Entry tags:
I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just a Little Unwell
WHO: Orihime Inoue
WHAT: Managing to find a psychiatrist, Orihime goes for her first and last session. The voice in her head is getting stronger.
WHEN: July 1, 2014 - Afternoon
WHERE: Attleton
NOTES: This will probably be a long log. If you want to skip to the end and read the part where your character can run into her on the street, feel free!
It was a nice office, Orihime thought, as she eased herself into a prone position on the couch. The leather creaked quietly beneath her. Dr. Stone, a man in a nice suit took out a pad of paper and settled in on his knee, tilting it in a way that Orihime couldn't see the notes he made. He made no effort at small talk. Was she supposed to start? Was he still getting ready?
"Is this where I talk about my childhood? Hee hee!" she grinned, cracking a joke to try and hide how nervous she truly was.
The psychiatrist just stared at her until the smile faded from her face, evidently not appreciating her humor.
"You need to take this seriously, Miss Inoue, if what you told me is true. Your symptoms are fairly serious: Disembodied voices--"
"Just the one," Orihime corrected quickly, trying to shrink back from the man's piercing stare.
"...A disembodied voice," he corrected crisply, "hallucinations, and violent thoughts? You may be too far advanced for anything I can prescribe or advance. For your own safety and the safety of others, you may have to consider the very real possibility of a mental institution and a straitjacket." He watched her to see her reaction. She stayed quiet, staring up at the ceiling with a brow furrowed in quiet fear and melancholy. "Do you disagree?"
"...No," she said in a subdued voice.
"Interesting." He made a mark on his notepad. "Most would at least offer some sort of protest, and proclaim vehemently not to be crazy enough to warrant that. Why would you agree so readily?"
"Because I don't want to hurt anybody. If that's what's best, then it's what I'm willing to do."
He quirked his mouth, bobbed his head, and made a few more notes.
Orihime watched him for a few moments. When he didn't say anything further, her worry bubbled up. "Is that what you're recommending?"
"Not yet." He wrote some more.
In a way, she was relieved. He didn't think she was hopeless. ...At least, she prayed that was the case.
Finally he looked up. "When did these symptoms first begin to manifest?"
Orihime exhaled softly. "About two years ago, I think. It was before I came here. A friend of mine took me on an expedition into space. But there was a creature there. An Aeon. We didn't know it was there, and it didn't want us telling anyone, so it abducted us and held us prisoner...tortured us...made us experience day after day of living nightmares." Her fingers laced together on her stomach, and tightened.
"For how long?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I had no sense of time. I'd estimate about six weeks."
He was staring at her again. It made her uncomfortable, but she said nothing, waiting until he gestured to indicate that she should continue.
"I don't remember much of what happened after that. My body was rotten. If not for the power our sheer will granted us in that city, I probably would have died a long time ago. My friends defeated the creature, and they put me in the hospital until I could recover. I thought, when I woke up, that the worst was over. But I could still hear that voice, telling me awful things. I couldn't use my Bending without the results becoming twisted and monstrous."
"Bending?" he echoed, raising a slim brow.
She paused, glancing back at him. "Oh. Er. In that city, we could shape reality with our willpower. We were supposed to use that power to repair worlds that had their realities damaged, and eventually, create worlds of our own."
His gaze was hooded. "So you were like gods there."
Orihime's face colored. "I...I guess that's one way to view it..."
"Do you believe yourself to be a god, or goddess?"
"No no, definitely not!" she said hastily, starting to sit up. He held up his hand to still her motions, and she paused...then lowered herself down again onto the couch. "We had unique abilities. But I'm still human. And I can't Bend anymore, so it isn't as if I can guarantee an immortal life." She paused, realizing he was writing again, and waited for the sound to stop. "I had to practice Bending a lot for things to start going back to normal. If I tried to create a sandwich, it was moldy and crawling with maggots. Trying to create a watermelon made this horrible monster appear that attacked us. I wanted to stop creating altogether, but my friends insisted that I keep trying. And they were right. I got more control. The voice started to fade after that."
He looked at her, sitting back in his chair. "What did the voice tell you back then?"
Orihime fell silent, her guilt pooling heavily in her gut. She didn't want to repeat what the voice said. If she acknowledged it, it would just get louder, rejoicing in her response.
