genessia | Hush, don't speak--keep it shut I hate it

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Hush, don't speak--keep it shut I hate it

Who: Masayuki Hori and Yuu Kashima
When: Mid-August-ish, let's go with August 19th in the evening
Where: GSNK House
What: Kashima avoided Mikoshiba for a little while. She's done a lot better at avoiding Hori, because their work schedules are quite a bit different. He's getting annoyed by it, so he's going to take action.

Things are better with Mikoshiba. Mostly, anyway. Kashima is at least convinced--mostly--that she's not going to spontaneously lose her sense of morality, turn on him and threaten him great bodily harm. But it's taken her longer to approach talking to Hori. She's more than just upset that she could have hurt him too, had he showed up just a few minutes earlier. She's embarrassed by her behavior, ashamed that she'd been unable to control herself.

So the prince has been keeping to herself still quite a bit. It helps that she'd signed up for quite a bit of overtime throughout the month of August.

Wednesday has her coming home at eleven o'clock, quietly stepping out of her work shoes in the door, still wearing a lab coat and name-tag. Her stockings are quiet on the floor as she steps into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, yawning tiredly. She's almost half-asleep as she stands at the kitchen counter, eyes half-lidded as she waits for the kettle boil.

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Hori had been very annoyed recently. After the whole spirit disaster, everything had been sort of awkward in the house. Slowly things had started to get better with everyone and the mood had been getting more normal. Except with him and Kashima. They were never able to meet because of their clashing schedules, which hadn't been that big of a problem before. It was almost like Kashima's work hours had increased conveniently after the whole thing. Which was clearly suspicious.

Well, Hori had had enough of this. Usually when Kashima came back home from work, Hori had been asleep to rise early in the morning for work. Today he had decided to stay up so he could question Kashima as to why she hadn't talked with him after what happened.

So when it's time for Kashima to come back from work, Hori exits his room to walk into the kitchen. There he stops and leans on the nearby wall, watching Kashima. "If you're that tired, shouldn't you work less?" he asked. Let's see how a normal conversation goes before he starts demanding answers.

Her work 'conveniently' increased because Kashima agreed to take on additional hours, of course. She doesn't move as he walks into the kitchen, leans against the wall, still quietly staring at the kettle. It isn't until Hori speaks that she responds.

Normally, she'd bristle at the comment. Jump at being startled, flail about dramatically and altogether go about making a scene. Instead, she quietly walks to the cabinet and takes out a second mug, placing it on the counter as well with a small frown.

"It was busy today," she mumbles. The mug is slid closer to him as the kettle starts to whistle and she plops a tea bag into both, pouring the boiling water into each. She holds the mug in both hands, her gaze focused on the steeping tea. "That's all."

It feels so wrong, seeing Kashima this tired and not filled with energy like she normally is. Hori definitely doesn't like the way she is right now. You'd think he'd like a hard-working, serious Kashima for a change, but... no. Kashima just wasn't her like this. She's meant to be annoying.

A busy day? He frowns. "So it's just that and not the fact you've been working more than you normally do lately?" Hori's looking at Kashima directly, hoping to see some sort of answers from her expressions. He took the tea mug from the counter to occupy his hands that he almost wanted to grab Kashima with. "Why do you even do extra hours? Are you planning on buying something?"

"I wanted to be busy." She tightens her fingers around the mug and blinks, glancing up at him before looking back at her tea. "That's why."

Kashima leans against the counter herself, letting warmth seep into her hands. It's soothing, loosening tension from her shoulders and back. It's no secret she's been not quite herself, easy to see with her reserved body language. "I guess working so much isn't helping me be less tired." She sighs. "Maybe Mikoshiba is right and I should work a little less..."

Hori's grip on his mug also tightens. Wanted to be busy? He grits his teeth. The Kashima he knew never really wanted to be busy. There was definitely something terribly off with her attitude. Everything from her current attitude to the way she held her body. It was all wrong.

Of course working didn't make you less tired! What was this girl thinking? Hori kept looking at his tea's surface, to try and keep himself calmed down.

"Even an idiot knows that's not a good way to feel less tired", Hori said bluntly. "Are you sure you don't have a reason to feel more tired? A reason like avoiding me?"

Hori looked up at Kashima again.

Kashima wants to pretend she's surprised by his comment, but even she has to admit that she isn't. Keeping busy has let her focus on everything but what happened with the spirits. That she'd almost hurt Mikoshiba. That Hori would've been in just as much danger, if he'd shown up just a few minutes earlier than he did.

