genessia | Gymnastics and bass

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Gymnastics and bass

This one goes out to a Princess just startin' public school! Which is where I learned gymnastics. Well, in London, I mean.

[It is STUPIDLY early in the morning, mostly dark even, just the twinges of dawn coming up over the horizon of what appears to be (and is in fact) Attleton University's rooftop. Which is SO not the right place to be practicing or showing off handstands and cartwheel gymnastics, but it doesn't seem to faze Rose as she engages in a somersault or two, and does a split -- good thing she's in yoga pants and a tank top, and practices general balance.]

[The sun is officially up when she grabs her bass and plugs it in to an amp, though it's still insanely early.]

And, to take my mind off everything, I'm takin' requests on songs. I gotta practice fakin' it. Um, that's playin' along without having the music written in front o' you or memorized. Just sorta... guessin', yeah? So gimme requests, before I gotta get to work.

[Private / Locked: to Trunks]

Sorry I haven't been at the park this week, the Doctor died, and I was even more of a basketcase than usual, yeah? But I'll be at Torchwood, regular hours, if you wanna stop by for work-stuff, yeah? And thanks, I was practicin', promise.

[Private to Jack & Mirajane:]

Stopping by the Fairy Haven after work, both o' you meet me there, okay?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I...did wonder, but also don't know you well enough to know if I should pry or not yet. You gonna be alright? I can stop by Torchwood, sure... Any time better than another?

[Someone is at least a little concerned, but also aware that he's not that close to Rose even though she's an open book in some ways and so very accepting.]

It's all right, nothing major. My -- the youngest Doctor died. So I've been staying at the University with the Professor. Helps with the nightmares, at least, even if he was one of the people I didn't want knowin' about it. He does this sort of jedi mind trick, poof, out like a light. It's cheating, but -- [Shrugs.]

I do still wanna learn meditation though, yeah?

Anytime you want though. You're doin' me the favor, after all!

If it helps, I don't see how it's cheating unless you were using it instead of everything else you're trying to do. But it sounds like it was really needed this time, and there's nothing wrong with taking help from your friends. We're all stronger together, right?

I didn't doubt you wanting to learn at all. So anytime is good, then? I'll see you in the mornings, probably right after your yoga, if that's okay.

Mm! [Nods!]

Yeah! That's perfect! Thank you so much!

Edited (3rd time's the charm) 2018-06-02 01:23 (UTC)

Then we can start tomorrow, if that works.

[Shaking off her thanks, as it's really not necessary.]

Absolutely! You're way too kind!

[ It's another one of those nights where Sertoria doesn't sleep, and yet she's not bothered by it in the slightest. She's gotten used to not having to sleep for her vessel long ago. However, what's different this morning from what she's gotten used to is that yet another person's in need of help.

This time, it's in Attleton.

She disappears from where she is, leaving a small note again for Angela this morning before arriving just a short distance away from the rooftop where Rose is practicing. The angel doesn't reveal herself at first, but she soon decides to show herself dressed in nothing much but her tunic, cloak, sandals and jewelry. It's definitely not workout wear, that's for sure. ]

Ah, hello. Is this spot taken?

[ She figures to at least start off small so as to not frighten the girl. She's been through a lot from what she can gather. ]

Ummmm... nope!

That's a neat trick. [Side eyes the area and new guest.] Vortex manipulator? No time here, but the disappearing and reappearing thing... [Snaps and a head tilt.] Although neither Jack or River are too good with theirs. Was this where you meant to be?

[ ...Ah, well, this is admittedly one of the few times that she wasn't anticipating someone being perceptive of her abilities to travel rather quickly from one city to the next. It's an unusual situation, but not one that she is totally unprepared for. ]

I suppose I should not lie to you, then.

[ A small smile crosses her face, although it lessens just slightly as she looks at her. ]

I came here as quickly as I did because of, well, you. Forgive me if I am bold asking this, but have you experienced a great deal of pain recently, miss?

[WRY GRIN.]

[And Rose grabs a seat herself, though she doesn't take off the bass yet.] That's nothing new. [Although crying for nearly six hours and having to be dragged away was a bit much even for Rose. But that's only because Torchwood in the black hole didn't give her six hours to drag her away, just drugged her pretty instantly. And he wasn't even dead then. Haaaah.]

[Furrows brow.] Sorry, is it disrupting your morning? I could talk to Koishi about voiding it out for a bit, until I figure things out, I guess.

[ At her question, Sertoria shakes her head in response and offers her another smile. Since Rose has figured out that she's not quite human, she feels a bit more comfortable revealing more of her abilities. And so, she'll hover in the air with her legs crossed. ]

On the contrary, I was not doing much with my morning. Do you want to talk about what has you like this? I can understand if you want to keep it a secret since you and I have not met until now.

[She chews a nail, gets up, and strums a few basslines, pulling down the brim of her knit cap.]

It's not really secret. Just hella complicated. [Small laugh.]

[Where does she even begin? Mirajane had tried once, that was how they adopted each other and Mirajane got her and her friends free drinks.]

[But a lot had happened since then too.]

[The Doctor... which Doctor.]

[River, no more Amy, no more Martha.]

[She definitely couldn't explain it to anyone too close to the situation, but it was still a matter of where to begin.]

I'm Rose, by the way. Rose Tyler.

My best friend just died. 'E's alive now, but -- [Laughs and shakes her head ruefully.] It's really complicated. You sure you wanna know?

Oh?

[ To her, complicated is trying to understand why humans keep on repeating history or trying to understand why a large part of her angel brethren have no wills. How complicated could this be? ]

My name is Sertoria. It is a pleasure to meet you, Rose.

