[Action | Closed] Don't do that

[badly_behaved_priest]

Who: Amberdrake and Sanzo
What: Sanzo is being a self-destructive idiot and looking for Ukoku. Drake takes offense to this.
When: Within a week prior to posting date.
Warnings: Nah

This was the second day Sanzo had been out searching for Ukoku. It was less trying to hunt him down, Sanzo wouldn't find the other priest unless he wanted to be found, and more putting himself out as bait. It would only be so long before Ukoku grew bored enough to start real trouble, Sanzo had no intention of just waiting for that. If blood was to be shed, let it be sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately, Sanzo didn't even know where to start. He stalked the streets of various towns, mostly circling Attleton where he knew the dark priest had been spying on Drake, and likely Sanzo himself as well. The thought made him furious. He'd call Ukoku a coward but he knew better. The other Sanzo priest had the advantage and was holding back for whatever reason. It amused him to do so? Sanzo didn't care about his reasoning, he wanted to find him and fix the problem.

The futility of this plan didn't deter him, it never had before.

The crows were his first hint that Ukoku was around. The birds themselves weren't uncommon but just how many there were in this one undeveloped patch of trees put him on edge. Exactly as they were meant to, he was sure. He stepped off the sidewalk and strode into the trees without hesitation. He vividly remembered the last time he'd faced off against the other priest. The memories didn't slow him down.

Comments

[amberdrake]

"I find myself almost wishing you remembered the time we first made that agreement," Amberdrake said without looking, "or rather, the reason for it. In the shadow of a different soulless, powerful, evil thing with a fixation on you. After years of piecing you back together, over and over, only for you to run off and throw yourself at him again and again, all out of some misplaced desire to protect me."

He finally looked down at the priest on the couch, mask firmly in place. "There are many worse things than death, Sanzo. I wonder how he would delight at sending you back to me after he'd had his fun. At least this time I would know who it was that did it when he later came by my office to pick and prod and tell me about how welcoming my office is to predators like him."

Drake let that sink in for a moment.

"Years, Sanzo. If you're demanding a war with him, I'll start it myself. At least I know what a war truly is."

[badly_behaved_priest]

Dire threats to his mental and physical safety had never stopped Sanzo from flinging himself into the face of danger before. His friends didn't react the same way as Drake did to this, none of them, himself included, had much thought for the consequences. Sanzo hadn't much thought for how Drake would react to this, other than annoyance. This was more than he expected, or intended, for the confrontation that was sure to follow.

And there was bringing up that. Something Sanzo tried to put out of his mind whenever he remembered it was real. Unremembered but real, still painful for Drake while Sanzo could only feel a faint chill when it was brought up.

"Hn."

He stared up at Drake, anger faded to a still, wary expression. Protecting Drake hadn't even been his intention! Not entirely. He had wanted to face the threat, not hide from it. That was clearly not how Drake saw it.

"That's not necessary," he said at last.

[amberdrake]

"And how do I know that's not another lie?" Amberdrake watched Sanzo with an aloofness that could only be described as icy. "Oh -- I'm sorry... I mean... a truth. One that can be modified. At whim. In silence. At-will." Kestra'chern were masters of many crafts. One of them was acting. He made his tone sound ever-so understanding, while his expression remained flat and unimpressed. This wasn't an act he was trying to sell, after all. "Of course. That type of truth. The best kind."

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo was silent again for a while. A part of him urged him to take this chance to detach. It was easier to be detached, aloof, to retreat and concern himself only with himself. That did not wrap him up in so many emotions he didn't want to face. Another part of him knew well that idea wouldn't work and he would suffer for it. He wasn't necessarily opposed to that either, though he had to consider how selfish he really wanted to be.

"You can't," Sanzo replied, tone bland, even. "I won't convince you after this. It's not a lie, if you wish to believe that."

