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Newspaper - Sunday Edition
[Did you subscribe to The Genessia Tribune? Did you even remotely wish you had a newspaper or some other form of media to refer to for news, weather, and current events? Then you're in luck! There's a paperboy riding through the streets of Genessia flinging newspapers onto doorsteps or, if you're unlucky, through your window. Even remote locations in the other cities will still get a paper if one of the residents ever wanted one. The Paperboy is just that dedicated.]
[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Juvia Lockser, Riku, Christian Nolan, Chihiro Fujisaki, Zuko, Last Order, Minako Aino, Lucas, Mnemon, and Yuna.]
Singles Ads
Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.
Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today! (OOC: Or if you want the mysterious entities behind the paper to make a singles ad for your character, that can be arranged too!)
City Not so Fondue Over Sudden Cheesy Changes
Widespread panic and fear over seeing an enormous dragon looping through the skies turned to stark confusion when buildings and rivers began turning into cheese. While some citizens were happy for the unexpected boon of brie, those who are lactose intolerant were less than pleased, as were those whose living quarters were turned into limburger, after which the strong pungent odor forced residents to seek temporary shelter elsewhere. Dairy farmers in Attleton are also outraged at this whimsical farce, as dairy demand is expected to sharply drive down prices. "We'll have to focus more on butter and yogurt," Farmer Joe told reporters. "No one's going to be buying cheese for a while, even if these cheese shenanigans go away tomorrow."
Guardians on the Rise
Talk of recent guardians and the upcoming election has been dominating grocery store lines and beauty parlor gossip. After two guardians were instated directly, due to lack of competition, the hotly contested position of Attleton's guardian has come as a surprise to many, especially since the city is, according to a popularity poll, considered to be "the boring one." Residents of Nova City and Everglade seem to find their guardians favorable, and opinion polls indicate more positive reception than negative due to Yuna's efforts to bring the nightmare plague to a halt, which seems to have worked, and Satsuki's dedication to the education of the youth. However, popularity polls in general have begun a steady decline in light of the strange videos being conducted by the mysterious figure known as 'John Everyman.' The truth of these recordings has yet to be established, but the footage seems real enough. Citizens are reminded to cast their vote for Attleton's guardian before the polls close. The new guardian will be announced in next week's edition.
Costume Contest and Ball
It's been a while since the spirits have awarded any charms, but that's about to change in the upcooming week. From October 27th through October 31st, a costume contest will be held. Participants are required to submit their entries by either attending the ball on October 29th in Genessia City's Grand Hall, or by sending them to spiritual consultant Raye Hino who will be conducting the judge's panel. There are three categories: Spookiest Costume, Most Creative Costume, and Funniest Costume Duo, meaning that four charms will be awarded in total.
Spaghetti and Meteorballs
A giant meteor was seen sailing over the skies in Fayren, upon which a laughing child with bunny ears was seen riding on top. Despite the initial alarm, citizens soon calmed when the meteor crashed into a faraway mountain range. "That's where all the trolls are, so we're okay if some of them get squished," said pleasant resident peasant Tom Fezzant.
Annual Job Fair
Due to a sudden increase in Genessia residents seeking employment, officials have elected to bump the annual job fair from the first week of December to the first week of November. "Turnout was fairly low last year, but there are more people now," says Mike Burple, a mechanic's shop owner based in Lawrence Kansas. Employers and shop owners are encouraged to start preparing booths and exhibits to draw potential employees and ensure that everyone has a means of earning a living and contributing to society. For those who are unsure but willing to try something new, the Wheel O' Employment will be established once more to grant one-day internships in a variety of positions.
Bounties
[OOC: The following jobs are available for those who want to do some bounty hunting for big money. The first person who writes up the log for the bounty is the one who gets the reward - no handwaving, no OOC claim staking! Feel free to team up, or even fail to deliver the bounty. Please note that whoever goes after the bounty is in charge of writing the NPCs involved, but feel free to ask the mod for any tips if you like.]
Attleton - The Convenience Store Clobberer: Wanted for multiple thefts and making a mess in the soda aisle as his signature, as well as unwarranted brutality against convenience store clerks.
Everglade - Huck Hutter: A traveling salesman suspected of peddling cursed objects to unsuspecting buyers. May be working with a witch. Both culprits are required for collecting the bounty.
Fayren - Trolls: Raids have been growing more severe. At first livestock were going missing, now people are being taken as well.
Nova City - "Gustav": A particularly nasty shapeshifting alien infamous for hijacking ships and selling the cargo in intergalactic black markets.
