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Entry tags:
Summer, August 8th (Backdated) - I've fallen and I can't get up!
Who: Ayame Sasaki & Satsuki Kiryuin
What: Ayame has overexerted the use of her powers, and now suffers the consequences
Where: Ayame's home - Attleton
Warnings: None
What: Ayame has overexerted the use of her powers, and now suffers the consequences
Where: Ayame's home - Attleton
Warnings: None
[ Ayame had been letting herself go and using her powers more often than she intended. Fighting off the spirits during the barrier breach had been the start of it; making her addicted to the rush it brings when using her abilities that she lost some of her restraint ever since. Building her house, and then throwing an elaborate party, adding to her heavier workload without any meaningful rest in between has caused Ayame to feel sick. She tries to hide it, but when she gave Satsuki a video call earlier this morning, it seems the deputy saw a reason to be skeptical from Ayame's call. Her voice was a little course and she looks devoid of energy and motivation. But mostly, Ayame just looks like she's in a depressed mood the way her eyes keep failing to make contact with Satsuki through the phone.
Later that night, Ayame didn't expect a visitor to come. Hibana opened the door and guides Satsuki towards the living room where her master is on the couch in a disheveled state, with a blanket over her body and weary eyes staring at the television screen showing the news. ]
...Satsuki?
[ Ayame asked, weakly but enough to convey her surprise. It took Ayame a second to realize who it was. She didn't even sense Satsuki arriving and thought it was just some neighbors with fliers or something. Not wanting to look so disgraceful, Ayame sits herself up with some difficulty. ]
I'm sorry, I was not expecting to see you... or anyone.
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A nod of thanks was given to Hibana before she eventually found her way to Ayame, the Deputy Guardian with a shoulderbag on her person and her usual neutral-frownish expression upon her features.]
That was the point; I suspected if I told you I was arriving you would do something foolish.
[Like clean up the house or get herself dressed up or something, when it appeared Ayame should be resting. She sets her bag upon the coffee table.]
How bad is it?
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Though seeing Satsuki like this; in her home, standing so close to her,
and surprising her, just made Ayame feel butterflies flutter about her stomach, and a heat form beneath the skin of her cheeks. She couldn't really look at Satsuki straight in the eye after being caught looking like this, wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and her underwear that actually makes her look more down-to-earth than she realizes. When asked, Ayame sighs and looks at Satsuki to answer ]
It's not bad. I just feel tired.
[ If she's wearing any pants, they'll be on fire right now. Because that is a terrible and obvious lie. Ayame had never been much of a liar, especially when around people she cares about. Still,
she passes it off as no big deal in her tone, only to wince as she tries to move her arm to reach the remote on the coffee table. ]
My god, it's been a week already? @_@
Almost.]
Is that so.
[With her things set down, she steps closer to sit on the very edge of the couch, with a slightly more intense gaze than necessary. After uttering 'Stay still', she leans closer to Ayame's face.
Then closer still as she brushes the back of her hand to Ayame's cheek.
Until she can finally brush her friend's bangs upward, then gently rest her forehead against Ayame's. Assuming there's no interruption along the way.]
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She exhales slightly right after, feeling a little bare now that Satsuki would be sure that she has a fever. Ayame couldn't find any words to say, and look at Satsuki in the eyes as the pounding on her chest grew so fast in that small instant with them so close to each other that she feels like she just sprinted a mile ]
It's... my powers. They tend to do this to me when I overuse it.
[ Ayame confesses, clenching her fist briefly over her soft furry blanket. While it is true what she just admitted, there's something a little more to it than that. Something that greatly bothers Ayame enough to make her condition even worse ]
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So essentially you did the same thing that you scolded me for.
[A callback to Ayame healing her after Satsuki's training while still recovering from her battle with Koishi. It's almost enough to bring a smirk to her features when she draws back. Almost.]
So there is a downside to the power you possess. [It's somewhat similar to her own when wearing activated Junketsu for too long. She takes the bag off to her lap, shuffles in it, then removes a flexible cool-pack from it, which she then wraps a towel around as she considers the possibilities.] Was it from building this house?
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No.
[ Ayame answers, sighing through her nose and feeling the unusually hot breath leave her body ]
That did take a lot of energy to do, far more than I expected. But... I've just been trying to use these powers for mundane duties and staying up all night, or keeping up with the higher demand from two stores. It's something I'll get used to eventually.
[ Ayame shakes her head, feeling annoyed at herself and her current predicament. And in her frustration, she manages to slip out something she didn't intend to: ]
It didn't used to be this way...
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Satsuki slips to the side a bit to fluff Ayame's pillow, then holds up the chill-pack.]
Here, lay down and let this rest on your head for a while.
