genessia | Looking for roommates. And SOULs. [Video]

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Looking for roommates. And SOULs. [Video]

[It's been about one month since his last glorified monologue. Time for another! Everyone cares about this.]

GREETINGS, GENESSIANS! I'M THE GREAT PAPYRUS, AND I'VE SOME VERY GOOD AND DISTURBING NEWS TO ANNOUNCE!

FIRST! SOON I WILL BE OUT OF THE TERRIBLE APARTMENTS YOU START IN! BECAUSE I'LL BE EVICTED! IT COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO A COOLER SKELETON. WOULD ANYONE LIKE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH A MASTER CHEF? I WOULD DO ALL THE COOKING! AND PAY HALF THE RENT, IF YOU REALLY WANTED. IT WILL BE LIKE A SLEEPOVER EVERY DAY! ALL I ASK IS THAT THERE'S ROOM ENOUGH TO HANG OUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE TOO. YOU CAN'T KEEP ME ALL TO YOURSELF, EVEN THOUGH I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD WANT TO!! OH, AND BEDTIME STORIES EVERY NIGHT ARE ALSO PREFERRED.

AND DON'T FORGET, SPLITTING RENT SAVES COSTS! THAT WILL LET YOU AFFORD INCREDIBLY GREAT THINGS, LIKE CARS. AWESOME AUTOMOBILES. CHARIOTS OF COOLNESS. WHEELS FOR REALS.

BECAUSE CARS, I'VE FOUND, ARE ACTUALLY VERY EXPENSIVE.

[Just please don't be as lazy as his last roommate. ~~Even if Sans did pay all the rent.~~]

SECOND, I AM, IN FACT, A CHEF! SO NICE IT'S WORTH SAYING TWICE!! THAT MEANS YOU CAN FIND ME IN EVERGLADE NEAR OR AT ONE OF THE SUBARCHWAYS FOR THE BEST PASTA IN THE WORLD, WITH A BOOTH GENEROUSLY PROVIDED BY TORCHWOOD!! IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A JOB, LOOK NO FURTHER. AS YOU CAN TELL BY MYSELF, THEY EMPLOY ONLY THE BEST!! AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY PASTA, WE MIGHT FIGHT!

BECAUSE THAT HAPPENED. A GHOST, WHO I REMIND YOU IS NOT CORPOREAL, SAID THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT! I SAID THAT'S COMPLETELY, UTTERLY, BUTTERLY IMPOSSIBLE!! BECAUSE I MADE IT!! ANYWAY, I GOT THE CALCIUM KICKED OUT OF ME.

[Not a flattering admission from a royal guard hopeful. He recovers quickly.]

BECAUSE THEY CHEATED!!! I LOOKED HIGH AND LOW, BUT TRY AS I MIGHT, I COULDN'T FIND THEIR SOUL. I ASKED THEM WHERE IT WAS, WHICH JUST MADE HIM ANGRIER. WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY THIRD POINT.

NOT HAVING YOUR SOUL IS REALLY FREAKING WEIRD!! IF IT'S NOT IN YOUR BODY I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'LL...DIE???
DID THEY MISPLACE IT? IS THERE A LOST-AND-FOUND FOR SOULS??

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! HE WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE!! TURNS OUT NOT HAVING A SOUL IS A VERY COMMON AILMENT. I CHECKED LOTS OF CUSTOMERS AND...NOTHING!! WHERE DID THEY ALL GO?! ARE THE GUARDIANS DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THIS??

ANYWAY, PLEASE KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR LOST SOULS. I CAN'T SHOW YOU HOW STRONG I AM WITHOUT ONE!! NYEH HEH HEH!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Rowan hesitates for a long while before deciding whether or not to respond to this video. Because... A chef. A chef is a person who makes food. Rowan loves food.

But good god, he is loud.

There's also all that talk about souls and the fact that this individual seems to literally just be a ~~talking~~ shouting skeleton, but...

Chef.

Finally giving in to her stomach's clear control over her life, she initiates an answering video which opens to show her sitting in a pleasantly sun-drenched living room, a few scattered books and houseplants visible in the background.]

I'm not really looking for a roommate per se, but I have an extra room I wouldn't mind letting you stay in while you looked for something more permanent-- Especially if you're as good of a cook as you say.

REALLY!?? HOW KIND OF YOU!! DO YOUR FRIENDS HANG OUT THERE A LOT??

