genessia | Operation 32

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Operation 32 | [Log]

Who: Gale Reinhardt & Faye Valentine
What: Feelings. Gale being dumb.
Where: Guardian Skyrise - Nova City
When: November 19

[It had been a long few weeks for Gale, and this past week had just felt even longer. For the past few days, Gale had holed himself up in the Skyrise, making the excuse of working "overtime" and that "he couldn't leave that work piled there" and whatever other shit he was making up at the time. It wasn't exactly a total lie, per se, but he was certainly exaggerating the amount of work there was to be done at the time. No, he was just lying to himself and others again. It was hiding away again, just this time he at least told people where he would be if he was needed. The only time he had gone home was to pick up Gunner while he knew Andy and Faye weren't around, so he at least had some kind of company while he camped out. He at least left a note saying that he took Gunner, so they wouldn't have to fuss over a missing dog.

Being in his own home for that brief amount of time felt awful.

The meeting he had with Smoker left a lot on his mind. A little too much for his liking. The work he had to do wasn't distracting him well enough, and he kept letting his mind trail back to that conversation. "Man up" he said. "Don't be an idiot." Too late for that. Gale was all too painfully aware of his shortcomings and how he'd already squandered a chance he'll never get again.

Still, four days later- with a pit in his stomach, he'd left a quick message to Faye on her phone. It wasn't a text like he normally would have done, instead leaving a voice message.]

... hey, Faye? Can I talk to you at the office sometime later? [He pauses.] If... you're not busy, anyway.

[He sounded tired and gave a quiet sigh as he hung up and dropped his cracked phone on the floor. He was tired. Mentally and emotionally tired. The grey markings on his face gave that away to anyone who understood what those colors even meant.

What was he doing? Why was he bothering? This is the stupidest thing he's done, and he's got a massive track record of doing stupid shit. But this?

His mind was set on one thing: He was convinced this was going to end in disaster no matter how he articulates it. He'll screw something up, guaranteed, and in one fell swoop he'll lose one of the only people he had left in this world.

But now, all he could do was wait. Gunner was curled up on his makeshift sleeping spot (not that Gale used it much), while Gale was at the open window, sitting precariously on the sill as he just stared out towards the sky. He felt lost. How was he even going to start the conversation when she inevitably shows?

He almost felt sick, like he wanted to just flee the area with Yveltal. Despite that temptation, he just sat quietly at the window sill.

What in the blue hell was he going to do?]

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*Faye had replied to say she could be at the office in a couple of hours. She was actually a little later than that because she had taken a detour for coffee and donuts. By now, she probably had a pretty good handle on what he would like*

Gale?

*She called out for him, then saw him at the window. She stopped still in her tracks, shocked to see that change in his colouring*

Gale... You must be tired. I brought provisions.

[When he heard her voice, he could feel his heart drop. He wasn't at all ready for this. He slowly looked over and gave a weak smile.]

Ah. You didn't have to do that.

[He slid off from the window while it closed automatically. His movements were a little sluggish, but he was choosing to ignore it.]

Sorry I just called you out of the blue like that.

[His smile faltered, turning his gaze to the floor.]

... thanks, by the way. I thought you would have been busy.

I know. But I haven't seen you in a while - you've been working too hard.

*Faye was going to give him a cheeky smile when she saw his own, and suddenly she realised that this was different. He always called her out of the blue, she always arrived when he needed her. Something was clearly troubling*

I'm always busy these days, you know that. But - of course I'm here. What's going on...?

*Faye put the coffee and box of donuts on a nearby table and took a step closer to him, eyes narrowed in concern*

[Geez, he was really not good at hiding this whole thing. Normally he's better than this. He stayed by the window, his back against the wall to hold himself up.]

Right. I guess we both are.

[He had a hard time looking Faye in the eye. His mind was blank and his body was tense. He didn't know what to do.]

How have... how have you been feelin' lately, Faye?

[He wasn't sure if he wanted to even ask that, but hell, he wasn't sure of anything right now.]

*He won't look at her... Did she do something wrong? But usually, he'd react with anger or at least be more assertive. But not...this*

I've been feeling good. Better.

*Actually, she'd even go as far as saying she felt happy. But she didn't think right now was the moment for that. Not when he so clearly wasn't. She takes a breath and another step closer, but stops. He's staying all the way over there for a reason*

...what have I done...? Why won't you look at me?

