genessia | [Video]

It's Chrysalis I love, not the fake smiles.

Remember? I want to see you transform, I won't run or be scared off.

You don't have to be anything you don't want to. But I don't think there's as much you're incapable of as you think. You managed to find control, you're stronger and smarter than I ever was at any age. And don't say that's just because I'm human.

I don't think your past was that bad, just naive. Innocent. Unaffected. She's still part of you.

You are Chrysalis, you don't have to pretend to be anything less than you are.

You asked earlier if you annoy me or if you should do something different to please me. Not a thing. Not a single damn thing. I've never been this happy. I don't think I've ever been happy before this. And you're the only reason for any of that. Whole new world, nothing I thought I knew makes sense, but with you by my side, I don't have to fear a second of it. Be you. Just don't be scared of what that means.

[She hears his reassuring words, each and every one of them, searches the reassurance in them. But while she can see it in some, there are other words that aren't even if he thinks they are.]

[Like how he insists that Angelique is still part of her. So even when he says that he loves Chrysalis, he still talks about Angelique, someone he has never even met. Someone he wouldn't even know that existed if she hadn't told him about her.]

[The thought of it makes her even angrier. Because it's true after all, if she hadn't told him then he wouldn't go around talking about hidden parts or parts of someone else that should blossom in her.]

Bullshit.

[She glares at the image through wet eyes, refusing to cry, to let herself be that weak.]

You... You liar! How stupid do you think I am? You keep saying that I just have to be myself yet keep still talking about someone else being part of me?! Do you really think I'm so blind I wouldn't see the contradiction in your words?

[At least her tone isn't cold anymore, but it's angry and hurt. Her fists remain tightly closed and when she bites her lower lip there's enough strength to make it bleed slightly.]

You wouldn't even know that she ever existed if I hadn't told you! You wouldn't even think about secret parts of someone being in me or whatever if I hadn't told you, how can you really think that there's part of her in me? You never met her, you wouldn't even know she ever existed. That's like me telling you that there's a part of those that bombed that other country in you and that you should let those parts flourish!

They aren't part of you, all they have in common with you is your country and species. And all I have in common with Angelique is her body, nothing more!

[Even when he tells her that she makes him happy the words sound almost fake somehow. Or maybe she can't hear them well after all. But the last part makes her snarl and growl almost ferally.]

I'm not scared of being me. I've never been scared of that, worried maybe because you humans are so stupidly weak and sentimental. Because the moment you hear there was once a human you just latch into that and start to hope and push for that human to still be there somehow.

You're right, I guess I was naive. I thought that only Angelique's family would be stupid enough to do that, but I see that even someone who has never met her still manages to hope that she's there somewhere. Well, too bad! I am Chrysalis! I am the one alive now, this is my body now! And even if it was true that she's somehow still in me, even just a tiny specle, I would erase it with my own hands!

This is my life now! Not hers! Never hers!

[And the device goes flying, fortunately it doesn't crash and break into anything, but it still gets a good hit and lands with the camera down. So all Carver gets is the sound of a door slamming as Chrysalis storms out of the room to go... Somewhere. Anywhere.]

[She'll probably end at the police station hidden in some room and going over old cases. She doesn't really have many other places she would run to.]

Edited 2018-08-26 14:51 (UTC)

[He blinks, taken aback. Definitely didn't expect that. But before he can say anything, she throws the phone, and goes running.]

[He gives her some space, but later, hesitantly, seeks her out all the same.]

Hey.

[The space gives her time to calm down, specially after a chat with The Doctor. Though she still tenses when she senses Carver's presence and he seeks her out.]

[She's in a room in front of old dossiers and filling notes for herself regarding them, important details and aspects as well as the resolutions because one never knows when those thing may be relevant again. And she refuses to let something obvious evade her simply because she's new if there's a way to try to avoid it.]

[She looks at him briefly when he calls, looking away almost inmediately not really able to look at him in the eye at the moment.]

Hey.

[Sorry, Carver but you're going to have to try more to get her to talk again. She's not sure what to expect from him, but clearly isn't expecting anything positive.]

