[Action | Hot Sauce and Heartburn] [Semi-Open; mainly Ted & Greed]

[youfool]

As fond of Ted was of most things, cars ranked lower on his list. He'd only ever known them in the abstract, as a kind of maturity ritual. You hit 18, you get your license, and if your parents are wealthy and generous enough, there you are. But walking had always afforded him more pleasures of sight and sound; automobiles almost shrank the world. Still, he'd be damned if he lived his entire life without joyriding at least once. It had the word 'joy' in it, right?

So he's in a well-lit lot with an impressive lineup of shiny chrome, not heeding his dwindling funds. The salesmen noticed his curiosity, and hastily went over to part a fool from his money. Ted took most sudden happenings as fate, and likely would've made a grave purchase which might bleed him dry, all for a vehicle that gave little pleasure and less use. Thankfully, fate sent him a psychopathic, condiment-criminal to interrupt the proceedings.

A bungled up, rusted disaster of a car crashed through the wall, sending rubble inward. Ted shielded his eyes, peeking to see the ironic figure. They were bulky, wearing a large hazmat suit with an incredible backpack. They kicked open the crumbling door, wearing flamboyant clothing and making flamboyant gestures. Ted could not make out the sex; he guessed "male", for Hot Sauce swore like a sailor.

"All right you ****'s! This is a robbery! I just broke my piece of **** car so I need a new one, right ******* now!" To make its point, HS whipped out a connecting nozzle, spraying an acid puddle in front that bubbled menacingly.

It was pandemonium. Customers ran screaming; the salesman had long abandoned his mark. The mark in question took cover behind a truck; by now Ted had gotten used to ostentatious chaos. So far, Hot Sauce hadn't seriously hurt anyone, though who knows how long that lucky streak would hold. He just needed to get a hold of his phaser, and this could all go down peacefully. Hopefully.

Comments

[princeofavarice]

"Well, you might want to cool it there, hot stuff."

Greed, honestly, had only barely heard of the condiment empire. They all seemed small time, but at the same time catching at least one of them would merit a paycheque...

And the hot tempered ones were always the most fun to deal with.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen you on a few wanted posters, so that means your ass is worth some cash doesn't it?" He asked with a smirk, having already hardened his skin underneath the black coat he wore as he walked almost too calmly up to the guy, not caring if he was provoked by his approach or not. As long as he caught the guy, who cared if he went a little nuts in the meantime? Not Greed.

[youfool]

Hot Sauce wasn't fond of certain phrases.

"Cool it? Cool it? COOL IT!? Oh man, you ****s just don't understand what I'm all about. Fine; you want a bounty? It's payback time, baby!" He clicked his hose into gear, then tried to launch a blast of his special sauce all over Greed.

This sent Ted into action, who feared for the intrepid hunter's life. He shot from cover, then shot his phaser (set to stun; no need to get too lethal) at the assailant. Given the physical altercation, it was a coin flip which of the two--HS or Greed--it would actually numb.

[princeofavarice]

Greed didn't seem bothered by anything that hit him - no the sauce, or the phaser Ted was using. He briefly shot the latter a glance though, frowning at him before taking his coat off and discarding it.

"That was expensive, you know. On top of that bounty, you're paying for its replacement out of pocket, hot shit!"

Once the coat was off, it was clear to see Greed's exposed arms were black for some reason, having a dull gleam to them as he darted forward, reaching a clawed hand to nab Hot Sauce. That brat had better not get in his way though or he swore to god...

[youfool]

"Wha-ho there!" The bulky HS was oddly nimble, though the claw got a few scraps for the trouble. "I already paid you in the best currency there is: sauce. Time to get the next best thing!" He unveiled a switch, pressed a button, and in a thundering flash, his old car exploded in a flurry of smoke and debris. By now everyone had cleared out, leaving Ted to cough and sputter and be very grateful that, miraculously, Greed had somehow survived his acid bath unscathed.

