guitar_hero: (joe cool musician)
the Doctor ([personal profile] guitar_hero) wrote in [community profile] genessia2017-11-17 09:29 pm

(unseen action) || video

[he is sleeping on a cream sofa in the middle of a black void. There is a single lamp, lit, casting a pale circle of light around him and not much else. Right at his head is a night stand with curved legs and a book of Edgar Allen Poe Collected works 1317-9794.

In his sleep his eye lids twitch and his head turns as if in some dream. His hand curls, arm falling off the couch to brush his knuckles against the floor, fingers out almost as if he's reaching for something and then, with a ragged gasp, his eyes fly open and he half whispers a strangled:]


Clara!

[he falls off the sofa and then hurries, half falling, to where his communicator is]


[locked to 11]

Where are you?! Where are you, you silly bow tied bastard?! Come on! Answer me!

[open video]
[Some time later and the camera focuses on him sitting on a stool with nothing but the void behind him, the lantern just out of view as he plays a hesitant song on his guitar]

A wise man said, not so very long ago, with great power comes great responsibility. It's a straightforward message when you think about it. If you have the ability to do good, you should do good. Especially if you have the capacity to do a lot of good. You should.

It means also, you shouldn't be selfish with what powers you have. You need to understand the balance and the imbalance your abilities can cause. If you have super strength, you can rob a bank to get yourself out of debt, or even to afford that vacation in Outer Bermuda, but at what cost?

You can--

[he swallows, plays a few more chords]

You can save the universe, save a life. Save a hundred. Save a billion. But the ones who are most important to you, when they leave--die... become trapped, uploaded-- [he smiles] Even if you had the ability to go back and change the one thing you did--even if you remembered how, you shouldn't. That's just common knowledge. [he taps his temple with a forefinger before he resumes playing]

Because if you do, you risk upsetting everything. Causing a chain reaction. Bringing about the end of the universe even. Time can be a prickly thing.

Only... my question is, when you start being a hero-- when do you get to stop? When do you get to say sod it and break every rule you have just to fix mistakes or give a few more days, months, years to the people you love?

When do you get to retire? When do you get to say. That lot over there needs my help, but I'd rather be sunning myself in Outer Bermuda or swim with the crystal dolphins? So sorry, maybe next week, maybe never. Can't tell, I'm booked.

When do you get to say, no more? That I am staying just as I am. Right here. Right now. No more helping. No more caring about the rules. No more fighting with the past or worrying about the present or bothering with the future.

When do you get to say, I'm tired?

[he continues to play, without speaking for a long time and then, finally:]

I wish I had an answer for that.

[and reaches off screen to shut off the light]


spacepeterpan: The Doctor is bewildered (whot)

[video - locked]

[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 03:43 am (UTC)(link)
[It takes a moment before the Doctor answers, although let's be honest, if he actually answers his phone it's an accomplishment.]

Oi, don't you get all attack eyebrows with me. What's the matter?

[He narrowly restrains himself from taking an Old Man jab at his future self, tempting as though he makes it by apparently waking from a nap with proper Cranky Old Man attitude. There is, though, a bit of "ugh wtf do you want" sass in his voice.]
Edited (or I could add a subject line) 2017-11-18 03:43 (UTC)
spacepeterpan: The Doctor's skeptical/curious expression (now that's interesting)

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[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
Whot?

[For about a second, the Doctor just looks a bit incredulous, like his older self just isn't making any sense at all. ...but that phrase is reminiscent enough that it sets a few toggles toggling in his head, and he gets that curious, concerned look--the one he hasn't seen that often from the outside, but that he's turned on so many others, with this face. He's obviously talking about something weighty, even traumatic, and the Doctor can guess who "her" is.]

...you were dreaming?

[As usual, he's also completely bypassing that conversation to address what he thinks is the more pertinent one. He's confident his older self will understand why, once he's calmed down enough to really think it through. He'll reserve prompting him until it becomes necessary, though.]
spacepeterpan: The Doctor's facade is down for a moment (regret)

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[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
[...oh he has some fiercely mixed feelings, there, although after another moment of that searching stare, a pang of regret and sympathy dominates--at least, for the moment.]

