Gymnastics and bass

[bigbadrose]

This one goes out to a Princess just startin' public school! Which is where I learned gymnastics. Well, in London, I mean.

[It is STUPIDLY early in the morning, mostly dark even, just the twinges of dawn coming up over the horizon of what appears to be (and is in fact) Attleton University's rooftop. Which is SO not the right place to be practicing or showing off handstands and cartwheel gymnastics, but it doesn't seem to faze Rose as she engages in a somersault or two, and does a split -- good thing she's in yoga pants and a tank top, and practices general balance.]

[The sun is officially up when she grabs her bass and plugs it in to an amp, though it's still insanely early.]

And, to take my mind off everything, I'm takin' requests on songs. I gotta practice fakin' it. Um, that's playin' along without having the music written in front o' you or memorized. Just sorta... guessin', yeah? So gimme requests, before I gotta get to work.

[Private / Locked: to Trunks]

Sorry I haven't been at the park this week, the Doctor died, and I was even more of a basketcase than usual, yeah? But I'll be at Torchwood, regular hours, if you wanna stop by for work-stuff, yeah? And thanks, I was practicin', promise.

[Private to Jack & Mirajane:]

Stopping by the Fairy Haven after work, both o' you meet me there, okay?

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[bigbadrose]

I spent the first three months in Pete's Universe trying to get back to the Doctor. My Mum and Pete got married, well, I mean technically they never weren't. His Jackie died and he and I failed to rescue her, and I already told you about my Dad in the Doctor's universe.

Mum was in Paradise, she really, really wanted me to give up on getting back to the Doctor. And poor Mickey... When we first landed in Pete's universe, he stayed because his counterpart died, and I'd already told him after Jack, nothing was going to pull me away from the Doctor. Life without the Doctor I have no interest in. [Side-eyes cautiously because well... This is why they fight, her and 12.]

Pete was perfect. The first time I was in his universe, right after his Jackie died... I tried to explain who I was, cause... He asked. But he just couldn't take it and walked away and... yanno whot? I get it. Like I said, I did the same thing to both Doctor's. Fluffy and Meta. But instead of even treating me like an adult stepdaughter which I mean, I kinda am, DNA or no... He still treated me 100% like I belonged there and I was.... a pill to deal with.

My friends know I was really angry about Jack and time colliding and even me getting a bit overwhelmed the first few months here, but it was nothing on then. At least here... Not only did I have the Doctor but more than one, and Jack and new friends.

In Pete's universe... I hated everything, and I didn't even want anyone to try to know me, because it would just make it harder to leave. See? I'm not above pushing people away either.

Even when my Mum got pregnant with the baby brother I'd ask for at every Christmas, and the Doctor made it clear he couldn't come for me, I didn't give up. I used Pete's inventions, his hospitality, his trust, his generosity. He gave me a job at his company, put me in charge of his employees, and you know what I did with it all?

I used it all to run away.

And, yeah! I had my reasons, and yeah, I'd do it all over again, and yeah I saved the whole of reality, which couldn't survive without me, anymore than the Doctor would have, but it doesn't change what I did. Pete banished the use of the multi-dimensional hoppers he'd invented to try to prevent further erosion to the barriers separating universes. And I SAID sid that rule, and made exceptions for myself... just like I always do, just like I always will.

I didn't think I'd ever have to face my family again after all that. And it's a mixed blessing, because I'm not so cowardly I won't face the music and take responsibility for it, but...

No.

The second the Doctor was eaten by the reader I realized nothing was worth losing him. And for awhile, for a long long time, I thought it wasn't for me. That it was the universe that needed him so badly. It wasn't until I found out that I made Jack a fixed point, so no matter how he dies, he comes back from the dead... That I realized... It's just me. It's always been me. And you know what?? I'm okay with that too, actually. It's better this way. [And indeed; despite all the extremely turbulent emotions up to this point... Rose wafts a strange sense of peace about that.]


If universes are sentient, they don't bother communicating to me and I don't blame 'em a lick. [A small head shake and equally small laugh.] My dimension cannon rocketed me one universe to the next, so even while I had to stop them from dying it's a bit like an antibiotic, innit? [Another head shake!] Anyway...

[Rubs her face!]

The Doctor and I fight, because...

We're us. I'm more stubborn than him, and we're both really strong willed and passionate and resolute and clash. Because we took over a year and a regeneration for me to start going along with the way he does things... And that was a big mistake! He mucked up the Earth worse when I wasn't fighting him all the time! He wasn't wrong though... He wasn't, that's why I didn't fight him at the time, but he made Earth too dependent on him.

So, first day he regenerated, and got his hand cut off, it was in a duel to protect Earth from some slavers. And he told them to go back out there and tell other aliens, "This planet is protected!" And the prime minister was a friend of ours, we stopped World War Three and nuclear Armageddon and survived a missile strike huddled in a cupboard with her! But she got really scared. Like I said, when the Doctor's regenerating, there's a period where he's even more of a mess, and functionally useless. And before he came out, the Sycorax, the slavers, killed a buncha Harriet Jones' ministers just to show they were in power.

