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ok so like not that i dont appreciate a good inter-dimensional timehop and all
but this is some god damn ridiculousness right here

it took like three fucking years of some high quality troll meteor bonding to get from point a to point b the first time
and then youre all prepped and ready to go do this final boss thing FINALLY
and blink and youll miss it surprise motherfucker youre now snow white in your glass coffin
get your apple loving fairness in the grave
but wait there aint even a prince ready to kiss your pale ass awake
you were literally right next to one but we didnt bother bringing the bro along
no seven dwarves attending your funeral
gimmie at least dopey guys
not that id want to kiss dopey i mean grumpy is where its at
bad boy with a heart of gold right there
uh if you had to choose i mean
but i digress back to the point if there is a point im mostly just hella ticked about the situation
bc i was INVOLVED in some serious business
like engaged to be wed levels of involved in the kind of serious business that so serious and businessy that attendance is mandatory
you cant even miss this meeting even if youre in the john in another country like get your ass on that conference call while wiping we got special news report levels of seriousness in this business
this just in: URGENT BUSINESS
get your shit together genessia
who puts a coffin in a cave lake
i will not stand for this tranquility
your coffin is pimped out with the silk and the silver but thats all the points in your favor
besides that you kindly gave this whole pamphlet thing and some crystal bling
thats appreciated because for a second there i thought i got my ass killed due to some unlikely heroic shenanigans
right into somebodys bs fairytale dreambubble nonsense
or some inevitability in the timeline being screwed doomedways
and it was like hahahaa shit im calm are you calm

whatever i dunno i guess what i wanted to say is
yo
a/s/l and do you have applejuice
like the real deal made of the realest apples youve ever seen
bc ive been living in super fakey synthetic alchemized knockoff apple hell
back on the snow white metaphor i dont know what is real anymore and am desperate and vulnerable
and thus would go taking apples from evil queens in perhaps the worst disguise ever
who uses a warty hag as a cover for witchiness
snow read a gd book once in a while how did you not see what she was up to
you think cinderella would fall for this crap hell no

no but seriously though hows it going

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17/f/Nova City and I have the juiciest apples you've ever seen.

oh wow tl;dr

[yeah she kinda skimmed it all, but she's just focusing on certain parts.]

15/f/not telling you and why would i have applejuice

i can't even tell what you're saying half the time in this entire thing- except maybe the part about wanting to kiss a dwarf or something like that. you're seriously an interesting guy ｢(ﾟﾍﾟ)

holy shit
yes

uh
just to be clear this is not a euphemism right
on this presumably preposterously rare occasion the guy on the internet actually wants red fruity goodness in the form of actual apples

Oh, no! Our restaurant is doing an apple theme this week:

[ Attached is a picture of Alice doing a peace finger sign in front of like 10 crates of apples. ]

why wouldnt you have aj i mean its god damn delicious
unless im remembering it wrong oh god what horror

no no no no i dont want to kiss a dwarf
i said if i had to pick one bc i got jipped on the prince thing
the prince is not someone i want to kiss either not that i wouldnt given the right circumstances and compatibility or whatever
and if the prince was a dwarf thats okay too im not against that or anything
or princesses!
not that im leaning in a direction here thats a bit tm
i just had this rant it didnt go so well hold up hold up
ok i dont actually wanna kiss anyone atm im just saying
if youre going with the whole glass coffin thing go all in
you cant halfass it

ok i need more creative emojis to match that one my emoji lexicon only has like typical smiles in it right now because the keyboard didnt support the symbols before how do i put shades on a guy like that help an interesting guy out

Edited 2016-02-26 17:10 (UTC)

omg
are you kidding me
i actually stumbled my way right from apple hell right into apple heaven
what suspiciously amazing timing that its apple week
and you own the restaurant in charge of distributing this bliss
like a fairy apple godmother
who sends you selfies

Edited 2016-02-26 17:17 (UTC)

We got a discount for them so we're giving ourselves until Monday to come up with dishes themed with apples.

If you swing by before our hours tonight and promise to make a reservation for another day, I'll give you some of the juice before I use it.

whats today is it not monday
maybe i should ask what year it is
do you need help i dont know anything about cooking but i am down with being a guinea pig for apple foods

hell yes
i can make reservations where do i go for this
you are my favorite person here

It's Friday February 26th, not sure what year. I want to be head chef this week, so you have to give me your honest opinion. You can't just say everything's good, I need it to be the best. It will all be good no matter what, so I need you to be discerning.

I can make one for you now for next month if you'd like. We're pretty booked up for the rest of February.. I had a cancellation on March 8th at 7:30pm. I could make an exception and book you for it since you're being a good sport.