......subconscious tangles the memories, crosses wires, gives you glimpses of the isolated pathways, when you're sleeping, or... daydreaming... but you know you can't hold on to it.

[...although now he's giving his older self that I have an idea, maybe a fairly bad idea that I shouldn't mention, it might not actually help, and you've got about a hundred other reasons to not like it, but I'm still really tempted look.]

...were you trying to trigger a memory?
bigbadrose: (Serious)

1/2 [video]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 04:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Wow.]

[Just.]

[It's a mark of how emotionally BLOWN Rose is, she's got no more meltdown to give.]

[So this is what it feels like to be the oldest of the Doctors, is it?]

[To no longer...]

[The fire's gone. The fire that kept her going.]

[For so long, in utter darkness.]

[It burned so extra hot here. Daily, every day, white hot rage and temper, and she didn't know why it wouldn't die.]

[But now?]

[Embers.]

[She wants to yell at him. Curse at him.]

[She doesn't.]

[She replays the song.]

[She wonders who it's for. Not Donna. Someone more recent to him. But not River either.]

[The worst part is...]

[She wants to be mad at him.]

[She told him.]

[SHE TOLD HIM.]

[She told him how much it was killing her.]

[That even though she saved him and Jack they were in torment. And for what? To save more lives? To burn themselves out?]

[She should be there! She should be fighting alongside them!]

[It wasn't right!]

[NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO DO IT ALONE.]

[And it doesn't give her her anger back, but it does give her the grit that gets her stubborn determation and back up to a wall.]


Get back up.
spacepeterpan: The Doctor puts on a smiling face (All smiles)

[video - locked]

[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 04:41 am (UTC)(link)
[...well, he's vaguely amused at the references--and barely stops himself eyerolling at that last theory--but that initial burst of fury, oh, he knows that fury, and he know how dangerous it is, how close he's danced to the precipice, once or twice.]

No. The Master, no, I can assure you, that'd be quite impossible.

[The Doctor can't help running a little experiment on himself, watching closely (albeit subtly) for reactions, tics, anything, as he "casually" drops that associative trigger word. If he's really thinking what he thinks he's thinking, he needs to gauge just how complete that memory block is before he even entertains the thought any further--and also, gauge what sort of trauma might be wrapped up behind it.

He might have been, for a while, worried that it really was just senility or a quirk of this regeneration, but he knows a mindblock when he sees one, thank you very much. ...which raises a whole host of its own questions to which neither of them has answers.
]
bigbadrose: (grim)

2/2 [video]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
You think this is over? You think you get to wish for vacations now? No one ever said you had to play the hero! And don't fool yourself for a second, you're bad at it.

But you can never stop being the Doctor! Not for one second! You made a promise and if I have to drag you there myself I will! Kicking and screaming!

GET BACK UP!

You're allowed to fall. Heroes aren't! Heroes can't fall because the minute they do, everyone sees! Everyone takes advantage, everyone will use it, and they can't get back up. So it's a bloody good thing, you're the Doctor!

Get back up!

How many lives are enough?

None! Infinite!! It keeps going! You're the Doctor! If the Emergency line never ends, you better learn to sleep standing up! Get up!

It doesn't matter how many lives you save or fail to! Or how many hearts you break, or how many friends you push away that you can't get back! Get back up!

You're tired, you want a break? Take one! Ask friends for help instead of being too cowardly to even to do that!

But you are not allowed to lay down and give up.

Selfish? Spoiled brat? Bloody awful at being a friend? FINE! I'll take all of that! BUT I'M NOT EVER LETTING YOU GIVE UP!

GET BACK UP DOCTOR!

[She's supposed to be sweetness... isn't she? Supposed to heal him? Mend him when he can't himself?]

[Instead she kicks him when he's down. What is wrong with her?]

[But she can't say she's wrong, she can't say she'd take back what she said. And like she told Amy, she better kill her, because Rose wasn't going to do one damn thing differently.]
Edited 2017-11-18 04:49 (UTC)
spacepeterpan: The Doctor's bemusedly disappointed face (Oh yes wonderful)

[video - locked]

[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 05:06 am (UTC)(link)
[...it's a thorough one, then, well, or his older self is just too spun up to be paying attention, and he sighs, making a face as he strategizes.]

