Everglade PSA: Call to Action! [Voice] [Anon]

[youfool]

Ted had been a while in thinking of both what his alter ego would be, and whether it was necessary. His three-star uniform still terrified him with its portents of damnation. And yet he couldn't ignore Everglade in its darkest hour. So many criminals wandering free was absolute chaos. He had to act. Didn't he? He couldn't bear to watch things degrade any longer. Even if he was darkness...well, they say a house divided cannot stand. Maybe fighting fire with fire wasn't the worst idea in all creation.

As for his alter ego, he kept both his own personality and the needs of Everglade in mind: fear. And who did he know that was fear-inspiring? Koishi and Flowey sprung to mind. And what did they have in common? A mawkish air with something sinister behind it. In other words, the high-low effect. Sickeningly sentimental on the one hand, and demonic on the other, alternating as the need arose. A simple effect he could appreciate, and would imitate wholesale. Begging and borrowing were, perhaps, his only talents.
 
***

[The voice is cloyingly sweet, somewhere between Mickey Mouse and Steve from Blue's Clues. Just barely adult, yet saccharine.]

"Hiya guys! What I'm about ta say might not be appropriate for young audiences, so be advised!

All righty then! So, ya may have heard about all the trouble going on in Everglade right now. Just when ya thought things couldn't get any worse! Fai blames the mayor. Welp! I'm here to set the record straight.

It all started way back in January when Dracula, that dumb ol' vampire hanging out in Everglade, used the mayor as a stooge, and made it so ya could kill humans after sunset! Wow! Pretty evil, huh? Now, even though both Guardian Fai and David figured this out from the get-go, they didn't really do anything about it. Why not? Beats me! There's some baloney out there about how murder is A-OK so long as it powers the barrier or fills your tummy. Talk about rotten!

Fast forward through a whole half year of legalized murder, and not much has changed. The curfew is lifted, but humans can still be hunted same as always. Second verse, same as the first. And just like before, there's some funny business with that poor old mayor. Now, he's probably not that great a guy, since Everglade's pretty lousy with crime even on a good day. But still! That video of his was mighty suspicious! Someone's obviously up to no good and putting the screws on 'im. The real blame should go to the people that put him up to it, and the people that shoulda' fixed things from the start.

Welp, if the city's own Guardian won't do anything, I guess that means it's up to us! All right, enough of the doom 'n gloom. Time for the real reason for this video:

Hello! Pleased to meetcha! I'm Everglade's newest vigilante, and I can't wait to meet the good guys and beat the bad guys! And boy are there a bunch to beat! Ya may have heard in the news that they just released a whole bunch of 'em from the pokey. Surprise surprise, they haven't learned a thing. So much for prison reform!

Thing is, even when I try my hardest, I just can't get 'em all by myself. That's where you guys come in! I'm puttin' out the call for anybody and everybody who can lend a hand and keep Everglade safe and sound. There's a lotta criminals out there, and the poor city's really feelin' the hurt! So if you've got what it takes, Everglade could sure use a whole lotta' giving!

But hey, even if you're not some crime-fighting, bounty-hunting big shot, there's still plenty of stuff you can do to lend a hand! Window washing, bartending, even cleaning the gutters! There's something for everybody.

Welp, time to head back in there! Before I go, a great big thank you to all the awesome people who've been helping out lately! You guys are seriously the coolest and I want all your autographs yesterday!

Ace D. Portgas, for taking care of that no-good ritual sacrificer
Mr. Gold and Toby for putting those whispers to bed
Toby & Jeff for putting out the fireman
Danny & Cipher for taking down some of those nutty triplets (maybe go a little easier next time, geez!)
And last but not least, Namur for taking on not one but two bounties all by his lonesome! Wow! I hope some day I'm as good as him!

Golly! I'm inspired just looking at all these amazing people! And hey, if ya ever need help with anything, I'm only a call or a text away. Wish Everglade lots of luck, cause boy is it gonna need it! Until next time, good night, and stay safe!"

Comments

[Video]

[aurabble]

[Yeah, that's...pretty unsettling. And he doesn't really want to get involved. He might if he wasn't already taking too much on, but Everglade doesn't even hold any kind of connection to him. He doesn't know City Guardian Fai well enough to say one way or the other, so again, not getting involved. One thing stands out to him though.]

Isn't David City Guardian of Genessia? Even if he wanted to do something, he has his own city to worry about.

[He's just throwing that out there, before this kind of too cheerful vigilante causes a lot of misunderstandings between new people who are probably scared and upset, and people who aren't new but probably upset and looking for someone to blame.]

Re: [Voice]

[youfool]

[Too good for window washing, huh? Way to underachieve, Jaune.]