[amberdrake]

"Of course I want to believe you," Amberdrake looked away again, but only because his mask might slip if he didn't do so immediately. It threatened to anyway; sorrow was always its greatest weakness, but he kept a grip on it. His expression remained neutral; eyes remained dry. "Of all the people on all these other worlds, you're the one I always want to trust."

[badly_behaved_priest]

"I have good reason not to go back on my word again." Sanzo sounded unaffected, looked so as well. In the face of this kind of worry he'd turn to anger, but that didn't work here. Harsh, blunt words didn't fit either. What he should say was obvious and the most difficult option, by far.

He didn't say that, he instead waited to see Drake's reaction. His arms were crossed, his posture relaxed, relaxed for him. To someone who wasn't Drake, he'd appear perfectly calm, disinterested in the argument.

[amberdrake]

"You have more reasons than you think, but sure, let's hear it," Amberdrake still didn't look at him, "why."

[badly_behaved_priest]

A flicker of irritation broke Sanzo's calm demeanor briefly. Drake was asking exactly what Sanzo didn't want to answer and was doing that specifically because Sanzo had such a hard time admitting things like this.

"Doing so will stop this from happening again," he said with some of the snappishness returning to his voice. That was the wrong thing to say. It granted on his nerves how he knew that and knew he'd have to come up with something better to mend the situation.

"...There's far more harm than benefit to go against our agreement." His difficulty in saying what he meant was as frustrating as having to say any of this at all.

[amberdrake]

Amberdrake shut his eyes for a moment, and then moved to sit on the couch beside Sanzo, dropping his hands into his lap. After another moment, he silently leaned over and put the side of his head on the priest's bony shoulder, sutra be damned.

Behind his shields, he just felt... drained. And full of lingering fears that had had years to take root. Ukoku couldn't find the strings to make him move the way he wanted only because Amberdrake was so good at hiding them. But they were there.

[badly_behaved_priest]

"You aren't obligated to clean up after my mistakes or suffer their consequences," Sanzo said quietly, it felt more bearable to say when he did not say it normally. "That's why."

He had nothing else to add and looked ahead, not quite avoiding looking at Drake, but not looking over either. He put a hand over one of Drake's, touch light.

[amberdrake]

"The lifebond and the tattoo both suggest otherwise," Amberdrake countered just as quietly, his tiredness making its way into his voice as he dropped his act.

He sighed, shutting his eyes again. The sutra could deal with being cried on, it wouldn't be the first time.

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo quickly shoved his guilt away, it served no purpose here. It lingered on the edges of his mind, waiting. For now it could wait, Drake felt shitty enough already because of him.

"Both my doing." Remembered or not! Though one was considerably more his fault than the other...

He tightened his grip on the hand under his. Drake was crying on his shoulder, he wasn't likely to rebuff Sanzo's clumsy attempts at affection now. He wrapped his free arm around Drake's shoulders, hoping, maybe, this would show he cared when it was so hard for him to say it outright.

[amberdrake]

"I asked for one, and didn't -- don't -- mind the other," Amberdrake finally lowered his shields back to their regular level. Fear ran rampant in his mind like a startled animal trying to find the exit. He was trying to force it back down, but right now it just ran him over.

[badly_behaved_priest]

"I didn't say I regretted either." Sanzo didn't know what to do about the fear, it was too set in and based in enough fact and memories to be easy to shake. He'd done his best to confirm several fears less than an hour ago.

[amberdrake]

"Good," Drake turned his hand over to tangle their fingers together. "Well, the show we put on will at least keep him amused for a while. That's a good thing, no matter what your pride says. And you already avenged that on the back of my skull."

Seriously, Sanzo was as strong as an ogre, and he had sharp fucking elbows!

[badly_behaved_priest]

"Fantastic," Sanzo said, his usual growl returning to his voice. The anger behind it was only surface deep. More pressing was the worry and speculation, guilt still lurking at the edges.

"It wasn't much of a show to me." Nor had it been much of a show when they got home. There was more pain involved than he expected.

