Newspaper - Saturday Edition

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[Did you subscribe to The Genessia Tribune? Did you even remotely wish you had a newspaper or some other form of media to refer to for news, weather, and current events? Then you're in luck! There's a paperboy riding through the streets of Genessia flinging newspapers onto doorsteps or, if you're unlucky, through your window. Even remote locations in the other cities will still get a paper if one of the residents ever wanted one. The Paperboy is just that dedicated. He also seems to be sporting a brand new bell on his bike. *ching ching!* Santa must have visited him too. But why does that ring sound so...ominous?]

[If you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Cherise Thompson, Harry Dresden, Betelgeuse, Riptide, James T. Kirk, God, and Kamina.]



Singles Ads

Bear-Slaying Geek
SWM age 17 seeks SF age 16-19, must be cute. Interested in video games and nothing else. Favorite foods include everything under the sun. Call me to hear my story about killing a helpless giant bear all by my lonesome!

Musician Royalty
SM seeks F for many enchanted evenings. Knows how to treat a girl like a princess, and when it's time for pizza and rock 'n roll. Especially fond of women who are 'pleasantly plump.

Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.

Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today!

<b>Status/Race/Gender:</b> [Ex. SWF = single white female] <b>Seeking Status/Race/Gender:</b> [If you're not picky, leave that letter out.] <b>Hobbies and Interests:</b> <b>Favorite Foods:</b> <b>Noteworthy Traits and Accomplishments:</b>

Dear Tabby

Dear Tabby,

All right, I'll be honest. I feel like I'm drowning here. I used to lead a crew of good men and women, and now here I am without any of them. Let's face it, a guy like me is going to get more than a little stir-crazy without his ship, his crew, or his job. Now there's not much I can do about the ship or the crew, but there's got to be some sort of work I can do that won't make me feel like a desk monkey. Got any suggestions on something that'll satisfy the itch, at least for a little while?

Sincerely,
Cosmic Castaway

Cosmic Castaway

It's a difficult situation we've all found ourselves in, especially those of us who had a job to do back home. This is a tough one without knowing what kind of ship you served on, but what I do know is there are plenty of unexplored areas and things to discover about this place especially in the Fayren region.

It may not be much of a substitute for a ship and a crew but it should be enough to keep anyone busy for some time. There might even be a profit in it.

- Tabby

Dear Tabby,

I've been wrestling with the decision to open an Archway for a long time. I haven't seen anybody from home in what feels like forever, and, well...it gets really lonely. I've been trying to meet new people, and stay busy so I don't think about it too much. But it still eats at me, and it's hard to sleep when everything is so quiet and nothing is familiar.

I don't think I could give up my memories of anybody. I've been considering giving up a gift that my best friend gave me a long time ago, but if she woke up here, I think she'd be really mad if I sacrificed something like that.

I'm not really sure what to do anymore.

Signed,
Charlie Chaplin

Charlie Chaplin

I think that each and every one of us has found ourselves struggling with this decision at some point, whether or not we went through with it in the end.

I can't tell you what decision is better for you but as somebody with an Archway to her home, I can tell you a few things about them. It isn't home. It looks like it and sounds like it and even feels like it sometimes but it isn't. Even the familiar faces I see in there aren't the people I knew, only copies. So, the decision you need to make is whether or not that's worth giving up something precious to you.

Remember, we're all in this together. Just because you might not have anybody from home doesn't mean you need to be alone. Don't give up. If there's a way to get in here then there has to be a way back home as well.

- Tabby

Santa Visits

The mysterious and well-known being known as Santa Clause made several housecalls last week, delivering presents to all the good boys and girls, and a thorough smackdown to the not-so-good residents of the city, all while maintaining an air of joviality and good cheer. Most reported that they were pleased with their gifts, while others grumbled over the coal left behind. Rumors have begun to sproud that the coal can be turned into diamonds if crammed up a certain city guardian's buttocks.

New Year Kegger

With the new year on the horizon, Captain Hammer has agreed to host a formal ball to be held on the night of December 31st. The affair is going to be formal, so all who attend will be required to wear their very best. The Captain has promised there will be food, dancing, and spirits for those who are of legal drinking age. Though that probably won't stop someone from spiking the punch, because that's the sort of cliche the holidays bring about, isn't it? ISN'T IT?


