anonymous text

[captain_by_the_book]

[anonymous text]

How are you supposed to go back to your life when you realize that you can't protect anyone? That you are never there when they need you the most? That you just bring them more danger?

Comments

[captain_by_the_book]

But I'm a danger to them. The things I'm capable of. I thought I could do more good than harm, but lately I've only been doing harm.

[eternal_sailormoon]

You might feel like a danger to them - you might feel like you're causing them harm -

But if they're anything like me ...

They're going to be more hurt if you go away. If you vanish or disappear.

They probably want to protect you, just as much as you want to protect them.

[captain_by_the_book]

I just feel like I disappointed him.

I wasn't there when he needed me most.

I just made his life harder.

[eternal_sailormoon]

He probably feels worried about you.

And he probably wanted you there when he needed you.

But when you're by his side again, he'll just think about how everything's easier - because he has you. Because you're together.

Because you miss him too, right?

[captain_by_the_book]

[ Ow. That goes right to the heart. ]

I miss him. Terribly. I want to see him again. I want to tell him I'm sorry and that I'll do better. I want to win back his trust, no matter what it takes. I don't ever want to be without him.

But I feel selfish for it.

[eternal_sailormoon]

You need to believe in him.

When he left me "for my own good" I was so upset and scared and lonely. I didn't know how to do it on my own and I was so, so hurt that he wouldn't be with me any more. All I wanted was to be with him, and it scared me, thinking he didn't believe in us any more.

He thought he was being selfish when he wanted to be with me. He thought - he thought doing that, would mean I'd die.

But he believed in me, and I believed in him.

And we made it work, together, because we talked and we admitted we were scared and we wanted to be there for each other.

[captain_by_the_book]

I want to make it work for us, too. We have already mastered so many difficulties.

I just don't trust myself anymore. I know if he were here now, he would expect me to do better.

I don't want him to think I don't believe in us anymore.

Or in my friends. I abandoned everyone, not just him.

[eternal_sailormoon]

Together you can make it work.

He thought I wouldn't forgive him, for doubting us. He thought I'd be disappointed but. I love him.

If this is about - all the confusing things that happened last week - I think he'd know you weren't yourself. That you didn't want to abandon him. Or your friends.

When they hurt him and made him do things he didn't want to - I understood. And he still was there for me in the end. That's all that matters.

[captain_by_the_book]

I think he will understand. I almost wish he didn't because he shouldn't forgive me everything I do all the time.

It might take a long time till he can trust me again, but we have been there before.

I need him. I just hate that he has to give me all these new chances.

[eternal_sailormoon]

Even if you're brainwashed all of the time - which happens - it's still not your fault. There's nothing to forgive you for.

Then trust him and believe in him! He probably feels the same for you too.

If he's everything like me - he needs you too.

I promise.

[captain_by_the_book]

I know that I love him.

It's the one thing I know for sure.

[ And the one thing he's never admitted to Kay. ]

[eternal_sailormoon]

Then tell him that - tell him all about what you've been telling me.

Without talking to him he'll never know why you were afraid.

[captain_by_the_book]

I will. When I have the chance. If.

[eternal_sailormoon]

You can make the chance happen.

And - when he sees you, determined and believing in him and fighting for him -

He'll think "that's my girl".

[captain_by_the_book]

[ he starts enough for a laugh to escape him.

But he has given himself away enough already. If he is confirmed for a woman it will lessen the damage. ]

He will.

I hope he will.

No. I know he would even if I disappointed him.

[eternal_sailormoon]

That's because he loves you!

I'm rooting for you two.

[captain_by_the_book]

Thank you. You are very kind.

[ And he feels a little bad for deceiving her, but now that his mind is clearing up from the panic-addled mess he'd been in, letting everyone suspect it's their Guardian who just had a public meltdown is a terrible idea. ]