HS used the cacophony to get into a sports car he'd had his eye on for some time. Hot Sauce had a knack for hot wiring, and had purloined his latest vehicle in under a minute. He revved the engine, roaring with laughter. "You see this, you s? This is what it means to be hot! Outta my way you serfs, I'm off to rule the road!" He ramped up the speed and made a break for the entrance. Because he had a need. A need for speed.

[princeofavarice]

"You can try, but I can't say it's going to end well for you."

Once more, Greed was completely unharmed. All too casually he also walked into the path of the vehicle, wearing a fearless grin that spoke promises to put the hurt on the man in the car. In a few seconds, he (and Ted in the audience) would see why.

Greed barely budged when the car crashed right into him. He tore his hands right into the hood as well, his expression almost having a sadistic edge to it when he stopped the car dead in its tracks.

"Now, that sauce is what ruined my coat in the first place, and you're going to be paying me back in red bills or in the time it takes for me to rearrange your face, among other things. That clear, hot shit?"

[youfool]

Oh, that explains it: a Man of Steel. Somehow Ted doubted his ethics, however, as evidenced by the way he so flagrantly ruined a perfectly good car worth many times the amount even the most nefarious bounty would bring in. He set off to try and hopefully contain the situation, while throwing in a lecture on Pyrrhic victories on the side.

"Was there no other way to apprehend the criminal than destroying the object of his theft?"

Airbag deployed, Hot Sauce scrambled his thoughts. This guy was obviously die-hard, and his sauce--horror of horrors--was entirely unappreciated. Maybe he could roll out the wounded animal routine? Fingers crossed he was worth more alive than dead. He coughed and burdened his breathing. "Help...hard to...breathe." It sounded more believable through the hazmat suit.

[princeofavarice]

"Was the fastest way to keep him from driving off. What do you care anyway?" Greed was almost scoffing at Ted - this guy seemed vaguely familiar for some reason - before he made his way over to Hot Sauce, fully intending to extract him from the vehicle and to hand him over to the authorities. For the full amount of the bounty on his head, of course.

"I got him, and that's all there is to it."

[youfool]

"What do I care? I've met children less single-minded! Are these bounties not meant to detain lawbreakers and restore order? And is this not an inordinate disagree of chaos?" That poor sports car, we hardly knew ye.

Meanwhile, HS had his thoughts scrambled. His dreams, like his car, were smashed. What to do, what to do? Run away and live to steal another day. "Yes," he thought, "While that idiot lectures that monster, I'll pull out my last stop: a sulfurous smoke bomb! Even a marine wouldn't walk through that stuff without a gas mask. Bet these chumps can't put iron over their eyes." Plan concocted, his slumped form jolted to life. Surprisingly agile, he leapt out of the seat, and threw the chili bomb, exploding in an obscuring cloud of stinging spice. Then he ran as fast as his awkwardly-suited legs would carry him.

[princeofavarice]

"Point is we caught him, what else--"

Greed gets cut off mid-sentence when the smoke bomb goes off, and he lets out a pained cry before shaking it off. It takes a few moments for his body to reverse the immediate damage, and with the smell burning his nostrils he stumbles out of the cloud -- at last, restoring his vision as he spots hot sauce.

Immediately Greed's chasing after him again, vision steadily clearing with the philosopher's stones at work in him as he intends to kick the bastard in the back and knock him down. The sooner he could get this asshole pinned, the better.

[youfool]

"Yes but why--" PAFF! Philsophical musings were rudely cut off by the explosion. Thankfully he was farther away, and had Greed to block some of the spice. Nice save, bud!

Still, Ted did some rough mental napkin math. Pursuing Greed + fleeing criminal = property damage. History must not repeat! Where Greed went through the obstacle, Ted thought to be clever and leap over it. Thank you, life-fibers.

Mystics still debate whether it were good or bad luck which enabled Ted's aerial trajectory to land on the criminal. Greed's foot struck true as he overtook HS, followed by a plummeting Ted which might tangle them all into a dog pile. HS' frustrated cry muffled out of the tumble. "GET OFF ME."