Sure is! But there's no 'if' about it; he totally wants to do stuff! Just look what he did for Nova City. [Short exchange of Frieza blowing up a building, gloating to David, then it reappearing as though nothing happened.]

Pretty awesome, right? Plus he's always bragging about having a bajillion superpowers; one of 'em has to be the power to open up his schedule a little.

[Video; Private]

[rulerofme]

Thank you for speaking out for me, not that you really had to. But I do appreciate it.

video

[orangeoutlaw]

Woah I helped out a hero? [he had no idea] Luffy is gonna be stoked.

voice

[youfool]

[He'd blush if he thought 'hero' was reference to him.]

Even better: you helped out an entire city! If Luffy isn't stoked, I sure am!

Video

[despairing_hope]

A vigilante?

So that city is in such a state of despair as to need drastic measures....

For people to take matters into their own hands, and calling out against the darkness they face.

[His tone had an unusual quality to it. Almost joyful.]

Wanton murder... rampant death....

[There was a definite smile and joy from this thought.]

Of course hope would be born from such a thing. Hope, calling for hope.... I didn't think this world would be like that... I didn't think maybe....

I want to see the hope this situation will birth. Are you the result? Are you proper Hope? Or... does there need to be more?

[Is there a cause he could potentially lend himself to? Was there a chance to actually help create Ultimate Hope? He needed to go visit this city, he needed to know what kind of despair they were really suffering.]

Re: [Anon Voice]

[youfool]

[Ted honestly wishes he could incorporate this weirdo's unique brand of disturbing into his own. Alas.]

Well, they say when things look hopeless, that's when ya need hope the most! Guess that's what they call a paradox!

But I'm pretty sure hope is more of an abstract thing so ya can't really see it. As for me being hope, I'm flattered, but nope! And hey, Everglade can always use more hope! Heck, who couldn't?

[Anon Text]

[what_is_a_man]

Let's make this into something of a game, shall we? Every name you just mentioned as having helped you now has a price on their heads. I wonder if you can keep them alive while playing hero.

Re: [Anon Text]

[youfool]

That's a pretty twisted game, mister. One correction: none of 'em helped me, they helped the whole city!

Not-anon

[fierybluebird]

Good. It's about time we started getting our reputation out.

I wouldn't recommend taking them on, however. Not unless you're supremely stupid.

video;

[truesmiles]

[Fai isn't sure if he should laugh or be annoyed. Amused at the fact the guy seems to have some facts wrong, annoyed that they think he was doing nothing. Sure he wasn't as showy as some people, like this guy who he is sure he knows who it is. But at least he knew he had the balls to talk smack face to face, So switching the feed on, it was clear he had just been dealing with some paperwork and had pushed it to the side as it was finished.

It was hard to tell what kind of smile he was pulling right now.]

Hmmm, didn't do anything? Like say abuse my powers like the previous Guardian did when they set up a dumb rule themselves? A guardian has limits. A guardian has to use there job within the limits, I cannot be everywhere at once to deal with problems but I find ways. I work close to 24 hours because of all the work I have to do. I actually ask for help from the natives themselves as well as two very helpful people and I pay them myself with the money I make from being a Guardian. I don't see a single penny of that pay.

I have a wonderful deputy guardian who is working her ass off to the bone to make sure things are okay. Saying I don't do anything is a very extremely naive thing to think and a dumb one at that.

Is it because I don't do the bounties? You do realize not every crime is on there, right? What about those crimes done that aren't thrown in the newspaper. Who do you think handles those? Not any of the people you mentioned? Do you know why? Because apart from Toby they don't care for the city. If they really cared for the city they would do more than what you see in a newspaper.

[See, he knew Toby did more and he was extremely grateful to him for it.]

They might be nice people, and I could be wrong, but I've not seen them helping out Everglade much at all. As I said apart from Toby, who I do give cases to due to overflow and pay him for it.

[He stretched slightly, the smile faded ever so slightly. He actually felt better about it.]

But yes, next time you want to do something like this as a coward. Please actually do your research first. Okay, so then you don't say dumb things.

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

[Ted's kinda shocked Fai's responding personally. He thought for sure it'd be the above-it-all/won't dignify this with a response thing. People surprise him.]

Gee Fai, it sure is nice of ya to take time out of your super busy day to talk to a coward like me. Double nice for all the unsung hero stuff. Heck, ya even used to do a few bounties yourself, so triple nice!

Then again, it's not realy nice to spend all that time talking about yourself. Careful buddy, your ego's showing! It definitely isn't nice to say people who risked their lives to help out Everglade don't care. What, are ya some kind of mind reader? And it's really, really not nice to hide behind your job just cause ya didn't have the stones to fight against what you know is wrong. What are Guardians for?

That's the thing Fai. You're a nice guy, you're just not a good guy. But hey, that's what vigilantes are for! Guys like me can do all the not-so-nice stuff so guys like you can keep your face pretty and your hands clean!