[He comes to sit next to her all the same and put his arm around her shoulders.] I'm sorry. I've tossed away parts of my life all the time.

When my parents got divorced I pretty much stopped speaking or dealing with either of them, just thought it was easier.

When I was fighting with my ex, I just ignored her. Completely discarded her even while we were still living together.

Politics, especially work politics? Making friends in departments, even learning everyone's names... Didn't bother with. I considered it all useless, getting in the way of bigger things.

[Gently nudges his free fist to her chin.] I wanted better for you. That's all, folks. [Loony Toons quote because of course.]

Meeting you was like, being born anew for me. In a really good way.

Things, everything I ever thought didn't matter, suddenly did again. Or could. In a good way. [Offers her a worried gentle grin, hoping she's still with him, not shut down.] All the stupid movies I sat through are suddenly really fun and important, because of you and Sora. All the time I wasted looking for ToonTown and riding the trolleys of San Francisco as a kid actually mean something now.

I never took to cooking. As a kid, because it would have meant being with my Mom and she didn't like cooking anyway, and as I was older, it was just a thing to survive.

In Gracepoint I didn't even do my own cooking. I got my meals as part of my commission to move out there, at the inn or takeout at the office.

And then suddenly here, now, it means something. And I'm still getting used to that.

[Shifts to the front and holds both shoulders in either hand, searching her eyes out and not budging or talking until she meets his.] I don't want you to be human. [A VERY SERIOUS GROWL.] Especially not if it means this past month and a half was fake. [Growl growl, serious eyes!] I meant it what I said before. I've never been this happy. I gave up all those unimportant things without a fight. Even my ex-wife. I gave up on her before her affair, and even when that happened, I walked away. The only one I didn't want to lose was Julienne.

But you? I will fight everything and anyone for you. [Gently boops her nose with a finger and softens his glower.]

But that even includes yourself sometimes.

And it includes myself, ALL the time. Because I have to fight my instincts. And I have to remind myself this is real. Or as real as it can be. And sometimes I have to let go, and that's really hard for me.

[Lets go of her shoulders and leans his forehead to hers.] But you're worth it.

I'm not actually a good cook. I've had very little practice. But for you, I want to be. Sora too, but mostly...

[Pulls back and tsun glances away!!] I want to impress you, that's all. [Glances back with only his eyes, head still turned a bit.] And everything is more fun with you around. Scratch that. [Turns back in full.] It is fun with you around. Even opera. And I'm not used to that.

[Gently rakes his hand through her hair and grins softly.] Sorry for being selfish. I do want all of you. And I still want you to transform for me, so I can prove even to myself, you're still you. All of you. [Leans his head forward again, searching out hers. He wants to kiss her, but can't be that permissive right now, no matter what he wants.] But you're right, I don't need or want a missing girl I never met. I do need you. And... I'm still getting used to that idea. So I'm pretty clumsy and daffy like that anyway.

[She doesn't fight the arm around her shoulders, nor tenses more, but she doesn't really relax or look up from her notes. Still she slows down and it's clear that she is paying attention as he speaks.]

[She frowns a little when he says that he wanted better for her, because for a moment it sounds too fatherly and... Maybe she blew it after all. Maybe now he only sees her as a child.]

[But she forces herself to keep listening without interrupting him. Even what he says next makes her turn deep red in embarrassment. It is warming, though, and she can't say that she doesn't understand that because it is kind of similar. She had studied and all only because she had to, but most of it hadn't been important, and yet now she tries to learn about the world history of a whole different world. Because it's his.]

[She resists meeting his eyes when he searches for hers, only relenting when she realizes that he has more to say but won't until she's looking right into his eyes. When she does and he talks, though, she wishes she hadn't because his words make her instantly tear up and she can't keep the tears from falling this time. Because those words hit well in the mark of why it hurt when he talked about a hidden part of her or something similar.]

[The thought that maybe the doctors had been right and she was just Angelique with amnesia, that one day she would wake up and be just Angelique. And what would happen to Chrysalis then? To the her that she is now?]

[She lets him continue even as the tears keep falling and she keeps getting redder the more he talks. Part of her wants to kiss him but another part says that she shoudln't. Not yet at least. As nice as it would be, as much as she wants, it wouldn't really solve anything.]