Tell him.
She shut her eyes, swallowing hard.
"It told me...to kill. Friends, people I didn't know...it told me why they had to die. The things they'd done...what they thought about me...I was supposed to deliver their punishment and make them suffer for their sins." She hugged her stomach, guilt burning the back of her throat. "Sometimes, when I looked at them, I could see blood on their faces, and streaming out of their eyes. And it wasn't real! I could hardly look at anyone at all, it made me so sick and scared." Her voice was starting to hitch.
"And what does it tell you now?"
Orihime was quiet for a long, long moment. "...The same things."
"Do you think the voice is right?"
She blinked, feeling her eyes starting to burn. "No."
He wasn't saying anything, just probing her with that unblinking stare.
"...But sometimes...sometimes I think it might be right, and it...it terrifies me," she confessed, hot tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and running down her temple to vanish in her hair. "I wouldn't normally think something so awful, but it keeps saying it over and over and over...! I can't make it be quiet anymore a-and...what if it takes over? What if that voice really is my subconscious?" She turned her head to look at the psychiatrist, her eyes dark with fear and misery. "What kind of monster am I?"
He didn't answer her. He rested his cheek in his splayed fingers, sizing her up in silence. When he spoke, he left her question unanswered. "When did the hallucinations start again?"
His refusal to answer her question made her uneasy. He thought she was a monster too, didn't he? Swallowing hard, Orihime blinked back her tears and looked at the ceiling again. "Yesterday."
"What did you see?"
She didn't want to remember it. But he wasn't going to say another word until she told him what he wanted to know. "...I was making a cake. When I cracked the egg, something heavy and wet plopped into the batter. It was bleeding...and screaming... I clapped my hands over my ears and shut my eyes tight. But when I opened them again, there wasn't anything there. Just an egg yolk." She'd thrown out the batter anyway, too sickened to bake anything else.
He set his pad down on his lap, and heaved a long sigh through his nostrils. He removed his glasses, rubbing his fingers over his eyes. "Miss Inoue, I won't lie to you. Your case is serious, but there is a cure."
That was good news. It was great news! She turned her head to look up at him, wiping at her wet cheeks. "What is it?"
He smiled. There was something wrong about the smile. It looked just a little too wide.
"You have to die."
Orihime sat up with a start, grasping at the edge of the sofa with her hand. "W-what...?"
He spread his hands wide as if he were explaining things to a very stupid child. "Isn't it obvious? Death in this place is temporary. When you recover, all of your inflictions will be healed. Including that disgusting diseased brain of yours! Come on, eh?" He leaned forward with a condescending leer. "Do you really value your life over everyone else's? Die." His eyelids lowered slightly.
"Just die."
She stared at him mutely, her heart aching. Was he right...? No. No no no. She clutched at her head and shut her eyes tight, holding her breath. Count to ten. Don't listen.
I know it's you, she quietly told the voice in her head. That's not what he really said.
There was no response, but she could feel a sense of smug, dark amusement. When she opened her eyes, the psychiatrist's expression was alarmed. He was sitting up straight, back pressed against his chair, pen poised. He definitely wasn't smiling that unnatural smile.
Orihime looked up at him helplessly. She opened her mouth to speak. And closed it. Then she rose to her feet, and bowed politely.
"Please excuse me. I'm not feeling very well."
"Miss Inoue--"
She didn't stay to listen. Her feet carried her briskly out the door, out of the office, and quickly down the street. When she got to the bus stop sign, she held tightly to the metal pole and rested her forehead against it. And she cried.
* * * * *
There were no further incidents on the long bus ride back to the Archway. Orihime stared listlessly out the window, her forehead pressed against the glass, until she reached her stop. She stepped out of the bus and stared mutely up at the looming stone gate ahead of her.
What if her hallucination was right? Was dying her only option at this point? She wished she could have known what the psychiatrist had really said to her, but the voice in her head was getting too strong. It could control more than her sight now...it was affecting her hearing too. How long before smell, taste, and touch followed? How long until the rest of her body was overcome?
She looked down at her radio, desperately wanting to call someone, just to hear a friendly voice again. But what if the voice warped that too? She felt...isolated. And she was scared to death.
"What should I do...?" she asked quietly. Despite the heat, her arms were prickled with a million goosebumps. She rubbed at them quietly, then stepped through the gate.