*Might as well get straight to the point, despite how miserable she sounded as she asked*

You haven't done anything.

[He was quick to answer her, almost just as quickly shaking his head.]

It's not you. I'm just... kind of lost in my own head.

[Lost, confused, struggling. All those words came to mind. He slowly lifted his gaze, weakly smiling in a hope of giving her a little reassurance.]

It's hard to articulate anything. You deserve an explanation of what the hell's been going on more than anybody. It's not somethin' you did, please don't worry. It's more... what I haven't done.

[He bit his lower lip. He felt so tired, and it was coming across in his voice.]

Sorry. I know I'm not makin' any sense. I just... you know what you mean to me, right?

[He sounded so hesitant in asking, almost even afraid. His mind's screaming at him about what a bad idea this all is, but damn it. He can't just keep avoiding her.]

*He did seem so lost in his head and she wanted to help, but had no idea what she could say or do. She felt distant, and she didn't like that. But she still didn't understand*

Haven't done? But Gale, you do everything. You work your ass off to keep this city safe. And beyond that too. I keep telling you you're working too hard, so there can't possibly be anything you haven't done. If there is, tell us. We're your deputies for a reason.

*Because surely he was talking about his work, and everything he's been doing as a Guardian*

Well, we're good friends, aren't we? Close friends...?

*The way she says that last bit, it's like she's not sure, worried she places more emphasis on their friendship than he does. She knows there is no more to it like that. Unless he maybe saw her as family. She could never see Gale that way, but she has known for a long time that he has had no romantic or sexual interest in her whatsoever, and for a long time she has had to make her peace with that*

I guess one look at me is a clear indication that I have been workin' too hard, huh?

[He laughs dryly. It did help to hear from her about the effort he was putting into all of this, especially since he had been questioning his own contributions at this point. Now his body's indicator markings were showing just how much he'd been overdoing it.]

Faye, you... mean a lot more to me than just that.

[Words kept getting caught in his throat. Where was the old Gale? The one who wouldn't hesitate to say something stupid, the one not afraid to speak his mind regardless of consequence? Why was this so damn hard?]

You're one of the only ones still here for me in this place. Everyone else has either gone home, or just keep their distance and moved on. But you've been puttin' up with me since you got here, even back before I had the cash to relocate us to a penthouse. Anyone else I've shared a space with left eventually, by their own will or otherwise.

[His voice was shaky, his hands gripping on the window sill now. If he were still human, he'd probably feel like passing out from feeling how fast his heart was beating.]

Losin' you is a fear at the forefront of my mind. It's always constant and nagging, preventin' me from sayin' things that I should. One of which... well, I guess it's too late for it now.

[Now that he knew someone else beat him to it. His body trembled, lowering his gaze to the floor with a defeated look, muttering just enough for her to still be able to hear.]

Ich liebe dich.

[It's the wrong language, but damn it, it's a step closer in the right direction than he was before.]

*Faye still doesn't see what he's driving at, not until his voice starts shaking and he talks about losing her. She froze where she was standing, just a distance away from the table where she had left her coffee. She wrung her hands together while her heart didn't know if it was beating faster or slowing out of fear. What did he have to tell her? What was that one thing? There were so many things that she had hoped for, so many things she had longed to hear for so longer.

And still... He looked at the floor. He spoke up his thoughts, but only in a way that Faye knew by association, not in a language she understood. Why was that? Why couldn't he just say it? Faye watched him with large side eyes. And then it clicked*

...you're ashamed. You're ashamed of me...and your feelings for me...

*Faye's hands dropped to her sides at her realisation, and balled gently into fists as she continued, her sad stare still on him*

That's why you can't look me in the eye. That's why you can't...you can't even tell me. That's why you've been so distant...why you've moved in here. You can't...you don't want to have these feelings for me...

[Gale froze, his eyes widening and his head snapping up to look at her.]

No, Faye! That's not it at all!

[No, no no no. This isn't what he wants her to think. He shook again, forcing him to keep his eyes on her, his gaze softening.]

No, Faye. I'm not ashamed- I'm anything but that. I'm... afraid.

