genessia | Tears of a Clown [Action, Open]

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Tears of a Clown [Action, Open]

A. Genessia Public Library

[The assault on Winter hadn't gone so hot, and they were currently in the planning stages of what to do next. Ted's not much for grand stratagems, though he'd review any romantic novels to see what tactical brilliance they had to give. Like Layamon's Brut, for example.

This is what led to him quietly sobbing to himself on a desk, book in hand.]

"Oh, Lancelot, you rat bastard! Was Guinevere so lovely and Camelot so worthless to trade the latter for the former? What terrible creatures women are, and the men who fall for them."

[These literary lamentations are just quiet enough to avoid the ire of the librarians. But if you, unhappy reader, wish to keep Ted from talking to himself, by all means.]

B. Outside the Library!

[Somehow he perseveres over the sorrows of Arthur, choosing instead to reflect upon the joys.]

"Well, for all Arthur's calamities, he did have a few things going for him, like his birth. Even if Merlin did...help his father fornicate with another man's wife..."

[That was a little disturbing. Wasn't he here to think positive?]

"But after that! Like, say, when the elves robbed him from the cradle to give him his virtues, and such."

[He sighed dreamily.]

"Why couldn't I have been kidnapped by elves? Is that so much to ask?"

[Again, he's not talking to any but the ether. Again, you're free, brave pedestrian, to change that.]

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*The library has become Sonico's second home again, and it's not unusual to see her browsing the shelves for anything that might take her mind off things. But then she hears someone crying. And talking to themself.

She leaves the aisle with a few random novels in hand to see a familiar head of blonde. Sonico approaches quietly from behind, not wishing to startle him*

...Ted? What's wrong...?

Oh, the sexes are wrong! The world is wrong! I dare say that even love has gone wrong! Who else but Delilah could fell Samson? Why did the serpent look to Eve to tempt? Could any but Helen bathe the world in so much blood? Why must love compete and undermine its fellow loves so calamitously? Good God, is there anything more terrible than love misplaced?

[This vehement protest was dropped when he realized an actual, flesh-and-blood person had addressed him. His sadness disappeared for the surprise, made all the more shocking for whom it came: Sonico!? They hadn't spoken in some time, for reasons they both knew all too well. He stammered out a greeting.]

Oh, ah, hello, Sonico. Aheh, fancy seeing you here. Do you, um...like Arthurian romance too?

*Love? Has he been hurt recently by love too? It had been long enough since they last spoke that it might well be true. She moved round to stand at the opposite side of the desk, glancing down at the book in his hand*

Arthurian? I like romance, but I don't know a lot about that kind...

*She placed her own paperbacks down as she spoke to him - clearly she hadn't been paying too much attention to what she picked out: a sci fi novel, some crime fiction, and a pink book with a title about cake shops*

Is... is your book upsetting your or... is there something else?

*Because she did want to help out. Despite things*

["Hurt by love" is an apt description. Indeed, that seemed to comprise the majority of his pains.]

Ah, well, suppose it'd be more popular with Western readers. You might like things like...Kaguya-Hime?

[Though Japanese stories tended to the macabre, rather than the sweeping heroism he liked. Bashfully he wiped his eyes. This was a more transient, moody sorrow that was easily replaced with the introduction of anything else, albeit dimmed given who he's speaking to.]

Ahaha, well, the story has it upsets, to be sure. Yet I've read it several times, I ah, really ought to see them coming. Still, these deserted didacticisms never fail to disappoint.

[Disappointments are what Ted has in abundance. So much so that it seems vain to talk of any one. Besides, he dislikes needlessly burdening others with problems that aren't theirs.]

How have you been holding up so far?

Kaguya hime? Yes.

*Sonico smiled and nodded at the familiar tale, then averted her eyes as he wiped his*

Oh... I'm sorry.

*She looked at his book again, sympathising somewhat with what he was feeling but, as someone who has never read the same book more than once, she wasn't entirely sure what to say*

Me?

*Sonico looked down again and stacked her books together, then unpiled them. She doesn't know how much Ted might know abouy her and Mobius, so she went for an awkward nod*

Mhm. I'm fine, thank you.