The cup of tea shakes slightly in her hand, a splash of warm liquid spilling onto her fingers. The actress doesn't react, plopping the mug on the counter far louder than necessary, spilling another splash of tea. For someone as easygoing as she, the mess got on her absolute last nerve--with a huff she was off to the sink for a rag to wipe up the mess.

Ultimately, she winds up with the heels of her hands on the counter, leaning backwards, glancing just slightly at him with a small frown. "I'm not avoiding you, Hori-senpai. I'm working a lot. I just--"

A pause, her voice catching uncomfortably. Instead of pressing on she falls silent. She had let Mikoshiba down, and was upset about that. But letting Hori down? That was on an entirely different level.

Hori is so calm it's almost scary, as he listens and watched Kashima. Everything she does - every little detail - is just confirming what he had in mind. The pause in Kashima's sentence is enough to throw him off the edge. Finally, he sets down the mug he had in hand, loudly and not caring that his tea spills on the counter as well, and closes the distance between them to grab Kashima by the collar.

"DON'T LIE TO ME! You've been acting strange this whole time! I was relieved when you finally started acting normal around Mikoshiba, but then you never started talking with me! Do you understand how much that bothers me?!"

Unconsciously, he's shaking Kashima a little bit, tightening his grip and looking down. "What happened to you always being a pain in the ass and never leaving me alone, idiot..."

Where Kashima typically yelped and made a general fuss when Hori grabbed her, she falls utterly silent this time. The tight grip on her collar and slight jostling sends her hospital identification tag waggling all over the place, the plastic card hitting Hori's wrist as he shakes her, her head tilted down slightly. There's no avoiding his gaze with his grip on the collar of her blouse and lab coat, green eyes wide and nervous.

Instead of her usual platitudes, she blinks several times, swallowing. One of her hands grab his wrist, loosely, to try and prevent him from tugging any harder--his increasingly tightening grip is starting to feel suffocating, though if that's her imagination or reality she can't tell.

As far as explanations, he's not gotten much of one. Kashima remains silent, eyes wide and lips slightly open as if she's considered saying something but can't find any words, her head shaking 'no' back and forth just slightly in disagreement with his frustrations. Speechless. The prince of Roman Academy is completely speechless, staring now at the top of Hori's head as he looks down at the floor.

The silence is making Hori even more impatient. Somehow he had hoped that this would spring out a reaction from Kashima, but he got nothing. There was just her hand weakly trying to get his hand to let go. He didn't. He was too afraid of actually losing more things if he did. Losing whatever grip he had left on Kashima.

He wasn't supposed to care this much about what was going on with her. Yet everything she left unsaid and left undone just made him feel restless and like he's missing something. Hori couldn't properly describe what it was, but it was something major. Something he didn't realize he needed in his life until it was gone.

Hori needed Kashima to be the person she always was. Otherwise it was all wrong.

"Talk to me, damn it! Tell me why things have come to this. Why are you okay with the others and not me?!" Hori tried looking into Kashima's eyes. "Look at me!"

She was looking at him. In fact, when he looked up at her, he'd find two green eyes staring right at him, wide as saucers with something almost like panic, and very obviously nervous.

The fingers on his wrist tightened.

"S-senpai!"

Nervous wasn't right. Nervous was too gentle a word. Kashima wasn't nervous, she was scared, and it showed as she tried to pull away from him. But as it had been with Mikoshiba, she wasn't scared of Hori. She was scared of what she might do to Hori.

"I'm--I'm not okay with anyone!" Unlike her normal tone, her voice is high, tight, skittish. She swallows a gulp of air, blinking away tears. "I'm not--didn't M-Mikoshiba tell you?"

The fingers on his wrist tighten further, her breathing faster and almost erratic. For all her antics, Kashima typically keeps it together, but not now. "I almost hurt him. R-really hurt him, b-badly. It's the last thing I remember and I d-don't even remember you c-coming--" A poorly contained hiccup. She runs her sleeve across her eyes and looks away from him, shaking her head. "But--but what if I did hurt him? A-and if you came and I hurt--?"

The hand holding his wrist drops and she wraps her arms around her torso, attempting to quiet the quaking tears that were working their way to the surface. She wouldn't cry, not in front of Hori-chan-senpai. She looks to the floor, bangs falling into her face, her voice more of a mumble compared to his shouting when she finally blurts the real reason she's been avoiding him. "W-what if I hurt y-you?"

The grip Hori had on Kashima slowly weakens when she finally starts talking and her expressions change. There as finally a reaction, but it wasn't something Hori was expecting.

