Cecil Palmer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
softlyspeaks) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2017-12-14 12:42 am
softlyspeaks) wrote in genessia2017-12-14 12:42 am
Entry tags:
Voice | Radio
Good evening, beloved listeners. Tonight brings a small change to our usual itinerary. I've recently been informed by the Studio that from this point on, I'm only to advertise businesses that fully exist upon this current physical plane. I apologize if anyone attempted to find Ernie's. I apparently made a mistake where his location is. Imagine my absolute surprise and shame to learn that Ernie's doesn't actually exist here!
Boy, is my face red.
So, from hear on out, we will be taking submissions for sponsors to advertise on the show! The calls will be private, of course, feel free to phone the station or contact myself at any time to pitch your advertisement to us, and we will do our best to represent you.
And now, on to the show.
----
Let's start with today's weather! We'll be sure to address the weather of the week, but it's imperative to report on the following extreme meteorological changes.
Winter has arrived, and with it comes the usual inordinate, impressive, nearly impossible amount of snow, ice and hours of time spent locked inside your house in an effort to keep from slowly freezing to death! Remember to bundle up! It is a good idea in winter, to wear black winter clothing. I've heard this is the case to better protect you against abominable snowman attacks.
After all, you too would be cross if you saw someone wearing the exact same thing you were wearing, and still managing to look fitter and smaller and more attractive. Imagine how upset he might be to see someone wandering around in his outfit with better eyebrows than his? Now you've just made him look terrible.
Now while this would usually be a case of telling someone to get over it, please remember that most abominable snowmen stand between seven to ten feet tall, and can pop open the top of a Volvo like it is a can of cola with their bare hands.
I believe in this case, it would just be better to skip the character building exercises, and allow the abominable snowman some time to feel like the prettiest belle at the snowball.
---
In traffic today, Genessia City will be experiencing an inundation of wandering traffic signs. These sapient, living stop signs, street signs, no parking signs, limited parking signs, reserved parking signs and the occasional crosswalk light, are not to be trusted. Not to worry however, as these signs are easily distinguishable from their better behaved, non-sapient cousins, due to your average, law abiding signs lack of feet, limbs, and eternally chewing, fanged and dripping maw.
Of course, the latter most of these glaring differences is really only noticeable once you put yourself within the signs reach. We suggest that to be safe, all drivers in Genessia should aim to hit as many signs as possible. Not to worry, the fake signs are very soft, and your car should easily roll over their squishy, yielding bodies with very little damage to your car.
---
Supernatural creatures living in Everglade are advised to pay close attention to their vital signs, or lack thereof. It seems a disease is going around that turns your blood into acid. Not the fun acid, where you can use it to then defend yourself against invading space marines or invisible alien predators, but the real kind of acid.
That kills you.
Anyone who is feeling particularly warm, tingly, or is starting to see that their flesh is melting off their body at a noticeably increased rate are encouraged to seek medical attention as soon as possible. Please don't wait until you have melted.
They can't put you back together like that.
----
Sadly, there doesn't appear to be any new rumors this week to report on! I'd make some up, but that would be, journalistically speaking, irresponsible of me. But if any of you have any rumors you would like to share today, why, feel free to tell me them during our call in segment.
Since however, we have no rumors to fill our usual rumor section, we'll replace it with a self guided meditation segment.
For the next three minutes, listen to this soothing music, and imagine all your problems away.
Take a deep breath and relax.
---
Welcome back, listeners!
Big news this week! Guardian elections have started! We already have several nominees, all vying to be your next town guardian! As for Attleton, we have Chara! A precocious, energetic, wise beyond their apparent, viewable years young person of indeterminable exact age, vying to be the maybe supposedly apparently youngest guardian of any current city. The current standing guardian, Cassian Andor, of whom is indeed, the only one I could ever really imagine holding the reins to our beloved town in his strong, calloused hands, the wind gently tousling his dark, beautiful hair, has also thrown his hat into the ring.
And finally... Me.
I'm running!
Yes, for real.
While I do sincerely hope that I manage to win, I could not have asked for better competition, and I wish the best of luck to the two amazing people running against me. I have the utmost confidence that whoever is best suited will inevitably gain the love and trust of the people of Attleton, and should I lose, I look forward to continuing to report faithfully and accurately on every aspect of our government that I possibly can.
