genessia | Panic at the Desert [Video, OTA]

[On May 4th, the feed opens to a sweating skeleton who's looking down and out, in Genessia City just outside the portal. Why the not-so-cool face, big guy?]

Saturday

I HATE THAT SANDY PLACE!!! IT'S COARSE AND ROUGH AND THERE'S MONSTERS EVERYWHERE!!! AND NOT FRIENDLY AWESOME ONES LIKE ME EITHER!! I WISH I DIDN'T FEEL INEXPLICABLY MOTIVATED TO GO THERE SO MUCH!!!

SPEAKING OF WHICH, IF YOU GO THERE TOO DESPITE MY VERY FRIENDLY ADVICE, MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO TO THE MINES!! BECAUSE IN ONE OF THE PATHS YOU'LL FIND SOMEWHERE EXTRA, SUPER PORTALLY! THE CLOSER I GOT, THE EMPTIER I FELT! IT WAS LIKE ALL MY MEMORIES, MY VERY SOUL, WAS BEING SUCKED DRY!! THE HEADBOTHERING THAT GOES ON THERE WAS SUPERCHARGED TENFOLD!! MAYBE THAT'S THE SOURCE OF THAT ENTIRE PLACE'S PROBLEMS!?

WELL, WHATEVER THAT SELF-DELETING THING WAS, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE SHOULD GO TO THAT LAME DESERT!!

[Could Papyrus have stumbled upon the key to the other world's ills? In case you suffered Papyrus withdrawals, here's another broadcast three days later.]

Tuesday

ABSOLUTELY EVERY ONE SHOULD GO TO THAT LAME DESERT! BECAUSE MY COWORKER AND I FOUND SOMETHING EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!

A BOOK!! IT SAYS TO FIND FIVE PUZZLE PIECES TO SAVE THE WORLD!! HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF TIMES!! THAT'S...ALL THAT'S IN THE BOOK, REALLY. IT WASN'T VERY INTERESTING THE FIRST FEW TIMES. THAT MUST MEAN IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT!!

[Close enough.]

AS A GENIUS PUZZLE MASTER, I DEDUCE THAT THAT MEANS WE NEED TO FIND FIVE...THINGS...AND THEN CHUCK THEM IN THAT HORRIBLE SUPER-PORTAL I MENTIONED EARLIER!! THAT'LL PROBABLY SOLVE EVERYTHING!!!

HAS ANYONE FOUND FIVE THINGS?? OR EVEN ONE???

BETTER KEEP LOOKING!!! IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE YOU BRING A BUDDY!! AND IF YOU HAVE NO BUDDIES, BRING A PAPYRUS, FOR I'M THE BEST BUDDY THERE IS!! NYEH HEH HEH!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Uh y' seem a li'l bit confused. Should we all go t' the lame desert or stay the hell 'way from it?

IT DEPENDS!!! CAN YOU---

HEY!! WAIT A MINUTE!!!

HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY BEEN!? YOU'RE FISHY FACE LOOKS PRETTY FAMILIAR...

Whoa now, don't make this 'bout me! Gotta figure yer own shit out 'fore y' can even start tryna figure out mine, catch me?

So what's the story there? Change yer mind?

I'VE FIGURED OUT MORE THAN THAT!!! I JUST TOLD THE STORY! BUT I CAN TELL IT AGAIN!!

ALSO, MAYBE DON'T USE BAD LANGUAGE LIKE THAT. IT'S VERY RUDE!!

So's yellin' all the damn time, but that sure as hell ain't stoppin' you now, is it?

I'M NOT YELLING!!!

[Why do people always slander him so? It's his NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE]

[Namur cleans out his ear with the tip of his pinky.]

Riiiight, okay. An' I ain't s'posed t' be blue, 'm jus' really damn cold.

YOU ARE!? WOWIE, YOU MUST LIVE IN A HOTSPRING, CAUSE IT'S SUMMERTIME!!! WELL IF YOU'RE GOOD AT FINDING THINGS YOU SHOULD GO INTO THAT PORTAL. IT'S REALLY HOT AND DRY THERE. I HATE IT!!

