[Action, OTA] Robear. It's every bit as dumb as it sounds.

[youfool]

Ted's wanderings place him under the bright lights of Nova City today, being carried along by one of its automated sidewalks. Per usual, he's absorbed in his ruminations and poetic contemplation. He didn't notice the island of greenery he was taken past. He didn't detect the rustling of the bushes. He didn't hear the small, mechanical gyros of an ursine, automated head turning fatefully in his direction. He didn't see the malevolent, red glow that flashed in its black, cold, unfeeling eyes. He did not feel the profound hatred it bore in its circuitous heart for blondes. Blondes like him. And so it took him completely by surprise as several hundred pounds of synthetic fur and steel leaped from the green and crashed onto the moving road.

Reflex and convenience alone saved him from being underneath its oppressive weight; it did not calculate the trajectory of a moving target as the automated sidewalk moved him. Gasps and shrieks sprang from the pedestrians in the fore- and backgrounds. Their fight so freshly begun had attracted a few eyes.

Reeling from the shock and suddenness of the attack, the robotic bear made the first moves, biting and swiping at him with mechanical ruthlessness. Ted's footing was unfamiliar as he bobbed and weaved past its assault of claws and teeth. In a few seconds, his instincts turned from "flight" to "fight". Despite his idiotic appearance, Ted's nerves were well honed for combat, even against unusual foes. A few back-flips, compensated against the steady pace of the sidewalk, made some distance between them. The bear charged headfirst to recapture its prey, as Ted suspected it would. He sank lower to the ground, tensing the muscles in his legs, and waited for his split-second moment: the very instant when its head crossed the threshold over his foot. The robear threw its all at him, wishing with all its soulless malevolence to destroy the object of its iron ire. Here was the instant. Spinning with all the beauty of a crescent moon, Ted lift off and kicked, striking it clean on the chin as Ted's head went under his heels.

It was a bold move, and it worked out for him. Once he was right-side-up again, he observed the state of his erstwhile enemy. Electrical circuits sparked and crackled at the base of its neck. A few seconds later, a metallic thud announced its decapitation. The rest of its body sank and fell to the earth with a tremor. Ted let out an anxious breath; he had won! He looked around at the crowd that had now assembled. He gave them a comforting, triumphant smile.

They were not comforted.



Sirens announced the oncoming arrival of the police. The onlookers, meanwhile, began to chatter among themselves.

"Did you see that?"
"Yes; that bear met a grisly end."
"Shut up, Carl."
"Sorry."
"Oh, I read about those blonde-hating-bears in the paper! That's one more off the street!"
"Weren't those supposed to be returned?"
"Oh, yes, you're right. No doubt its inventors, to say nothing of its investors, paid a lot of good money to build something so complex."
"And he kicked it to pieces."
"It would seem so."
"It must have been cheaply made to be so easily beheaded."
"Even so, shouldn't bounty hunters be more responsible? What if that were a person?"
"Hey, are you saying robots aren't people?"
"Shut up, Carl."
"How do you know he's a bounty hunter?"
"I know all of them! If there were collectible cards made, I'd own them all! I'd know those vomit-inducing colors anywhere; that's Theodore Satchel!"
"Oh, if you say so. Yes, I believe bounty hunters are encouraged to avoid destroying their targets. Isn't that what the licenses are for?"
"Pff, for all the good it does. How long did it take to capture the All City Naturals? A month? More?"
"That's the guys that were drowning people with...hand-made orange juice, right?"
"Yeah, something you'd think our law enforcement would be all over!"
"I think a deputy did...one..."
"And the other five had to be outsourced! It's an outrage!"
"So what are you saying? That bounty hunters do the important stuff while politicians sit pretty?"
"Sure looks that way! They do all the work and they're the ones being cuffed by red tape! When's the last time our actual Guardians guarded anything?"
"Hah, fancy Garrus kicking a robot apart!"
"Speaking of blondes and kicking people's heads off, I heard he lost his partner."
"Really? I didn't hear anything like that!"
"The citizens are always the last to know. I can bearly stand it."
"Carl, we're not friends anymore."

Ted was speechless at the turn their talk had taken, but before he could respond, the police wanted a few words...


After the police pleasantries concluded, Ted sullenly occupied a bench just outside the Guardian Skyrise. He'd never failed a bounty before; indeed, he knew no one who had. Granted, it was an accident; an attack that had happened before he'd availed himself of the Tribune. That didn't do much to stem his gloom.

"How was I to know that bellicose bear was something to be preserved? That hardly seemed the case from my perspective. How could a malfunction turn it violent? Wouldn't that mean it had the inherent capacity for aggression built-in? Why? Was it some sort of...guard...grizzly? Why would anyone make such a thing? What a ridiculous robot! As if the world's animals weren't false enough already."

For all this self-spoken protest, Ted was still pretty bummed out. He needs to think didactically. What lesson could be learned from all this?

"...Maybe I should be more careful about what I decapitate."

There we go.