Your Weather Forecast
Genessia City
*Monday, October 27 - Sunny! High 63 F / Low 52 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 69 F / Low 60 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Few showers. High 68 F / Low 50 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Mostly sunny. High 60 F / Low 47 F
*Friday, October 31 - Partly cloudy. High 58 F / Low 43 F
*Saturday, November 1 - AM showers. High 49 F / Low 36 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Sunny! High 48 F / Low 42 F
Attleton
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 78 F / Low 49 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 66 F / Low 42 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Sunny! High 71 F / Low 51 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Sunny! High 70 F / Low 44 F
*Friday, October 31 - Partly cloudy. High 58 F / Low 36 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Sunny! High 59 F / Low 43 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Mostly sunny. High 65 F / Low 45 F
Everglade
*Monday, October 27 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 59 F / Low 50 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Rain. High 58 F / Low 53 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Mostly cloudy. High 63 F / Low 55 F
*Thursday, October 30 - PM showers. High 63 F / Low 53 F
*Friday, October 31 - Showers. High 58 F / Low 49 F
*Saturday, November 1 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 56 F / Low 47 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Showers. High 56 F / Low 46 F
Fayren
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 66 F / Low 54 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Mostly sunny. High 66 F / Low 52 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Rain. High 54 F / Low 53 F
*Thursday, October 30 - AM showers. High 62 F / Low 55 F
*Friday, October 31 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 62 F / Low 52 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Mostly sunny. High 58 F / Low 49 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Partly cloudy. High 57 F / Low 48 F
Nova City
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 75 F / Low 52 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 64 F / Low 46 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Sunny! High 67 F / Low 49 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Partly cloudy. High 68 F / Low 52 F
*Friday, October 31 - Mostly sunny. High 71 F / Low 55 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Partly cloudy. High 70 F / Low 63 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Light rain. High 74 F / Low 62 F
(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know!)
[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Juvia Lockser, Riku, Christian Nolan, Chihiro Fujisaki, Zuko, Last Order, Minako Aino, Lucas, Mnemon, and Yuna.]
Singles Ads
Super Dead!
SWM seeks pretty much everything under the sun. Enjoys being horrible, listening to horrible music, and eating horrible food and also ravioli. Disease-resistant. Will take anything he can get his hands on. Excels at exorcising the living.
Are you a lonely sadsack? Maybe placing an ad will change your luck! Fill out the form below and send it in to see your ad in next week's paper! Names will not be shown, so be sure to include your radio frequency number. Who knows? You might meet someone dreamy! Or a creepy stalker! Try your luck today! (OOC: Or if you want the mysterious entities behind the paper to make a singles ad for your character, that can be arranged too!)
City Not so Fondue Over Sudden Cheesy Changes
Widespread panic and fear over seeing an enormous dragon looping through the skies turned to stark confusion when buildings and rivers began turning into cheese. While some citizens were happy for the unexpected boon of brie, those who are lactose intolerant were less than pleased, as were those whose living quarters were turned into limburger, after which the strong pungent odor forced residents to seek temporary shelter elsewhere. Dairy farmers in Attleton are also outraged at this whimsical farce, as dairy demand is expected to sharply drive down prices. "We'll have to focus more on butter and yogurt," Farmer Joe told reporters. "No one's going to be buying cheese for a while, even if these cheese shenanigans go away tomorrow."
Guardians on the Rise
Talk of recent guardians and the upcoming election has been dominating grocery store lines and beauty parlor gossip. After two guardians were instated directly, due to lack of competition, the hotly contested position of Attleton's guardian has come as a surprise to many, especially since the city is, according to a popularity poll, considered to be "the boring one." Residents of Nova City and Everglade seem to find their guardians favorable, and opinion polls indicate more positive reception than negative due to Yuna's efforts to bring the nightmare plague to a halt, which seems to have worked, and Satsuki's dedication to the education of the youth. However, popularity polls in general have begun a steady decline in light of the strange videos being conducted by the mysterious figure known as 'John Everyman.' The truth of these recordings has yet to be established, but the footage seems real enough. Citizens are reminded to cast their vote for Attleton's guardian before the polls close. The new guardian will be announced in next week's edition.
Costume Contest and Ball
It's been a while since the spirits have awarded any charms, but that's about to change in the upcooming week. From October 27th through October 31st, a costume contest will be held. Participants are required to submit their entries by either attending the ball on October 29th in Genessia City's Grand Hall, or by sending them to spiritual consultant Raye Hino who will be conducting the judge's panel. There are three categories: Spookiest Costume, Most Creative Costume, and Funniest Costume Duo, meaning that four charms will be awarded in total.