ALSO, PLEASE STOP. WITH THE LANGUAGE.

[His eyesockets squint with desperation.]

Can't stop, won't stop, don't know how. 'S the only shitty language I know, 'less yer versed in Dolphin or Whale...

OH, NOT THE LANGUAGE WE'RE SPEAKING NOW. I MEAN THE BAD LANGUAGE. WITH THE SWEAR WORDS.

I CAN SUGGEST ALTERNATIVES!!!

Maybe I'm a bad person, so bad language suits me like a shitty... suit...

[Wait.]

Anyway whatever, sure. Tell me yer alternatives, I'll see if they fit.

YOU SHOULD BE A GOOD PERSON INSTEAD! AND I CAN HELP!! WAIT JUST A MOMENT!!

[The feed cuts out, he tucks away the phone, and dashes to the library for a guide on how to curb foul language. One educational trip later...]

OKAY!! WOWIE, THERE'S A LOT OF GREAT STUFF HERE! FOR A SUBSTITUTE, TRY "SUGAR". THEN YOU'LL TALK MUCH MORE SWEETLY! NYEH HEH HEH!

[Namur sends Papyrus a text message that reads ":P".]

Sugar, huh? A'ight, let's give it a whirl, eh? Ask me somethin' I'm sure t' swear at.

HMM...IT SAYS HERE THAT PEOPLE HAVE "TRIGGERS", OR STRESSFUL SITUATIONS THAT MAKE THEM DO THAT SOMETIMES. SO ALL I'D HAVE TO ASK IS...

WAIT A MINUTE! I'M NOT DOING THAT!! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WOULD NEVER GUIDE SOMEONE DOWN SUCH A BAD PATH!!!

[Other than being his usual self, ofc.]

But if y' don't, how the hell'm I gonna see what it's like sayin' sugar 'stead a some shitty cuss words?

YOU JUST DID, SO CLEARLY IT WASN'T NECESSARY!!!

[Man this guy. He swears like a sailor or something.]

YOU CAN ALSO USE "SUGARY" FOR, UM, ANOTHER VARIATION.

What, seriously? Oh shit, I did.

I mean sugar, damn it. Sugar it. Naw, that don't really work. Um...

[He tries to think of something else that will work but it's a lost cause.]

Oh hell, this's stupid. Think I sworn more tryin' not t'.

[He winces a little for every stray swear. Still, he remains determined.]

THERE'S NOTHING STUPID ABOUT SELF-IMPROVEMENT!!! I SHOULD KNOW! I'M A GENIUS, AND DO IT ALL THE TIME!!

SO DON'T GIVE UP! EVEN IF IT'S FRUSTRATING AT FIRST AND MAKES YOU WANT TO SWEAR MORE, KEEP FIGHTING ANYWAY!! THAT'S THE PAPYRUS WAY! AND WE CAN THINK OF NEW WORDS TOO, LIKE SASSAFRASS! THAT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

Guess I could kick someone's sassafrass int' next week if they cross me or some shit. Sugar. Shit.

[....]

Also sayin' sassafrass makes me sound like a damn tool. Y' ain't some kinda nerd pretendin' t' be cool, are y'?

[He narrows his eyes, suspicious.]</small

SEE!? YOU'RE DOING BETTER ALREADY!! TWO OUT OF FOUR IS HALFWAY THERE!!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT!? TOOLS ARE VERY USEFUL!! I EMPLOY A LOT OF TOOLS MYSELF!!!

WELL, UNDYNE CALLS ME A NERD SOMETIMES, BUT SHE ALSO THINKS I'M VERY COOL!!! AND I AGREE!!! I'M THE COOLEST SKELETON I KNOW!!!!

Oh yeah? How many skeletons do y' know, anyway.

[He pauses to thoughtfully reflect on the other one.]

TWO. AND I'M MUCH, MUCH COOLER.

THERE'S REALLY NO COMPARISON.

Panic at the Desert [Video, OTA]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject