genessia | seven ticks; text

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seven ticks; text

its me again here to inform you of a holiday television promotion for those of you who want to do shit dick outside of your homes in these loving times
but first let me inform you about some tv and movie facts:
- i am not responsible for that news muppet i have no idea where that guy comes from
- alternative news featuring me as your anchorman can be located on channel 4 at 8am 7pm + 3am on weekends because i have nothing better to do
its good news my cat does the weather and i talk about important shit like what everglades recent announcements actually mean and where you can still get that cure from that nova water incident and a 20/20 piece investigation on where the fuck we can locate a pokemon
- i still need people to work doing behind the scenes stuff like lighting and cameras and scripts cause its all me rn or if you think your face would look boss on screen hit me up
- ive been slowly feeding films into the theater opening weekend this week for the shark movie sequel

anyways channel 12 is once again going fucking off the rails but this time with
~VALENTINES DAY~
starting today and ending in exactly a week you have access to this horrific collection of romcoms and drama nonsense i was carrying for someone else and am now stuck with
i dont want to explain quadrants so all the troll (if you remember porrim this what i mean by troll) films are limited to the pale one with softcore face touching between pals
smut at its finest

heres some examples of what you can watch this week while stuffing chocolate into your face that you bought yourself bc why do you need someone to hand it to you:
mr & ms smith - 2 spies kick everyones asses including eachothers and its a massive turn on for them
the notebook - ryan gosling is kind of a dick
little shop of horrors - an abusive relationship between a nerd and his plant
love actually - everyones got a fucking problem
good luck chuck - dane cook sleeps with women he would never get irl and they all realize they can do way better after except jessica alba i guess
night at the museum - a tiny roman and a little cowboy find love ft. ben stiller as their matchmaker
titanic - a boat hits a block of ice and everybody dies including your love interest
moonstruck - nic cage and cher ????
highschool musical - souring flying theres not an autotune not in sight
dirty dancing - is not actually that dirty but they had the time of their life
cast away - tom hanks falls in love with a vollyball while exploring his mail kink
twilight - kstew and whatshisname debate jumping off a cliff in the sequel she actually does but has failed to escape this vampire love triangle
moulin rouge - fuck i actually liked this one
pretty woman - im p sure she was doing coke and they never address it

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

"its all me rn"? Wow, Dave. I didn't know my work was so unappreciated.

I'm also going to have to question your analysis of the plot of Night at the Museum.

excuse you i meant on set
im not paying you to sass me

what are you talking about their love is pure as fuck

If it makes you feel better, "its all me rn" off set. The sass is complimentary. A benefit you didn't ask for but you would be lost without.

But I'm pretty sure other things happen besides that.

im not giving you a raise jeff

well yeah obviously other things happen
stiller has the main storyline where he develops a relationship with a compassionate egyptian pharaoh

Did I ask for one? No. I thought we were just complaining.

Are you telling me that there was a second romantic plot that I missed entirely?

Edited 2017-02-08 06:59 (UTC)

Little Shop of Horrors. Really.

[He has several questions as to why that's in this list.]

...

the original or the musical?

Your cat does the weather? I didn't know you had a cat. or that cats could do that.

What is a pokemon? And while we are at it, what is Valentine's Day?

Those movies sounds...interesting.

yeah i got a cat here
and cats are versatile performers
theyre mad skilled
my sisters cat was good at psychology

pokemon are animals you collect
for some fucking reason
listen man i only know pikachu but i know i want one thats what i know
and valentines day is a bullshit holiday where everyones implored to express their undying affections for who they like
you buy them chocolates and exchange cards and flowers and shit
they are youd like night at the museum thats a good one

im dead serious about this
dead like everyone thats part of plant food yo
both
but the musical will be playing more because its a fucking musical and its valentines day
wont stop until you got suddenly seymour stuck in your head for the next 12 months

I found a stray kitten in Everglade the other day too, I took her with me before anything tried to eat her. I don't think she can't do anything, unless sleeping and eating a lot counts as a 'performance'.

Did your sister's cat study for it?