I don't... I have been alive for like two years and like never I've really cared about like anything. I just like learned what I needed to keep the act and like to pass in school. But I didn't care, I couldn't like bring myself to be interested in the world and its history.

When I began to like work with Gaff, it was like all new, but like even more because for me everything was really like new. But like instead of having to like solve a giant puzzle without the pieces, they were like smaller puzzles. And like nothing else mattered, only what was like pertaining to the case, no need to like learn in depth world history or like the history of a family. And once it was solved I could like move on to another case. I liked that.

I liked working in the station because like even if they called me Angelique, it was me, Chrysalis. Because like she would have never ended there, doing that. I don't like need to wear someone else's shoes.

[She looks down at her hands, holding one of the dossiers she had been studying.]

When I like woke up here, I thought I would like keep it up. Even if part of me like thought that I didn't have to like hide. But like, better safe than sorry?

But then you were like there with the broadwalk and like your question about the ransom for our kidnapping... And like I was me. With you I don't like ever act, I don't like wonder what I should do to like keep up the illusion of being human or Angelique.

Everything I like show you is just Chrysalis. And even when I like act with others here it's not the same as back home, because like you're here and... I'm more me than I've ever been in like two years. This, specially here in Genessia it's my life. Only mine.

[She looks up at him, wondering if she is even explaining herself properly. If he understands. If he can understand.]

And I don't like want to share it with anyone. Not with a girl that like wouldn't be known here if not because I like mentioned her.

Maybe I like have something human in me after all? But like even if so that's like still me, still mine. Not her somehow surviving, you know? Or maybe I don't like have anything human at all but like even then it's me. And like, that's all there is and there will be.

[He rests his hand on her cheek and smiles softly.]

[She's so cute.]

[Ahhhhh.]

[Jealous of herself. It's so cute!]

[He's back to dying of cute.]

[And can't resist it any longer, just kisses her.] You don't have to share me with your past.

And yeah. I think anything that's human about you is still part of you, Sweetheart. That's why I want to see it. As much as your demon side. [Another kiss!] Not because I want you to be human. Human is boring. I've had humans. I like this. Whatever you are. Lemenae, baby succubus, you're mine, and I'm going to be greedy about it. [Gently nibbles her pouty bottom lip.]

[She blushes again at the kiss, gasping softly because she didn't expect it. She didn't think he would want to kiss her, at least not yet.]

Good, because I don't like really have much of a past.

[Angelique's past was her own. No matter how much she read her diaries and whatever she wrote and left behind, no matter how many family pictures and videos she watched. It wasn't hers, it would never be and she didn't want it to be.]

[She just wants her own story. Her own life.]

[When he repeats that, it is a bit easier to accept it when it's just "something human" in general. It doesn't hurt or makes her think that he means that there's someone else in her, trapped or hidde. And humans like to think that certain things are "human specific traits" so that also makes it easier.]

[And it is finally reassuring to hear him say that he doesn't want her to be human. Maybe it's a lie, but right now she can't tell and doesn't care.]

I'm sorry that I like snapped at you like that.

[She's also still not initiating kisses because she honestly doesn't feel like she deserves it.]

[He laughs at that. Genuinely chuckling.] Did you? I didn't notice. Julienne is worse when she's being nice to me.

[Takes her hand, laces their fingers together, and rubs his thumb over her hand.] You don't have to change anything or try to please me. You know what turns me on the most? When you're dancing around in your pjs singing and decorating the wall with clues. When you talk cases and inspection work to me. Pretty sure your demon side is gonna make me need to screw you into a wall too. Okay? [Kisses her forehead.] Don't do things to please me. I'm happy when you're with me. I do think your body might need human food more than you think, [Gently pokes her cheek.] But only because... It's how I don't feel hungry if I'm working hard enough.

Or having sex with you. [Shrugs.] Maybe I'm wrong, I just don't want to risk anything with you like that. Ya dig?

[She pouts at that, is he serious or is he teasing her? Probably teasing or trying to not give it too much importance. And she's not sure if she likes it or not but he doesn't have the will to complain.]