[Opening up like this was difficult. The only person he ever had in his life for that was his sister, and that was years ago. He doesn't have that anymore. Bottling and hiding things is what he did.]

That's why losing you terrifies me. I ran off because I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to function like a normal human being anymore, I'm lost because of feelings I've never had before in my life.

[His lower jaw quivered, taking a couple steps closer to Faye. He wanted to be much closer to her, but that fear was keeping him back. Hell, he probably almost looked like a scared child right now.]

I... chose to run and hide it because never in the world would I expect you to take me seriously. I have that reputation of being a dumbass scoundrel that gets around. These last few months especially, nothing could be further from the truth.

I'm used to a life of being forced to mask how I feel. And you deserve so much better, Faye. I didn't... I didn't know how to acknowledge it. That I... fell in love with you.

[By that point, his eyes were starting to tear up. Him? Now he wanted to actually cry on top of this? To hell with it. If she sees that too, then fine, he's already exposed as it is.]

I'm sorry, Faye. I'm sorry I'm such a damn idiot.

*Even when he says it, Faye isn't sure at all. Finally he looks at her, but now she isn't sure if she can look at him. Faye bit her lip as she continued, her fists relaxed but looking completely uncomfortable, and maybe even a little scared herself. When she did finally look up, she noticed his expression, so unlike anything she'd ever seen on him before.

Then he said it, the words she wanted to hear him say for so long, the words she had waited and waited for. But...now? Now she didn't know what to do with them*

...Gale...

*Her eyes were sad, a soft frown on her forehead, showing how upset and confused she was by all of this*

You are an idiot...

*At least she said it softly, gently shaking her head as she tried to make sense of all of this*

Why...? Why now, Gale? After all this time... Why now?

*Because it didn't make sense to hear it so suddenly*

I had no idea... Because you've never - never shown a single sign... I don't - I don't understand.

Like we both said, I'm an idiot.

[He said it with a faint smile but it faded quickly.]

I've... well. I've shown signs, they were just in my own aloof way. I've been too set in my ways all these years. It's all too easy to hide what I actually feel. But every word, every compliment, every gift for you- I meant every single one of those. And having you working alongside me in this thankless job is one of the best things I could have hoped for.

[He slowly reached out to her, hesitating for a brief moment before gently placing a hand on her arm. He wasn't sure if he should have, but he's tired of keeping this distance.]

The one thing I've wanted most is to make you happy. And I finally got the kick in the ass I needed to realize that running away was going to do nothing but hurt you. I can't possibly ask you to forgive me for that.

I know I'm late. Too late, most likely. [He knows it is.] But I'm done being unfair to you. You deserve better than that. Far better than that.

[Finally, his voice cracked slightly.]

... more than anything, I- I just don't want you to disappear. The mere thought scared me further into hiding.

[He's tired of losing everybody in his life. He fears even more that he's directly causing the next.]

*Faye finally managed to stop staring and instead smiled her own faint smile when he said how good it was to work with her. She looked at the hand on her arm and then back up at him, her large eyes watching and waiting to see if he'd more. She sighed and looked down at the floor*

Gale, you know I could always forgive you. I'd always find a way.

*When she looked back up, her eyes were sad as she busily dealt with all the various thoughts in her head*

I can't promise I'll never leave. None of us can. But I'm here and I have no plans to just...disappear out of here.

...but. But dammit Gale...

*Faye lifted her hands to her face and rubbed hard at her eyes, then covered her face*

I - don't know what to say...

*Because he is about two weeks too late. If he'd told her all of this before the ball, before Smoker, then it would have been so straightforward*

[If anything, just hearing her say "I'm here" could quell some of his fears. And the fact she hasn't just decked him and left helps ease that too. That was his only saving grace right now.]

You don't have to say anything.

[He gently placed both hands on her arms. Deep down, he just wanted to go in and kiss her and do what he could to take her from Smoker- but how could he? He's probably already ruining her night by doing this at all. Again, he had to ask where the hell to old Gale was. The one who would do all of that regardless of anyone else's feelings. Damn it all, had Smoker not flat out said he was seeing Faye, Gale would be handling everything differently!

But he had to push those thoughts from his head. He leaned in, moving one hand to her cheek.]

Listen. I know I've screwed up and squandered my chances, but... the most important thing is if you're happy.

[...have those cheesy words always been in his head?]

