"I know he would! I know, but if I was dead it would be over for me. Which is stupid and selfish and I hate myself for it but I don't want to keep fighting! I want everything to stop. I wish I had stayed dead and I know that doesn't make sense because it doesn't make sense to me so stop trying to make it make sense!"
Weiss's voice wasn't flat like Blake's. She was practically screaming her words. It conflicted with her actions, she knew. It was the opposite of everything she'd said in her post. There was no part of her that felt strong, that felt like what she was doing was going to make any difference anymore.
Weiss stands up finally and reaches for her hip, drawing Myrtenaster and taking a step back from Blake. In hindsight, it was probably the stupidest idea she'd ever had to bring a weapon with her when she was feeling this way.
"Attack me! See if you can kill me. If you don't, then we'll move like you said, and just.. start fresh, and we can go on hating ourselves and I'll keep wishing everything would just be quiet and you can keep wishing it was loud, but you'll know even if you attack me I'm not so weak that I can't at least hold you off. I'll know I can keep showing everyone that I'm trying and maybe I'll start to believe it myself. If you do kill me, maybe I won't have to wake up tomorrow to this place where everyone I care about leaves and forgets me over and over and that's the happy ending I have to look forward to here because the only other options are dying or forgetting myself- which are practically the same thing. At the very least I figure that should help you feel something other than numb."
Weiss didn't really plan on dying. As much as she felt terrible, she knew better. She knew that she had at least a thing or two to keep fighting for, even if she couldn't change how she felt. She had two years on Blake that everyone seemed to forget about that she hasn't been slacking on training during and she had a lot of altered techniques-- things her team hadn't even seen her fight with because they hadn't fought side-by-side since getting here. They were barely a team so much as a handful of girls who didn't know how to keep moving forward together anymore. Weiss didn't know how to fix that, or if it was worth fixing, but even she knew that losing this fight wouldn't help.
What she did know was what Dracula had taught her when he was trying to help her with her summoning, misguided an attempt as it had been: the one moment when any living being with a will to live can feel more strongly than anything else is the last moment before it thinks it may die. It hadn't been her plan, it'd been more of a kneejerk reaction fueled by the intense anger and need to hurt something that had been building up inside Weiss since that day, but maybe it would help. Nothing else seemed like it would, so maybe for a second she can help Blake feel something. Maybe some part of Weiss can feel like she's still capable of helping anyone if she can.
no subject
Weiss's voice wasn't flat like Blake's. She was practically screaming her words. It conflicted with her actions, she knew. It was the opposite of everything she'd said in her post. There was no part of her that felt strong, that felt like what she was doing was going to make any difference anymore.
Weiss stands up finally and reaches for her hip, drawing Myrtenaster and taking a step back from Blake. In hindsight, it was probably the stupidest idea she'd ever had to bring a weapon with her when she was feeling this way.
"Attack me! See if you can kill me. If you don't, then we'll move like you said, and just.. start fresh, and we can go on hating ourselves and I'll keep wishing everything would just be quiet and you can keep wishing it was loud, but you'll know even if you attack me I'm not so weak that I can't at least hold you off. I'll know I can keep showing everyone that I'm trying and maybe I'll start to believe it myself. If you do kill me, maybe I won't have to wake up tomorrow to this place where everyone I care about leaves and forgets me over and over and that's the happy ending I have to look forward to here because the only other options are dying or forgetting myself- which are practically the same thing. At the very least I figure that should help you feel something other than numb."
Weiss didn't really plan on dying. As much as she felt terrible, she knew better. She knew that she had at least a thing or two to keep fighting for, even if she couldn't change how she felt. She had two years on Blake that everyone seemed to forget about that she hasn't been slacking on training during and she had a lot of altered techniques-- things her team hadn't even seen her fight with because they hadn't fought side-by-side since getting here. They were barely a team so much as a handful of girls who didn't know how to keep moving forward together anymore. Weiss didn't know how to fix that, or if it was worth fixing, but even she knew that losing this fight wouldn't help.
What she did know was what Dracula had taught her when he was trying to help her with her summoning, misguided an attempt as it had been: the one moment when any living being with a will to live can feel more strongly than anything else is the last moment before it thinks it may die. It hadn't been her plan, it'd been more of a kneejerk reaction fueled by the intense anger and need to hurt something that had been building up inside Weiss since that day, but maybe it would help. Nothing else seemed like it would, so maybe for a second she can help Blake feel something. Maybe some part of Weiss can feel like she's still capable of helping anyone if she can.