I'd spend this time elaborating my platform and positions, but this is supposed to be an impartial show, and I don't want to infringe on my listeners rights to comfortably ignore the creaking, ponderous mechanisms of the massive political machine that turns the cogs of your world as you know it. I'll be sure to make a post to my own, personal network to inform people of my stances, and announce them during the debate. Remember to ask questions! There's no such thing as a stupid question!
While Guardian Andor certainly stands to win handily, the future is promised to no one, so this may very well be the last few weeks of his time with us as Attleton's guardian. Let's all take a moment to remember all the wonderful, memorable times of joy and laughter we have had with him.
Like the dogs.
And all the times murder did not actually happen.
---
So, remember how I said earlier that I was not going to advertise businesses that do not exist? Well I'm keeping to that with a business that I am ninety nine percent sure is real and with us currently in this city, according to this poster that I just found in the hallway during the guided meditation segment. While there's essentially very little information otherwise, I certainly can tell you who is running said business, where it is and what it is selling! Maybe selling. Not really selling, more like giving away in return for playing some games. I'm sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Wonderland, run by a Miss Lydia, just on the outskirts of Everglade! In return for doing nothing more than having a good time with good people and certainly nothing else, you will be granted... a wish! What is the wish stipulation? Well you have to earn it. That is where the game part comes in. What kind of games?
I don't know.
I would know, if I went there, but I have not, as I have been terribly busy lately, so if someone in the listening audience would please kindly visit Wonderland and play a few games and watch a few shows, and then subsequently make a wish, I would appreciate it! Remember to tell me how it goes!
---
We won't be having a full week look at our weather today, as I've just been informed by station management that our self guided meditation segment has used up the allotted time for that.
Instead, we encourage you to go outside and observe the weather for yourself, and make an informed decision upon what you imagine your personal, subjective weather stance is.
It's always good weather to someone, somewhere.
Unless it's acid rain.
In which case we encourage you to not stand too long outside, contemplating what your personal weather opinion is. It is terrible enough that Everglade is dealing with acid blood, imagine how uncomfortable it'd be on the outside of your flesh as well. Please exercise appropriate caution in your weather watching.
---
And with that, dear listeners, I leave you once again. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, the rest of your week, and the rest of your life. As we close out this beautiful, exciting year, it's good to reflect back on all the good times we have had, together and with each other.
Like the time we all turned into completely different people for a week, with a small handful of exceptions.
Or the time everyone turned into a Halloween costume.
Or the time everything was candy.
What an eventful year!
Goodnight, dear viewers. And remember.
Someone out there always loves you.
Boy, is my face red.
So, from hear on out, we will be taking submissions for sponsors to advertise on the show! The calls will be private, of course, feel free to phone the station or contact myself at any time to pitch your advertisement to us, and we will do our best to represent you.
And now, on to the show.
----
Let's start with today's weather! We'll be sure to address the weather of the week, but it's imperative to report on the following extreme meteorological changes.
Winter has arrived, and with it comes the usual inordinate, impressive, nearly impossible amount of snow, ice and hours of time spent locked inside your house in an effort to keep from slowly freezing to death! Remember to bundle up! It is a good idea in winter, to wear black winter clothing. I've heard this is the case to better protect you against abominable snowman attacks.
After all, you too would be cross if you saw someone wearing the exact same thing you were wearing, and still managing to look fitter and smaller and more attractive. Imagine how upset he might be to see someone wandering around in his outfit with better eyebrows than his? Now you've just made him look terrible.
Now while this would usually be a case of telling someone to get over it, please remember that most abominable snowmen stand between seven to ten feet tall, and can pop open the top of a Volvo like it is a can of cola with their bare hands.
I believe in this case, it would just be better to skip the character building exercises, and allow the abominable snowman some time to feel like the prettiest belle at the snowball.
---
In traffic today, Genessia City will be experiencing an inundation of wandering traffic signs. These sapient, living stop signs, street signs, no parking signs, limited parking signs, reserved parking signs and the occasional crosswalk light, are not to be trusted. Not to worry however, as these signs are easily distinguishable from their better behaved, non-sapient cousins, due to your average, law abiding signs lack of feet, limbs, and eternally chewing, fanged and dripping maw.
Of course, the latter most of these glaring differences is really only noticeable once you put yourself within the signs reach. We suggest that to be safe, all drivers in Genessia should aim to hit as many signs as possible. Not to worry, the fake signs are very soft, and your car should easily roll over their squishy, yielding bodies with very little damage to your car.