[Ted may not be the most sensitive man in the world, but gets the feeling it was one of those "I'm fine"'s that were given out of politeness, rather than honesty. He would know, having given those a few times himself. Since Sonico didn't use the private function, he knows all about her situation with Mobius. He didn't respond right away, studying her expression. She had been very distraught after losing Arro, who as far as he knew, was only a friend. It had been about two weeks since she lost Mobius, one much nearer to her heart. What are the odds that she was truly "fine"?

Well, either her coping skills have improved immensely, or she's going to hell for lying. Call him cynical, but he suspects the latter. Now all that's left to decide is whether bringing it up would be cruel or kind. He means well, but then, everyone does. Doesn't mean he'll act well.

Can't hurt to offer, can it?]

Sonico, if there's something you'd like to talk about, I'm all ears. And for what it's worth, I happen to know of loss.

[More than he likes to admit.]

Edited 2018-01-30 19:20 (UTC)

*Surprised by his openness, Sonico looked back up at him - she still wasn't used to offers of listening, particularly not from people she was sure didn't like her. The books were stacked again as she stared at him for a moment. Embarrassed, she looked around her, and though she didn't say anything, she pulled a chaur from the nearby desk and took a seat.

She sat like that for a good few seconds, considering his words and staring at her hands resting on the pile of books*

I thought... I thought I would be used to it by now.

*Maybe it was because he said he could connect, maybe it was because she felt that thought she knew him, there was a little bit of distance. Either way, she spoke quietly, measured*

It happens all the time. But - but this time it's different. This time I don't know... if I'm supposed to let him go and move on. I don't know if I just need to accept that this was just... a small and precious part of my life that I'll never have back. I... don't know...

[He wonders whether it was right to inquire after all. She was around the Attleton Guardian Office at all times, wasn't she? A half-dozen people must have done this very thing. Perhaps they were exhausting her, not giving her the loneliness she really needed. Yet she sounded so desperate and confused, even still.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time he'd tried to offer plain, if bitter, truth. His voice is small and tender.]

No; loss like that isn't made easier through repetition. Heh, you can trust me there.

I don't know about "letting go"; I doubt you could even if you wanted to. Good or ill, the memories will abide. But yes, you move on. There's naught else to do.

This may be a silly question, but have you grieved properly?

*Sonico bowed her head and nodded - yes, she knew that moving on was what she was supposed to do. And she would try but, right then it was hard to see how things would go back to normal without him*

Grieved?

*She slowly lifted her eyes to him again, wondering if he couldn't tell how exhausted she was, how pale and drawn she looked*

I didn't know it was physically possible to cry as much as I did... Everything ached for days. I have only very recently had the energy to even leave the house. Isn't that grieving?

Aheh, it certainly sounds so. I ah, know what that's like.

[He didn't know if her room was the best place to do that, given Memoria Park, but for one as important as him she'd likely be thinking about that loss there often anyway.]

Well, I'm...sorry for your loss. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[He feels a little guilty bringing it up, for it seemed as if she was making a pass at normalcy. All he can do is offer the blind courtesies of ritual and hope they help.]

Oh...

*To hear that he knew what it was like startled Sonico for a second - what she was feeling was awful, so to think that he knew what it was like was quite sad*

I'm sorry... that you know... It's not - it isn't easy.

*She doesn't say more on the subject, because she doesn't feel it's her place to ask any more than that*

Please don't be sorry; it wasn't your fault. But thank you. If I can think of anything, then I will let you know. Right now... I don't really know what will help. I suppose that's why I have these.

*Sonico gestures to the paperbacks on the table in front of her. It seems that she has finally clicked that she has picked up some books she has no interest in*

[He makes another light laugh and smile.]

Oh, don't be. "Better to have loved and lost", as the cliche goes. No one's getting out of this without scars, eh?

[He looked over her selection, figuring it was as good a time as any to switch subjects and take her mind off things.]

Huh, I didn't know your interests were so broad.

[He wouldn't have a clue what to make of someone that enjoyed all three of those things at once. What composite personality could be composed of such diverse parts?]