[There's a soft snort as he tells her to not do things to please him.]

The only one I like really care to please is myself. I would never like do something I don't like want to just for someone else.

[Which may be cruel or harsh, but it's the truth. It also means that when she does something that happens to please him, he can be sure that it was done not just for him.]

And like I never said I would like stop eating or anything like that. Regardless of like if I need it or not, eating with you is like something I really like. Even if only because like you are there and made the food.

[He's serious.]

[And he grins and gently tickles her ribs.] And what makes you think I'm any different?

[She gasps and jumps away from his fingers, that tickles! Which probably was the intention but still, she protests against that.]

That like way too many things that you do totally like make me happy?

[Laughs.]

Same with me, Chrysalis.

[She sighs, for a moment forgetting everything as she looks at him laugh.]

[Now that they have talked again, she feels that even if she hadn't gone to The Doctor she would have been okay. But she would have still been worried and haunted deep down.]

[She bites her lower lip, wondering if she should bring it up or not. But... It may help? Make everything clearer?]

Actually... After I like snapped at you I like went to talk with The Doctor, about that. I mean, like what you said about Angelique like still being there, somewhere.

He like entered my mind, tcha? And like... [She shakes her head.] He confirmed that she's like gone. Nothing left there or like hidden. He said all there was was like "a graveyard of broken doors that once were linked" and that was being like overgrown by me. So... Yeah.

Just Chrysalis here.

[He's watching her reaction over it, and finally very simply:] But you're not happy.

[She shakes her head again.]

No, actually I am. I mean, it's what I had like come to figure on my own months ago. And it is like a huge relief to know that, well, that I'm not like holding her back or anything, you know?

I didn't like want her to be anywhere there. This is like my life now and like specially here in Genessia. With you. She like had no place anyway and I had like no intention to let her.

[A pause.]

But it is still like sad somehow. When he like confirmed it, I just felt... Bad and like really sad. Because like it's confirmed now, he like went into my mind and checked himself and there's absolutely nothing left. And like all I could think of was that like her family really will never like see her again, or Odette. And that like Kristen was really right when she like said I wasn't her friend and like died because she rejected me.

[She shrugs.]

I'm like happy but I also feel like sad about it somehow. Even if like I know that if he had like said that she was like still there I wouldn't have liked it. It's weird, tcha?

Mm.

[Pulls her forward, leaning their foreheads together, thinking on it. It makes sense. He had been thinking of her as more of a fusion, a new version, but no. That's not a bad thing.]

How did you learn about the other lemenae and her pact?

I think... I sort of thought your soul was still being recycled. And before you say lemenae don't have souls... [Presses her bottom lip down with a finger.] Your essence. Whatever carries between planes that isn't physical. A new soul's not bad either. [Eskimo kisses.] But I guess it really -- [Pause.] would be a bit pointless to try to feed your human body... can it even age? I mean... you don't look fifteen, but... [Snort.] Maybe that's just me trying to convince myself.

[She closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against his before smiling.]

How do you like learn about something like who moved a body? Through witnesses.

There were like none on the human world, those that could have like talked died and those who lived... They are like part of the cult so they wouldn't talk. But when a portal opens there are like many lemenae attracted to it, even if like only one can cross.

There was a parasite type lemenae that like had tried to cross but was beaten to it. Still he like found another way. And the hospital like ended with a huge problem because like everyone was like getting healed suddenly! I helped Vincent, who like works as a doctor, with it and we located who was like the unaware host of the lemenae, and worked things out so like he could stay and live and wouldn't like call too much attention, tcha? He was like the one that told me of what he had like seen through the portal before it like closed.

He thought I was like his friend because, well, I look like the girl he had made a deal with.

[She blinks, she wasn't going to say that lemenaes don't have souls, they do, just not the same way as humans. She bites his finger in retaliation.]

But like I still want to like sit and eat with you. And like when I woke up, in the following months my body like changed, I thought I was like ageing but maybe it was just still like finishing adjusting or something. I've not like aged or changed at all in a year. Not even my hair has like gone longer.

[Pause and sigh as she tugs lightly at it.]