[ She's so proud they're totally booked up. ]

woah damn happy friday everybody
ok so you got a weekend to figure out how to dominate the field of apple dishes
i could lie down some brutally honest truths about it with all the intricate details about how it feels in in my mouth hole
full report on apples
an essay on every dish

what
really
did i just sneak on a vip list and get a reservation batman never could in that one movie where he hallucinates the atm asking to be fed cats
day one in this place and i have a table like a boss
put it under dave strider that would be me
nice to meet you
am i going to have to wash dishes for years bc its like a billion dollars a breadstick fancy
apple juice thats also liquid gold

Edited 2016-02-26 22:03 (UTC)

Hello!!

[ This was the first familiar face Porrim had seen here in Genessia (not counting The Sufferer or The Psiionic, since they were familiar faces, but different faces, and also she wasn't really seeing his face so much as his typing quirk but was there really that much of a difference?), after being here for MONTHS, so she was a bit excited! ]

Dave, right? I was rather fond of your ebubbles.

Edited 2016-02-27 00:04 (UTC)

i don't have it because i didn't buy any yet???

....um, you're totally rambling, you know that?

i don't really know how to describe it- you just kinda put symbols together!! so it does stuff like <(｀^´)> !!

oh yeah i forgot about those
pretty much one of my greatest accomplishments

sup kanayas ghost counterpart
wasnt expecting to see you here or like anyone at all
this is a pleasant yet disturbing surprise
are you the only one here

so you are going to buy some right

yes i am

well yeah i know how to do it <( -o-)/
but like how do you think we do shades
cause sideways its an eight but we cant get that going on too well horizontally
wasnt it squares or something how does that work on this device

right i gotta like
oh found them uh
▼
o
●
▨
■ ok ok

( ∙_∙)

( ∙_∙)>⌐■-■

(⌐■_■)
yeaaaaaaaaah

Edited 2016-02-27 01:34 (UTC)

[WOW!! okay. she had to admit.... that was seriously really funny and cool. she was definitely laughing on her end.]

haha what the heck is that all about?! why are you so obsessed with sunglasses?!

that is a pretty cool face tho!!

because theyre pretty much the raddest accessory one could grace their face with
im wearing a pair right now

this emoticon is a damn icecube hes so cool

yeah youre right.... now that you mention it. i guess i need to go shopping for some more accessories.

wanna shop for accessories sometime? [she's so proud of herself, trying to make friends and such.]

you wanna go shopping for accessories
hell
fucking
yes
i have no idea when the last time i went shopping was i think i went to the cornerstore to buy poptarts and hello kitty bandaids like three years and some days ago before shit went down because we had no food in the fridge and that was it
i havent seen a legit store since then
i would be so down with finding you the perfect pair of sunglasses
i could use new headphones
or a watch
i should get a watch not that i need it for keeping time but that would add to an aesthetic ive got going whilst simultaneously being ironic and making my wrist look pimped out
whats everyone wearing these days in this universe i might have unintentionally reached hipster if im all outdated
are iphones still cool
do they have a mall can we go to the mall

Edited 2016-02-27 03:33 (UTC)

ASL was left behind several decades ago as far as I remember. But if you really are serious with that... Too old, not interested, figure it out on your own. Most of this world is real enough as far as I can tell so apples will taste like apples. It isn't digital, spiritual, or mental at least since I'm certainly experienced enough with those to note any difference.

[A slight sigh of exasperation.]

As a side note... If you insist on using text, please use full words and proper... everything. That was painful and exhausting to read and I admit I skipped over half.

I'm dead serious. I'm reviving it. It's the age-sex-location reboot. Now without slashes separating the letters to make it fit in more with the current crowd and their shortening attention spans. Also, you have to make an explosion sound with your mouth after because we're all about explosions these days.

Can I ask what counts as too old? Like fifty? As old as disco? Dinosaur old? Like old enough to be fossilized if you weren't walking around? You don't even know how old I am so what if you're not too old. Too old for any relationship? Does this mean skeletons can never find love? This just raises so many questions you've got to give me more than that. That could apply to literally anything.

What does an apple taste like? And don't just be like apples taste like apples. Is there a notable difference between the taste of a spiritual apple? Ghost apples. Are ghost apples too old to be apples?

That was full proper words and everything. You're probably just too old to read it.

Good. I'll need texture, taste, temperature, moisture- everything.

I'm Alice Nakiri! The name of the restaurant in Nakiba. Here's a restaurant. [ Boom, map sent. ] That depends on what kind of job you get. n_n

im gonna dissect this food and examine it then go searching for further info after like im on csi looking for a cause of death and the killer
its up to us to stop the bad guy even though we wouldnt be doing any sort of field work in this section of the department

thanks alice ill head over to get my juice on
so if im rich youre totally going to charge me more
thats some genius scammer behavior

I am of the largely same opinion! It has a number of compelling and possibly chilling consequences doesn't it?

[ i would add the plus signs but its late and i'm on a laptop and i don't want to ]

Very recently a few other trolls from Alternia appeared, from various epochs, if that's what you meant.

But otherwise no one I've met personally.

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