---
Supernatural creatures living in Everglade are advised to pay close attention to their vital signs, or lack thereof. It seems a disease is going around that turns your blood into acid. Not the fun acid, where you can use it to then defend yourself against invading space marines or invisible alien predators, but the real kind of acid.
That kills you.
Anyone who is feeling particularly warm, tingly, or is starting to see that their flesh is melting off their body at a noticeably increased rate are encouraged to seek medical attention as soon as possible. Please don't wait until you have melted.
They can't put you back together like that.
----
Sadly, there doesn't appear to be any new rumors this week to report on! I'd make some up, but that would be, journalistically speaking, irresponsible of me. But if any of you have any rumors you would like to share today, why, feel free to tell me them during our call in segment.
Since however, we have no rumors to fill our usual rumor section, we'll replace it with a self guided meditation segment.
For the next three minutes, listen to this soothing music, and imagine all your problems away.
Take a deep breath and relax.
---
Welcome back, listeners!
Big news this week! Guardian elections have started! We already have several nominees, all vying to be your next town guardian! As for Attleton, we have Chara! A precocious, energetic, wise beyond their apparent, viewable years young person of indeterminable exact age, vying to be the maybe supposedly apparently youngest guardian of any current city. The current standing guardian, Cassian Andor, of whom is indeed, the only one I could ever really imagine holding the reins to our beloved town in his strong, calloused hands, the wind gently tousling his dark, beautiful hair, has also thrown his hat into the ring.
And finally... Me.
I'm running!
Yes, for real.
While I do sincerely hope that I manage to win, I could not have asked for better competition, and I wish the best of luck to the two amazing people running against me. I have the utmost confidence that whoever is best suited will inevitably gain the love and trust of the people of Attleton, and should I lose, I look forward to continuing to report faithfully and accurately on every aspect of our government that I possibly can.
I'd spend this time elaborating my platform and positions, but this is supposed to be an impartial show, and I don't want to infringe on my listeners rights to comfortably ignore the creaking, ponderous mechanisms of the massive political machine that turns the cogs of your world as you know it. I'll be sure to make a post to my own, personal network to inform people of my stances, and announce them during the debate. Remember to ask questions! There's no such thing as a stupid question!
While Guardian Andor certainly stands to win handily, the future is promised to no one, so this may very well be the last few weeks of his time with us as Attleton's guardian. Let's all take a moment to remember all the wonderful, memorable times of joy and laughter we have had with him.
Like the dogs.
And all the times murder did not actually happen.
---
So, remember how I said earlier that I was not going to advertise businesses that do not exist? Well I'm keeping to that with a business that I am ninety nine percent sure is real and with us currently in this city, according to this poster that I just found in the hallway during the guided meditation segment. While there's essentially very little information otherwise, I certainly can tell you who is running said business, where it is and what it is selling! Maybe selling. Not really selling, more like giving away in return for playing some games. I'm sure there's absolutely nothing to worry about.
Wonderland, run by a Miss Lydia, just on the outskirts of Everglade! In return for doing nothing more than having a good time with good people and certainly nothing else, you will be granted... a wish! What is the wish stipulation? Well you have to earn it. That is where the game part comes in. What kind of games?
I don't know.
I would know, if I went there, but I have not, as I have been terribly busy lately, so if someone in the listening audience would please kindly visit Wonderland and play a few games and watch a few shows, and then subsequently make a wish, I would appreciate it! Remember to tell me how it goes!
---
We won't be having a full week look at our weather today, as I've just been informed by station management that our self guided meditation segment has used up the allotted time for that.
Instead, we encourage you to go outside and observe the weather for yourself, and make an informed decision upon what you imagine your personal, subjective weather stance is.
It's always good weather to someone, somewhere.
Unless it's acid rain.
In which case we encourage you to not stand too long outside, contemplating what your personal weather opinion is. It is terrible enough that Everglade is dealing with acid blood, imagine how uncomfortable it'd be on the outside of your flesh as well. Please exercise appropriate caution in your weather watching.
---
And with that, dear listeners, I leave you once again. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening, the rest of your week, and the rest of your life. As we close out this beautiful, exciting year, it's good to reflect back on all the good times we have had, together and with each other.
Like the time we all turned into completely different people for a week, with a small handful of exceptions.
Or the time everyone turned into a Halloween costume.
Or the time everything was candy.
What an eventful year!
Goodnight, dear viewers. And remember.
Someone out there always loves you.