[ Her gaze softens when she says that her friend died, but her brows furrow slightly when she hears that he's alive. How curious. ]

I am sorry to hear that he died--but, he is back? And yes, go ahead. I did ask.

[Pretty complicated.]

Nice ta meet ya Sertoria. [Waggles fingers.]

Yeah well... [Eyeroll, and hair flip.] He has a really bad habit of dying a lot.

[Her expression darkens though, in spite of the obvious joke.]

Usually he can regenerate, but it changes him. Gives him a diff'rent face, personality, body, voice, the works. But [Chewing a fingernail again before she realizes it, shakes it and goes back to her bass practice.] there's deaths he can't regenerate from. And here... [Crosses eyes. Is it secret about the Doctors being multiple? Meh she doens't really care right then.] instead of regenerating, his future faces are here too.

We were together for years, and I thought it would never end. [Tight grin.] But I nearly fell into the void, except that my Da' from another universe rescued me, but it took me back to his universe, and sealed me off from the Doctor, my best friend instead.

[She said it was complicated.] I spent the next three years tryin' ta get back to him. He said he couldn't do it. He's not human, o' course, with the regenerating thing, but it used to be you had to have more'n one TimeLord to navigate the void, and his ship, my home is only meant to be in one universe, his.

To get back there... [Casually playing bass, like it's not big deal, though she doesn't have nearly enough control over her emotions or psychic thoughts.] I had to bridge the never-universes. Fifth dimension. TimeLords don't exist in any universe except his, but there's still parrallel realities based on mortals' decisions.

So I kept running into him dying, me gettin' there too late to do anything. So I had to find the person who could be there at the right time instead of me, so he wouldn't die without regenerating. So he wouldn't accidentally let the whole Earth burn without him.

[Her fingers are unreasonably tight on the neck of the bass, but she keeps playing relatively calmly.] So I made him live past what he would have without me. But I didn't think much of it. We'd been doin' that for each other ever since we met.

See, the first time he regenerated...

[Sighs, and actually takes the bass off, to set it aside and rest her face in both hands briefly.]

He sent me back to my Mum. He was planning to die, alongside my other best friend, Jack.

But to get back to him, I almost destroyed the universe I was so thick and desperate. And I turned Jack immortal. And the Doctor never told me, so I wouldn't feel guilty about it, and because he ran away and left Jack there. Fixed points are like... TimeLord black spots. Death sentences.

[Pulls her knees up to her chest.]

I found him. Back in his universe. No wait, that's not right. It was... outside of the universe. Hidden in a pocket. But I made it there, I made it back to him and right when I thought everything would finally be fixed and done with, no more dying...

[Snaps.] He died again.

And when he regenerates it's really messy. The first time it drew all these aliens and he was unconscious for a whole day, and one of his hearts -- he's got two -- stopped working and everything. Really scared me. And we couldn't afford to go through all that again. But he cheated it. When he first regenerated with me, he got in a swordfight to defend the Earth, and got his hand cut off, and regrew a new one. [Makes a face.]

So then Jack used the hand to find the Doctor again...

[Headshake. So many sad thoughts about Jack. Him being alone, dying alone and just... it kills her still.] And the Doctor used the regeneration energy to stay the same.

But it actually wound up making a clone of him. Meta. But with only one heart.

And the Doctor had a sort-of clone before once, and was pretty much gonna condemn his other self to the void. He's got a rule, even for Jack, no weapons. He stole Jack's gun and replaced it with a banana. But when Meta showed up, he killed, genocided all the enemies of the Doctor. I mean, so we all thought, but the daleks, that's the enemies, they always always survive. 'Pparently when I was Bad Wolf, that was when I turned Jack immortal, I also tried to kill all the daleks, but either it doesn't bother him because it's me, because I clearly couldn't control it or knew what I was doin', or he just hates himself that much more.

So my Mum and my ex-boyfriend Mickey followed me from my Dad's universe, and the Doctor dropped off Mickey and Jack on his Earth, and then brought my Mum back to Pete's Universe.

And he was gonna exile Meta there. [Lump in her throat, and angry and hurt and just, deep breath, and grabs the bass back into her lap, tuning it before going back to playing.] And he wanted me to go with 'em. I mean, one, cuz he'd already tried 'bout a billion times to send me back to my Mum, and two...

He said Meta was like him when we first met. Angry, full of pain, but I made him better, supposedly. So he said.

[Softly crying, but blinks through the tears, and keeps talking.]

But I did the same thing to Meta I did to the Doctor the first time he regenerated. I said he wasn't the same. [Fists over her eyes to rub the tears away.] And Donna was gonna make sure the Doctor still had a best friend to watch over him. [Wry grin. The Doctor is such a liar...] She said yeah he's not, because Meta only had one heart. No regenerating.

When -- one of the times the Doctor and I went back to Earth, we met an old friend of his. Sarah Jane. She's here too, but waaaay younger. I met her when she was all grown up. Decades older. I was mad at him, the Doctor, because he never even mentioned her, and just left her without warning, and I was scared --

[Face scrunch and cries, before collecting herself again, biting her bottom lip HARD.] I was worried he'd do the same to me.

[Glances away, because didn't he? But he didn't forget her.] But he promised... he wouldn't do that to me.

And -- and... [Trembles, and more deep breaths.] And I promised him forever.

[Half-hearted grin.]

When he was still tryin' to find a way to come get me from Pete's Universe, all he could do was send a hologram by burning up a supernova for energy.

[Rubs fist over eyes and grinds teeth.] I told him I loved him, I mean... way too late, yeah, but I hadn't wanted to change things before, and he faded out, ran out of time before he could answer me.

