" followed by several blasts from some sort of magic staff. As of yet, no leads have been found, though mysterious monosyllabic entity 'M' and Monsieur LeBigfatchinn aka M. Bison remain the prime suspects. The third most popular belief was that she fell off a cliff and cracked her head open on some rocks before rolling down a hill and into a lake, poisoning the water supply and spawning a new race of mutant fish.
Your Weather Forecast
Genessia
*Sunday, January 5 - AM ice. High 44 F / Low 41 F
*Monday, January 6 - Showers. High 48 F / Low 9 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Sunny/wind. High 13 F / Low 8 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Sunny! High 25 F / Low 21 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Cloudy. High 37 F / Low 30 F
*Friday, January 10 - Mostly cloudy. High 38 F / Low 32 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Light rain. High 44 F / Low 39 F
Attleton
*Sunday, January 5 - AM snow showers/wind. High 15 F / Low -9 F
*Monday, January 6 - Mostly sunny. High 12 F / Low -1 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Mostly sunny. High 36 F / Low 19 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Cloudy. High 37 F / Low 17 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Partly cloudy. High 36 F / Low 24 F
*Friday, January 10 - Mostly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 24 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Partly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 25 F
Everglade
*Sunday, January 5 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 31 F
*Monday, January 6 - Mostly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 37 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 41 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 40 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Showers. High 44 F / Low 41 F
*Friday, January 10 - Light rain. High 46 F / Low 39 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Rain. High 45 F / Low 37 F
Fayren
*Sunday, January 5 - PM light rain/wind. High 50 F / Low 48 F
*Monday, January 6 - Showers/wind. High 53 F / Low 49 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Light rain/wind. High 52 F / Low 46 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Partly cloudy. High 52 F / Low 46 F
*Thursday, January 9 -Light rain. High 48 F / Low 38 F
*Friday, January 10 - Scattered showers. High 48 F / Low 41 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Scattered showers. High 47 F / Low 37 F
Nova City
*Sunday, January 5 - Partly cloudy. High 45 F / Low 32 F
*Monday, January 6 - Sunny! High 50 F / Low 32 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Partly cloudy. High 49 F / Low 34 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - PM showers. High 54 F / Low 40 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Scattered showers. High 53 F / Low 32 F
*Friday, January 10 - Partly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 29 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Sunny! High 46 F / Low 31 F
(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know! Here's a list of columns I'd like to see:
*Spotlight on Genessia Citizens
*Horoscopes
*Movie Reviews)
[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Harry Dresden, Professor Ozpin, Harpuia, and Weiss Schnee.]
Singles Ads
Bear-Slaying Geek
SWM age 17 seeks SF age 16-19, must be cute. Interested in video games and nothing else. Favorite foods include everything under the sun. Call me to hear my story about killing a helpless giant bear all by my lonesome!
Musician Royalty
SM seeks F for many enchanted evenings. Knows how to treat a girl like a princess, and when it's time for pizza and rock 'n roll. Especially fond of women who are 'pleasantly plump.
Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.
Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today!
Dear Tabby
He doesn't remember and now he's forgetting more since he's got here and yet I'm still a little glad to see him, even if I feel bad at the same time. He's not the man he used to be but sometimes he is a little bit. I'm nuts for seeing him. Should I tell him to go?
--Anonymous
Dear Anonymous
This is a question I truly wish I had an easy answer for. Time changes everything, people included, and sometimes people we knew well can become strangers to us and it's hard to know what to do when we meet them again.
We can't change the past, nor can we run from it. All that we have control over is what we will do, and I think the only answer when something like this happens is to try to decide if the memories we have of this person is worth the difficulties we may face in dealing with who they are now. If they are, then stand by this person as much as you're able to. But if they aren't then it may be time to move forward.
Best of luck.
- Tabby
The Incredible Exploding House
City residents were shocked when a relatively simple farmhouse in Lawrence, an Archway established in Everglade, suddenly and mysteriously exploded all over the place. Complaints were raised over flaming doilies that began to waft through the archway, though proof of such doilies remains to be seen. "Of course there's no proof, they burned up!" outraged citizen Hank Myers shouted. "One of them flew right up to me and burned me in the jugular! I want to know who's responsible for this!" As of yet, no secret terrorist organizations have claimed credit for the attack.
