genessia | [Action | Closed] But I will always be your light

Entry tags:

[Action | Closed] But I will always be your light

Who: pt.1 Amberdrake and Sanzo, pt.2 Sanzo and Koumyou
What: Sanzo's going to meet Koumyou
Where: Genessia City - Shrine
Warnings: FEELINGS

Even after several days of letting the news sink in, Sanzo expected nothing to come of this meeting. That he and Drake would arrive at the shrine to find that Koumyou Sanzo was not alive and well and here on the same world they were. If Drake wasn't alongside him, he couldn't be sure he'd even make it to the shrine at all. Even if Koumyou was there and real, Sanzo could conjure up a hundred reasons why it would still go wrong, why he'd be different. His own cowardice disgusted him.

Sanzo spoke little, there wasn't much for him to say. There was nothing to ask that wouldn't be answered on seeing if this all was true.

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Amberdrake waited until they were through the portal into Genessia before he reached to take Genjyo's hand in his. Yes, in public, but there was no one around to pay them much attention. And if their fingers knit together, well, they both had sleeves long enough to hide that detail.

He radiated his usual calm and warmth, but it was increased for the flighty priest's benefit.

"I'm really glad you're doing this, love."

"It needs to be done," Sanzo said, the forced boredom and calm in his voice suggesting this was some minor task. It did need to be done, Sanzo's nightmares and stress would only get worse the longer he put it off. Or Koumyou might well just show up if he waited too long. He didn't want to be caught unprepared. Not that he was especially prepared now. It waa hard to be prepared for meeting one's dead father.

Sanzo pretended he didn't notice Drake had taken his hand.

"Mmhm," Amberdrake gave Sanzo's fingers a squeeze, anyway. "I'll stay in range of the gate in case you need me for anything." But otherwise he'd give the priests their privacy.

"Nothing is going to happen." Now he just needed to convince himself of that. Especially with Ukoku lurking around... This world was peaceful, to an extent, but the people here aren't. At least now Sanzo isn't a child, frozen in place and unable to fight.

"Of course, dearheart," Amberdrake gave his hand another squeeze. He let go as they approached the gate.

Sanzo didn't give himself time to pause and freeze up. He pushed the gate open and walked up to the shrine, scanning the place as he went. It needed care, a few days of cleaning hadn't fixed it, but it wasn't so bad. Inside smelled like dust and age and, faintly, of tobacco smoke. He could hear the wind outside, faintly. Otherwise it was quiet and calm, except for his own footsteps.

He walked through a large room, heading for the back, his boot knocking an orange paper airplane across the floor. Sanzo stared at it for a second, the reality of the situation starting to close in on him. He bent down and scooped up the plane, he had to keep walking or he might turn around.

And back outside he went, pausing once he reached the stone path through the garden. There was still much to be tended to out here, weeds overran much of the back. Still, it was beautiful, calm as the inside had been. Sanzo's eyes were fixed on the man sitting beneath one of the trees, smoking and enjoying the pleasant day.

Sanzo just stared, a buzzing in his ears. This was real and the intensity of that truth locked him in place.

Koumyou got to his feet as the other Sanzo came within sight, absently brushing off the back of his robes with his free hand. He smiled at Genjyo.

"Kouryuu," it was that same gentle voice, and smile; that same squinting face. He dumped the last of the ash out of his pipe with that familiar flick and tucked it away in his sleeve before holding out both hands for the other monk, palms up and fingers splayed. Come here, said the gesture.

Sanzo forgot to breathe for a second, and another. His chest hurt. He hadn't heard that voice in over a decade, the name, only rarely. Together they hurt.

He walked forward without thinking, taking a deep breath before his head started to spin. Again he stopped short, still teetering on the edge of allowing himself to believe this. He stared at Koumyou, eyes as intense as they'd been when he was a child. If anything was off, anything different, he could back away. He couldn't stand the idea of letting himself believe Koumyou was truly alive, only for it to be snatched away from him again. That pain might destroy him as it had tried to before.

"Kouryuu," Koumyou repeated, and wiggled his splayed fingers. His smile hid it, but his heart clenched, too. Sympathy, empathic sorrow, and... something else?

It was love. His Kouryuu had changed so much in what seemed like an eye-blink to the elder Sanzo, but he was still his Kouryuu. His son. The one person he could never detach from, could never let die in front of him like Tenkai and Goudai had done.

His eyes were damp, even squinting as they were.

"You've grown so big..."

This was Koumyou, the same, unchanged, alive. It was so unbelievable, even here on this world where very little made since. It'd been so hard to accept, the pain of anything, anything at all, going wrong would be too much. Yet that didn't stop it being real.

"That happens," Sanzo replied, voice so much deeper than Kouryuu's, but there was still the sharp haughtiness to it. A defense against the pain, guilt, and relief all building up in his chest, putting pressure on his lungs.

He stepped forward at last. His hands came up briefly and dropped back down. He couldn't bring himself to reach other, to feel that he was alive and whole, not a figment that would blow away in the wind.

Koumyou stepped forward the rest of the way, and enveloped his now-grown son in a hug. The smile didn't fade, although tears finally slipped free of his almost-closed eyelids.

"You survived; you grew," and not just in height. "I'm so proud of you, Kouryuu..."