WHAT: Managing to find a psychiatrist, Orihime goes for her first and last session. The voice in her head is getting stronger.
WHEN: July 1, 2014 - Afternoon
WHERE: Attleton
NOTES: This will probably be a long log. If you want to skip to the end and read the part where your character can run into her on the street, feel free!
It was a nice office, Orihime thought, as she eased herself into a prone position on the couch. The leather creaked quietly beneath her. Dr. Stone, a man in a nice suit took out a pad of paper and settled in on his knee, tilting it in a way that Orihime couldn't see the notes he made. He made no effort at small talk. Was she supposed to start? Was he still getting ready?
"Is this where I talk about my childhood? Hee hee!" she grinned, cracking a joke to try and hide how nervous she truly was.
The psychiatrist just stared at her until the smile faded from her face, evidently not appreciating her humor.
"You need to take this seriously, Miss Inoue, if what you told me is true. Your symptoms are fairly serious: Disembodied voices--"
"Just the one," Orihime corrected quickly, trying to shrink back from the man's piercing stare.
"...A disembodied voice," he corrected crisply, "hallucinations, and violent thoughts? You may be too far advanced for anything I can prescribe or advance. For your own safety and the safety of others, you may have to consider the very real possibility of a mental institution and a straitjacket." He watched her to see her reaction. She stayed quiet, staring up at the ceiling with a brow furrowed in quiet fear and melancholy. "Do you disagree?"
"...No," she said in a subdued voice.
"Interesting." He made a mark on his notepad. "Most would at least offer some sort of protest, and proclaim vehemently not to be crazy enough to warrant that. Why would you agree so readily?"
"Because I don't want to hurt anybody. If that's what's best, then it's what I'm willing to do."
He quirked his mouth, bobbed his head, and made a few more notes.
Orihime watched him for a few moments. When he didn't say anything further, her worry bubbled up. "Is that what you're recommending?"
"Not yet." He wrote some more.
In a way, she was relieved. He didn't think she was hopeless. ...At least, she prayed that was the case.
Finally he looked up. "When did these symptoms first begin to manifest?"
Orihime exhaled softly. "About two years ago, I think. It was before I came here. A friend of mine took me on an expedition into space. But there was a creature there. An Aeon. We didn't know it was there, and it didn't want us telling anyone, so it abducted us and held us prisoner...tortured us...made us experience day after day of living nightmares." Her fingers laced together on her stomach, and tightened.
"For how long?"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I had no sense of time. I'd estimate about six weeks."
He was staring at her again. It made her uncomfortable, but she said nothing, waiting until he gestured to indicate that she should continue.
"I don't remember much of what happened after that. My body was rotten. If not for the power our sheer will granted us in that city, I probably would have died a long time ago. My friends defeated the creature, and they put me in the hospital until I could recover. I thought, when I woke up, that the worst was over. But I could still hear that voice, telling me awful things. I couldn't use my Bending without the results becoming twisted and monstrous."
"Bending?" he echoed, raising a slim brow.
She paused, glancing back at him. "Oh. Er. In that city, we could shape reality with our willpower. We were supposed to use that power to repair worlds that had their realities damaged, and eventually, create worlds of our own."
His gaze was hooded. "So you were like gods there."
Orihime's face colored. "I...I guess that's one way to view it..."
"Do you believe yourself to be a god, or goddess?"
"No no, definitely not!" she said hastily, starting to sit up. He held up his hand to still her motions, and she paused...then lowered herself down again onto the couch. "We had unique abilities. But I'm still human. And I can't Bend anymore, so it isn't as if I can guarantee an immortal life." She paused, realizing he was writing again, and waited for the sound to stop. "I had to practice Bending a lot for things to start going back to normal. If I tried to create a sandwich, it was moldy and crawling with maggots. Trying to create a watermelon made this horrible monster appear that attacked us. I wanted to stop creating altogether, but my friends insisted that I keep trying. And they were right. I got more control. The voice started to fade after that."
He looked at her, sitting back in his chair. "What did the voice tell you back then?"
Orihime fell silent, her guilt pooling heavily in her gut. She didn't want to repeat what the voice said. If she acknowledged it, it would just get louder, rejoicing in her response.
Tell him.
She shut her eyes, swallowing hard.