New Year Kegger
A swell time was had by all who attended Captain Hammer's New Year's Eve party, and an unexpected 49% of attendees got completely wasted and/or threw up on somebody's shoes. The caterers remarked that it was highly unusual to have no leftovers at the party's end, as they had brought enough for at least 200 people. Attendance included far fewer people.
Don't Molest That Dial!
Television viewers were shocked when a blank-eyed big-chinned madman seized control of Genessia's television station and began broadcasting violent programs. "My poor little Betsy was traumatized by this reckless show!" one citizen wept bitterly. "She won't stop meowing at the corner! Rabbits aren't supposed to meow at all!" Heroic response to the terrorist takeover was quick and timely, and in most cases a complete success. Genessia's television programming has resumed its normal schedule.
More Exploding Buildings
Owners of nightclubs have begun to issue formal complaints that dancers are beginning to take the lyrics to songs far too literally. 'Tear up the dancefloor' and 'the roof is on fire' are meant in a purely metaphorical way; however, two clubs were wrecked in a riot, and a neighboring building had its roof set on fire by a succession of very loud blasts. Though the damage repaired itself the next day, the proprietor of Jack's Karaoke has reported that the destruction, regardless, is considered to be very annoying.
Blonde Pugilist Goes Missing
Shortly after the ringing in of the new year, one of Genessia's more prevalent citizens, Yang Xiao Long, has been reported as missing for several days. Public sentiment seems to be genuinely confused. "Who the **** is he?" responded the manager of the shooting range, Rick Rob. "No one by that name has come in here, and no one's been shot in the head and hidden in the dumpster out back for over three weeks!" Local mad scientist, Dr. Albert Wily, expressed his concern with big sparkly tears in his eyes as he told the reporter, "What, Why are you even asking me about this!? Can't you see I have better things to do than worry about some missing child!? How did you even get in here!?" Another citizen wishing to remain anonymous commented: "Get out of my sight, you fools!" followed by several blasts from some sort of magic staff. As of yet, no leads have been found, though mysterious monosyllabic entity 'M' and Monsieur LeBigfatchinn aka M. Bison remain the prime suspects. The third most popular belief was that she fell off a cliff and cracked her head open on some rocks before rolling down a hill and into a lake, poisoning the water supply and spawning a new race of mutant fish.
Your Weather Forecast
Genessia
*Sunday, January 5 - AM ice. High 44 F / Low 41 F
*Monday, January 6 - Showers. High 48 F / Low 9 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Sunny/wind. High 13 F / Low 8 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Sunny! High 25 F / Low 21 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Cloudy. High 37 F / Low 30 F
*Friday, January 10 - Mostly cloudy. High 38 F / Low 32 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Light rain. High 44 F / Low 39 F
Attleton
*Sunday, January 5 - AM snow showers/wind. High 15 F / Low -9 F
*Monday, January 6 - Mostly sunny. High 12 F / Low -1 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Mostly sunny. High 36 F / Low 19 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Cloudy. High 37 F / Low 17 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Partly cloudy. High 36 F / Low 24 F
*Friday, January 10 - Mostly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 24 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Partly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 25 F
Everglade
*Sunday, January 5 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 31 F
*Monday, January 6 - Mostly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 37 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 41 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 40 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Showers. High 44 F / Low 41 F
*Friday, January 10 - Light rain. High 46 F / Low 39 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Rain. High 45 F / Low 37 F
Fayren
*Sunday, January 5 - PM light rain/wind. High 50 F / Low 48 F
*Monday, January 6 - Showers/wind. High 53 F / Low 49 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Light rain/wind. High 52 F / Low 46 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - Partly cloudy. High 52 F / Low 46 F
*Thursday, January 9 -Light rain. High 48 F / Low 38 F
*Friday, January 10 - Scattered showers. High 48 F / Low 41 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Scattered showers. High 47 F / Low 37 F
Nova City
*Sunday, January 5 - Partly cloudy. High 45 F / Low 32 F
*Monday, January 6 - Sunny! High 50 F / Low 32 F
*Tuesday, January 7 - Partly cloudy. High 49 F / Low 34 F
*Wednesday, January 8 - PM showers. High 54 F / Low 40 F
*Thursday, January 9 - Scattered showers. High 53 F / Low 32 F
*Friday, January 10 - Partly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 29 F
*Saturday, January 11 - Sunny! High 46 F / Low 31 F
(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know! Here's a list of columns I'd like to see:
*Spotlight on Genessia Citizens
*Horoscopes
*Movie Reviews)