Newspaper - Saturday Edition

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[Did you subscribe to The Genessia Tribune? Did you even remotely wish you had a newspaper or some other form of media to refer to for news, weather, and current events? Then you're in luck! There's a paperboy riding through the streets of Genessia flinging newspapers onto doorsteps or, if you're unlucky, through your window. Even remote locations in the other cities will still get a paper if one of the residents ever wanted one. The Paperboy is just that dedicated.]

[And if you're one of the following people, and you happen to subscribe to the newspaper, the Paperboy may or may not have flung the newspaper through that person's window and/or broke something in the area: Daimon Winter, Yang Xiao Long, Gabriel, M. Bison, Captain Hammer, Harry Dresden, and Mary Winchester.]



Wakey Wakey Sleeping Beauties

The city experienced mass hibernation for nearly one year in length as the CPU unexpectedly announced a shutdown of the system in order to initiate self-repairs primarily in Attleton. Speculation states that this was due to "raining men" who mysteriously fell from the sky and into many women's hearts, causing the highest number of divorce rates to date. Only one sole resident appears to have been spared hibernation: Harry Dresden, Guardian of Everglade. The scruffy wizard grew even scruffier, and managed to combat the gaping abyss of loneliness in his heart by purchasing a dirty truck.


M Hates Pizza

While many of the newcomers to Genessia were enjoying each other's company and stuffing their faces with pizza, a mysterious message was sent to everyone in attendance. A stealth paparazzi agent had somehow managed to record video footage of their traversals about town, and the message was clearly threatening rather than a poor attempt at creating a fan music video. Captain Hammer's response, as well as a few others in attendance, was to sing about needing a secret base to fight crime. Does this mean that Captain Hammer plans to announce his candidacy as Genessia City's primary guardian? Only time and musical numbers will tell.


Red Clad Psychopath Mugs Space Captain, Attempts Abduction of Small Child

Captain James T. Kirk, formerly the captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise and now captain of nothing more than an apartment, was attacked in broad daylight by a beefy man with an abnormally robust chin. Said mystery man in scarlet demanded the captain hand over his technology, before promptly punching him in the stomach and commanding his troops to capture a small girl sitting in the tree branches. Though Captain Kirk was able to make his escape and disable several of his attackers, let it be known that his ass was thoroughly kicked before he could do so.

Your Weather Forecast
Genessia
*Sunday, December 1 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 46 F / Low 32 F
*Monday, December 2 - Mostly cloudy. High 46 F / Low 33 F
*Tuesday, December 3 - AM clouds/PM sun. High 41 F / Low 29 F
*Wednesday, December 4 - Sunny! High 40 F / Low 30 F
*Thursday, December 5 - Mostly cloudy. High 44 F / Low 35 F
*Friday, December 6 - Cloudy. High 47 F / Low 41 F
*Saturday, December 7 - Showers. High 48 F / Low 32 F

Attleton
*Sunday, December 1 - Partly cloudy. High 51 F / Low 30 F
*Monday, December 2 - Partly cloudy. High 55 F / Low 32 F
*Tuesday, December 3 - Cloudy. High 58 F / Low 44 F
*Wednesday, December 4 - Cloudy. High 61 F / Low 33 F
*Thursday, December 5 - Cloudy. High 42 F / Low 23 F
*Friday, December 6 - Snow shower. High 35 F / Low 15 F
*Saturday, December 7 - Mostly cloudy. High 32 F / Low 14 F

Everglade
*Sunday, December 1 - Rain. High 51 F / Low 41 F
*Monday, December 2 - Rain/snow showers. High 43 F / Low 34 F
*Tuesday, December 3 - Sunny! High 38 F / Low 27 F
*Wednesday, December 4 - Mostly sunny. High 36 F / Low 24 F
*Thursday, December 5 - Sunny! High 35 F / Low 22 F
*Friday, December 6 - Partly cloudy. High 36 F / Low 23 F
*Saturday, December 7 - Mostly cloudy. High 37 F / Low 25 F

Fayren
*Sunday, December 1 - Sunny! High 45 F / Low 38 F
*Monday, December 2 - Cloudy. High 47 F / Low 39 F
*Tuesday, December 3 - Mostly cloudy. High 43 F / Low 36 F
*Wednesday, December 4 - Partly cloudy. High 44 F / Low 35 F
*Thursday, December 5 - Light rain. High 45 F / Low 40 F
*Friday, December 6 - Showers. High 45 F / Low 36 F
*Saturday, December 7 - Mostly sunny. High 39 F / Low 35 F