*Laughter and smiles go some way to making her feel better - lately, her friends have been around her with more sad faces and doom and gloom to mirror hers*

That's what they say. I suppose I will find out if that feeling is true.

*Sonico looks at the different novels and shakes her head. She picks up the sci fi novel and blinks at the cover, then looks to Ted with some confusion*

I do like to try different things but... I don't think I've been paying much attention to my choices today.

[That may be because her friends know to "weep with those who weep", whereas Ted can't find it in him to put off laughter for too long. It happens again when he discovers her choice of literature was made absentmindedly.]

Ahaha. Not very discriminate, eh? Well, there's no story quite like the founding story of Britain. The language is a little archaic, but worth parsing. You could borrow my copy, if you like. If your choices aren't quite conscious, perhaps my own might serve in their place?

*Sonico just shakes her head, bemused at what she'd picked up off the shelves. She tilts her head at the suggestion but doesn't dismiss it*

Hmm. I don't much about Britain at all. Maybe it could be interesting?

*Then she picks up the pink novel*

'The Romance of the Sweetest Cupcake Shop in the World'. I don't suppose you'd be interested in that. Oh - but it isn't mine, of course - it belongs to the library!

[Despite the somber subject matter, Ted continues to chuckle at Sonico's relentless girlishness.]

Pffhaha. Your subconscious selected that one, eh? It knows you very well. Or maybe it wanted something with where the cover matched the curtains.

[He pointed at her hair, then laughed as she felt necessary to explain that library books did, in fact, belong to the library.]

Oh, thank goodness you told me, else I'd have absconded with it like a thief. Well, I wouldn't presume disinterest too quickly. I should be very interest in the romance of shops, whom I've never known to be very interested in courtship. A book exchange, then? Tit for tat?

Ah - no. I think...

*Sonico smiled shyly at his comment about her hair and nodded gently*

Maybe that's what it was.

*She sat up straight in her chair, almost alarmed that he might think such a book was her own. She shook her head and waved her hands in earnest*

Oh, no. This isn't... I wouldn't usually read this kind of thing. In fact, I don't often read fiction full stop.

*Why was he talking about shops courting? Sonico looked again at the title of the novel and giggled quietly; that was silly*

Well, okay. That could be a good idea. I'll read about Britain and you can read about...romantic cupcakes. But you need to tell me your review once you have finished.

[She seems awfully nervous about her alleged taste in literature. Aw.]

Perish the thought! Well, there's some debate over how fictional Brut is.

[All that stuff about King Arthur probably didn't happen. But boy did Ted ~~think~~ wish it did.]

But if you like new things as much as you say, you're bound to like that. I'll do the same, and be sure to share my thoughts on bathetic bakeries.

I do. New things are always interesting to read.

*Especially when one is cooped up in her bedroom thinking that she is forever alone - in that instance, new reading material was always welcome*

Alright then. That's a deal.

*She had no idea what a 'bathetic bakery' was, but she smiled softly and nodded all the same. And while he may not have noticed the pale and tired on her expression before, her general demeanor had quite improved*

[Ted's not much for small details, but he does get the feeling that her day's brighter. Doing good deeds is more than enough to brighten his own.]

May we enjoy our novel novels.

[Ted chatters for a few minutes more before bidding her good day, smiling that slightly infuriating smile all the while.]

[Eavesdropping is bad. It leads to misunderstandings like this one, where Shi hears "kidnapped by elves" and turns sharply to face Theodore.]

Kidnapped?! What happened? Is everything okay? Are you okay?

[His face registers mild surprise as his musings are interrupted. He takes a moment to register who it spoke, connected Shi to all his network posts, then laughed.]

Hahaha, yes, I believe "kidnapped" is the term of choice to describe everyone's circumstances. Well, everyone that's wearing one of these, anyway.

[He plucked at his necklace.]

Oh, and "nothing noteworthy I know", "no" and "more or less", respectively. Good morning, Shi! How are you? Come to lay some karmic curse on the deserving? I hope I've behaved well enough to avoid that.