Edited 2016-11-14 18:31 (UTC)

Sanzo wrapped his arms around Koumyou, something in him broken, hurting, but better. He felt such an odd and overwhelming mixture of guilt and happiness, he couldn't have expected to hear those words and they were not a part of any scenarios he'd fretted over since learning of Koumyou's presence. He ducked his head, it was hard to look at Koumyou's face, but found himself looking at the Seitan sutra, what he'd thus far failed to retrieve. What did his father have to be proud of?

Still, Koumyou was here and real. Sanzo squeezed his eyes tightly closed, willing the dampness to not turn to tears. A shudder ran through him, a release of tension from how worried he'd been that this was some illusion. It still could be... but he didn't think that was true, anymore.

He couldn't bring himself to speak, his voice would waver.

One of Koumyou's hands went to the back of Genjyo's head, his other arm squeezing him tight around the shoulders. The elder priest wasn't nearly as reserved as his son, letting the tears slip free. "I'm sorry I had to go like that... I thought we'd have more time... I wanted to get to watch you grow."

Edited 2016-11-14 20:09 (UTC)

Sanzo was more reserved, yes, but he could only fight against tears for so long and for Koumyou to apologize to him- For all of this! His head rested on Koumyou's shoulder, hands gripping the back of his robes, and tears leaking down his face.

"I'm sorry," he said, forcing himself to speak past clenched teeth. His guilt was still strong, still blaming himself for Koumyou's death and his failure to at least retrieve the lost sutra. He couldn't even say why Koumyou chose him such a high rank that he was still woefully unprepared for.

"It's not your fault," Koumyou said softly, resting the side of his head against Sanzo's.

"I'm-" The rest was lost as Sanzo forced back a sob. Koumyou could say that, but Sanzo dreaded his reaction if he knew how carelessly Sanzo had nearly thrown his life away from the guilt and pain of Koumyou's death, everyone at the temple too. More than once, he'd come too close to surrendering completely. Koumyou was proud of something that Sanzo had purposefully sabotaged.

"It's-" The word was lost again, "-a long time." He felt both awful and happy, he didn't want to argue the first time he'd seen his father in twelve years. He'd been without him almost as long as he'd grown up with Koumyou. It'd been a painfully long time.

Koumyou rubbed Sanzo's back with both his hands, nodding against the side of his head. "It has been a long time for you," he agreed quietly. "Yet here you are."

"Yes." Sanzo had to stop this, the self pity and sobbing like an idiot. It was an effort to pull himself back, taking deep breaths to try to soothe himself, remind himself that nothing was going wrong. Not right now.

Eventually he raised his head, face damp and eyes red. His expression was wary and sad, vulnerable in a way very few saw. He was so used to keeping tight control of his grief it was hard to deal with it now.

"...And you're here."

"Yes, I am," Koumyou managed a smile despite his own damp face. He lifted a long sleeve to wipe Sanzo's face dry, much as he may have done when he was very little.

He kept wanting to say... more, but it just didn't feel right to. Not yet, anyway.

Sanzo stepped back, once his face was dry, and stared at Koumyou. It really was him, not different than just before he died. No older, only appearing smaller because Kouryuu had been such a small teenager when he'd seen Koumyou last. He couldn't fathom what Koumyou must think and feel about so little time passing yet Sanzo was here as an adult, not a scrawny child.

"You're the same as before." Sanzo had little else to say. There were endless questions to ask, things that had haunted Sanzo since Koumyou's death, but not yet. That was still too painful.

"Yes," Koumyou folded his hands into his opposite sleeves, as he was prone to do. "You're not... but you're still my Kouryuu. Or I suppose Genjyo, now! I never got the chance to get used to that after giving it to you."

Death, how inconvenient!

"I'll still think of you as Kouryuu, though. It can't be helped. I was still calling Goudai Sanzo Momo-chan, right up until the end."

"Hn." Sanzo should've expected that and he couldn't even convince himself he minded. Koumyou had more than earned the right to call Sanzo whatever he pleased, especially the two names he gave him. He owed Koumyou so much, even his life, twice over. A name wasn't much concern, considering.

...It would take time to get used to hearing that name again, still. Even more so, with who was saying it. He'd adjusted to worse.

"You'll call me what you will, whatever I say on the matter," he said, resigned.

"That's true!" Koumyou said cheerfully, and then threw his arms around Sanzo again. There was no escaping the affections of his father, now! Not that he'd necessarily want to, of course.

"Oh, I can't believe how big you've gotten!"

Sanzo made no attempt to escape and the best protest he could manage was wrinkling his nose. He didn't complain outright, even put his arms around Koumyou again. Worrying about being stoic could come later. He hadn't seen his father in twelve years.

"You look a lot smaller, Master," Sanzo replied, some amusement making its way through everything else. Koumyou had been a lot bigger when Sanzo was a teenager. All of his memories of the older priest had him towering over Kouryuu.

Koumyou laughed at that, squeezing tight.

"You were tiny before! You were only this tall." And he thumped a spot on Sanzo's back that was about mid-bicep in height. Smol Sanzo had been smol. "Either that or someone washed me in cold water one too many times, you never know."

There had been a lot of ice-cold water involved in his own Sanzo training. Koumyou was not a fan.

"It's too bad you never got to meet Momo-chan, I didn't even come up to his shoulder!"

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