Though it like gets longer when I transform.

Why is healing a problem?

Ah. That makes sense.

[Nibbles her ear in retaliation and thinks it over.]

[Okay, so she was born out of the death. Of two souls. Isn't that still soul and bodies fusing and being recycled?]

[He pushes a hand back through his own hair.]

[Maybe he's trying too hard to put into human Earth terms.]

[Which is so unnecessary. It's not like he wants her to be any different.] I think.... you shouldn't give up on things just because you think they're too human.

I still want to see if comfort foods work better for you, and I'm with you. Angelique is gone, yeah? But it's not for her, it's for you. You're still something else. Unique. You said yourself, the other lemenae thought maybe you were his friend crossed over too. I was thinking of you as sort of a combination of both, and I get it better, you're neither. But -- [Runs a hand through his hair again.] I don't get the relationship to your soul and body, and I don't think you do yet either. And that's not bad. Humans, at least in my world, still haven't figured theirs out. And ghosts are just what, body-less souls, right?

But until we know more... [Shrug.] I want to protect it.

[Makes a face.] Maybe I have to think of it like that, otherwise I'm making love to the wrong body, so unless you want to transform for sex, and that also requires me not being too... whatever by it, right?

Grrrr.

[HUFF.] Just humor this stupid human, all right? It's not that I think you're a lie, or anything to do with Angelique... Just... You're too hard on yourself! It's very un-demonic. And yeah, sure fine, maybe it's because you were treated like a normal sixteen year old girl for so long it rubbed off, but then, maybe other weird effects on your body did too? [Rubs his eyes with one hands' fingers.] Or maybe the way the cult summoned you and killed you both created a new thing... I don't know. Just know that if there's something other lemenae can't do... I don't want you to think that means you can't either, all right? If you really don't want to, then sure, whatever, who cares? I mean I can swim, but like hell's bells is anyone going to make me.

But [Leans their foreheads together again.] I'd hate to be the reason you miss out on something beautiful. Let yourself be surprised if you want to. All right?

[A soft chuckle.]

Because it like calls a lot of attention when people with mortal diseases suddenly are like healed, or when like you enter the hospital with several knife wounds and they are like all gone by the time you get to the front desk. It like brings a lot of attention and like questions, and we don't like want all the people to learn about lemenaes.

[She shivers notably at he nibbles her ear, sighing peacefully.]

[Still she smiles a little and nods at his next words.]

I just like only want it to see what's like, tcha? Cooking, I mean. Because my mother and Odette made like a big deal of it, but then I think that like if it doesn't taste good for you or... What if I don't like see it? What they see in cooking for others? That would like feel like a waste of time.

But like The Doctor also said that even if like my species isn't human, that doesn't like mean we can't like learn human things. So I suppose, I like really should try? Even if it may like be all for nothing?

[She tilts her head as he goes on, losing him a bit on his thought process but saying nothing because she likes to see him trying to think hard. Though she freezes when he says that he's making love to the wrong body.]

WHAT?!! What do you mean you're making love to the wrong body?! Who is the bitch that dared to touch you without my permission?!

[Her last words are more like a posessive growl as her eyes glow in icy blue and her fangs seem to grow a little. She lost track of how his thought process was going so she doesn't realize that he meant her.]

Right. Sure.

I don't think that would raise any alarms in my world, but we don't have lemanae, really.

[Gently tugs her cheek and kisses, nipping her ear.] Don't assume it will be before you try.

[Grins and laughs, and shakes his head, holding her face in both hands and kisses her.] You. I mean you. If this body is just stolen, then we should probably have sex with you transformed. Even though, even I'm a bit daunted by the prospect.

Is it like normal in your world for lethal wounds to like heal in seconds?

[JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE KISSING HER DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S GOING TO LET THIS GO!]

[She's so busy thinking what she's going to do to the woman when she finds out who she is that it still takes her a moment to process what he says. And then she goes red, frowning again.]

But this is my body! I mean, sure like it was her body before but like it changed, it's like totally different on a genetic level, only on like the appareance it is the same.

[Pouting.]

Don't like say that you don't like have sex with me because of my body.

