genessia | 11 Penguins

Entry tags:

11 Penguins | Text

I have a question for those who have been here a while. Like a year or longer.

I've been here eight months and I've seen many people I've been close to come and go and every time it hurt's. So I was wondering how those who have been here even longer handle such a thing? Seeing people come and go, making new friends only to have them disappear.

Does it ever get better, or do you still feel sad and hurt when people you've made friends with vanish?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Better" isn't quite the right word, but...well, fainter. Losing strength with time. All I've ever been able to do is put something nice in Memoria Park, then swear to pummel them if they ever show their face again. [He's mostly joking about that.]

I've done that at least once, but going there I find right now still kind of hurts.

Good. It ought to. Means you're still human; still sensible. But don't you sometimes feel that even that pain is desirable? That you'd rather have the cavity than nothing at all?

I don't find it desirable at all. I mean I get having that pain is normal, but it's not something I desire.

I suppose, if you're weighing loss against not-loss. But given the fact, what else is there to feel? Imagine if you were the kind of person who could look upon all that and be utterly at ease. I think you'd either be a saint; one with a kind of supernatural confidence that "all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." (Oh, if any of us were of that kind; I should like to be their understudy)

But the other alternative, more achievable and more terrible, would be to be a numb creature with a heart of stone. To never have loved anything enough to be wounded. If you get like that, you're practically in hell already.

Oh, and there's Stoicism, but that's too silly to be considered.

Suppose all I'm saying is that even in the sorrow of parting, there's something sweet.

Everything you just said doesn't make a lick of sense to me.

[Should've seen that coming. A few moments later.]

If you'd like to talk about the ones you miss, I'd like to listen.

I'll let you know if I do.

I started feeling numb to it, not expecting people to stay in the first place.
But every once in a while someone gets in that still hurts no matter what.