So on the same stupid beach in Norway -- everything bad happens in Norway, I asked him and Meta how it was gonna finish. Meta could say it, and the Doctor couldn't. And the Doctor ran away before I could stop him.

Then I come here, and -- [Shakes her head and looks up at the sky.] I met his future best friend after me. And she was really havin' a rough time of it too, because the version she met wasn't here, and he changed a lot between nearly losin' me to the void, and meeting Amy. Not just regeneratin'. She said her daughter had a rule about him though, that the Doctor always lies. And that just...

[Shakes her head.] I was like no way, that's not the Doctor. Jack's a bit of a conman, and his stories are too unbelievable to be true, but the Doctor? If anything he's blunt and rude and cold because he's unnecessarily honest.

But I didn't know then about what I'd done to Jack, or that we left him behind. When Jack got here, I got filled in on a lot of things.

And it got messier. The Doctor's next two faces after the Meta regeneration came.

And he was married. To Amy's daughter.

[Knuckles her forehead.] When I first met him, I had a boyfriend, Mickey I mentioned before. When the Doctor first asked me to travel with him, I said no, because Mickey needed me and he was so scared of everything, and there was no way he could go along, and I'd run off on Mickey before and wound up getting dumped in Norway when my other boyfriend got engaged to a woman named Noosh there.

He, the Doctor, the first one in a leather jacket I met, before he regenerated the first time for me, because of me, he always said he hated domestics. I'd ask him to come round the flat so Mum could get used to him, because even though his ship is a time machine, she's a bit wild, and we got back a year late, so Mum slapped him, and wasn't completely adjusted to him. -- She loves Meta though. Of course she does.

[Eyeroll.] So Mr. "I Don't Do Domestics," left me in another universe, moved on, and got married.

Throw in me finding out he lied about Jack, and didn't tell me about what I'd done before sealing me a universe away from Jack, and I was... pretty livid the first few months here.

[Rubs her forehead with the back of her hand.]

[And then snaps fingers.] Oh, it was worse 'cause... I'm human. And that night with Sarah Jane, he was sayin' I could spend the rest of my life with him, but he couldn't with me. Supposed to be another reason I belong with Meta and his one life, I guess. Though I mean, really if I made Jack immortal, and tweaked fate to prevent the Doctor from dying, turning myself immortal too would just be... [Eyeroll.] Very me.

[Sighs and strums on the bass.] But his wife isn't completely human, and Jack can't be killed, or rather he can, but he comes back...

[GRINDS TEETH.] When I first... got really mad about Jack. Well. So the Doctor -- I thought the friend he had after me was Donna, who I helped make sure would be there to save him no matter what. But I guess something happened, and there was another friend in between. Martha Jones. She was here in this plane before me, just her and the Doctor. When me and Jack got here and made things all complicated, the Doctor didn't want me to get jealous, so he told me he loved me, Martha, and Jack all the same, all equally.

[Looks up at the sky and laughs softly.] I pretty much snapped at that. Meta said it, the Doctor couldn't, the Doctor here was from before that, so he didn't know, but it was killing me. Top it off with Jack...

Jack and I never did anything before for the Doctor's sake. We both loved the Doctor so much, we just were close friends. And that's why I didn't even find out about his immortal thing, because after Meta genocided the daleks, I was so worried the Doctor might do something like exile his other self to another universe, or worse, shoot him out an airlock, that I didn't even talk to Jack, I just figured... that I would again.

And the Doctor's future two faces didn't go back and stay with Jack either.

And that just...

I never would have allowed that. Jack sacrificed everything over and over and over for the Doctor, and his loyalty to him is just what?

And apparently it's all fine here, because Jack's no more immortal than anyone else in this plane, so it doesn't bother the Doctor's TimeLord doom senses. Oh right, see that's the other thing about his wife. She was supposed to kill him during a fixed point.

[Double face palm.]

When I first met him, he was borderline suicidal. There were no TimeLords, he was the last of his kind, and the daleks were the ones who genocided them, thus yanno, the really deep hate over that.

So then his furthest future here, I just... wanted him to be happy? But instead he says things like it wasn't better without me, and he doesn't want to be happy, and he doesn't want to have to keep regenerating...

And yeah! Maybe he's right?! I'm too human to get it! Because I'm not over 2000 years old, and even if I was, I could only hope to handle it as well as Jack. Because Jack is brilliant he is. He went through so much. But he doesn't give up, and he doesn't push everyone away, and that's all the Doctor does.

And that's why I asked that stupid question on the beach, because I'm tired of it. I didn't want to go back to pretending I hadn't said anything, hadn't told him the truth.

Not that it matters, because we're always stuck in a stupid cycle, the Guitarist Doctor and me. We fight, make up, have fun, and it feels like the best of times, and then something stupid happens again causing another fight and no talking for months.

This bass? I only picked up to be his bass. I don't even know what that means. He says I am his bass and he'd be lost without me... and that made me snap too, because... I don't want him to be. I want him to be happy. Why can't he make the most of his choices? Why even MAKE those choices if he can't live them?

That's WHY I always came after him, because I couldn't live my life pretendin' I didn't miss him!

Sarah Jane asked me here, which Doctor I fought through all the void and his deaths for, but the answer is just the Doctor. My Doctor. He's all one person, just different points in time. And I just want him to enjoy it?

[Brushes back her hair with a hand, and another deep breath.]

So I told the youngest Doctor here, even though he was still before Meta splintered off him, he wasn't allowed to use me as an excuse to hold back with Jack and Martha, because if he really meant it that he loved them, or that they were even important to him, then he owed it to them and himself, and me, to give 'em his absolute best.