[A beat.]
If you would like to talk about it, I am here to listen.
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There's... nothing to talk about.
[ Lies. Her eyes shift to the side before they close, swallowing a lump in her throat ]
But I appreciate it.
[ Ayame's heart wants to talk, but her mind wasn't having any of it. She trusts Satsuki, so she is internally beating herself up about this. Because Satsuki deserves better than being pushed away like this. But it's also clear she's really weak to even talk, so she could at least say that. She wouldn't be lying anyway. For now, she wants to divert the spotlight to Satsuki. She asks, in a husky voice ]
How was your day?
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She can tell Ayame is holding something back; not that Satsuki can blame her as she doesn't reveal much herself- but she's more used to Ayame being open to sharing things about herself. What could be different this time?]
Nothing out of the ordinary; my sector is locked down as usual. [Because she's very good at her job. Except when it comes to mouthy brats.] There is something I have been wanting to talk to you about. Now may not be the best time but, I am concerned if I do not now, I may not ever.
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but that doesn't mean it won't help her recover or it won't feel so satisfying to sleep like a log from time to time. She blinks at the statement, giving herself a second before she asks ]
What is it?
[ Ayame is pretty curious now. Wonder what it could be ]
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[She folds her hands upon her lap, while looking at them.]
In my world she is working on a project that, I suppose could be described as World Domination. When I first arrived here, I believed that my little sister died in one of her experiments for the sake of Ragyo's project.
[Her frown deepens.]
Once I was old enough to understand, my father sabotaged the project after granting me the honor of carrying out his plan to see to her absolute failure in the long term. The sabotage cost him his life.
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I'm sorry.
[ Ayame spoke softly, sympathetic of Satsuki's loss and plight prior to Genessia. She now got a better understanding as to why Satsuki reacted to Ragyo's arrival the way she did. ]
This project. Do you think...?
[ That Ragyo is attempting it here too, Ayame meant to say ]
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[She glances to Ayame once more.]
I confess that was my primary concern- which was why I panicked and left Anastasia in your care until I could determine for myself; she is under the impression that I am still an ally carrying out her mission.
[She cringes.]
I believe the recent spirit breach has broken her focus and I need to take advantage of that to get her to work for us instead of against us.
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[ Ayame seems skeptical for a second. Ragyo may not be her friend, but she knows enough about people with the same personality as her would be difficult to trick or control. Whatever Satsuki is planning, Ayame would be likely to support it. In her mind, that's what she's thinking, only it reminds her of her current predicament which she's hoping to avoid. Her thoughts just keep drifting back to it. ]
Whatever it is you're planning, I hope to be of use.
[ Ayame realizes that those words slipped out of her lips since her feverish mind couldn't filter it. She passes it off as a self-deprecating and frustrated comment with a mirthless chuckle after, poking at her current condition ]
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An opportunity may have presented itself with the barrier breach; I have noticed her behavior has changed a little since then. Once I can pinpoint what she is thinking, then I may be able to formulate a plan.
[She stares silently at Ayame for a moment, then glances to the side as she feels her body getting warmer, as well as her heart beating faster. She isn't certain, but she's pretty sure she's feeling nervous which.. Is odd.]
... Thank you. That means a lot to me.
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I entrusted you with a part of me. So know that I'll always have your back, Satsuki.
[ Ayame reflects on her decision to give Satsuki her sword, and while she feels bad about Satsuki having to scheme behind the back of her own mother, Ayame also feels proud that the issue have given Satsuki a mission other than be Weiss' underling. Being a mere deputy must be so restrictive to Satsuki. For now, she's happy to at least tell Satsuki that.
A little later, Ayame feels time has passed a little too long and suspected that Satsuki is about to leave sometime soon. She enjoys having company around. She made this house so big only for herself and her pets that she can't help but feel so lonely a lot of the time. Mustering her voice, Ayame speaks up: ]
Hey, Satsuki. Do you... mind staying here for the night? I know that might be too sudden. But it would be nice to have you around.
[ Ayame swallows more of her pride by admitting that. Although she could pass it off as needing assistance, the tone of her voice suggests something more. ]
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[Satsuki can only nod. It's been difficult for sure, but Satsuki believes her patience is finally starting to bear fruit when it comes to Ragyo here- Which was much needed considering that people don't exactly stay dead here in Genessia.
Ayame's instincts are also correct in the sense that she was prepared to head home soon, though that isn't very evident in her expression once asked. Well now, speaking of patience...]
Only if you tell me what is bothering you.