[Still, what he says leaves her thinking for a moment. He has been so insistent from the start about wanting to see her transformed... But she knows that once he sees that he won't want to have her anymore. On the other hand... He's not entirely wrong on that her current looks are pretty much stolen even if the body changed genetically.]

[Now that she knows for sure that Angelique is gone, that she has been gone maybe from before Chrysalis woke up herself... She feels that she should show it to him. And look in a mirror to see herself, her real self. Because she has no idea how she really looks when transformed.]

[She bites her lower lip, frowning and closing her hands in fists, steeling herself for it.]

... I'll show you. I'll like transform, but at home, is that okay?

And... And if, after I transform, you don't like want me anymore, I'll just like leave.

No, but they'd chalk it up to a new miracle cure in the water or blessing, milk it for all it was worth while it lasted, and then the rest of the world would shrug it off later as hype. Pretty sure all the church monuments in California are from things like. Supposedly magic healing springs or some statue that someone prayed over or something ridiculous.

If you're sure.

[Narrows his eyes, and puts a finger over her lips.] I am never leaving you of my own free will. You'll have to tell me to go, and even then, I'm going to try to fix whatever I messed up and win you back. And I'd rather you just tell me way in advance so it never even reaches that point, okay?

Promise me, no matter how scared or unsettled I seem at first, you won't freak out or assume I want you gone. All right? Just give me time to adjust. Because I will. You're important to me. No matter what your other form is like, it's not your body I'm in love with. It's you. Even if you are adorable and have a great bum.

[Hand through his hair.] You're not... made of water or something, are you?

[Literally going through all his worst case scenarios. Like bug ulcer slime sludge poison, but no even that wouldn't be as bad as pure water for him so...]

[Okay. What if she was made of poop? Literal bug excrement. Yeah. He could still adjust!!! AND WILL! He cares that much! Okay okay. Although it would take him a little while, he's not even going to pretend it wouldn't, that is a weird thing.]

[Although mostly he just figures it'll be like some weird darkness parasitic even more terrifying version of the devil from Night on Bald Mountain because apparently his life is all about making cartoons real or something now.]

"While it lasted", but like if we had left it like that it would have kept going for years. Besides he was like breaking the feeding ground rules, because like he didn't take into account that there are like other lemenaes in the place that like feed from there. Vincent for example like feeds on pain so like the other healing everyone basically meant that he wouldn't like have food.

[She looks at him unsurely, he sounds so confident, so sure on that he won't want to leave her no matter how she looks like when transformed. But she can't help to be hesitant, Gaff hadn't panicked when faced with a giant tentacle creature full of eyes and mouths where there shouldn't be or even when facing worse things. But he had panicked when she transformed the first time and had tried to shoot her down, and on the next occasions he would always get tense and do all he could to avoid even looking at her while she was transformed.]

[She doesn't think that Carver is weaker than Gaff, but he has seen far less, he's still doing brain gymnastics to even get around the fact of his new reality here, with vampires, demons, aliens and faeries. So him saying those things almost sounds naive, probably as naive as she sounds when saying that she probably can't do something because it's very human.]

[Shaking her head quickly at his question, she has never seen herself, hasn't dared after realizing how Gaff had reacted, but she is at least sure of that.]

No, I'm not made of water. It's... I have never like seen it myself but like I know that I have wings and like a tail and long hard claws and teeth... And just... I must look like really scary because like really, Gaff has literally stared at stuff that I found scary to like look at and just like didn't mind but, he wouldn't like even look at me when I transform after the first times.

I won't like freak out, I promise.

[She will just wait to be told to leave if it really gets that bad. But still she will stay if he tells her so, even if he's terrified and never wants to see her transformed again.]

[For now she moves to put everything back where it should be in order to go back home. She's not going to transform there, just in case anyone else happens to come across them or... He panics enough to try to shoot her.]

Mm.

[He wants to go to her world. To get immersed in all the new rules and things and well, here is just as good. Slower. Less deadly.]

[His expression softens and he leans forward and kisses her a few times.] Sounds like he was turned on and didn't know how to handle it.

[But backs off to let her go back to organizing.]

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