amberdrake: (if there's no one beside you)
Amberdrake k'Leshya ([personal profile] amberdrake) wrote in [community profile] genessia2016-08-09 08:53 pm
Entry tags:

[action | closed] and I don’t want the world to see me, 'cause I don’t think that they’d understand

Who: Sanzo and Amberdrake
What: Drake has a nightmare
Where: Hotel room
When: Early-mid August
Warnings: ANGST, character (dreamed) corpse

- - - - -

They -- faceless, forgettable -- led him to the site where it had happened. The area was torn apart, and in the middle of it was a still figure in blood-drenched white robes. Amberdrake tore away from the forgettable 'they', rushing to the body, falling to his knees in the mud beside it and scooping up Sanzo's muddied head and shoulders into a desperate embrace. A heart-wrenching sob ripped free of him, feeling like it tore through his throat on the way out with sharp barbs and hooks.

One pale hand was still around the gun, in the mud. The sutra, a flash of green, was still on the body's shoulders. Drake didn't care; he ignored the weapons completely, even the dreaded sutra now being pressed between the living and the dead in that embrace.

"I'm... I'm so sorry enar ves'tacha," Amberdrake cried, rocking the body, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't be there, I couldn't comfort you. I'm so sorry."
badly_behaved_priest: (Upset: Thinking)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 05:38 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo took several seconds to adjust. There wasn't a lot to take in, at first, the 'people' he stood among were insubstantial, just stand ins, he couldn't remember if they had faces at all as soon as he looked away from them. And then there was Drake. And a body.

Seeing his own corpse was surprising but that alone wasn't why he was locked in place, staring at Drake. Sanzo had cheated death far too many times and come out of it looking no better than the corpse. The high risk of death was something he'd accepted a long time ago, so no, the body wasn't the problem. Watching Amberdrake sob over his corpse was the punch in the gut, on top of being so surreal to watch.

He should fix this, say something to disrupt the nightmare, but he stared instead. It felt like he'd forgotten how to breathe.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 3)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo jerked into motion once the memory had passed, he couldn't watch much more of that. He didn't know how he was supposed to be detached here. That wasn't usually a problem but anything involved with Drake was so far outside what he was used to he rarely knew how to react. He didn't want to face this, he didn't want to deal with it. Help Drake, yes, he wanted to do that, but this carried a lot more painful thoughts and feelings with it than he could easily process.

He found himself behind Drake before he'd fully decided if he was going to help or turn tail and escape.

"Drake." His voice was even, to his fleeting relief. He wasn't sure how long it would stay like that, he wanted to end this quickly.
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 5)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 06:44 am (UTC)(link)
Of course it wouldn't be that easy. It wasn't getting any easier, it took a lot out of him just to keep his head clear while desperately trying to keep Drake's distress from overwhelming him. Looking at the dead but otherwise perfect replica of himself was growing more and more unsettling, just to make everything about this so much worse. He pushed down his own dismay, trying to focus through all this crap.

Careful not to touch the bloodied version of himself, he shifted to Drake's side, reached down, and jerked his shoulder sharply. Look up, look up!

"Drake, look at me!" Sanzo spoke with more force this time, unsure if he could pull Drake out of this at all. Look up damnit!
badly_behaved_priest: (Pain: Serious Stare)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 07:20 am (UTC)(link)
"A dream-" When did he forget how to talk? There was too much emotional noise to think through! "It's not real, that's not real. I'm not dying that easy."

There was too much bite to his words, he knew it but he was too busy not dwelling on how this all made him feel to control his tone. He couldn't afford to get too locked up by the nightmare he had to pull Drake out of. Fuck, being a jackass would be more convincing!
badly_behaved_priest: (Upset: Unrestful Sleep)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 07:56 am (UTC)(link)
"I'm alive, there was nothing to be there for." Sanzo was so tired on top of everything else clawing for the forefront of his mind. Could he risk trying to get Drake away from the body? How was he supposed to prove his existence other than by continuing to be there? And what was he supposed to say to that?
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 4)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-10 11:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Sanzo looked away while the corpse was moved, it was too surreal. It looked too real, when everyone else in the dream aside from himself and Drake barely existed at all. He didn't want to think about how many times Drake had pictured this scene for it to be this clear.

He looked back, reluctantly, when Drake spoke. There was no pause to take his hand, he hadn't expected it to be this easy to prove himself. How many times...?
badly_behaved_priest: (Serious: 3)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 06:35 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo had expected the hug but not waking up barely able to breathe because of it. If it wouldn't be cruel to escape- Which he very much still wanted to do. He had his own feelings on the matter to detangle and a painful realization dangling over his head that he was doing his best to not acknowledge. There was no denying anymore that Drake was still very attached to who Sanzo was now, not just who he'd been before losing so many memories. He felt like an idiot now for thinking that was the case for as long as he had.

