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Hagiogroaphy [Audio]
[This is how Ted spends his evenings in boot camp: farting around on the phone. This time it's seasonal.]
Last year around this yuletide time, many were in the dark as to who Santa Claus, that mysterious, nigh-omnipresent gift giver, really was. Allow me to illuminate.
A little under 1700 years ago, the true faith wasn't as organized as it ought to have been. Emperor Constantine set to fix that, summoning bishops to his First Ecunemical Council to see what was and was not orthodox.
Saint Nicholas, from whom the name "Santa Claus" comes, was one such, having under his belt a variety of saintly good deeds. Raising the dead, baptizing his own jailer, rescuing slaves from captivity, and yes, the anonymous gift-giving he's so well known for. It started out as leaving bits of gold in shoes for unmarried daughters; you needed a good dowry for that in those times.
But back to the council. The primary controversy centered around whether the Son of God was equivalent to God Himself. The answer is "yes", by the way, but they hadn't reached such an accord just then. A fierce debate raged, with St. Nick on the side of the affirmative, while the ones impugning Christ's divinity were headed up by the heresiarch Arius.
Most of us, at one time or another, have had the misfortune of weathering nonsense about a subject we like. Given that the subject was God and that, being a bishop, Saint Nicholas loved Him very much, it grew to be profoundly intolerable.
[There's a dramatic pause as Ted's voice turns to a more excited pitch.]
So he smote that heretic with his fist! Knocked him down flatter than a pine tree, hahaha!
[You can hear the rustling of leaves as Ted sat back down, recovering from his own enthusiasm.]
As you might expect, that's not very seemly behavior for a bishop, so they put him in jail. No jail could hold him for long, of course; Christ himself had a hand in his release. If that's not vindication, I don't know what is. Once the dust settled, the council saw the light and accepted the truth. A happy ending if ever there was one. Unless you're an Arian, of course. You'd better not be!
St. Nicholas, in addition to his holiday rounds, continues to be the patron saint of children and those who brave the dangers of the sea; thank God for him.
So, if you find any heretics who aggressively won't give Christ His due, be sure to "deck their halls". It's what Santa would want.
[Was that the moral of the story, Ted?]
Oh, and uh, be of good cheer, of course. It's very early, but merry Christmas!
Last year around this yuletide time, many were in the dark as to who Santa Claus, that mysterious, nigh-omnipresent gift giver, really was. Allow me to illuminate.
A little under 1700 years ago, the true faith wasn't as organized as it ought to have been. Emperor Constantine set to fix that, summoning bishops to his First Ecunemical Council to see what was and was not orthodox.
Saint Nicholas, from whom the name "Santa Claus" comes, was one such, having under his belt a variety of saintly good deeds. Raising the dead, baptizing his own jailer, rescuing slaves from captivity, and yes, the anonymous gift-giving he's so well known for. It started out as leaving bits of gold in shoes for unmarried daughters; you needed a good dowry for that in those times.
But back to the council. The primary controversy centered around whether the Son of God was equivalent to God Himself. The answer is "yes", by the way, but they hadn't reached such an accord just then. A fierce debate raged, with St. Nick on the side of the affirmative, while the ones impugning Christ's divinity were headed up by the heresiarch Arius.
Most of us, at one time or another, have had the misfortune of weathering nonsense about a subject we like. Given that the subject was God and that, being a bishop, Saint Nicholas loved Him very much, it grew to be profoundly intolerable.
[There's a dramatic pause as Ted's voice turns to a more excited pitch.]
So he smote that heretic with his fist! Knocked him down flatter than a pine tree, hahaha!
[You can hear the rustling of leaves as Ted sat back down, recovering from his own enthusiasm.]
As you might expect, that's not very seemly behavior for a bishop, so they put him in jail. No jail could hold him for long, of course; Christ himself had a hand in his release. If that's not vindication, I don't know what is. Once the dust settled, the council saw the light and accepted the truth. A happy ending if ever there was one. Unless you're an Arian, of course. You'd better not be!
St. Nicholas, in addition to his holiday rounds, continues to be the patron saint of children and those who brave the dangers of the sea; thank God for him.
So, if you find any heretics who aggressively won't give Christ His due, be sure to "deck their halls". It's what Santa would want.
[Was that the moral of the story, Ted?]
Oh, and uh, be of good cheer, of course. It's very early, but merry Christmas!
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