CALL IN!
CALL IN!
[
she has no idea how wrong she isSorry about the salt, Cecil, at least her voice only sounds slightly frosty. ]Why are you running at all?
Re: CALL IN!
Why, I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't!
no subject
Because Attleton needs a Guardian who takes their duties seriously.
Who is equipped with skills to handle the job.
no subject
And I've held management positions before. While I can say I've never held any political position, everyone must start somewhere. There aren't a great deal of openings other than deputy however, on which I could cut my teeth.
... Oh! If I lose, I wonder if I could ask Guardian Andor if he'd let me be a deputy? Do you think he'll accept?
no subject
[ Flat tone. Then. There's a pause on the other end of the call. ]
I do not speak for Cassian Andor.
no subject
I'll have to speak with him later, I hope he doesn't take my being his opponent negatively. I do admire him a great deal.
no subject
But I do not intend to ever run.
[ She thinks she'd be a bad fit, for many reasons. ]
.... I noticed.
no subject
It takes time and patience to show that you are efficient and effective, something I fully intend to display, but there's nothing inherently wrong with offering a small, paltry, but good willed gift to everyone in a town that I love living in.
no subject
[ Why does he have to be so reasonable? Why isn't he as illogical and silly as she assumed he was?
Dryly: ]
It helps to get free advertising from the local pizza companies in Attleton as well.
no subject
And the little kick to the economy doesn't hurt either! All the tax from all that pizza is put right into the general fund!
Why, with more money in circulation, Attleton could afford to fund more government projects!
Like a better equipped, larger police force, better schools, well maintained roads!
... And a new boardwalk!
Not just from pizza alone of course, but one small step forward is better than none at all!
no subject
But one part of this all seemed the most ridiculous. ]
Why a boardwalk?
no subject
I like boardwalks!
no subject
[ Then, pauses. Genessia was strange, so. ]
Unless that recently changed.
no subject
But imagine how many people will come to see the boardwalk to nowhere! Eat the food, skate on the boardwalk, have parties, play games.
After all, Happy Heights has been closed down since I got here, leaving very little, really, by way of attractions for Attleton.
May as well fill the void with a far more sustainable boardwalk!
And it's not fair that all our ocean adjacent neighbors get to have all the potential or current boardwalk fun.
no subject
Because there are already boardwalks to somewhere.
[ She’s right back to thinking, despite being otherwise quite reasonable (and perhaps irritatingly so), that this radio host is still a bit silly. ]
no subject
The Worlds Largest Paint Ball and The Worlds Largest Ball of Yarn get plenty of attention, and other than the paint ball housing an ancient, all knowing, morally ambiguous lead based deity, there's nothing special about either of them.
no subject
I don’t understand.
Why visit a giant ball of yarn?
no subject
That's a good question! I suppose in order to find out, you'd have to visit the giant ball of yarn and see for yourself!
It wouldn't do it any justice if I just stood here and tried to explain it, words just don't paint an accurate enough picture.
no subject
As I can’t, I am forced to ask.
[ Only stating the obvious. ]
I hope the force inside the ball of lead didn’t cause problems.
no subject
Oh no, he's usually pretty reasonable. And he makes fantastic quiche.
no subject
You could say it's a boardwalk, then, for the yarn ball.
[ It's just as sane as anything else suggested. ]
no subject
I really liked that soothing music you put on, do you have any other recommendations? You have great taste in music, Cecil.
Best luck with the elections!
no subject
I hear they scare very easily if you make a lot of loud, sharp noises.
no subject
But isn't there a way to make the Snowman like us? I rather befriend them that fight them.
[He likes to try the pacifist route first, you see.]
Action for Attleton!
He wasn't there before, but he's certainly there now, walking home after another night at the station.]
no subject
Good night, Mr. Palmer. I've enjoyed your radio show a lot today, it's always an experience. Oh, good luck running for Guardian too. Can I ask what made you decide to join the elections this time?
no subject
What made me decide? Well, I've always wanted to give politics a try.
As I said, I really don't mind if I don't win. It'd certainly be nice, but I have the utmost faith in Guardian Andor's leadership.
no subject
[He smiles slightly at that, his voice laced with dry humor.]
You're braver than I am.
He's had an interesting run, for a city that looks so peaceful at the first glance, Attleton can be quite hard to manage. But lets the best man win, right? I look forwards the debates.
not here
Levels of being embarrassed have reached critical blushing.]