Your Weather Forecast
Genessia
*Sunday, December 29 - Rain. High 44 F / Low 35 F
*Monday, December 30 - Partly cloudy. High 39 F / Low 20 F
*Tuesday, December 31 - Partly cloudy. High 33 F / Low 21 F
*Wednesday, January 1 - Few snow showers. High 29 F / Low 17 F
*Thursday, January 2 - Partly cloudy. High 30 F / Low 18 F
*Friday, January 3 - Few snow showers. High 26 F / Low 19 F
*Saturday, January 4 - Partly cloudy. High 31 F / Low 25 F

Attleton
*Sunday, December 29 - Partly cloudy/wind. High 18 F / Low 9 F
*Monday, December 30 - Partly cloudy. High 36 F / Low 21 F
*Tuesday, December 31 - Partly cloudy. High 42 F / Low 14 F
*Wednesday, January 1 - Partly cloudy. High 27 F / Low 11 F
*Thursday, January 2 - Sunny! High 34 F / Low 15 F
*Friday, January 3 - Mostly sunny. High 45 F / Low 27 F
*Saturday, January 4 - Partly cloudy. High 42 F / Low 23 F

Everglade
*Sunday, December 29 - Partly cloudy. High 45 F / Low 36 F
*Monday, December 30 - Cloudy. High 46 F / Low 38 F
*Tuesday, December 31 - Mostly cloudy. High 47 F / Low 35 F
*Wednesday, January 1 - Partly cloudy. High 46 F / Low 35 F
*Thursday, January 2 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 39 F
*Friday, January 3 - Few showers. High 46 F / Low 36 F
*Saturday, January 4 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 37 F

Fayren
*Sunday, December 29 - Mostly sunny. High 44 F / Low 39 F
*Monday, December 30 - Rain/wind. High 50 F / Low 41 F
*Tuesday, December 31 - Light rain/wind. High 51 F / Low 44 F
*Wednesday, January 1 - Light rain/wind. High 50 F / Low 46 F
*Thursday, January 2 -Showers. High 49 F / Low 42 F
*Friday, January 3 - Scattered showers. High 47 F / Low 44 F
*Saturday, January 4 - Showers. High 47 F / Low 41 F

Nova City
*Sunday, December 29 - Sunny! High 48 F / Low 33 F
*Monday, December 30 - Sunny! High 52 F / Low 35 F
*Tuesday, December 31 - Sunny! High 54 F / Low 36 F
*Wednesday, January 1 - Sunny! High 56 F / Low 35 F
*Thursday, January 2 - Mostly sunny. High 50 F / Low 35 F
*Friday, January 3 - Partly cloudy. High 51 F / Low 38 F
*Saturday, January 4 - Mostly cloudy. High 48 F / Low 40 F


(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know! Here's a list of columns I'd like to see:
*Spotlight on Genessia Citizens
*Horoscopes
*Movie Reviews)

Comments

[whos_this_bitch]

[Paperboy? Have your own personal storm cloud over your head for the rest of the day, raining on you with the occasional rumbles of thunder. She's not impressed with you, and she's going to take a nap just so she can squander herself on this. It's so worth it.]

[plus_tip]

[In the distance there's a pre-adolescent scratch shout of utter agony and defeat.]

NO I CAN'T SWIM! Aaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh...

Note to self: Get a proper angry shouting icon

[mewhobelievesinyou]

[BLAM! Mere moments after the destruction of his precious window, Kamina has kicked the door down, newspaper clenched tightly in his fist.]

OY, YOU BASTARD! YOU'LL REGRET THE DAY YOU DECLARED WAR ON THE GREAT KAMINA!

[Wham! One sandaled foot stomps on the ground and he rears back with a mighty shout and sends the newspaper hurling back toward his newest and most hated enemy.]

[plus_tip]

[The paperboy's head explodes. The bike teeters before spilling the lifeless corpse like a sack of potatoes on the ground. Blood oozes out slowly, staining the sidewalk and dust, where nothing will ever grow again.]