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[ubiquitously]

I'll make this quick. Are there any others here who manipulate time and space? Perhaps another 9th dimensional being who might recognize the "Grand Living Library" as a term? It seems so strange and unrealistic to think I'd be the only one in that category. I'd love to chat with you about how the omniverse is organized where you're from.

... Also! How do I set up a blind date? It's for a red haired demon, with a terrible personality. [And this is in no way filtered away from Kii either.] They probably don't deserve it, but I want to do them a favor. ♡ 

I'm also interested in learning how to vanquish a red haired demon, just in case. ♡ ♡

Comments

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[nepu]

Can't help you on the space time thing but for setting up a blind date just send a note with the information and hope they take the bait?

[ubiquitously]

Really? That's so easy!

But I wonder how to find someone to go with them.

[nepu]

Yeah can't help you with the finding someone to go on the date bit, but I'm sure if you ask around and maybe offer some kinda reward someone will take it?

[ubiquitously]

Yeah, that'll be the hard part. It's going to have to be quite the reward to put up with this charming soul.

[nepu]

Have you tried a large box of gold rings as payment? They can get an extra life then.

[ubiquitously]

Ooh, there's an idea. You're crafty.

Any other thoughts? I'm not exactly generous, so that might be a stretch.

[nepu]

Well food is always a good payment ? Offer some high quality pudding and I'm sure people will be all over this.

[ubiquitously]

Okay... So! If I offered you some high quality pudding. Would you do it?

[nepu]

Maybe, depends on how much pudding ?

[ubiquitously]

How much do you want? I've got nothing better to spend my money on this month.

[nepu]

Wait, you're being serious about this? Can we back up for a bit I don't think my kokoro could handle this sorta event.

[fadedscarlet]

You're right I DO NOT DESERVE IT!

I'm awful! No one should follow this video at all! This is SO DUMB!

[Kii was fuming, baring their teeth] You can shove that favor UP your ass and focus on vanquishing me another way!

You know, just, through violence?? ? I guess? Definitely violence, and war! Not...not......!

[they couldn't even finish the last word, that four letter word starting with 'L' ]

[ubiquitously]

I'm awful too, but Hana helped me find some good to me. Then I immediately lost it all when we were separated.

And naw. I don't know how to get demon blood stains out of my clothes. Better not risk it.

[fadedscarlet]

-And that's why she's the worst THING in the universe among many. Oh you're going to like those demon blood stains because if you don't hurt me and instead go for this FUCKING DATE

I'm going to go after this Hana. And when I get out of here-your Hana. How do you like that? Hell, I'll even insult them both right now~

They're dumb as rocks, even less than rocks! Why waste your time on someone who's blind on happiness, hm? When you and I both know how bleak reality truly is!

[ubiquitously]

Hmmmm? So if I just cut you up, you'd leave Hana alone?

You're not very good at bargaining. Either way, you're asking me to make your life miserable... And why would I make deals with someone who threatens her? I'd rather destroy you from the bottom up, starting with whatever dignity you have left.

[fadedscarlet]

Good luck finding that dignity. It's out the window with my shame..just like my heart should be.

[Kii is still saltier than salt at finding out that thing is back in their chest]

If you can kill me? Sure! Put me out of my misery if you can. But I am hard to kill..I always come back so long as Hatred exists. So long as Hana exists, then I will be nearby to take her.

[ubiquitously]

Your life can't be miserable if you're dead!

Hana doesn't need to love me for me to protect her. In fact, you should tread carefully precisely because of that. She's never going to want me home, so I don't need to restrain my cruelty.

Point is: Shut up, before I take you on a date myself.

[fadedscarlet]

[mutters] Look at you swimming in a pool of lies about that blind burst of energy you call a girlfriend..

[but soon growls]

You wouldn't dare date me.

YOU WOULDN'T..!

[ubiquitously]

Oh, my dear, sweet Kii.

The way you try to speak ill of my beloved just makes me want to date you more!

[fadedscarlet]

[GOES OFFLINE SO FAST]

[ubiquitously]

[WASHING HIS MOUTH WITH SOAP.

tidepod challenge right here.]

[video]

[draconixaviarix]

[..Yeah no she wasn't going to touch what he just said in the first part. But what drew her was the second part. She frowned]

Vanquish? Why do you want to kill this person? I thought you were going to give them a favor..?

[ubiquitously]

[Oops. It's you.]

Ah, well, you know... Vanquish... has many meanings. It could be a good thing. Maybe they're into that.

[Topic change:]

How was work?

[draconixaviarix]

[It's me.]

Work was good. Oh! Oh! And the bird took your bait! Literally took it. That thing can hold a LOT! It even fought me off. It was a very good opponent.

[chuckles, but raises a brow] ...But I did not vanquish it, and vanquishing is not a good thing. Why would anyone be into it?