And when she went back home, he wanted to catch up to make sure she was okay.

When he got back, he was dying of radiation and he thought he could cheat the death again, with the hand again. But he couldn't. [BLUH CRYING.] It's dumb. I've seen him die a hundred times at least. But he just... I hate it. So much.

And then he came back from that again, and he said again that he loved me and he was sorry for not saying it on the beach, and he'd given me his true name which is like TimeLord marriage. [Sniffles.] But I just... got mad. Again. Because I don't want him to just do things here just because he thinks it doesn't matter, because it makes me feel like I don't matter. I didn't throw myself through all that for nothing.

Before Amy left, she said I was being too childish and selfish and a total brat. [Shrugs.] Maybe so. She and the Guitarist Doctor said I only want things on my terms, but I don't even know what they mean by that. Because I can't have anything on my terms. If he's happy with his life without Rose, that's good, that's what I want, but that's sure as hell not my terms. And the Doctor being willing to try as hard as me would just what... not move on? Be even more miserable?

[Folds her arms on her knees and rests her head in them.] I thought I had to stop loving the Doctor, but Sarah Jane said that was impossible, because you can't divorce love and friendship.

And Guitarist Doctor doesn't even like me mentioning his marriage, even to tease him, because he says I'm putting human values to it or something.

[Face scrunch!!!] UGH, that was another thing. I was tellin' Amy how I didn't kiss Jack really because he and I both avoided it for the sake of the Doctor's jealousy. And she swore up and down he doesn't get jealous. He married Cleopatra, and then his wife went and did it too.

So I did ask him back in August about that. Whether he got jealous of Jack. And he was like "Nope, just pitied him." Which was definitely part o' why I lost it. Because love is not pity. But then recently he admitted... he does get really really jealous of me and doesn't even want to share me with himself, so Meta...? [HEADSHAKE.] He's so dumb.

[Stifles a yawn with a fist. Emotional explanations are draining!] I'm dumb too though. Still in love with a married man... my Mum would ream me out so much for that, blimey.

In a universe that made sense, it'd be me and Jack, and the Doctor could take his weird complicated so-not-human marriage and enjoy it. But that's not this place, or ANY other universe, seems like.

And I don't want to be... wanted just because he has nothing else. I said the only part of the Doctor that could have me was the part that loves me more than he hates himself. But I wonder if Amy was right. She said the Doctor could never love anyone more than he hates himself. And that kills me. He should at least love his wife like that. I don't think she's right. She's got to be wrong. There's way more to him than all that darkness. But he said I made him better, brought out the good sides, and he wanted me to do that with Meta instead of him, and I don't know. I get it. That he wanted the best he thought he could do, and when he got back from dying just now, he said he found and lost 3 more TimeLords, including his daughter, so he was really shook up... about the idea of me dying.

And that's what Guitarist Doctor said too. That he could never be as strong or as brave as Meta, that the time he nearly lost me to the void nearly shattered him and he never wanted to hurt like that again.

And gods... then there's me. Making him and Jack unable to die. So every time he says he's tired of it, and doesn't want to keep doing the endless saving worlds and traveling and all the rest, I get really REALLY scared, because... that's worse than dying. That's not even living, that. And that's why me and Guitarist Doctor fight because I don't think I can ever just ignore that. Or accept that. And it's not like he respected what I wanted more than what he wanted for me so tough?

Which is way easier said than doin' in practice.

[ ...That...is quite a lot of information all at once. Were she anyone, or anything else, it might be too much to handle. However, Sertoria processes it much like a computer would. First thing first is this Doctor having the penchant of dying a lot and somehow coming back through regeneration, although it seems like there's some deaths that he can't simply use his regeneration to come back from. Was it like how she theorized that she was no longer immortal while she was here in Genessia? Although, it's curious that his other selves are here too. Would that mean that she would be here too one day? The angel hopes not.

Before she allows herself to dwell too much on it, she listens to the rest of what Rose says about her adventures with the Doctor, nodding occasionally to show that she's listening intently to what she's saying and mentally noting down everything she's telling her. From what she's heard already, there's so much suffering in their world and she wants to try to alleviate it however possible. Perhaps when she returns to her realm, she can try to do that. Although now that she's involved here, she can try to do what she can to help them out so as to lessen their suffering. She hates it when others suffer when there's something that she can do about it.

It's when Rose starts to cry that she floats over to her to rest a hand on her shoulder consolingly to tell her that she's there for her, and also for those who might also need her as well. All she does is let her talk and get things off of her chest since it seems like to her that this has been brewing for a long time. Perhaps they might not need her, and that would be fine, but at least she could offer.

At the end of everything, though, she's unsure of how to respond. The angel can see Rose's side of the argument, but she can also see where the Doctors are coming from since, she, too is immortal. Immortality is only enjoyable as long as everyone else one cares about is immortal alongside you. Who wants to go through the pain of burying those close to them, after all? However, it doesn't take her that long to finally figure out some form of response. ]

...Thank you for telling me all of that. Admittedly, it is nice to be able to get as much of the full picture here as possible instead of just pieces of information, which allows me to help you more. And it is not as complicated as you made it sound initially. [ Maybe it helps that she's not human, too. ]

From what I can tell you as an outsider, I would like to say that starting off is that I can see all sides here. [ Her job as an angel is to remain largely impartial and to not take a side if she can help it if at all possible. ] I may not know all of the Doctors that you mentioned personally, which I intend to remedy as soon as possible, but I do have a rough idea of each of their personalities from what you told me.