"It told me...to kill. Friends, people I didn't know...it told me why they had to die. The things they'd done...what they thought about me...I was supposed to deliver their punishment and make them suffer for their sins." She hugged her stomach, guilt burning the back of her throat. "Sometimes, when I looked at them, I could see blood on their faces, and streaming out of their eyes. And it wasn't real! I could hardly look at anyone at all, it made me so sick and scared." Her voice was starting to hitch.
"And what does it tell you now?"
Orihime was quiet for a long, long moment. "...The same things."
"Do you think the voice is right?"
She blinked, feeling her eyes starting to burn. "No."
He wasn't saying anything, just probing her with that unblinking stare.
"...But sometimes...sometimes I think it might be right, and it...it terrifies me," she confessed, hot tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and running down her temple to vanish in her hair. "I wouldn't normally think something so awful, but it keeps saying it over and over and over...! I can't make it be quiet anymore a-and...what if it takes over? What if that voice really is my subconscious?" She turned her head to look at the psychiatrist, her eyes dark with fear and misery. "What kind of monster am I?"
He didn't answer her. He rested his cheek in his splayed fingers, sizing her up in silence. When he spoke, he left her question unanswered. "When did the hallucinations start again?"
His refusal to answer her question made her uneasy. He thought she was a monster too, didn't he? Swallowing hard, Orihime blinked back her tears and looked at the ceiling again. "Yesterday."
"What did you see?"
She didn't want to remember it. But he wasn't going to say another word until she told him what he wanted to know. "...I was making a cake. When I cracked the egg, something heavy and wet plopped into the batter. It was bleeding...and screaming... I clapped my hands over my ears and shut my eyes tight. But when I opened them again, there wasn't anything there. Just an egg yolk." She'd thrown out the batter anyway, too sickened to bake anything else.
He set his pad down on his lap, and heaved a long sigh through his nostrils. He removed his glasses, rubbing his fingers over his eyes. "Miss Inoue, I won't lie to you. Your case is serious, but there is a cure."
That was good news. It was great news! She turned her head to look up at him, wiping at her wet cheeks. "What is it?"
He smiled. There was something wrong about the smile. It looked just a little too wide.
"You have to die."
Orihime sat up with a start, grasping at the edge of the sofa with her hand. "W-what...?"
He spread his hands wide as if he were explaining things to a very stupid child. "Isn't it obvious? Death in this place is temporary. When you recover, all of your inflictions will be healed. Including that disgusting diseased brain of yours! Come on, eh?" He leaned forward with a condescending leer. "Do you really value your life over everyone else's? Die." His eyelids lowered slightly.
"Just die."
She stared at him mutely, her heart aching. Was he right...? No. No no no. She clutched at her head and shut her eyes tight, holding her breath. Count to ten. Don't listen.
I know it's you, she quietly told the voice in her head. That's not what he really said.
There was no response, but she could feel a sense of smug, dark amusement. When she opened her eyes, the psychiatrist's expression was alarmed. He was sitting up straight, back pressed against his chair, pen poised. He definitely wasn't smiling that unnatural smile.
Orihime looked up at him helplessly. She opened her mouth to speak. And closed it. Then she rose to her feet, and bowed politely.
"Please excuse me. I'm not feeling very well."
"Miss Inoue--"
She didn't stay to listen. Her feet carried her briskly out the door, out of the office, and quickly down the street. When she got to the bus stop sign, she held tightly to the metal pole and rested her forehead against it. And she cried.
* * * * *
There were no further incidents on the long bus ride back to the Archway. Orihime stared listlessly out the window, her forehead pressed against the glass, until she reached her stop. She stepped out of the bus and stared mutely up at the looming stone gate ahead of her.
What if her hallucination was right? Was dying her only option at this point? She wished she could have known what the psychiatrist had really said to her, but the voice in her head was getting too strong. It could control more than her sight now...it was affecting her hearing too. How long before smell, taste, and touch followed? How long until the rest of her body was overcome?
She looked down at her radio, desperately wanting to call someone, just to hear a friendly voice again. But what if the voice warped that too? She felt...isolated. And she was scared to death.
"What should I do...?" she asked quietly. Despite the heat, her arms were prickled with a million goosebumps. She rubbed at them quietly, then stepped through the gate.

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