Welp, if you want a little more shut-eye, feel free to toss some of those overflow cases my way! Ya know, just to prove I care enough.

[Video]

[azaleafae]

[Azalea's had mixed feelings about the situation. She had originally thought the reformed law sounded more fair, but the increased violent crime rate was not the effect she desired.]

You accuse the Guardians of doing nothing. But what do you plan to do about it? Just go out and fight the criminals on the street? Or do you plan to get to the heart of the problem?

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

[If anyone was an expert on aimless violence, it'd probably be Azalea. Her barebone questions get a barebone answer.]

Both!

[Video]

[im_gonna_heal_u]

Everglade is in serious condition, but what makes you think you can solve the problem by just being a vigilante? We need to get to the bottom of this!

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

Hey, whaddaya mean just a vigilante? How would you like it if I said you were just a magician, huh? Watch it missy, you're on thin ice!

Video

[shy_mage]

[That was a lot to take in. Too much for Bracken all at once. From legal murder to wondering how bartending was going to help against legalize murder... It's all so far above him. Especially seeing as he's walked into this long after it started.]

I... I don't understand. Why... Why don't they just m, make murder illegal? I-It's really bad to keep it l-legal...

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

You and me both, big guy. Best excuse I've heard so far is that the barrier, powered by fear, really benefits from humans dying willy-nilly. Ain't means-justify-the-ends thinking just the worst?

Easier answer is that Everglade just can't tell right from wrong. Guess we'll just have to show 'em!

anon text;

[unhappy]

Murder is illegal. Hunting for food isn't and humans aren't the top of the food chain, that's all.

This guy's just spinning things to make himself sound like the hero Everglade doesn't need nor deserve to be put through.

[om_nom_namur]

[Can he just... facepalm? Repeatedly?]

Hell yeah, I'm a shitty paragon a justice an' virtue. Been thinkin' a settin' up a bodyguard service for humans that's gotta be out after dark. Wouldn't that be super swell?

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

[He can, but will his tiny hands be enough for his big face?]

You'll get there, just gotta clean up that language! Yeah, that'd be peachy! So long as it's a service and not, ya know, a business.

text;

[unhappy]

Please stop talking like a mascot character. If you keep that up the city is going to name you the notorious vigilante Mr. Snuffles.

[ The rest of it should be her business, but honestly? She got what she wanted. There are a lot of things she could say are wrong with this post. The fact that humans can be hunted for food means that the non-human creatures can survive when many of them can't eat from other sources is just basic understanding that humans aren't the only people around, the fact that Fai had actually been what had inspired the change in the first place, and the fact that the barrier going out would mean everyone would die instead of the couple of people who were dumb enough to go down a dark alley without some garlic. The criminals thing was just the best 'fuck you' way of getting what she wanted. But all of those facts might imply that she cared, or that she'd been the one to make the last changes. So she'll pass. ]

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

Well since ya asked so nicely!

[As for people who 'need' to murder to survive, tough cookies. If anyone should die, why not them? Much less hassle.]

[Voice]

[get_dunked]

...so yer gonna clean up a house that isn't yers to clean? boy, no wonder the kid already in charge of that is really upset.

[He just called Fai a kid.]

look, boyyo. just give it up before ya make a mistake ya can't fix.

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

[He's pretty disappointed in Sans for this. Then again, Sans is kinda lazy, so that explains it somewhat.]

Gee Sans, do ya really think it's right to just let somethin' rot without even tryin'? Kinda depressing!

[No argument on the childishness of Fai. With the tantrums, adolescent thinking, and prepubescent aesthetic, he certainly gave that impression.]

Don't try cause ya might mess up, huh? Pretty fatalistic! I dunno, Sans, a guy that smiles as much as you should think positive!

[Voice]

[fierybluebird]

You talk too much, yoi.

[Anon Voice]

[youfool]

Nuh-uh!

[Video]

[02crusnikabel]

[Although the post is almost a week old, Abel managed to find this within the Network's archive. And well, it's a lot to reel in and he's confused.]

Huh, this place has Dracula? Vampires? Legalized murder? Um...is that what they do in Everglade? Trying to survive?

Re: [Video] [Private]

[youfool]

[In the aftermath of all this commotion, Ted had cooled on the whole charade. Since he'd made the post, he'd delivered two bounties and fought off whatever lesser crimes made themselves obvious to him. Sans, though vague, talked him out of continuing any further. Now that the Father he'd met and respected so soon was asking about things, another wedge of doubt was driven. Enough to make him respond in earnest this time. He'll be insisting on the Private function, however.]

Yes, Father, to all three. As for the last, that seems to me a trite statement. In what sphere of life does one not try to survive?