[ Now, how does she word this in a way that sounds helpful to the situation Rose is in? ]

Perhaps what I say might help you understand where the Doctors are coming from since you were rather perceptive that I am not human myself. Since you mentioned that they regenerate, they must have some kind of immortality to them or something like it. I am not sure if Jack brought it up to you or even if the Doctors did, but immortality can be tiring after a while. Perhaps that is why the furthest future Doctor said that he does not want to be happy and does not want to keep on regenerating is because he is tired. You said it yourself that he does not want to keep on traveling to different worlds -- perhaps it is because he feels like his adventure is coming to an end or he has seen everything that he wants to see. Again, I would have to talk with him to see why he feels like this if he would feel comfortable sharing the details with me.

[ Is an angel's work truly ever done? No. But, this is what she's been looking for to give some semblance of normalcy to her. She's so used to having others asking for help, after all, so perhaps this is what she's been looking for. ]

Do not think of your humanity as a weakness, though. One of the things I live for is to see humanity strive to be better and never stop improving. Sometimes, us immortals tend to either forget what it is like to be human, we never were human to begin with, or, this is probably in the case of your Doctor, he does not want to experience you growing old and having to say goodbye to you permanently. That is the worst part of being immortal, in my opinion.

[ There's a rare frown settling itself on her face as she says that, thinking of how many humans she let herself get close to over the years only to watch them die. And then she repeated the cycle over and over again, even though she knew it was going to be painful. ] Think of it like this: you mentioned you have a mother and father, yes? You know that they are going to grow old and yet, you do not want them to. You want them to be around forever. However, they are mortal and cannot do that, so they must pass on. Eventually, you will too, and I think that is why the Doctor said those words to you.

[ A pause as she rubs at her chin to consider her next choice of words, thinking to herself. ]

As far as the bass comment is concerned and the two of you fighting, is there any rhyme or reason behind them or no? I know that you mentioned several people of the Doctors, which I am to assume are sort of like his friends or traveling companions, so perhaps he is just missing his...? I am merely assuming here, so forgive me if I am bold with that guess.

With everything else... it seems like you have quite the burden on your shoulders. What I would suggest is having a sit down with...everyone and talk over your issues so that fights do not happen anymore. I would be happy to help however possible once I familiarize myself further with everyone involved. So far, I have only interacted with the youngest Doctor and you, but I hope to remedy that in the near future. You are far too young to deal with this problem solely by yourself, after all.

[ She's involved now, that much is certain. And furthermore, she doesn't want Rose to be unhappy, especially now that she told her all of these problems with her friends. ]

[Rose embraces the comfort straight away, abundantly human as she is, as even Mirajane, ironically a more demonic type would attest to.]

[However, she blinks owlishly at the idea that it's actually less complicated than Rose made it sound.] R-Really? [Forgive her hesitant skepticism, but she wonders if that will still be the line of thought when every other piece gets added. Well, if, but Rose hated having to hold herself back, it was, in fact, one of her biggest problems. From the first day she fell out of the Doctor's universe, she'd had to hold herself back from... everything. And she hated it. And the Doctor, the one person she's never had to hold back with, now she had to hold back from the most.]

[As for immortality being exhausting...]

[Rose just growled like a wolf, unable to refrain from interrupting.] Oh, I know.

But here's the thing, right?

[And now she'd get to see exactly why Rose and 12 fought the way they did. (Yesterday even!)]

If it's bad, if its terrible, if its a real drag and terribly un-fun -- [Rose was on her feet, in full bad wolf huff, puff, and blow down houses mode.] Then you need to let someone make it better!

[She stormed about the rooftop pacing in circles.] It's not like I don't get it!! Life without the Doctor was always like that for me! That's why I was willing to do so much ta get back ta 'im!! [Stomp stomp stomp, but no, she's listening and paying attention with her abundance of human empathy.]

[She puffs a cheek out about the Doctor not wanting to watch her get old. She got that, she did. She didn't want him to see that either!! So it wasn't part of why she was frustrated with any version of him.]

[About her mother and father... She held up a hand. This was part of where it was going to get wildly complicated again.]

My father died when I was a baby. Just a freak car accident thing. But I begged the Doctor to take me back in time so he wouldn't have to die alone. That's just... [A fierce glare to the angel, which instantly tones down when Rose realized she's letting her anger get the better of her and not channeling it how she wants to.]

[And much sadder and softer voiced instead:] That's why I'm so furious about him abandoning Jack. He never went back for him. Not the first time, not after giving up and pushin' all of us away neither. Jack's had to die alone...

[Back to crying, and sod it, does it on the angel's shoulder.] So many times. [Bawls!] And I would have been there if he hadn't lied to me! If he hadn't hidden it from me to try to protect me from guilt! I know he was just doin' his best, but he didn't try to save him either! How can I forgive that?? And he's not even sorry!!

[She'll be okay, give her a moment. She didn't even realize how much it was affecting her given how she'd been burying it deeply for 11 months, and everone always tries to protect the Doctor that no one ever really holds him accountable, not Jack and barely even Rose.]

[She rubs her face fiercely with both hands and sniffles.]

When I went back to hold my Dad's hand, I accidentally saved him instead and nearly created a paradox. [More sniffles.] Well, no, I did create a paradox, just... the Doctor was going to try to fix it so I could have... everything my way, I guess, to use his words. But... I messed even that up, and a reaver ate him. Those are these... [Sniffle!] Bacteria that get in through the wound I made in time itself.

That was the first time I saw him die, but my Dad... figured it out. That he was supposed ta die by car accident, and he said the Doctor really loved me, trying to do anything to let me have just a few more minutes or infinity with him, yeah?