Hori hadn't known what happened when he came to help them. Because he didn't know what was going on, he had completely misunderstood the situation. He had gotten everything wrong and by getting everything wrong, he hurt her. Kashima lost her cool and couldn't even properly speak because of it. She wasn't okay. She wasn't okay at all.

He really was an idiot wasn't he? Losing his cool like this and taking it out on Kashima. She could be a fragile person. Hori had needed something like that to realize that. What a jerk he was.

Yet, he somehow kept his composure and instead of gripping her collar, he put his hands on Kashima's shoulders. His hands were shaking, but more out of frustration towards himself than at Kashima.

"I know this much. You weren't yourself. The you we all know wouldn't hurt anyone."

Kashima bristles at his comment, anger bubbling up so much that it surprises her as much as it might surprise him, frustrated tears in her eyes.

"Everyone keeps saying that!"

She can feel Hori's hands shaking, and interprets it more as frustration with her. She shrinks away from him slightly before any scolding at her outburst can come, swallowing hard. Her words tumble out without thought, jumbled together quickly, as if she can't contain them anymore. "That I wouldn't ever, that they know me and I wouldn't hurt somebody ever, that I'm not like that--"

Red-rimmed eyes meet his and she hiccups. "But I did."

Fingers that brushed her eyes clear of tears run through her hair anxiously, and she shivers. "It doesn't m-matter if I wouldn't because I did and what if it happens again because whatever made it happen isn't fixed--"

Hori's not sure how to react or how to just be when Kashima looks and acts like this. It's hurting him to see her like this, but he knows Kashima's hurting much more than he is. After all what happened. All the things Hori didn't see. They must have left a deep scar on her.

When Hori sees the tears, he can't help but do one thing - and that is wrap his arms around Kashima. It's the only way he knows how to comfort someone... even if their height makes it a bit difficult.

It's not like he knows the situation as well as Mikoshiba would, but he has to say someting. Something that he feels like is right.

"Kashima... listen", he says with a tone as calm as possible. "You're safe. We're safe. Nothing's going to happen anymore."

There's something entirely different about Hori telling her that it will be okay, that they're all safe. Unlike Nozaki, Mikoshiba and Mayu coming to consensus that they were safe enough, Hori's decision comes with what she presumes is age and wisdom. And even if it doesn't come with age and wisdom, the response comes from her senpai and she trusts that he's right innately. Hori-senpai will know what to do. He'll know how to fix it. She remembers telling Mikoshiba that, standing in an alley in the city shortly after the spirit had done whatever it had done to her--senpai will know how to fix it.

So, unsurprisingly, she sinks into his hug instead of trying to wriggle her way out of it, her head tucked into his shoulder. He's the perfect height for that if she slumps a bit--which she's doing anyway.

"You're sure?"

Because she isn't. Kashima is not sure, not at all. She hasn't felt the same since, uptight and uncertain and not confident at all--a ball of nervous energy that she's altogether unfamiliar with. "Really sure, s-senpai?" Her voice drops, a squeak half choked with a sob. "It d-doesn't feel like that at all."

Hori can't be 100% certain in what he says, but he is enough to actually believe that what he's saying is right and nothing else will come their way. Which is why he quietly pets Kashima's back like a good senpai.

"I'm sure. It might not feel like it, but you'll be alright. I promise."

Not that he quite knew what he'd do about it. At least he'd be there for her, if nothing else, but he'd find away to get them through this. Somehow.

She allows herself to sink into Hori's hug. He says that it will be okay--and she wants it to be, so very much, that she'll believe what he says despite the fact that there's no basis for such findings. Kashima will believe Hori simply because he is Hori. Her head is turned slightly, her ear pressed against his shoulder, allowing her to hear his heartbeat as she tries to slow her sniffling.

And on she goes for a few minutes, the after effects of weeks of pent-up anxieties being fully given voice. By the time she leans back from his hug, her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, a state only serving to highlight how tired she looks.

"I...I'm sorry, senpai. I was--"

Even more settled than she'd been, the Prince was finding herself rather tongue-tied. "I just...I was so scared I might still hurt someone. I should have said something."

Mikoshiba might have helped push her in the right direction. If she hadn't threatened to hurt him just a few weeks ago, anyway. As things currently stood, she still couldn't believe he wasn't terrified of her.

"Thank you."

Having Kashima near him, her head on his shoulder, feels nicer than Hori would have thought. Had the situation been a bit different, he might have thought on the feeling a bit more - but this was not the time nor the place for that.

"Yeah, you're an idiot for trying to shoulder all this by yourself. You can count on us", Hori said and then after a small pause. "On me."

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Hush, don't speak--keep it shut I hate it

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