I know I've probably put you in a bad spot, but just understand you're the best person I could ask for in my life right now. And I can't even begin to apologize enough for the shit I've pulled.

[His hands trembled, and he sighed.]

...especially for goin' and making shit awkward for you like this. I've probably gone and made things worse. I'm sorry.

[Those words seemed to have a tinge of fear with them again. All he can see is bad outcome after bad outcome. He shouldn't have done this. He shouldn't have done this.]

*Faye finally looked back up at him when he put his hands on her arms. Her eyes searched his face, wondering if he'd come closer. She could feel her cheeks warm as he touched her. But she still wasn't sure where to look... Chances - that just makes her think about the ball, how she had hoped he would ask her to go with him. How he refused to go. How she found Smoker instead. Look at the differences when a chance isn't taken...

She looked back up and reached to touch his waist, swallowing when he calls her the best person he could ask for*

Gale... You mean a lot to me. I hope you realise that too... I don't know what you mean about making things worse. But don't apologise. You've done nothing wrong.

Edited 2018-11-21 23:15 (UTC)

[He wasn't sure if she was just being polite or if she genuinely didn't know why he said he was making things worse. He can't be making this easy on her. He wants to just flat out say that he knows about her and Smoker. Why not go for maximum awkward shit? No. No, he can't.

Gale weakly smiled again, despite that awful pit feeling in his stomach.]

I've done a lot wrong. I'll just spare you the details.

[He chuckled quietly with his weak attempt at a joke, but even an attempt to clear some air hurt him. This whole thing hurt. This was pain he'd never experienced before, and here he was, just having to accept it.]

But hearing that from you... to have a friend and ally like you... it means a great deal. More than you could possibly know.

[Enough of a deal that when he said that, the tears that had welled up in his eyes finally began to stream down his face. Gale? Crying? That was... new. By now, his entire body couldn't stop trembling. Was it just the substance in his blood stream getting unstable? Was he that afraid of all of this?]

I- I'm sorry for this-

[He closed the gap between them, planting a kiss on her lips. In doing so, he felt regret but at the same time, he didn't care. He needed her to know, even if this was the one move he made that overwhelmed him with sheer utter fear. This one move could undo everything, but he had to take the chance.]

*There was absolutely a chance that he knew about her and Smoker - they hadn't exactly been subtle across the network. But if he loved her and he wanted her, maybe he would see the difference there - how full of excitement Smoker was about her, how he made sure he got to spend time with her. On the other hand, Gale had been so distant, and they hadn't spent time together in so long; he just hadn't shown her enough that he cared.

Faye was surprised at the tears, and at once her hands were on his face, trying to wipe them away. Her look was of complete concern - what sort of turmoil had this idiot got himself into?

She was about to speak when he finally, finally, kissed her, that kiss she had waited years for. Only, this wasn't quite how she had ever imagined it would be. Faye kissed him back, but it was a soft and gentle kiss, a kiss that said that she cared, that she was here for him, that everything would be okay*

[Gale's mind was racing. He didn't know what to expect from her when he finally went and kissed her. He was half expecting her to pull away and slap him, that he just destroyed everything they had to begin with.

But she didn't. She reciprocated. In that moment, he could feel some of his fears melting away, his trembling slowly beginning to fade away. He gently pulled her closer and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her deeper. It brought a fresh wave of tears, but he was so relieved- his thoughts were out there, and she didn't react poorly to it.

Maybe... just maybe, things were going to be okay after all. He couldn't ask for better right now.

He didn't want to, but he pulled away briefly, his lips still centimeters from hers. Finally, he had a genuine smile on his face.]

We could make a drinking game out of how many times I've said "I'm sorry" tonight. So let me change it up a little. Thank you. For putting up with me.

*Faye watched his face as he pulled away: having felt those extra tears she wondered if he still looked upset. But no, he was smiling, and that was a relief. She lifted a hand to wipe his tears away and stepped back, smiling a little herself*

Let's not make that a party game, hmm?

*She shook her head and waved her hand away at his thanks*

I haven't done anything special. I don't need thanks.

[Ah. She stepped back. He'd hoped to hold her for a little longer, but who's he kidding. He knows he's lost, but at the very least, he can take comfort in knowing that she isn't leaving.]