Spaghetti and Meteorballs
A giant meteor was seen sailing over the skies in Fayren, upon which a laughing child with bunny ears was seen riding on top. Despite the initial alarm, citizens soon calmed when the meteor crashed into a faraway mountain range. "That's where all the trolls are, so we're okay if some of them get squished," said pleasant resident peasant Tom Fezzant.
Annual Job Fair
Due to a sudden increase in Genessia residents seeking employment, officials have elected to bump the annual job fair from the first week of December to the first week of November. "Turnout was fairly low last year, but there are more people now," says Mike Burple, a mechanic's shop owner based in Lawrence Kansas. Employers and shop owners are encouraged to start preparing booths and exhibits to draw potential employees and ensure that everyone has a means of earning a living and contributing to society. For those who are unsure but willing to try something new, the Wheel O' Employment will be established once more to grant one-day internships in a variety of positions.
Bounties
[OOC: The following jobs are available for those who want to do some bounty hunting for big money. The first person who writes up the log for the bounty is the one who gets the reward - no handwaving, no OOC claim staking! Feel free to team up, or even fail to deliver the bounty. Please note that whoever goes after the bounty is in charge of writing the NPCs involved, but feel free to ask the mod for any tips if you like.]
Attleton - The Convenience Store Clobberer: Wanted for multiple thefts and making a mess in the soda aisle as his signature, as well as unwarranted brutality against convenience store clerks.
Everglade - Huck Hutter: A traveling salesman suspected of peddling cursed objects to unsuspecting buyers. May be working with a witch. Both culprits are required for collecting the bounty.
Fayren - Trolls: Raids have been growing more severe. At first livestock were going missing, now people are being taken as well.
Nova City - "Gustav": A particularly nasty shapeshifting alien infamous for hijacking ships and selling the cargo in intergalactic black markets.
Your Weather Forecast
Genessia City
*Monday, October 27 - Sunny! High 63 F / Low 52 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 69 F / Low 60 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Few showers. High 68 F / Low 50 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Mostly sunny. High 60 F / Low 47 F
*Friday, October 31 - Partly cloudy. High 58 F / Low 43 F
*Saturday, November 1 - AM showers. High 49 F / Low 36 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Sunny! High 48 F / Low 42 F
Attleton
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 78 F / Low 49 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 66 F / Low 42 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Sunny! High 71 F / Low 51 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Sunny! High 70 F / Low 44 F
*Friday, October 31 - Partly cloudy. High 58 F / Low 36 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Sunny! High 59 F / Low 43 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Mostly sunny. High 65 F / Low 45 F
Everglade
*Monday, October 27 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 59 F / Low 50 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Rain. High 58 F / Low 53 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Mostly cloudy. High 63 F / Low 55 F
*Thursday, October 30 - PM showers. High 63 F / Low 53 F
*Friday, October 31 - Showers. High 58 F / Low 49 F
*Saturday, November 1 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 56 F / Low 47 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Showers. High 56 F / Low 46 F
Fayren
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 66 F / Low 54 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Mostly sunny. High 66 F / Low 52 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Rain. High 54 F / Low 53 F
*Thursday, October 30 - AM showers. High 62 F / Low 55 F
*Friday, October 31 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 62 F / Low 52 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Mostly sunny. High 58 F / Low 49 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Partly cloudy. High 57 F / Low 48 F
Nova City
*Monday, October 27 - Partly cloudy. High 75 F / Low 52 F
*Tuesday, October 28 - Partly cloudy. High 64 F / Low 46 F
*Wednesday, October 29 - Sunny! High 67 F / Low 49 F
*Thursday, October 30 - Partly cloudy. High 68 F / Low 52 F
*Friday, October 31 - Mostly sunny. High 71 F / Low 55 F
*Saturday, November 1 - Partly cloudy. High 70 F / Low 63 F
*Sunday, November 2 - Light rain. High 74 F / Low 62 F
(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know!)
Minimart Massacre
With luck, Ted thought he had a pretty good grasp of what his next target would be. With a red sharpie, he crossed out all the locations that had encountered this unholy brigand. Apparently, he was dealing with something like a dog in heat; marking its territory everywhere it could, so vast was its lust for chaos.
Ted, as he had before, made an educated guess. The best of compliments to his education, then, for he found his quarry, tugging on the hair of a helpless grocery clerk, at the mercy of the criminal as he bent her over the register.