Edited 2018-01-30 19:23 (UTC)

[His comment about the necklaces is quick to ground Shi. He has no argument for that: They have all been effectively kidnapped. But--]

By elves? [And then, when his powers are brought up... The kid lowers his head and takes a few steps back.] N-No. I'm not here to hurt you or anything. I'm just visiting the library...

[Ted's not 100% sold on the kidnapped theory; some change had been affected on all of them; a change so severe they may not be the same...well, no use fretting over mere speculation.]

Haha, I wouldn't put it past them. Not that I'd bet that way, mind; I suspect something more numinous than even the most fantastic fey.

[Joking is how Ted comforts anxieties. That Shi's visiting a place as public as a library must mean he's become far more comfortable, right? He raises a yielding hand anyway.]

Aheh, no, I doubt you ever mean to hurt many. I didn't know you for a reader. Or is this a school assignment?

Not school, no... That would be a bad idea.

[Though Shi has become somewhat more comfortable, school is still a line he is terrified of crossing. It isn't like he's in the library for more than a few minutes at a time either.]

I was hoping to learn of a charm to seal my spirit. Then I can't curse people... What about you?

[Baby steps are good too. His countenance turns slightly concerned.]

They have books like that here? Sounds a little occult for Genessia City. If memory serves there are libraries more towards the mystic in Fayren; they even hire book hunters to seek out even rarer tomes.

Still, that's an...interesting line of pursuit. What, aside from putting a damper on things, would sealing your spirit do?

Ah, heh, just reading in public. You never know who you'll meet that way.

Is that why I can't find any here? Then I need to travel for a while..?

[Shi was already troubled by the thought of sealing his spirit. Finding out it's going to be harder to find books, and therefore easier to give up, makes him frown moreso.]

I-I'm not sure, actually. I can't cross spiritual boundaries back home without leaving my body behind, and good luck charms make me weak... But it would be better than making a mistake and getting chased out.

["Can't"? He's already tried and failed?]

Oh, you've already looked? I mean, the cities follow their themes faithfully, so I'd assume--but, hah, then I'm one of the few people in the world who hasn't go much of a head for the mystic.

[He looks a little lost as Shi goes into his strange conditions. Ted tries to keep pace and take whatever logic Shi's operating out of into his head.]

Wait, hold on Shi, you're ah, heh, moving very swiftly. What spiritual boundaries do you need to cross? What mistake might you make? Chased out of where and for what?

Ahh, s-sorry, um...

[He laughs meekly, not sure if he even wants to elaborate.]

Back home, people set up these boundaries to keep spirits out. When I try crossing them, I um... [Not going to finish that thought. Shi isn't proud of the fact he is basically a zombie. In fact, he's not proud of a lot of the specifics and doesn't want to give Ted reasons to fear him. Ted is nice.

And Shi is selfish.]

D-Don't worry about it! I better go to uh Fayren, right? Can I really pay someone to find the books that I need? Th-That's so convenient, wow, haha~! Ha...

Haha, I assume you become somewhat split.

[If he hadn't implied the answer, Ted's network vigilance would've told him as much anyway. He moves to put a reassuring hand on Shi's shoulder.]
'
Yes, it's called "Scribes and Scripts" and they might have something. But before you go book hunting, will you please tell me what's the matter and what exactly you're planning to do about it? It sounds very drastic, and, heh, to be frank, I'm not buying what you're selling so far.

[Even Ted can catch on to frantic evasions like that. He's done the same thing himself, so he knows it when he sees it.]

[Right when Shi thinks he has mastered the art of lying, he realizes that nope. Nope, he has not. Almost the opposite, actually. It's almost fitting that Shi, the open book, is in front of a library.]

Are you sure? [Okay, even Shi knows he can't get out of this. And he knows he's being selfish by keeping these secrets. So he takes a deep breath and resigns himself to the truth.]

I curse people... Everyone here is so nice. I-I don't want to risk hurting someone, and being k-killed here too... [An explanation he knows if worrisome, so instinctively tries to cover up:] But I'm sure it'll be okay. So really, don't worry about it! This time will be different.

Hah, well I'm not asking out of diffidence!