Nah, sounds like a shitty game, honestly.

[He chuckled.]

You've done a lot more than you realize. A lot more than I can properly express my gratitude for because talking about feelings clearly is something I'm awful at. Keepin' an idiot like me company for two years, agreeing to work with me... you coming here tonight...

[His voice trailed off a bit, but damn it. At least he was smiling, even if he was horribly exhausted emotionally.]

I've... been thinkin' about takin' that break to Amatsu soon. Finally. I don't suppose I could ask you to come with me? You deserve a nice break too, and I'd be more than happy to cover your expenses.

*It was fine if he couldn't talk about feelings, because neither can she. But at least now he was finally trying to go there. When he trailed off she turned to look at the coffees and doughnuts she had brought. Of course she would do that for him - he was no real big gesture, was it? She was glad to see he was still smiling when she looked back at him*

Seriously. It's really not a big deal. But I guess I should take thanks where I get it.

*She smiled at his suggestion, flushing gently when he said he would pay for her too. That was a little embarrassing, but very nice of him to offer*

That's sweet and all...but the idea is you get away to be on your own, get a chance to finally breathe without being annoyed at pesky people like me. Don't you need me hear to cover while you're away..?

[He knew fully well what she meant, but something stung anyway. He was tired of being on his own. Being on his own was the story of a good chunk of his life.]

The only "pesky" ones are the ones that go breaking the law and the ones going to the guardians for help that aren't our jurisdiction. You are never "pesky" to me. I wouldn't have offered if you were.

[If she were a pest, he would have kicked her out of his place ages ago. She was anything but.]

A three man team was originally the norm for Nova, I'm sure they'd be fine. Nothin' says we couldn't get back in an emergency.

[His device was going to be left on for that anyway.]

... but it's up to you. I'd love to get you a break too, and... well. I'd greatly enjoy your company. If not, well... then consider this an IOU for later.

[In the back of his mind, he's just expecting her coming days to be occupied by Smoker anyway, fully expecting her to straight up decline. He may feel somewhat better, and it may have been showing on his face, but he still had plenty of dreading thoughts in the back of his mind. Those weren't going away anytime soon.]

Ah, and... thanks for bringing in those refreshments. How much would I owe ya for 'em?

[Because he wants to offer to cover the coffee and doughnuts. Especially since he'd been just standing here yammering on.]

*Faye bites her lip as she considers his offer - the idea of some relaxing time off is incredible, but she doesn't know if he is imagining it as some sort of romantic time together. Which a part of her wouldn't mind, but another part of her knows her feelings are conflicted*

Alright. Let's go. I did tell Ayame I'd visit sometime after all.

*Her face fell when he offered to pay for the things she had brought, and she frowned slightly too*

Are you serious? I got these things as gifts for you, because I wanted to. Not so that you could pay me back.

[Gale's eyes lit up. Did he hear that right? Was she serious? It was almost too good for him to believe, his smile actually widening.]

Great! I'll probably need your help for booking. When to go, figure out how long we're gonna be there, all that.

[And how many rooms they'd need. This was probably the happiest Gale sounded in a long time. Maybe his nightmare was finally ending. He hoped.

He grinned sheepishly at her frown, rubbing the back of his head.]

Ah, r-right. I'm not used to be the one on the receiving end and not the one paying.

[Honest mistake! Really!]

Thanks, Faye. Do you want to have a seat? I've... been making us stand this whole time.

[He has to stop himself from saying sorry again.]

Or did you want to get home? I know patrolling can make the days go on too long.

Either way, I'd... kind of hope we could talk a little more. If you don't mind.

[He almost seemed guilty about taking up her time. Yet he wanted her company badly. He'd been cooped up in here so long, he barely had any interaction aside from robots and a dog.]

You're the boss, so whenever you wanna go is up to you.

*Now that he was smiling more, Faye felt she could relax a bit more, be more herself - and tease him about the fact that he was actually her boss now*

Well hey, don't get too used to it, now.

*Faye rolled her eyes at his comment about paying for things, but she couldn't exactly say much about that, given how much he had given her, sponge that she is*

Sure. I'll stay. Besides, there's a new flavour that I want to try.

*She walked to the table and opened the box to take out a green and white doughnut. As she took a bite, she winked at him, then scanned the room for somewhere to sit*

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