But he couldn't leave now, not right now, not unless he wanted to cause more damage than he had tried to prevent to start with.

"I'm fine," he said, lamely, feeling all the duller for stating the obvious. He couldn't bring himself to do much more. He didn't move the arm that had found its way over Drake at some point but that was about it.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: Can I help you?)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 07:01 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo knew better than to assume that was all that Amberdrake meant. He could pretend that's all he took from it but Drake would know. If not right away, it wouldn't take long. At least he could delay his response by catching his breath. It was a pity this was no time to be making snippy remarks about Drake trying to break his ribs.

"If it bothers you what I see, you know I don't have to." Sanzo would never accept this dream sharing bullshit if it was only one sided!
badly_behaved_priest: (Unhappy: 10)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 07:19 am (UTC)(link)
"Don't be an idiot." That wasn't helpful. Sanzo glanced at Drake's face and then quickly away. He knew Drake would take that wrong but it was better than him knowing why Sanzo didn't want to look him in the eye right now.

"I don't care about apologies for things that don't warrant it. I want to know if anything was actually accomplished?" 'Did I help?' was too open for him to ask. That he cared would be obvious but he couldn't state it so clearly.
badly_behaved_priest: (Upset: Thinking)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 08:15 am (UTC)(link)
Sanzo wasn't sure if he really understood Drake's dilemma. In a way he did, though Sanzo faced his fear of loss through reducing what he had to lose. Dogged attempts to detach himself from concern for others and inserting himself directly into danger was the best he could do for it. To have to wait with no control over the situation would drive him mad. That he couldn't quite grasp, being able to suffer through that.

"So the best we can hope for is I show up to knock some sense into you for these damned nightmares." He was frustrated he couldn't do more, frustrated at a lot of thoughts and feelings running through his mind. What would happen if he did give in and leave Drake to that nightmare like he'd been tempted to? The guilt just the idea brought him wouldn't let him. He hoped.
badly_behaved_priest: (Good: 2)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 08:48 am (UTC)(link)
"I haven't thought about it." Sanzo had but never in depth and never for long before dismissing the idea. If he died, that was that. He'd be one more rotting corpse in the trail of bodies in his path. However it was dealt with was for the benefit of whoever even wanted to handle that task, not for him, if there would even be someone to do so.

"The sutra would still need protection, that's not saying anything new." The thought he could die here and the sutra remain away from his own world was disturbing. Yet, for a brief moment, the idea of denying those assholes one of the last pieces they needed for their fucked up game was terribly satisfying. That wouldn't be his luck though, living or dead.

"Do what you want, that's as much as I care about it." If he died, he failed. Thinking about his death only distracted from staying alive.
badly_behaved_priest: (Unhappy: 8)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 09:25 am (UTC)(link)
That would have to do if the sutra wasn't returned to his world. He didn't know enough himself to train a replacement here even if he thought it was a good idea. With how relatively peaceful it was here, he wasn't concerned with needing someone to protect the sutra if he ended up dead. Even if Drake hid the sutra instead of carrying it himself he'd still be a target...

"Right." Sanzo didn't ask for details. He didn't want to know and he especially didn't want to think about what he would have to do if Drake was killed. "Nothing's tried to kill me here yet and I doubt anything will. No one gives a crap about taking shots at me unless they want the sutra."

Sanzo had been trying not to give anyone a reason, for the sutra or otherwise. He didn't need that trouble again and any such attention he attracted would turn onto Drake by association. At some point his hand had gone from lax where it rested against Drake's back to gripping his shirt, possessive almost. Sanzo was faced with the internal debate if he should pretend he hadn't noticed he'd done so or pull away now and try to preserve some of his dignity.
badly_behaved_priest: (Neutral: 21)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest 2016-08-11 10:19 am (UTC)(link)
"Being unknown works better than a disguise." Sanzo had poor luck with disguises and very little motivation to maintain one. He paused as the impact of what Drake had said sank in. Had this been mentioned before? He was struggling to remember everything that had gone on early into finding out he was trapped away from his own world. He couldn't say he was that surprised at the revelation, nor that it was unfitting. Assassination attempts only added to his ever present worry for Drake's safety but he was used to that anxiety by now.

"You don't take a break from worrying yourself sick over everyone else's lives." How Drake could deal with that he had no idea. "You don't even settle for being a 'random therapist' with all that you do."

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 02:37 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:02 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:12 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:23 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:32 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:45 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 03:58 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 04:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 04:30 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 04:38 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 05:53 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 06:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 06:43 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-12 07:02 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-13 03:11 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-13 07:45 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-13 07:59 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-13 08:37 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-13 09:03 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] badly_behaved_priest - 2016-08-14 04:20 (UTC) - Expand