I never heard of those before, they might not exist in my world. Why so special about them?

That's...weird. What happens if you have no one?

I'll give it a try then. I don't know who's Ben stiller, though.

oh shit did you?
whatd you name it
and thats not a performance thats fucking art its a lifestyle
i would be exactly like them if i wasnt being hardcore and awesome

knowing her she probably read it fucking books and shit so yeah

they dont exist in my world either and i have no idea whats so special about it
i just know pikachu looks adorable and thats it
i think it can make electricity so thats cool

you give shit to your friends
or you watch tv as ive so generously provided excellent programming for

only the greatest actor of all time

Yes. Her name is Fest. It's also the name of a planet in my world. Give me a moment...

[And he changes his replies to video. There's Kay with a white tiny kitten clinging to his shoulder because the cat is comfy there. She's very small and still on the thin side but Kay has been giving her proper food and it's doing much better now that she has a home.]

As far as lifestyles go, she seems happy with it. Hardcore and awesome, uh?

Perhaps I should teach Fest to read. [Kay sounds amused by the answer but this is exactly why he enjoys talking to Dave.]

If I encounter any here I'll let you know then. Electricity? Does Pikachu come with an electric prod? Most astromechs have those too.

Given that most of my friend are gone, I think I'll mostly stick to watching tv. Unless you want chocolates?

What other movies has he starred in?

Fest. Is it festive?

[ he does video in return, giving a very slight and short-lived smile before he pulls his own cat out of his hood behind him, where it sleeps sometimes. small runty fellow. holding him with both hands in front of the camera ] See, this is Kit. Holy shit. We should make them cat pals.

Cool? Amazing? Massively skilled? You could give it a shot with the reading.

Wait. Are you asking me if Pikachu is a robot? Holy shit. Maybe? I never thought about this...

...me? Yeah, I'd take some. But can I buy you shit back? Can you eat?

Oh shit. Okay. Starsky and Hutch, Zoolander, Dogeball. The best ones he does are when he's teaming up with Owen Wilson, who you can't miss because he's got this crooked nose and talks like's always having his fucking mind blown while simultaneously being chill as fuck.

Fest is the homeworld of a friend of mine and It's all covered in snow. She's all white too, so I thought it would fit her. [It's a way to remember Cassian as well, but that's a reason Kay keeps to himself.

When Fest sees the other cat, she immediately meows at the screen.]

They should meet, I think they will like each other. And Fest could always use more friends.

Let's go with amazing. I'll visit the library and see what I can find there. I am not used to such prehistoric way to store data.

If pikachu can use electricity maybe it's some sort of droid or cyborg.

Do you have any preference for chocolate? I know there are different kinds. And no, I can't eat. But the movie suggestion is enough, I'll see if I can find these somewhere. It's 'Night at the museum' your favourite?

im not complaining im complimenting my ability to multitask

were we not watching the same thing jeff
ahkmenrah is his damsel in this series
his princess

Really? From here it sounded like complaining.

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you. Ben Stiller is definitely the princess.

Good thing I work around music 24/7.

I'd rather not find myself singing about a "mean green mother from outer space" for weeks on end.

proud of u

[ THAT IS TOUCHING BRO ]

oh hey jaune
ill repeat these if you want them

wait, really?
i mean you don't have to but if you want to.
i know it's kind of silly but i like romcoms.

haha you would
i dont mind its like a fucking tradition to watch these on repeat
even if they suck

nah

the warrior princess you mean
saving his smoking pharoh

right, yeah. hahahahah. they suck.
i just like making fun of them! with other people.
i'll get the popcorn.

which one did you wanna do first

what's your favorite romantic movie?

thats so funny so do i

see now im tempted to just play it on repeat and follow you around

like in general?

sure we should go with that

How about...
we don't do that.

because let's be fair
you'd be suffering just as much as I would be.

im pretty sure i wouldnt be suffering
that kind of threat doesnt work on me
my dedication to being annoying is too strong

...
well
if nothing else
I admire your dedication

or your power is just too great
and you must be stopped

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

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