[Bluuuuh back to crying.] So my dad sacrificed himself to fix my mistakes and... and... the Doctor came back and even Mum... because I changed time enough, Mum was a lot less bitter, because... Dad didn't die alone.

[Face rubs!!] But -- and here's where it gets really complicated, yeah?

So this one time, the Doctor stranded me and Mickey on a cannibal ship to go swannin' around 17th century Paris with Madame du Pompadour. I couldn't get him back. And he knew her only a day, but still fell in love with her and wanted to bring her along.

The oldest Doctor said the TARDIS, that's his sentient ship, she's got a mind and soul of her own; he said she pretty much chucked herself into another universe to make it up to me... which... Yeah.

See he said... I woulda come after him and asked what the hell he thought he was playin' at. And his youngest version, the regeneration that did ditch us like that -- he said he wouldn't bother with Reinette if she was here and -- [Makes a giant X with her arms and hands!] They're both wrong! I would nevar wanna do that! It's so obvious to me, and maybe it's that human thing, but I don't want him to refrain from anything he wants to do! Of course I was jealous and hurt. And I AM jealous and hurt about Cleopatra, and I sure as hell don't wanna also marry her just to make it easy on him!! But I can't BE the reason he doesn't live to the fullest. Not ever. I love Jack so much because, yeah it hurts, but he keeps getting back up. He NEVER lets someone doubt his love for them, and he'll do anything for 'em, and he's akways there when you need him. Always.

[Shakes head.]

But so...

The TARDIS isn't supposed to cross dimensions or leave her universe, but she's psychic and she could feel my pain... And like the Doctor said, even he thinks she went there just to make me feel better. It was a universe where I was never born, but my Dad didn't die and -- well, it's really involved, but... because of the TARDIS crossing, a connection between the universes was made and that's how I almost fell into the void, and that's how my father saved me.

To get rid of the daleks, the Doctor had to push them back into the void, so he was gonna send me, Mickey, and my Mum to that Peter Tyler universe.

I refused. Again, as I will, every bleeding time. And he said, I could have it all. My Dad was alive and rich and head of a cool top secret international organization, and if I didn't go, I would never see Mum or Mickey ever again. And I told him, I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave him. And he would have died if I hadn't fought my way back.

I mean, I almost did too. Well, worse than death, the void... but, Pete caught me at the last second and took me back to his universe.

[Deep breath. She warned it was involved!!]

Edited (Z) 2018-06-04 07:35 (UTC)

I spent the first three months in Pete's Universe trying to get back to the Doctor. My Mum and Pete got married, well, I mean technically they never weren't. His Jackie died and he and I failed to rescue her, and I already told you about my Dad in the Doctor's universe.

Mum was in Paradise, she really, really wanted me to give up on getting back to the Doctor. And poor Mickey... When we first landed in Pete's universe, he stayed because his counterpart died, and I'd already told him after Jack, nothing was going to pull me away from the Doctor. Life without the Doctor I have no interest in. [Side-eyes cautiously because well... This is why they fight, her and 12.]

Pete was perfect. The first time I was in his universe, right after his Jackie died... I tried to explain who I was, cause... He asked. But he just couldn't take it and walked away and... yanno whot? I get it. Like I said, I did the same thing to both Doctor's. Fluffy and Meta. But instead of even treating me like an adult stepdaughter which I mean, I kinda am, DNA or no... He still treated me 100% like I belonged there and I was.... a pill to deal with.

My friends know I was really angry about Jack and time colliding and even me getting a bit overwhelmed the first few months here, but it was nothing on then. At least here... Not only did I have the Doctor but more than one, and Jack and new friends.

In Pete's universe... I hated everything, and I didn't even want anyone to try to know me, because it would just make it harder to leave. See? I'm not above pushing people away either.

Even when my Mum got pregnant with the baby brother I'd ask for at every Christmas, and the Doctor made it clear he couldn't come for me, I didn't give up. I used Pete's inventions, his hospitality, his trust, his generosity. He gave me a job at his company, put me in charge of his employees, and you know what I did with it all?

I used it all to run away.

And, yeah! I had my reasons, and yeah, I'd do it all over again, and yeah I saved the whole of reality, which couldn't survive without me, anymore than the Doctor would have, but it doesn't change what I did. Pete banished the use of the multi-dimensional hoppers he'd invented to try to prevent further erosion to the barriers separating universes. And I SAID sid that rule, and made exceptions for myself... just like I always do, just like I always will.

I didn't think I'd ever have to face my family again after all that. And it's a mixed blessing, because I'm not so cowardly I won't face the music and take responsibility for it, but...

No.

The second the Doctor was eaten by the reader I realized nothing was worth losing him. And for awhile, for a long long time, I thought it wasn't for me. That it was the universe that needed him so badly. It wasn't until I found out that I made Jack a fixed point, so no matter how he dies, he comes back from the dead... That I realized... It's just me. It's always been me. And you know what?? I'm okay with that too, actually. It's better this way. [And indeed; despite all the extremely turbulent emotions up to this point... Rose wafts a strange sense of peace about that.]

If universes are sentient, they don't bother communicating to me and I don't blame 'em a lick. [A small head shake and equally small laugh.] My dimension cannon rocketed me one universe to the next, so even while I had to stop them from dying it's a bit like an antibiotic, innit? [Another head shake!] Anyway...

[Rubs her face!]

The Doctor and I fight, because...

We're us. I'm more stubborn than him, and we're both really strong willed and passionate and resolute and clash. Because we took over a year and a regeneration for me to start going along with the way he does things... And that was a big mistake! He mucked up the Earth worse when I wasn't fighting him all the time! He wasn't wrong though... He wasn't, that's why I didn't fight him at the time, but he made Earth too dependent on him.