[ubiquitously]

[Sorry, wait, what.]

Took it? Did you take it back? Do you have it?

[draconixaviarix]

I do.

[but Hana frowns]

...But you're not going to hurt anyone, right?

[ubiquitously]

Oh. Whew...

And did I say vanquish? I mean varnish. It's when you make furniture shiny. Some people are into that. Yup.

[draconixaviarix]

[Hana was squinted at him, trying to retrace her memories of him saying 'vanquish'...there was definitely a 'q' sound in there, but varnish sounded right too?

She frowned, pouting at being unsure] Truly? Are you sure?

[...but people did like things being shiny, is that why all the newer cities looked as shiny as they did??]

[ubiquitously]

Deefinitely~!

[He hates to lie, but he really has to keep Hana away from Kii. He's not about to let her be hurt again.]

H-Hey, I can prove it. Let's um... Buy furniture for our new house, when we move, yeah? And varnish it? Sounds fun, right? [Give him a few seconds, because Uai is about to realize he hurt his own feelings. He never got to do anything cute and domestic like furniture shopping with his Hana.

3... 2... 1...]

[draconixaviarix]

[She was excited about it! Hana perked up]

Yes! You still haven't told me about our new home quite much! Just that I'll love it.

..But I love a lot of things! [she hopped in place]

We're getting beds right? And sofas? Aaahhh what else do we need? What else is out there for ultimate comfort??

[ubiquitously]

Mmmrrrghhuu.

[Is a real word. It means "I just broke my own heart with the furniture talk, but you're being too cute for me to sink into despair, and dammit that's why I love you (r alternate)."

Look it up.]

Yeah. Beds... But you don't varnish fabric. Only wood. [and i want to do these domestic things with my not!wife!!!]

What about a wardrobe? One big enough for you to jump into it.

[draconixaviarix]

Oh..

[Hana nodded, remembering that everyone uses the bark of trees for that, tilting her head she squeaked]

..What's a wardrobe? -And I can fit into it? As myself or as I am now?

[ubiquitously]

If you don't know what it is, why not go to a furniture store and find out?

The human you would fit better, but who knows. There's a story about an entire country fitting into one wardrobe.

[draconixaviarix]

..You know I probably should, I----

[Wait, what. WAIT WHAT. WHAT

WAIT

WHAT?

HANA STARED]

...An entire COUNTRY? Uai, we need to get one now, one of them could be where our homes are! Our worlds! Your's! Mine..!! Another??

[ubiquitously]

[She's way too much fun.]

I said it was just a story. I imagine if those kinds of portal wardrobes do exist, they'd be hard to find. You would have to try every wardrobe in the store.

[draconixaviarix]

Oh we're going to, then! We're going to find that world in the wardrobe..in all the wardrobes..!

[Hana p much howled with excitement]

[ubiquitously]

[... She wasn't listening to the 'if' and other negatives, was she? Oh well. Even if she was, Uai knows that Hana has a talent for optimism.]

I guess it's a da-- outing, then. We should go furniture shopping tomorrow.

;video

[hellorhighwater]

[The look on the man's face as he peers into the feed is one of puzzlement.]

What's a blind date?

[ubiquitously]

It's a surprise. Someone sets you up on a date with someone you don't know, and you hope you don't regret the decision.

[hellorhighwater]

So...you let someone else pick your date.

[He's visibly not getting it.]

Why would anyone do that? I mean--the chance you're gonna regret dating someone you didn't pick is huge.

[ubiquitously]

Sometimes you need to go on a few dates with people you don't like in order to realize what you do like. For some people, it's easier to say "my friends made a mistake in judgment" than admit "I made a mistake in judgment."

[hellorhighwater]

[...yeah, he's still not getting it.]

But your friends are always gonna get it wrong. They're not you. And it's not like they can know who your mate is, so why would you let anyone pick a person for you?

[He shakes his head, features still screwed up in intense confusion.]

I mean, getting laid? Yeah, sure--whoever, with enough time or enough coin you can enjoy yourself, but dating's relationships and shit. You should never trust someone else with picking your date.

[ubiquitously]

[If this was Uai trying to hook someone up to benefit Kii, maybe he'd stop. That's solid advice.

But this is not about helping Kii.]

Perfect. Then this really is the ideal strategy!

[hellorhighwater]

What?

Wait--it's--what do you...

...what?

[Such confused. Very perplexed. Wow.]

video;

[demonofbadluck]

If it's the demon I think it is. Just blind him, throw him in. I'm sure he will be fine.

[Rude Baldur.]

[ubiquitously]

You speak my language!

I still need to find a partner.

[demonofbadluck]

I'm glad that it is a language people have.

Partner, hm? Depends do you want to go the nicer route or not.

[ubiquitously]

Do I really come off as a nice person?

[demonofbadluck]

No. But you never know if someone is trying. Answer: Don't try, it gets boring.