"That's not happening again. Not from my mistake." One part promise, one part complaint.

[amberdrake]

"Good," Amberdrake repeated, and then, slightly apologetic, "I had to make it amusing for him, so he wouldn't act. Not that I'm sure how else I could have gotten you to leave with me."

Carrying him all the way to the couch in their house had been because he'd been genuinely mad, of course. That and he'd been certain that putting Sanzo down on his feet would result in the stubborn monk bee-lining back toward the laughter...

[badly_behaved_priest]

Drake wasn't wrong. Sanzo lacked self control in many areas but he was by far the worst when it came to injuries to his pride. He wanted to rip Ukoku apart enough already before he got a chance to see that 'show'. Now it couldn't be helped and he couldn't even hunt him down again.

He sighed, turned his head, and pressed a brief kiss to the top of Drake's head. He was trying to calm Drake, not get angry at him again. Both were difficult tasks for him. At very least he could try to be calm.

"Don't let him gloat too long next time he skulks around your office." Sanzo was repulsed by the very idea.

[amberdrake]

"Of course, ke'chara," Amberdrake squeezed the fingers tangled with his, looking down at their hands. The tears had stopped, at least. "I don't let him control the conversation anyway."

He lifted his head and his free hand both, and plucked the sutra off Sanzo's shoulders. Immediately, he dropped it into the priest's lap, and set his head back down on Sanzo's shoulder. "I don't care about being around that anymore," Drake murmured, "but indestructible paper makes for a terrible pillow."

[badly_behaved_priest]

Sanzo's shoulders tensed and eased as the sutra was moved. Drake rarely touched it and there were very few that would dare touch the thing unless trying to steal it or because Sanzo was bleeding out, again.

"My shoulder is better?" he replied. He didn't really care, he preferred this to Drake being unwilling to touch him at all, as he feared might be the case after that argument. Thought he couldn't deny that his bony shoulder was not a very good pillow either.

"If you at least make his 'visits' frustrating, I'll be satisfied." As close as he'd get with these circumstances.

[amberdrake]

"Your shoulder may be bony, but it doesn't crinkle," Amberdrake adjusted his face against said shoulder, so it at least wasn't Kaled'a'in cheekbone versus Sanzo. "I pissed him off one time, often make him wary, and probably pretty frustrated in general. He tries so hard to get information out of me, and I think the most relevant thing I've told him is that there's a sentient race of giant telepathic wolves on my world. And gryphons, in case he thinks his little crows bother me."

[badly_behaved_priest]

"It's fortunate you're as competent as you are," Sanzo said, though he still sounded dubious. Nothing would make him happy with this arrangement, except Ukoku somehow being permanently removed from it. He didn't know enough about the other priest to predict what he may or may not do, only suspect that it might turn horrible at a drop of a hat. Drake could only outmaneuver Ukoku if he had the time to do so.

[amberdrake]

"Indeed," Drake sighed, his thoughts running along the same lines as Sanzo's. "If I ever feel like he's about to turn actively hostile to us, I'll act. Put him into a coma, or... something. I don't know. I'm still considering what might be most effective given the circumstances. Or maybe there's a way I could switch chi off if I study it enough. I know it falls into what I can effect, because Hakkai's channeled his through me before when I was Healing you and needed more raw power than I had at my disposal."

[badly_behaved_priest]

"That would be useful." Sanzo sounded thoughtful, wondering if he could help with that task somehow. He didn't have Hakkai's focus or the magical knowledge and training he should have... so no, not really. Ukoku was just not something he could effectively face from any angle, it was infuriating.

He sighed instead of voicing his frustrations.

[amberdrake]

Amberdrake smiled a little, and lifted his head. He turned to give Sanzo's cheek a peck, before lifting the sutra back off Sanzo's lap and draping it back around the priest's shoulders. See? He could deal with it, now.

"Having to be around the actually terrifying one makes your sutra not so bad. At least I know it only listens to you. I was just edgy again about it after that dream."