genessia | A Special Rumor

This weekend, a special rumor will be going around town. It's very complex, so feel free to have your character have heard the wrong names or details.

"Mmmm gurl, let me tell you this story. It's a real good one. So I was walking by, minding my business, and all of a sudden, BLAM. Big ol' blob monster hits the streets right in front of me. Now this is Attleton, so I'm just thinking "What the heck kind of Everglade nonsense is this, I don't live here to deal with that. We got enough problems with the serial killer infestation without no fricking blob monsters!" Crazy right? My legs practically turn to jelly I don't even think about running. If anyone tells you I peed myself they're wrong though, that was Sasha.

Anyway, I'm about to get eaten, expecting a hero and screaming at the top of my lungs- DON'T TELL ME YOU WOULDN'T! And all of a sudden, whaaaat? Is that Nephenee and Aoi making out instead of saving my life? Girl, you better bet they ain't allowed in my shop anymore after that. No, I survive. I survive because my legs finally start working and I turn around and run right into- you'll never guess. Go on, guess. Okay, I ain't waiting for you, it was Mira and Vlad back to back getting ready to give some kind of crazy hero monologue. Yes a crazy hero monologue, don't look at me like that. I don't mean villain monologue, heroes do that nonsense too and it's like "bro, just shoot him while he's standing there telling you about how love will conquer all and gabbing about how it's!! so!! wrong!!"

Anyway, I'm getting off topic- those two, back to back, arms crossed, and I just messed it up. Vlad gives me this look like lady you just threw off my groove because you know he's all sensitive about his groove, and I see something I never thought I would see. Mira just pushed his cheeks up on both side with her hands and told him to perk up. I know. I know, it sounds crazy but I definitely saw it! They get back on track after wasting all that time on hero nonsense- the blob monster's swallowed this poor lady- I think her name was Raven? Snatched her right off her beautiful pink bike at this point. I think she managed to scramble out of there, but she wouldn't have had to if heroes didn't get distracted with their nonsense. And you know she doesn't have blob monster insurance because this is Attleton, so that bike is just gone.

She runs off with Morgana for some reason, and I look back and Vlad and Mira are getting their pale asses kicked by this blob. Vlad's over here screaming "No, call Remilia, she's the only one who can save me!" Now, I'm thinking darn. This is a hot mess. I should call the Guardian. But I don't. Why you ask? Because all of a sudden a huge laser beam pierces through the globby face of that blob monster, and through the hole left I can see Ed riding around on Bombina's shoulders holding some kind of laser rocket contraption they must've grabbed from Nova, totally incinerating Raven's bike inside of the monster so no, she still ain't getting that beach cruiser back. And Colin is there standing next to them joking about how Ed was too short to aim for the center on his own just before Emil shows up, starts snacking on the blob monster, and says it tastes like chicken.

Girl, you better believe it when I say I've had a day. There, your perm's done. You have a good day now, and don't tell anyone I was the one who told you. I don't want the Guardian team to think all this embarrassing nonsense they missed is getting out and making them look bad."