[Video][Event] It's a CAT-RATastrope

[steeltraps]

[Anyone Familiar with Mordecai will find this video feed familiar, except... well. His mannerisms, proper as they apparently usually are are uh, absent. Instead his face is twisted into a rather manic, but confused grin.

At least "Mordecai" doesn't seem to be a child any longer?]

So lemme get somethin' straight here, mates. Chocolate eggs.... CAUSE THIS? [the upturn in volume is only amplified by confusion, and it's followed by a rather confused laugh.]

You've gotta be kiddin me. Never in my life did I expect to be a kitty cat. Or one that, ahaha, wore a suit. [He's already shed the tie, a vest, and he's doing his best to make himself comfortable. He holds up one hand, fingers splayed, claws showing.]

And these things? ain't all they're cracked up to be, hah.

[Sorry Mordecai, whenever you see this.]

Comments

[unbelled]

[Ooooooh my GOD NO]

Stop! Stoppitrightnow!

[HELP HIS HAIR IS A MESS]

That waistcoat is perfectly tailored to fit me, it should be causing you absolutely no discomfort whatsoever! I don't care what your prior intentions were, put it back! Put everything back!

[steeltraps]

QUID PRO... [something he mumbles the last part] YOU FIRST! TAKE ME OUTTA THAT FLIPPIN SUIT OR I'LL CUT YOUR WHISKERS TOO!!

[stalk, stalk stalk, thunk. Wait. Junkrat stops, then stomps his leg again, resulting in a second hollow thunk. He looks a sight, fluffy hair and fur all out of place. The shirt is even half untucked.]

Wait a minute, what's this we have here?

[unbelled]

You are half naked-

[Wait. Thump.

Thump thump over the rug-

Shit.]

... I swear, if you touch anything in my house, I will find you, and when I do, no one else will know where you went.

[steeltraps]

You kill me and you'd be killin yerself mate. [A manic, toothy grin splits across junkr--- mordecai... his face and he ducks down to yank the carpet away. A whistle follows shortly after.]

'm not scared of YOU.

[unbelled]

If you think for one moment I wouldn't kill you simply because you are me in order to ensure my public image, you are sorely mistaken.

[Mordecai plz listen to urself]

[steeltraps]

[Junkrat just... looks. at mordecai..himself. He looks.]

You know what mate. I'm pretty sure even I'M not crazy enough to think that makes sense. You got loads of things here I can rig up before you get here, then who's the one stepping into a minefield?

[They're both fucking idiots.]

[unbelled]

[fight me in the pit you dumb ape]

I hope Viktor breaks your neck.

[MORDECAI THAT IS YOUR NECK]

There are no explosives in that cache whatsoever. Can you even aim a gun?

[steeltraps]

Aimin's overrated. [he doesn't need to aim with his fucking frag launcher. But that doesn't mean he CAN'T.]

'sides. I can just take apart what I don't wanna use and make it into somethin' even better.

Get me outta that monkey suit and maybe, just MAYBE I won't loot your basement cache here, fleabag. [he pauses, and notes the slicked back hair.] And put all THAT [he indicates his own head] Back where it belongs or I'll give ya a shave!

[unbelled]

Do not take any of those apart! Don't touch them- Don't even look at them! They're all neatly organized and categorized and you'll ruin it like you've ruined everything else over there!

Well if this is your body, and I'm simply inside of it until such a time where it can be fixed, then I'm not terribly attached to it!

So I'm going to hold you hostage, and if you touch any of my things, I'll walk us out in front of a bus and you get to stay like that forever.

[steeltraps]

Least I get the guns then, mate. And no one's gonna figure out my new looks. Those wanted posters are probably good as useless.

Hahahahahaaha [fucking cool it, with the laughing junkrat, it doesn't work well when you're not, well, you.] Wait till Roadhog gets a load of THIS news!

[junkrat....]

[unbelled]

The joke is on you, I have wanted posters as well!

GIVE ME MY EVERYTHING BACK RIGHT NOW!

[steeltraps]

[Junkrat's distracted for the moment peeking into the cache to pull out the biggest thing he can find and inspect. He fits Mordecai with an annoyed expression.]

You still goin on about that mate? I didn't do this, it was those eggs that are layin' about everywhere.

[unbelled]

Well you are certainly not making any concentrated effort to fix this!

Unlike myself!

[JUNKRAT FINDS an SSK .950 JDJ. AKA: A fuckin' bigass sniper rifle. How'd Mordecai get that?

Buzz off, mind your own business]

PUT THAT BACK!

[He's up and going now, cursing as he stumbles about on that stupid fuckin' pegleg goddamn.]

I know where I live, I'm going to fix this once and for all.

[steeltraps]

Wot? You mean you yellin and puttin me in a monkey suit is HELPING the situation? I think you're not right in the head mate.

[and no, he's not putting the gun back. In fact, he's going to chamber a few rounds, nbd. He's just playing with it a bit, mordecai.]

hAHAHA LOOKS LIKE YOU AINT GOIN MUCH OF ANYWHERE TILL YOU LEARN HOW TO WALK AGAIN MATE.

[unbelled]

You are attempting to strip on camera and cackling like a lunatic, I'd say between the two of us, I've handled this far better.

[no, mordecai.

He thumps around for a moment, cussing again, before hobbling out and into the goddamn street. The communicator is shut OFF.

He doesn't need any commentary from the peanut gallery as he relearns how to fuckin walk]

[steeltraps]

[Fine, phonecall over. But if mordecai's going to clomp over, Junkrat's going to be prepared. Of course it's a little slap dash, not nearly as perfected as his usual, but hey Junkrat's good at improvising.

And sometimes cutlery makes pretty good bomb fodder if you know what you're doing. Later, he'll realize just how bad an idea this is. His usual No man isn't here.

Roadhog look what happens in your absence.]

[unbelled]

[It's slower than he'd like, but Mordecai does, eventually, learn how to lope pretty well with this shitty leg. Yeah it's not dignified, but its not his body, so he doesn't care.

Too much.

He cares a little bit.

At length, he does, eventually, get to the house. Viktor won't be happy with his ploy here, but Mordecai knows what kind of weapons he stores in there. He has no interest in getting into a gunfight with no fuckin gun.

So first, at the far, far end of the house, inside the bathroom, there's the sound of glass shattering. He hucked a large rock through it.

As quickly as he could manage, he then loped back towards the kitchen, intent on using the distraction in the bathroom to mask the real entry here.

He's getting a heckin gun, goddamnit]

[steeltraps]

[the ploy works, and Junkrat goes where the noise came from, that large weapon before held firmly in his cat paws.]

You know, there's something to be said for STEALTH— [he kicks the door open, his face falling comically when no one but a rock and some broken glass is to be found inside.]

Dammit. [he turns to look over his shoulder.] Here, kitty kitty.

[unbelled]

[Yeah there is. He's popped back out of his gun cellar with your typical Glock, Mordecai isn't really in the business of overkill.

And with Junkrat wandering around making all that noise, if gives Mordecai the chance to find a good place to take cover, sit and wait...

And then open fire on himself the second he sees him because we're fucking insane.]

[steeltraps]

[Junkrat does nothing quietly, it's quite a disadvantage. So he does wind up clanking around and UNDER FIRE???? but mostly manages to scramble back behind a wall without taking any grievous wounds.]

OI! WHEN THE HELL'D YOU GET IN HERE MATE, THOUGHT I HEARD YOU COMIN' THROUGH THE BATHROOM!?