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Meticulously cataloged are what seems to be random dates and numbers in minutes, all with the words "decrease" after it. Changing eventually to questions to herself, asking "What should I do now?". ]
There is something that you don't know. Something anyone doesn't know. For the last four months, I-
[ She shakes her head ]
It was never my intention to overextend myself to the point of this, where I'm too helpless to even care for myself. But my powers... are fading. I can never tell how long I can use them anymore.
[ Ayame takes a deep breath, exhaling sharply while still not looking to Satsuki. She grits her teeth and clears her throat, trying her best not to choke on her words and show weakness. By now, what's written in the journal should make sense. The amount of time she can use her powers are declining by a few seconds with each use. It may not seem like much, but over time it adds up into something quite significant. Ayame rubs her forehead with her palm, trying to think of how to explain it further, but words keep failing her ]
At first I thought to myself that, this is fine. This is what I wanted after all, right? To live life like a human for the first time. But-
[ Ayame stops herself, clearing her throat once more ]
It's one thing to live a normal life, but it's one thing to know that you're going to lose a part of yourself that you could never have back. What if I change my mind? What if the world needs my help and I can't do anything anymore?
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That said, she finds herself having to do a bit of mental gymnastics of her own- Satsuki has been more conservative with her own power, though perhaps that isn't a fair comparison as hers are more limited. As for Ayame's desires; that is something she can fully empathize with.]
Perhaps you should consider what your powers are to you now. It is true that the gift you possess would allow you to protect the world- But I would argue that is not something you are truly passionate about.
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To tell you the truth, I don't know anything anymore... I feel so lost.
[ Ayame's voice has turned quiet. Not in the sense that it was almost like a whisper, but whatever strength and confidence that is usually present in her speech is gone, replaced by melancholy. She wants to say more, and defend her side of this "argument", only it isn't an argument, and Ayame feels so lost that she doesn't have any words to say. ]
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[She shakes her head.]
Asking something like that in your current condition was reckless of me. I apologize, for now just relax best you can. And if there is anything else I can do to assist, do not hesitate to ask.
[She reaches out to adjust the ice pack a bit.]
That said, I can stay here for the night.
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The house is decorated with various paintings, but the living room by the grand piano has photos of Ayame's time in Genessia. Many of them included Satsuki. Her time at the Christmas dance, the awards, New Years with Anastasia, to even the costume party. All of them had Ayame smiling, clearly the happiest she's been and the polar opposite of how she is now. Satsuki is the only person who's seen her like this. Her true self beneath the veneer of normalcy...
Ayame's pets feel their master's pain. Hibana watches over Hibiki and Himiko outside of the house, playing around in the backyard. They're about the only things putting some life into the depressingly quiet home right now.
Ayame awoke minutes later, still groggy and weak. She returned to consciousness when it's already time to sleep anyway, so she might as well return to a resting state but in someplace more comfortable. She can be found struggling to get to the staircase, holding on to the railing like she's about to fall. ]
Come on, I'll show you where you could sleep tonight...
[ Ayame spoke weakly, looking disheveled and restless as she invites Satsuki to come upstairs to the guest bedrooms. But clearly she's in no state to even climb the stairs. So the tatami rooms in the west wing of the house are the better option for the two of them right now. ]
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Eventually she catches, or rather hears Ayame's movements which causes her to return just before Ayame gets too far up the stairwell.]
There is the tatami room off in the west wing, is there not? Not to be difficult but I rather like that area.
If that is acceptable.
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Very well...
[ Ayame takes a few steps back, sounding frustrated in her tone and giving Satsuki a nod before leading the way towards the tatami rooms of her home. She walks slowly, trying her best not to hold on to any surface her hands could reach and forcing herself to stand up straight. ]
Come to think of it, I've never slept in that part of my house.
[ Ayame gives a weak huff of amusement, coupled by a look of longing for days long gone. Once they cross the threshold seperating the modern part of the house and into the more traditional one, Ayame takes a breath in to breath the fresh air coming in from the gardens outside. ]
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Ayame... [Satsuki shakes her head as she moves closer. She could bear Ayame slipping an arm over her shoulder to walk along and attempts to gesture as such.] Allow me to help.
You have made this place rather large for just one person, haven't you?
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Hm. Yes. That I did.
[ Ayame looks up, glancing at the ceiling and walls of the very Japanese part of the house. Feeling the fresh air from outside has given her an ounce of vigor. ]
Initially, I had the idea of inviting people to come live with me. Like you and Anastasia.
[ Ayame lets go of her arm on Satsuki's shoulder, feeling that added strength from the night breeze allow her to walk on her own to the tatami rooms themselves. At the end of the room was a closet. A slide of the shoji doors reveal rolled up futons and folded yukata. Ayame drags the futons and lets them roll on to the floor, taking two ]
But you have your job and your mother at Nova City. I knew you would decline, so I never bothered to bring it up, but-
[ Ayame scoffs at herself. Since she's revealing more of herself to Satsuki, she shouldn't stop now, right? Might as well tell everything she's been keeping to herself ]
-at least you get to stay here with me for a night. I can at least rejoice in that.