So, first day he regenerated, and got his hand cut off, it was in a duel to protect Earth from some slavers. And he told them to go back out there and tell other aliens, "This planet is protected!" And the prime minister was a friend of ours, we stopped World War Three and nuclear Armageddon and survived a missile strike huddled in a cupboard with her! But she got really scared. Like I said, when the Doctor's regenerating, there's a period where he's even more of a mess, and functionally useless. And before he came out, the Sycorax, the slavers, killed a buncha Harriet Jones' ministers just to show they were in power.

So... Even though the Sycorax were retreating, she ordered them... murdered. And yeah!!! That was really wrong!! It was!! But... She was right when she said... Earth cant rely on him to always save us. Because sometimes he won't be there. And me and Jack... blimey, but we know that's true.

Jack had to sacrifice so much just because the Doctor wasn't there. And me? I had to see the parallel universe's grapple with how his death messed 'em up. TimeLords' decisions don't create parallel dimensions, only mortals, but his death wouldn't have been the end of any universe if he hadn't made it all rest on him. If he didn't disable everyone's weapons and never bother with a contingency plan....

[Deep sigh.] Aaaaand that's why Guitarist and I fight so much. He's tired and doesn't want to save the universe anymore, but he doesn't want to let it be independent enough from him to save itself. He says things like he wants to give up -- and that terrifies me!! When I first met him, all big ears and leather jacket and a smile to swoon for; he barely wanted to survive either. Our first date? He took me to the end of Earth.

I thought, okay, so that's what's the plan, he's gonna swoop in at the last second and save it. Nope! Time's up, he said, sometimes things have to end. And it was sad, and we all almost died cuz of a greedy psycho, but he took me back to Earth my time and explained his planet and his people were gone, he's the last of his kind, and I said he could have me, and we got chips.

When Guitarist and I are doin' that? Food, bass, movies, goofin' around? We're fine.

Same thing, that first date, right? He ran off with another girl, and I just teased him about it.

Now it's like, every little thing is firecrackers, and it's Guy Fawkes day, and everyone's playing with matches in the basement and you just know Mrs. Filtmyer's cat is gonna come careening around the corner screeching and making worse caterwaul than even the explosives.

He keeps thinkin' I'm expectin' something from him when all I want is for him to be himself. When I say that, he says it's not true, I only want him to be how I think he should be. Which, if giving up is now who he is, or being bloody miserable... then, by golly gee, yes, I want to be the kind of friend that can help him enjoy existence. [Flail!] I know!! I'm the worst, right? [Sarcasm, obviously.]

Or like yesterday!!! [Back to pacing the rooftop.] Even when he's trying to make me feel better, he just--!

[Shoulders slump, complete dejected depression.] He mistook something I've been saying since the first day I came here, and instead of just... He should know me better than that. In all the universe, all the multiverse, I thought he was the only one who did understand. Who would... [Chokes up!] Never think I would insult someone else like that... I would... never.

[Glances back with tear-filled eyes again.] My Mum, Mickey, they never got it. It's why I chased the Doctor so hard... I thought...

[Head shake!!] I told him off for makin' jokes about the Deep South, because it's not funny! You should never pick on people for -- [Chokes up again, without a word, back to pacing.]

My Mum used ta say I was putting on airs all the time. Bit ironic since she wanted me to go an heiress route.

[Deeeeeep breath.] I told him I'm glad he got married, that I will always be more proud of him and Jack for loving people and letting people love them. I told the youngest Doctor, not to seal himself away and refrain from giving Jack and Martha or Reinette or anyone else he fancies, his best. I told him the only part of him that will ever have me has to love me more than he hates himself. Yet, somehow, in some twisted way, he misconstrued that as thinking I wanted him to tell me.... what, exactly?

I don't know. But Amy didn't get it either. I told her she's the best, and in our last fight, last time we really spoke, she said I was being too childish and needed to grow up. They act like I think it's some sort of competition even while they acknowledge, that doesn't even make sense!! I'd have to be in competition with the whole multiverse and all I'd get for it is a headache, which apparently, is what they thought. Yaaay.

Gods. Whatever. I'm used to it from everyone else... just not him. And that's... really the worst of it. There's a third version of him here, wears a bowtie and is the regeneration between Bad Dog and Guitarist. And I told him I couldn't possibly get hurt by Guitarist, because well, I'd just been through so much I didn't think he could even accidentally, also.... I'm really really thick. And then I realized just... At least when I was angry, I was braced. But he tries to get me vulnerable to remind me or himself that I'm fragile. [Shudders.] I was worried about breaking him. And all the Doctors say I need to protect myself better and that...

I've watched him die a hundred times, he's never had to do it once.

But I'm supposed to just accept that I'm the fragile short-lived one?? And again, he wouldn't have lived past the first day we met if not for me. I mean me neither , but still, it's so....

I wouldn't have to protect myself better if he'd just... stop. Stop trying to push me away, stop trying to hurt me, stop seeing me as someone else, stop trying to protect me or his friends from me.

[Sits back down next to the angel burrowing her face in both hands.] I guess he doesn't trust me anymore and... I don't blame him. If he really wants to give up... how can he trust me? I've made it clear I'll do anything to fight that. Jack wanted to stop living. Obviously he can't trust me to let that... [Bitter laugh.] All I can do is what I've been trying to do: make it less painful, more fun, more tolerable. Pick him back up to continue the fight... Like he did for me, no matter how scared I was or ready to give up.

How could he think me being the best, meant in competition with anyone else?? I'm not the showoff, that was always him...