“You think you can get my money, putting candy and newspapers at the front of the store like that? That’s manipulative, lady. That’s whatchou call ‘impulse buys’. Well, now you make guys like me, runnin’ on pure impulse. Now I’m gonna take some cash for all the times you guys suckered me out of it. After I wreck the place a little, natch. Don’t wanna rob and dash.”
Ted barred the door. The felon would not escape. He took a deep breath, and made his best heroic taunt. “Unhand that woman, Clobberer, and fight me, if you’re a man!”
Surprisingly, he did, sizing up the blonde idiot who had barged in on his fun. “Oh, good. One of you hero types; a real white knight. Congrats lady, you got a beta orbiter. Too bad he’s screwin’ with a bona fide alpha male.”
The Convenience Store Clobberer was high on his string of repeated successes, so he had gained some confidence to compensate for his scrawny build. He traipsed on over, and looked Ted dead in the eye.
“You don’t know who you’re dealin’ with, pal. I’m your worst nightmare.”
“Hardly. My worst nightmare is my mother, the size of a giant, chiding me for wetting the bed.”
The CVC snorted derisively. Then he headbutt Ted in the stomach, grabbed his cloak, and threw him onto the checkout aisle. Ted grabbed his assailant’s hoodie as he lay prone on his back, covering his eyes and giving him the chance to land a few blows. The woman shrieked, removing herself to a safe viewing distance.
Their scuffle took them to the ground, Ted falling first, and recovering in the same order. He backed up, caught his breath, and scanned his opponent. CVC did the same, and then charged in with a roar, putting Ted on his heels like a matador on the ropes. Ted banged up against one of the grocery isles, his back jabbed by the uneven surfaces. They wrestled again, vertically this time, and Ted managed to get the upper hand, trading positions with his attacker.
Then, Ted crammed CVC’s head into one of the rows, and pushed forward. “Ow ow ow ow ow!” CVC grunted, as his cranium dislodged every can of soup on the way. When Ted reached the end of the aisle, he shoved the villain down with a burst of strength, sending him sprawling.
It was then that Ted realized his tactical error. This was the soft drink aisle; CVC’s domain. Ted could only recoil in abject fear as CVC got up, and dusted himself off.
“Bad move, blondie. Do you know where we are? My house. You know what they put in this stuff? High fructose corn syrup, that’s what. That garbage kills. You think I’m the bad guy? No. The real criminal’s Dr. Pepper.”
Ted wiped his cut lip. “Maybe so. Maybe sugary beverages have been the bane of humanity since their creation. But! That hardly excuses your trespasses on mini marts everywhere. Give yourself up, and we can settle this peacefully.”
Deftly, CVC pulled out a switchblade. “I’m just getting started, ASSHOLE!” Cursing for emphasis, he swiped at Ted’s nose, giving it a nasty cut before he could dodge out of the way. He ducked and weaved as the blade narrowly passed him. Every slash was calculated to cut into a 2-liter, covering their battleground in the blood of Sprite and Mountain Dew. Ted fumbled for his swordstick, and met him, blade for blade.
And off they went, recreating a Shakespearean performance that would bring tears to the eyes of the masses, stirring noble passions in the hearts of men. Duck, parry, thrust, riposte! It was all there, miscreant against nobleman, criminal against captor, good vs. evil.
Unfortunately for good, Ted’s footing got increasingly unsure. He had not the experience in playing in the puddles of Pepsi, and eventually slipped, bruising his posterior and sending him sliding into the frozen beverages in the back. CVC pursued, keeping his balance among the fetid fields of Fanta.
“Looks like I got you on ice, punk.” He brandished his switchblade with all the menace he could muster.
Ted groaned, momentarily stunned by the blow to the back of his head.
As the blade was about to meet its mark, Ted whipped out his titular satchel. In went the blade, and in went the Clobberer. Ted tied the opening tight, securing the scoundrel. Little protrusions rebounded across its leather as CVC tried to pierce his way out. In a voice much diminished, he shouted.
“Hey, what’s the big idea! Lemme out of here.” Narrowly, Ted had won.
“Not so fast, Clobberer! This is rather apropos. Here we are, waging war in a grocery store, and now I’ve literally bagged you. For your crimes, I’ll beat you like a sack of potatoes.” He gave his parcel a few sharp kicks, like it was the world’s most misbehaved piñata.
Ted gathered his bearings, villain in tow, hailed by the cheers of onlookers. As he approached the exit and unbarred the door, he turned to them, and smiled. “Cleanup on aisle 3.”