Nova City
*Sunday, December 1 - Sunny! High 58 F / Low 42 F
*Monday, December 2 - Sunny! High 57 F / Low 42 F
*Tuesday, December 3 - Sunny! High 58 F / Low 42 F
*Wednesday, December 4 - Mostly sunny. High 56 F / Low 43 F
*Thursday, December 5 - Scattered showers. High 56 F / Low 46 F
*Friday, December 6 - Mostly cloudy. High 56 F / Low 47 F
*Saturday, December 7 - Few showers. High 56 F / Low 43 F


(OOC: Would you like to submit a story, or be featured in this paper? Let me know! Here's a list of columns I'd like to see:
*Dear Abby
*Spotlight on Genessia Citizens
*Horoscopes
*Movie Reviews
*Singles Page)

Comments

[onecream_fivesugar]

[Ruby was just getting up and ready to tackle another day when a certain newspaper smashed through living room window of the apartment she shared with Yang. The newspaper didn't stop there, it sailed across the room and clocked Ruby right in the head.

When Yang wakes up she might find her sister on the ground, dazed from the newspaper strike.]

[ooc: Yes to all of the above.]

[solar_flare]

[Yang is a heavy sleeper. When the glass breaks, her only response is to roll over and kick off the blankets. Such nice dreams!]

Oh Joel, this is so sudden...heeeeeeeeeeee...

[But eventually she does wake up, her messy blonde hair even more tangled and unkempt then usual, and she stretches. Oh hey, Ruby's up. Why is she sleeping on the floor when there's a perfectly good bed right there? ...Wait a minute...newspaper...broken glass...HMMMM. Yang picks up the newspaper, then squats down next to her little sister. She pokes her in the forehead.]

You seriously have the worst luck I've ever seen sometimes. You okay?

[onecream_fivesugar]

Wha-what happened?

[Oh, Sister poking her in the forehead. Hey, knock it off! Okay. She's coming to her senses.]

I'm okay. Who ever threw that... Has a good arm.

[solar_flare]

That's one way to look at it.

[Yang helps Ruby sit up, then looks at their broken window with a sigh of frustration.]

I hope that doesn't get added to our rent. I'll go talk to the landlord and see if we can get a deal.

[onecream_fivesugar]

[Sitting. Sitting is a good thing right now. Wait. Why is the room still spinning?]

Yeah. Good idea. How about you go and do that, and I'll get breakfast ready?

[solar_flare]

Sounds good to me!

[She says, while guiding Ruby to sit down on the bed instead of herding her into the kitchen. Poor kid still looks pretty dizzy.]

Be back in a bit. I'm going to check on that scream too while I'm up.

[short_n_sweet]

[*THUD*]

[The sound of a newspaper hitting his door startled Jaune so much that he spilled hot chocolate all over his lap - so maybe from one of the nearby apartments, Yang and Ruby could hear some high-pitched squealing.]

Ow ow ow! Hot hot hot!

[Just goes to show that not getting a paper through your window doesn't always mean you're safe.]

OOC: Who's Abby? :x
And heck yes, to all of those things! Jaune needs to get on that Singles page!

[solar_flare]

[What was up with all these girls getting attacked by newspapers? And who was that? The only other person on this floor is..............]

[Oh.]

[Well, after Yang's sure that Ruby's okay, she'll wander over to knock on Jaune's door and check on him.]

[short_n_sweet]

[Oop, knock on the door! Better stumble about now trying to totally not pat your own crotch like an idiot. Getting to the door, he opens it quickly, only for the chain lock to get stuck.] Ah, darn it, hold on.

[And fixed, he opens the door proper after closing it briefly, to see Yang there.] Oh, this is a surprise! [He grins, despite totally looking like he wet himself. Because he's a fool.]

[solar_flare]

[Yang stands there. Jaune is grinning. Jaune's crotch is wet. This is where the scream came from.]

..............................

[She should go.]

Eh heh heh heh...heh.......wellyoulooklikeyou'refinesoI'mjustgonnaseeaboutgettingsomebreakfastnowseeya!

[DUSTCLOUD.]

[short_n_sweet]

... [Blink blink.]

[THEN he finally notices his problem.]

AW, DARN IT! Stupid paper!

[DOOR SLAM.]

[descendsfromshadow]

[And Blake's sitting next to an open window with a cup of coffee in one hand. As the Paperboy's superhuman delivery skills sends a newspaper up to her window she glances to the side and reaches out to catch it, giving the headlines a quick glance before looking toward the pained wails and breaking glass coming from a few windows down.

Huh.]

[yesterdays_hero]

[Captain Hammer is making some adjustments to the Hamjet, checking the parts to make sure everything is in working order.]

[NEWSPAPER BOOMERANG!!!]

[Hammer's instincts kick in, and he whirls around to soundly punch the newspaper before it crashes through the windshield of his jet. The paper rockets across the room and dents the wall.]

[...Not as planned, but better. He goes back to his work.]