[He is all about that.]

NYEH HEH HEH, AS THEY SAY, TASTING IS BELIEVING!!

[If Rowan dares to try his spaghetti, it'll be a miracle if she ever believes in anything again.]

[Fortunately, a werewolf's digestive system isn't a terribly picky one. That being said, even she knows that she's not a capable cook.]

I don't tend to have company over, I'm afraid-- Occasionally my...

[She frowns and tilts her head, as if deciding on how best to word the situation regarding her paramour before ultimately just abandoning the task entirely.]

...I sometimes spend the night away from the apartment, but I've actually never had any guests. You're welcome to if you'd like, of course, so long as nobody goes digging through my personal effects.

Honestly, so long as you're willing to cook enough to feed us both, you wouldn't need to worry about the rent issue. I make more than enough to cover the bills, but I'd love not needing to hunt or order takeout all the time.

[At least one of them's aware of their culinary shortcomings. Confidence is a beautiful thing.]

DON'T WORRY! I'LL MAKE SURE MY FRIENDS AND FANS KEEP THEIR EYES ON THE PRIZE!

[He has so many, they don't even know.]

WOWIE, YOUR APARTMENT SOUNDS AS EASY AS THIS ONE, BUT SIGNIFICANTLY LESS AWFUL! DOES IT HAVE ITS OWN BATHROOM TOO??

[The commonspace had one. Per floor. To share.]

[His exuberance makes her laugh as she nods in response to his question; she'd almost forgotten how... lackluster... Those first lodgings had been.]

A pair of them, in fact. You'd need to share yours with any visitors, but not anybody else in the building or anything like that. It's a nice enough building, really-- Not the nicest in the city, and it's a long commute for my job, but I like the sun here.

[She shrugs, smiling, and glances demonstratively at one of the floor-to-ceiling windows behind her.]

I'm sure you'll probably have plenty of offers to choose from, but just give me a heads up if you decide to come here after all, okay? I'll air out the spare room for you.

ISN'T THE SUN GREAT?? YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT A GIANT FIREBALL IN THE SKY UNTIL IT'S THERE.

[Not a lot of that in the Underground.]

I'LL CERTAINLY TAKE YOUR GENEROUS OFFER INTO CONSIDERATION!! JUST ELEVEN MORE AND I'LL HAVE THEM IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS!!

BUT PLEASE KEEP THE AIR IN ANYWAY. I THINK SOME OF MY GUESTS WILL NEED IT TO BREATHE.

[His request about the air makes Rowan pause for a moment while she processes it, then chuckle softly once the words sink in.

Oh, good god, what has she signed herself up for now?

Focus, Rowan. Chef.]

All right, then, will do. I'm Rowan, by the way-- It's nice to meet you.

[It was a tough choice, looking through his one and only offer. Who would he finally room with? Rowan? not-Rowan? Well, he understands. Rooming with someone as cool as he is would give anyone an intractable case of nerves. He commends her courage. And rings her phone. The 21st had arrived.]

AFTER MUCH CONSIDERATION, I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER!! IS THE GUEST ROOM STILL OPEN???

[The sheer volume of his announcement means that Rowan is still wincing, ever so slightly, when she answers her phone.]

Hi there. Yes, it's still open-- My offer sounded better than the others, did it?

YES!! IT TRULY HAS IT ALL. GUEST-FRIENDLY, BATHROOM-HAVING, AIR-CONTAINING, EXISTING. AND THE PRICE IT RIGHT!! IF YOU'RE READY, I'LL MOVE MY BONES IN RIGHT AWAY!!! THEN YOU CAN SEE WHAT I BRING TO THE TABLE!!! NYEH HEH HEH!

[Hint: it's inedible pasta]

I'm ready whenever you are, really. I won't be home later this evening, since I work night shifts, but you're more than welcome to come and get settled in whenever you like.

[There's a brief pause while she texts him the address, but then she aims a polite smile at her camera.]

I'll warn you in advance that any spare bones left lying around may go missing, though. They're good for my teeth.

GREAT!! I'M ALWAYS READY!! I WORK NIGHT SHIFTS TOO, AS WELL AS DAY SHIFTS!! NOT A SHIFT ESCAPES ME!!

