[ video ] AKA Did I Just Void the Warranty?

[make_a_decision]

[ Fumbling. Wait, a button got pushed-- ]

[ Falling. A flash of the sky, a blurry figure, then nothing. ]

[ Well, nothing visual, anyway. ]

Shhhit.

Comments

[Video]

[tiniestnihilist]

Huh. I've never seen someone show they're a fucking train wreck in about five seconds flat.

Nice work.

[ audio ]

[make_a_decision]

[ A crinkle of paper in her other hand as Jessica crouches down near the phone, not bothering to flip it over or pick it up yet. ] Yeah well, I've got a record to beat.

voice

[sarcastass]

[GOLF CLAP]

[ audio ]

[make_a_decision]

Stuff it, asshole.

voice

[sarcastass]

Oh! You found out what part of it to talk into!

[GOLF CLAPPING INTENSIFIES]

[make_a_decision]

Which part do I talk to to get you to fuck off. Is it this part? [ BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. ]

[sarcastass]

[OW.

HE HAS VERY SENSITIVE EARS, YOU'RE SUCH AN UNREASONABLE DOUCHEBAG.

GOD.]

Now all you have to do is master holding it for more than ten seconds and you'll almost be a fully functioning human.

[make_a_decision]

[ Golf clapping meant two hands, that meant chances were good that she was either on speaker, or was right up against his ear -- headset or otherwise. Either way, abusing the keypad seemed like a grand idea to Jessica. ] Yeah, I don't know if I can do that. [ BEEP. ] This talking rectangle is so beyond me. [ Get WREKT. ]

[sarcastass]

[Look, even when he does not have the video feature on he needs to prop the phone up somewhere so he can gesture.

It's not for you, it's for him.

And Midge.]

Well if using your hands correctly is a mystery I'm sure I could name a plethora of things that are beyond you.

[make_a_decision]

I'm sure you're gonna try to tell me all about them, too.

[ Hear that tone? That's an eyeroll in voice form. And the sound of someone taking a swig out of a paper-bagged glass bottle. Stay classy, Jones. ]

[sarcastass]

I won't have to, I get the feeling in about ten minutes you'll just experience all the fun of the total loss of limb control.

[make_a_decision]

Well, I'm working on it.

[sarcastass]

You know, you could work on it in a bar.

Like normal people.

[make_a_decision]

I hope you have a better point than that.

[sarcastass]

Well I was going to suggest a bar before you became so rude.

[SZEL DO YOU LISTEN TO YOU.]

[make_a_decision]

Uh huh. [ Deliberate bottle sloshing. ] Don't need one, I'm good.

[sarcastass]

You'll run out eventually, pass out in an alley way and drown in your own vomit.

At least at a bar, someone might keep the latter from happening.

[make_a_decision]

I don't need your concern or your advice, jackass.

[sarcastass]

And now you have both!

[make_a_decision]

Regular good samaritan, aren't you.

[sarcastass]

Well the priest and the Levite weren't here, someone had to fill in all the parts.

[make_a_decision]

What? Ew.

[sarcastass]

Oh you don't actually know the good Samaritan story, do you?

Does everyone just toss around that phrase without the actual knowledge of its origin?

This is why no one contacts your species.

[make_a_decision]

Good. I'd rather not be contacted.

[sarcastass]

I've noticed, considering you'd rather drink in the street than a bar.

No one will talk to you outside, this was an excellently crafted plan.