So... Even though the Sycorax were retreating, she ordered them... murdered. And yeah!!! That was really wrong!! It was!! But... She was right when she said... Earth cant rely on him to always save us. Because sometimes he won't be there. And me and Jack... blimey, but we know that's true.

Jack had to sacrifice so much just because the Doctor wasn't there. And me? I had to see the parallel universe's grapple with how his death messed 'em up. TimeLords' decisions don't create parallel dimensions, only mortals, but his death wouldn't have been the end of any universe if he hadn't made it all rest on him. If he didn't disable everyone's weapons and never bother with a contingency plan....

[Deep sigh.] Aaaaand that's why Guitarist and I fight so much. He's tired and doesn't want to save the universe anymore, but he doesn't want to let it be independent enough from him to save itself. He says things like he wants to give up -- and that terrifies me!! When I first met him, all big ears and leather jacket and a smile to swoon for; he barely wanted to survive either. Our first date? He took me to the end of Earth.

I thought, okay, so that's what's the plan, he's gonna swoop in at the last second and save it. Nope! Time's up, he said, sometimes things have to end. And it was sad, and we all almost died cuz of a greedy psycho, but he took me back to Earth my time and explained his planet and his people were gone, he's the last of his kind, and I said he could have me, and we got chips.

When Guitarist and I are doin' that? Food, bass, movies, goofin' around? We're fine.

Same thing, that first date, right? He ran off with another girl, and I just teased him about it.

Now it's like, every little thing is firecrackers, and it's Guy Fawkes day, and everyone's playing with matches in the basement and you just know Mrs. Filtmyer's cat is gonna come careening around the corner screeching and making worse caterwaul than even the explosives.

He keeps thinkin' I'm expectin' something from him when all I want is for him to be himself. When I say that, he says it's not true, I only want him to be how I think he should be. Which, if giving up is now who he is, or being bloody miserable... then, by golly gee, yes, I want to be the kind of friend that can help him enjoy existence. [Flail!] I know!! I'm the worst, right? [Sarcasm, obviously.]

Or like yesterday!!! [Back to pacing the rooftop.] Even when he's trying to make me feel better, he just--!

[Shoulders slump, complete dejected depression.] He mistook something I've been saying since the first day I came here, and instead of just... He should know me better than that. In all the universe, all the multiverse, I thought he was the only one who did understand. Who would... [Chokes up!] Never think I would insult someone else like that... I would... never.

[Glances back with tear-filled eyes again.] My Mum, Mickey, they never got it. It's why I chased the Doctor so hard... I thought...

[Head shake!!] I told him off for makin' jokes about the Deep South, because it's not funny! You should never pick on people for -- [Chokes up again, without a word, back to pacing.]

My Mum used ta say I was putting on airs all the time. Bit ironic since she wanted me to go an heiress route.

[Deeeeeep breath.] I told him I'm glad he got married, that I will always be more proud of him and Jack for loving people and letting people love them. I told the youngest Doctor, not to seal himself away and refrain from giving Jack and Martha or Reinette or anyone else he fancies, his best. I told him the only part of him that will ever have me has to love me more than he hates himself. Yet, somehow, in some twisted way, he misconstrued that as thinking I wanted him to tell me.... what, exactly?

I don't know. But Amy didn't get it either. I told her she's the best, and in our last fight, last time we really spoke, she said I was being too childish and needed to grow up. They act like I think it's some sort of competition even while they acknowledge, that doesn't even make sense!! I'd have to be in competition with the whole multiverse and all I'd get for it is a headache, which apparently, is what they thought. Yaaay.

Gods. Whatever. I'm used to it from everyone else... just not him. And that's... really the worst of it. There's a third version of him here, wears a bowtie and is the regeneration between Bad Dog and Guitarist. And I told him I couldn't possibly get hurt by Guitarist, because well, I'd just been through so much I didn't think he could even accidentally, also.... I'm really really thick. And then I realized just... At least when I was angry, I was braced. But he tries to get me vulnerable to remind me or himself that I'm fragile. [Shudders.] I was worried about breaking him. And all the Doctors say I need to protect myself better and that...

I've watched him die a hundred times, he's never had to do it once.

But I'm supposed to just accept that I'm the fragile short-lived one?? And again, he wouldn't have lived past the first day we met if not for me. I mean me neither , but still, it's so....

I wouldn't have to protect myself better if he'd just... stop. Stop trying to push me away, stop trying to hurt me, stop seeing me as someone else, stop trying to protect me or his friends from me.

[Sits back down next to the angel burrowing her face in both hands.] I guess he doesn't trust me anymore and... I don't blame him. If he really wants to give up... how can he trust me? I've made it clear I'll do anything to fight that. Jack wanted to stop living. Obviously he can't trust me to let that... [Bitter laugh.] All I can do is what I've been trying to do: make it less painful, more fun, more tolerable. Pick him back up to continue the fight... Like he did for me, no matter how scared I was or ready to give up.

How could he think me being the best, meant in competition with anyone else?? I'm not the showoff, that was always him...