...yeah, sorry, bit late for that already, if we're being honest.

For not letting her save us, I mean.

[It's obviously a bit late in general, but no need to emphasize that just at the moment. The Doctor shakes his head a little like "you're probably getting colder."]

...no, no, that's skiing, well, we did go skiing once, turned out it wasn't really a mountain, but I doubt that's what you're thinking of. Why don't we have a sit-down, get you something to eat, might help you focus, what about a nice souffle.

[Another stab at a casually-delivered trigger word, testing the waters... although the Doctor has a nasty feeling that the really effective triggers aren't strictly about Clara, herself, which suggests the strongest subconscious ties are to some specific event that happened after his time, something traumatic, the sort of thing that sticks with you no matter what, even if you can't get it out in front of your mind's eye.

...all told, he's really hoping his older self just wasn't listening.
]
bigbadrose: (stern)

[video] / [locked]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
Not good enough.

[Paces up and down.]

Not good enough by half.

You think I haven't lost friends, Doctor?

[Ohhhhhhhhhhh she's fuming now. Livid even.] That Bowtie was right and I don't remember where all my friends from grade school were?

Think again! [Growls and kicks a TARDIS wall, apologizing to her mentally, just knowing she had to do SOMETHING.]

Every single one from when I was born. Not hard! Not as long as you think!

[Punches the wall. How many had she deserted, neglected, killed?]

[Or worse than killed, forced to live. Just like she would with him.]
We keep fighting! We get back up!

DAMN IT!

[Slumps down with her back to the wall, scarf around neck, fringes hitting her knees.]
bigbadrose: (are you afraid of the bad wolf?)

[video] / [locked]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
[Lays down on her side and covers head with her arms, in the hallway, as she is.]

[What kind of monster forces people to live? And then tells them to keep rescuing so she didn't feel so bad about it.]

[There is no home.]

[She sits back up, uncurls and points her finger at the comm.]
Be selfish. Just this once. Be like Rose Tyler. Don't be a hero. Be selfish. Not a martyr. Be reckless and stupid and impulsive and selfish. What do you want?
bigbadrose: (I'll do my best yeah?)

[video] / [locked]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 05:36 am (UTC)(link)
[Relaxes and smiles instantly.] Yeah. Me too.

Can I --

[SHE FREEZES.]

[Since when can't she ask that?]

[Since when was she afraid of the answer being no?]

[Since when was she afraid of herself over such a reaction to such a thing?]

[But she can be brave. Even when it hurts.]
Join you?
spacepeterpan: The Doctor puts on a smiling face (All smiles)

[video - locked]

[personal profile] spacepeterpan 2017-11-18 05:39 am (UTC)(link)
[It's one of those bittersweet, even melancholy sort of smiles with which the Doctor responds to all that. It's so very much not the reaction he was hoping for.]

...quite a job, isn't it. That memory block, very professional, all right, all right, what d'you remember happening when the gap ends, the circumstances, I know it'll be a bit scrambled by the block, maybe a big bit, but I already know when the gap begins, well, where it begins in earnest.

[There'll be a snippet missing here and there, he knows, but the bulk of it should be one more or less unbroken line of corrupted data, a hard drive with a magnet swiped across it in a straight line, a sequence of bad sectors from sulking above Victorian London after losing the Ponds, to... some other point in the Doctor's future and his older self's past.

There's a secondary, strategic purpose served by the question, as well, but no need to advertise that just now.
]
bigbadrose: (yeah... you were fantastic)

[video] / [locked]

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah.

We'll see... then, yeah?
polyandrist: (5)

private

[personal profile] polyandrist 2017-11-18 05:44 am (UTC)(link)
Where are you, love?

[Because she's coming, obviously.]
bigbadrose: (Are you kidding?)

[video] / [locked] 1/2

[personal profile] bigbadrose 2017-11-18 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
For yelling at you?

For not allowing you to die?! For forcing you to live a--

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