[Then he listens to the same story he's already spilled out to the network various times. Looks like no one's been able to make much of a dent in the spirit's anxieties. Which, statistically, means Ted won't either, but...eh, what's the harm?]

Mm, so you've said. Your definition of "nice" is, haha, very novel. Do "nice" people like you allege get up to much killing?

Oh, I've no doubt about the difference, however strikingly similar your attitude. Not to gossip, or anything, but I've known a couple who claim to have similar conditions and yet have suffered none of the consequences they were so sure of.

Others...?

[That catches his attention. Shi had always assumed he was the only one. It was a more pleasant assumption that wishing there was someone else like him.

Hearing it might be possible gives him a gross kind of reassurance. He shouldn't be so happy to hear about others suffering like him, but here he is... Hoping it's true.]

That's... not good? [At least verbally, Shi gives what he thinks is the 'correct' response. His face, however, is curious and hoping to hear more.]

Oh, on the contrary, I think it very good. Here.

[If there's a place to sit, he'll motion over. If not, the bare street works too.]

Your origin story is, to my ears, a familiar one. That stuff about being, somehow, molded by human belief, particularly of the superstitious sort. I know two in particular that could tell a very similar tale. A belief in misfortune was personified--they being the persons--and so a target was made for otherwise unfocused hatred.

So they lived and so they suffered, for their life was intrinsically, spiritually bound to embodying the belief and, in so doing, justifying the enmity. A vicious cycle. Over time they were able to change things, bit by bit, either through willpower or the lenience of time or some other equally mysterious process.

Well, I don't know much about that past. Anyway, they came to Genessia, with their views of themselves in tact. That is, if people didn't believe in them and the misfortunes they supposedly meant, they'd perish.

[He catches his breath for a pregnant pause. He speaks almost as fast as the human ear can intelligibly listen.]

Suffice to say, that didn't happen. Logically you can't believe in something you haven't heard of, and as most everyone's a stranger to each other in Genessia, well, it seemed as though they were doomed from the start. Curiously, despite everyone being wholly ignorant of them, they exist and continue to exist unperturbed.

[He says that as though that's supposed to be ridiculous.]

And yet, here they are, all their paranoia laid to rest.

[He considers being a bore and explaining the moral of the story, but figures Shi's intelligent enough to get it. But just to make sure...]

Do you see what I'm getting at?

Edited 2018-02-04 03:54 (UTC)

[Shi joins Ted in sitting down, listening attentively to his story. It all makes good sense to Shi, too. Technically, Shi shouldn't be able to exist unless people are cursing him here either. That just isn't something he's let factor into his paranoid ~~lack of~~ logic.

As the story finishes, he sighs and nods.]

I know it logically, I guess... I don't know why it won't sink in.

[It isn't intentional, but he does mumble his theory,]

Maybe I'm just scared. I don't know who or what I am, except for a curse...

[This time, Shi isn't being dismissive or avoidant when he looks back at Ted.]

How do you know who you are?

For a guess, I'd say it's because anything's hard to come off of after having thought so consistently for so long. Large things like that aren't really ever believed until everything confirms it; it'll probably take more than one deduction, however neat.

[Identity crisis, eh? Ted's torn between explaining or just laughing off the question as not important. Why not both?]

Ahaha, God knows. That's not flippancy; He really does, of course, which is a way of saying I don't think we're going to any time soon.

I mean, there are one's accidents to consider. Your sex, your nationality, your name. Those all say something. Yours is something like "white", isn't it?

Then there are the choices, or at least, what we will call choices if not fortuities, like creed and relationships. That last one will tell more, for meaning is created by contrast and comparison. It's a cooperative work; you musn't be like the narcissists and try to define yourself apart from others. That'll never do.

Particularly because those others will likely have more insight as to who you are then you will. Like how you can only know what you look like by a mirror, say. You are the only one who experiences yourself as you do, while everyone else sees something very different.

[Then, for some reason, he dismissively laughs again.]

Forgive me, that must all sound like inane psychobabble, eh? I wouldn't worry about it. The self is in a state of constant flux anyway; hard to pin down. If you'll forgive the impertinence of answering a question with another: why do you want to know? How would it help?

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