[He's very conscientious that way. Observe:]

WOWIE, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON! I HAVE TEETH TOO!! I NEVER WOULD'VE GUESSED THAT BONES ARE GOOD FOR THINGS ALSO MADE OF BONES. DON'T WORRY!! I WOULDN'T LEAVE MY THINGS LYING AROUND LIKE SOME KIND OF LAZY SLOB!!

[He says, remembering annoying leftover socks. Sometimes all his virtues can be neatly summarized as "whatever his brother isn't."]

THANK YOU ROWAN!! THIS WILL BE A DELICIOUS ARRANGEMENT FOR ALL OF US!!

[Now he just needs to see whether he can use her basement as a practice capture facility...]

[Ace doesn't have his own place, or he'd be absolutely down for rooming with a chef, and a master chef? Even better, that would be amazing.] Any luck yet?I bet you're rolling in offers.

YOU'D ALMOST WIN THAT BET, BECAUSE I'M ONLY ROLLING IN OFFER! AND WHAT AN OFFER IT IS: FREE! YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR!

[He may have forgotten that's not a compliment.]

GOOD TO SEE YOU ACE! I BET YOU LIVE IN A SHIPYARD.

Hey, offer is better than none at all! Think it's gonna pan out?

[Papyrus is certainly his own person. Thankfully Ace likes that kind of person.]

You'd bet wrong, I'm not a shipwright.

I CAN'T FAULT THAT REASONING! I DON'T SEE WHY NOT. SHE'S LOOKING FOR A GREAT CHEF, AND I DON'T KNOW OF ANYONE GREATER!!

[That dream can be ruined later.]

CORRECT! YOU'RE A RETIRED PIRATE.

[He's a good listener!]

SO IT'S ONLY NATURAL YOU LIVE IN A RETIRED SHIP. THINKING ABOUT FINDING BURIED TREASURE, BUT THEN SAYING "MAYBE TOMORROW." WALKING MOST OF THE WAY OFF THE PLANK, THEN ABOUT FACING.

THAT'S WHAT RETIRED PIRATES DO.

Damn, I'm jealous. I wanna live with a master chef! She's lucky!

[Ace is quiet at being called a retired pirate, he's a dead pirate more than a retired one, but he just nods until Papyrus brings up what retired pirates do, and he falls back laughing.] Yeah? How many retired pirates have you met? We usually don't make it 'til retirement!

SHE IS!! BUT YOU COULD BE LUCKY TOO!! I'LL ASK HER IF SHE HAS A SECOND, SECRET GUEST ROOM SHE HASN'T TOLD ME ABOUT. SHE ALSO SAID I COULD HAVE SLEEPOVERS!!

JUST YOU! ISN'T THAT WHY THEY BURY THEIR TREASURE? TO COLLECT INTEREST IN THE SAND FOR THEIR LATER YEARS??

WELL, IT'S IMPRESSIVE YOU MADE IT THAT FAR! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOU LIFE NOW?

I'm down for it. I'll bring drinks!

[He sighs, and snorts. Not a full laugh this time, but it's still funny.] Interest? Nope. I always spent my cut of anything fast, there wasn't any point saving it for later. Hell, most of us die young so why not go wild while we can? [He pauses, thinking about that for a moment. It's a rough life.] But that's okay, because piracy isn't about a long life or what most people think is successful. It's freedom.

...Yeah hell if I know at this point. I mean, I didn't expect to get here.

Edited 2019-04-14 03:19 (UTC)

[Oh no, that sounds like Ace has no direction in life; an all too familiar scenario.]

THAT'S A FAMILIAR FEELING. I TOO HAD DREAMS OF FREEDOM. AND WHEN I GOT HERE, THEY CAME TRUE!! INCLUDING ONES I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE, LIKE TALKING TO A COOL AND VERY MUCH ALIVE PIRATE!

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WORKING FOR TORCHWOOD!! THEY HAVE A SLOGAN: WHY JUST BE ALIVE, WHEN YOU CAN THRIVE? I THINK THAT MEANS LIVING BUT ALSO BEING GREAT. PLUS, YOU'D GET TO HANG OUT WITH ME MORE THAN USUAL!

Edited 2019-04-14 03:57 (UTC)

[He's got directions, they're just from other people, and he doesn't know if he's particularly good at obeying those kind of things.]