Edited 2018-06-04 07:36 (UTC)

I'm on my way Rose.

You're the best~!

[Plays him a few lines.]

[Jack laughs softly]

I'm just me Rose no one else.

[Soft grin, and lets him feel her concern.]

[It touches on the problem she's been refusing directly look at. Always trying to be strong for him. Did he feel the same way about her and the Doctor? Always stuck living up to their standards, expectations, trying so hard to be the conman turned hero?]

[He misses Martha.]

Who says that's not the best?

[A gentle psychic snuggle while playing another song.]

[But then holds up a hand and gives him a serious look.] But you can let yourself be human, Jack. You're not perfect to me because you're not, you're perfect because you are, yeah? It's okay to fall, I'll do my best to help you back up... if you'll let me.

[Not even aware she's playing it.]

[And thinking of 12 of course. Who didn't want Rose to try to help him back up. Such a headache.]

[And poor Jack. And 12. And whatever. Hadn't they earned the right not to have some crazy blonde forcing them back up?]

[The edges of her eyes sting but she's doing her best to keep up the half-grin.]

I say. I don't know if you noticed Rose but I'm the hardest person on me.

I'll fight you.

I thought you were trying not to be the Doctor's worst habits.

All right, I wouldn't let anyone in any universe say you're not the best Jack Harkness. That includes you, I hope you realize. I mean it. I'll fight you.

Jack Harkness, [A psychic whisper of his true name.] has saved my life, my Mum's life, only about a hundred dozen times. Yeah, he did some things he's really not proud of, and regrets, but they hurt him most of all, and that's a really respectable thing, no matter what anyone else says! You always go out of your way to make the damage you face hurt you so you can protect everyone else. There's nothing more noble than that.

I've seen the whole of the universe endin' around me, people go completely mad in that kind of situation. Lootin', chaos, anarchy. But no matter what universe I went, there was Jack Harkness, savin' the Earth and doin' it in style.

Jack... you've got a broken mirror when it comes to yerself. You are, without a doubt, the strongest person I've ever met. Second only to my Mum. You don't have to forgive yourself, I know you can't, and that's okay. But I've always known I could trust you and put my faith in you from the first day we met. Even more than the flirtin'? THAT'S what really drove the Doctor mad and made him jealous. Because I trust you even more than him.

I know I can't stop you from hating yourself, but I mean it. I'll fight you. And you know I'll win. So you should just surrender, because Tyler's never know how to admit defeat.

You're my Jack, and I won't let anyone, even you, say that's not the best. You're tenacious, brilliant, strong, devilishly dashing, and the most loyal and caring friend anyone could ever be so lucky to earn.

I hate that what I did hurts you. I do. More than anything. [Holds up a hand before he can apologize for letting her know.] And I wish I was there for it, even just to hold your hand, yeah? But there's no one in all the multiverse I would trust humanity with than you. I hate how much it causes you pain. I really do. But I know I did right because no one else, no one in any other universe could handle that kind of trauma and still make something good out of it. You took the worst thing I've ever done to someone, much less someone I love to pieces and would do anything for; and you did your best to make it slighly less horrible, and even a good thing for all of human history.

Jack Harkness...

You are a better man by far than you can ever know. [ENJOY YOUR OVERWHELMING PSYCHIC SMOTHERS OF LOVE AND ADORATION. BECAUSE SHE IS NOT LETTING THIS GO.] And if I have to kick your ass until you pretend to listen, I absolutely will.

Are you talking about Ana?

[Princess + school = Ana. But it could be just her. And it's also very early.]

Yup!

[Smugly.] Knew it!

That's very sweet of you to perform for her. You're very good at gymnastics!

Also I didn't know you girls knew each other. [It makes her happy.]

Ahhhh thanks! I mean I'm not really, I'm so rusty, but I've been doing yoga almost a year since I got here. I wonder if that helped...

[Headshake!] Not well, but I was so out of it with the Professor I promised my next post would show her what it is, since I learned it at school.

You're friends with her?

I'm sure it did!

[She can't help but laugh at that.] You could have made worse promises...

[Fondly and somewhat smugly at the same time.] I consider her as my little sister.

Awww! Good! I'm glad I met her then! She seems really nervous about going to school, but excited.

People often feel like that when they're about to do something for the first time.

I'm sure you remember your first time traveling in the Tardis, don't you?

[Thinks.]

[Chews a fingernail.]

[Yes, but the very first time, it was more... confusion and wtfery that the box was bigger on the inside, and then frustrated that Mickey's head melted and the alien didn't even remember his name, and then trying to help him figure out where the Nestene Consciousness was...]

[And the second time, the real trip after he came back and asked her twice and she left Mickey...]

[Was it nervous excitement?]

[Yes, and no. After all, part of it was a demand to have her skepticism proven wrong, to see what this alien could do, and to let him impress her, and then kind of...]

[Fridge horror that he took her to the end of Earth and they were just supposed to watch it.]

Weiss Schnee said the sign here before her was "Don't Panic."

[Because Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.]

[But she drops the finger and laughs.] I remember my first day of school. Mickey, my ex-boyfriend, was a few years older than me so I was kind of jealous when he got to go ahead of me and all determined to prove I could do it better than him.

[... Come to think, was that actually any different from her first TARDIS ride either?]

[And she snaps her fingers in thought.] Oh! And I was super excited my first step out into snow into the past. I made the Doctor wait inside the whole time when he made me get dressed for the time period so I wouldn't cause a riot, and then rushed outside, and I felt completely like Neil Armstrong or Buzz Aldrin. Except not American or male.

They were the first men on the moon, yeah?

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