[ Ayame hands Satsuki a yukata, staring at her friend with a vulnerable gaze that she never shows to anyone. It's obvious that Ayame feels so alone. The garment is not so different from ones in ryokan. Only of course, it's a little more fashionable with it's nice silky red color. Not wanting to be so depressing, she adds a touch of humor, little as it may be: ]
I'm sorry I don't have one in blue.
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Almost.
But she does take in Ayame's words, and her friend is given a glance. The vulnerable look that she's given strikes her harder than Satsuki would care to admit- she herself is used to giving, and this is a circumstance where she doesn't believe she can. At least not as much as she'd like.
But thinking outside of the box is an option, isn't it? With a slightly annoyed expression, the yukata is accepted.]
You should have asked regardless.
[She looks to the side, clearly frustrated. Not just with Ayame but also herself. She knows she can be difficult to approach about personal issues, so she can't help but feel part of the problem.]
While it is true I would have declined... I also would not have left you to deal with this by yourself.
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just to rid herself of that deep pounding and growing weight in her chest. ]
You can change in the bathroom down the hall.
[ Ayame turns, urging Satsuki to go and picking up the futon on the ground, showing that she's strong enough to handle the preparations. Should Satsuki go to change, Ayame would turn her back towards the other woman, just to hide her expression as she rolls the double futon on the tatami, one for each of them. Once Satsuki returns, it seems like Himiko joined them in the tatami room, rolled up and sleeping next to her master.
Ayame wasn't talking even when Satsuki came back. Not even glancing to see how the yukata would look on her friend like she normally would have. Lying on her side, Ayame seems to have fallen back to a state of sleep. The night breeze from the open rooms was comforting enough to cool them into sleep, and the indistinct noise of crickets out in the gardens were soothing. Suddenly, Ayame speaks up: ]
I know you wouldn't have left me alone like this...
[ She said, still lying on her side facing away from Satsuki ]
...I'm aware of my poor decision in keeping things from you instead of seeking your aid, as my treasured friend. Believe me when I say I tried, but my own foolish pride has always made me a coward in admitting my weaknesses, especially to someone whose opinions I've come to value.
[ Ayame turns, lying on her back and staring at the ceiling. With a sigh, she manages to remain without tears yet her eyes look so weary. But here she is, opening up to Satsuki with her heart all bare. She's never spoken to anyone like this before. Not even her half-sister back home. Her pride does get in the way, and she's never faced a problem like this before to be brave against it. Even with all her physical might, Ayame is still very much a human being beneath that godlike shell. She feels terrible in not confiding with Satsuki about this, worried that she comes across as not trusting her friend when it's simply untrue. But she wants Satsuki to value her, and see her as she sees the other woman - unshakable and in control of her self. Though they both know now with Ayame, that's also simply untrue ]
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[Satsuki trusts that Ayame won't attempt to do anything else crazy between then and later and takes her leave to change. She actually takes a moment to look herself over in the yukata though; not bad.
Once she returns she greets Himiko with a nod, then settles herself in for the night though stares up at the ceiling until Ayame's speaking up catches her by surprise.]
That makes us even, then.
[Satsuki refers to her confession about her mother, in this case. She turns to look to Ayame who may head Satsuki's backhand touch the ground, as if reaching out to her.]
Your hand.
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Ayame turns her head to meet Satsuki's gaze, unsure for a moment on what to do, but she slowly frees her hand from the comforting warmth of her futon and reach for Satsuki's hand. That heat from the other woman's skin melts away the rest of the inhibitions she had, and for the first time tonight, shows a genuine smile. She curls her fingers on Satsuki's hand, giving it a gentle grip. Suddenly, Ayame felt her lips split and words almost slip past her throat.
Her conscience starts to nag at her as she continues to stare into Satsuki's piercing eyes, under the cool night breeze and the soft glow of the moon. It all seems perfect to open up to something she's been hiding, but thought had faded away - her feelings for Satsuki. But,
she figures it would be wise to keep that to herself for now, even if it makes her heart ache a little. Until the day she's truly sure that her feelings are true, Ayame would keep it to herself. ]
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Let us strive to be more open with one another.
[She'd like to say 'no more secrets', but frankly that is a promise that would be impossible for Satsuki to keep as things are now.]
The end?
Closing her eyes, Ayame falls asleep, yet her hand remains firmly locked within the comfort of Satsuki's grasp. ]
GOOD END