Yeah? I guess we've got more in common than I thought. [Oh crap, it's nice to be called cool. Powerful, frightening, and worse, he's heard all sorts of unpleasant things said about himself. So it's nice to be a good and very much alive pirate.] That's a hell of a slogan. I might check it out, it's not like I'm bound or anything to the job I have.

YOU'RE NOT?? JOBS, IN MY EXPERIENCE, TEND TO BE VERY INSISTENT. WHERE DO YOU WORK NOW?

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, YES, YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY CHECK US OUTIE!! I'LL SEE IF WE HAVE AN OFFICIAL TOUR PERSON, AND THEN BE THAT IF WE DON'T!

I work for my brother, Namur. He's great, but if I found something I liked more he'd let me go no problem. I wanna see what I'm good at here, before I make a choice.

Let me know when you find out, I want a real tour.

WORKING FOR A SIBLING...HOW BROFESSIONAL.

[He says, eyes warily slit. If Papyrus' worked for Sans, or vice-versa, that would certainly be a sadness.]

OKAY!! I'LL PING MY BOSS RIGHT NOW! IT WILL BE A REAL TOUR DE FORCE!!

Brofessional? Did you just make that up? [Ace is going to have to tell Namur about this one.]

Thanks. I'm looking forward to it!

You know what's cheaper than cars? Motorcycles. They cover more varied terrain too.

I SEE!

...

WHAT'S A MOTORCYCLE?

[And are there bed-versions?]

[YOU POOR DEPRIVED SKELETON.]

[Smoker pans over the shop, some completed, a lot of parts and tools.] The finished bikes. They're a better mode of vehicle, and operate on more than just diesel or electric.

[Flips through the catalog he keeps handy to show off more.]

Edited 2019-04-13 09:18 (UTC)

WOWIE! SO THAT'S WHAT BIKES LOOK LIKE WHEN THEY GROW OUT OF THEIR WHEELY COCOONS.

[You teach him so much, Smoker.]

BUT!! IT'LL TAKE MORE THAN THAT TO MEET MY STANDARDS!!!

FIRST OF ALL, HOW MANY FRIENDS CAN YOU PUT IN ONE?? THE VERY BEST CARS CAN HOLD UP TO EIGHT OF THOSE! MAYBE MORE IF YOU USE THE TRUNK!!

[He's confident that when he gets a car, everyone's gonna wanna swim in his carpool.]

SECONDLY, WHAT ARE ITS COOLNESS STATS?? YOU KNOW, UH, COMPARITIVELY?

Yup.

I've got three friends for mine. [Showcases the special doggy basket he made for his dogs. You can't even carry 1 + legendary coolness awesome sword of ultimate power!!!] You could customize it for more, but you'd be better off having lots of friends who all drive in a pack then. It's not my style, but I've seen others do it.

Nothing, is cooler. Nothing.

WELL, UM, IF NOTHING IS COOLER...
AND IT'S TRUE THAT THERE AREN'T ROADS EVERYWHERE...

[One the one hand, he doesn't have the attachment he had to cars after sleeping in a car bed so long. On the other, this is genuinely new. Maybe...]

WAIT!! FLIP BACK A FEW PAGES. THERE!! THAT ONE!!

IS IT TRUE THAT WHEN PEOPLE RIDE TWOSIES, THE ONE DRIVING IS ALWAYS HUGGED!!??

Edited 2019-04-14 00:23 (UTC)

Yes. That or the one not driving falls the fuck off. No seatbelts with motorcycles, only helmets.

DON'T SAY BAD WORDS!!!

WOWIE, THIS IS ALL SO CONFUSING!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS BEING TORN IN TWO!! COULD I HAVE BEEN WRONG ABOUT HOW I'D FINALLY CRUISE DOWN THE HIGHWAY ALL THIS TIME???

DO YOU KNOW OF A PLACE WHERE I COULD...TOUCH ONE? DO SOME WINDOW-MOTORCYCLING??

[The advantages were clear enough, but they didn't map to the fantasy. What a dramatic decision.]

[Rubs the back of his neck.] I'm not sure about lending one out since people might crash, but you can stop by Sycamore Cycles and take a look. Try to prove to me you can handle yourself with one.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE TOO HARD!! I HANDLE MYSELF WITHOUT ONE ALL THE TIME!

VERY WELL, I ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!! I'LL BE IN TO SEE SYCA-MORE LATER! NYEH HEH HEH!!!

[Now if he only knew what a license was.]

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