ANONYMOUS TEXT

[sarcastass]

[Someone, somewhere, seems to be in a bit of a strange mood, as this wall of text suddenly springs up on the communicator]

Everyone holds grudges.

If you claim you have never done it before, I can only assume you're lying. None of you have a choice in the matter, almost all of you, for better or for worse, behave similarly, emotionally, to humans even if you aren't actually a human.

Holding a grudge isn't inherently negative, there's plenty of reasons to keep hating someone long after they've hurt you. It's a defense mechanism built into your psyche, in order to ensure that the damage you suffered doesn't occur again, at least from the party with a grudge against them.

My question is: At what point has a grudge gone on too far? Too long? Is it after you've exacted whatever revenge you had in mind?

Is it after that revenge succeeded? Failed?

Is it after a set amount of years? How would one quantify the exact amount of time it would take, to be reasonably 'over' an offense strong enough to create a grudge? Can that amount even be quantified?

And if it happens, what's the good in it? Does your life even improve in a fashion you'd notice? Does it have any impact on your life whatsoever, now that you've finished hating someone who has at this point, most certainly forgotten you?

What if that grudge is all that has kept you going? What if removing it would be similar to pulling the spine out of a book? What if you're sure you'll break apart without it? Is it still better? Can it be replaced with something 'better' than that grudge?

Something to ponder on, don't feel like you're required to answer.

Comments

text and then video

[child_of_bhaal]

Th I s is a b it ofa c o m pl ex qu e s t I on.

[Ok look she can't do this. The letter boxes are too tiny and so randomly ordered. It's just easier to switch to video (the only real communication she knows how to do well) on this thing.]

Sorry, I can't write on this thing. This is just easier. Feel free to keep writing if that what you'd rather.

Anyway, what you're asking is very complex. But in my own experience...?

[She leans back against the tree she's sitting under, and really gives it some thought.]

You have to decide what you can and can't forgive. Every instance is different. I've come across people that have done me wrongs, and I'm not carrying around the weight of that hatred with me, for various reasons. But there are others that... that I could never forgive. I could never stop hating them.

I've tried. I don't like holding onto it. It... It means they're still here with me. Still hurting me. But I can't let it go.

PERMA TEXT PERMA ANON

[sarcastass]

[And there's... no mockery!

That might be because it'd give him the hell away]

Then what do you do with it? Do you just let it sit there? Or do you try to make something out of it?

Even if the hatred never leaves, does acting on the grudge make the pain of the offense go away? Lessen?

And what if it was to be implied that the reason for the slight was caused by an action of your own doing? What if you were the cause for all that pain, and the actions leveled against you were in direct retaliation?

Same for her with video!

[child_of_bhaal]

That's a lot to save at once.

[She runs a hand through her happy, thinking.]

To answer your first question, I can't really do anything but let it sit. I killed them, and... And worse, for Irenicus. It made me safer, but it didn't make me feel less wounded for what he's done to me. It hasn't erased the reality of what happened. I'll carry that with me forever.

Maybe it's because they didn't see it as wrong, that it's not enough. There were people I've forgiven, even though what was done by them was terrible. But they wouldn't have done, if they'd had a say in it. And that matters. Remorse and regret matter.

Now, as to the last part, it's again complicated to answer. Was the original action accidental? Was it an act that the retaliation was out of proportion? Was it something that should have been done, and the response was to stop it unjustly? There's a lot to look at.

[Voice]

[0_times_0]

[Grudges are something Zero is very familiar with. Maybe a little too familiar with.]

Grudges to me are important. They keep me going. It's what motivates my very existence.

They cannot go too far to me.

No matter how much time passes, I will not forgive those who wronged me nor forget what they done to me.

[perma text/anon]

[sarcastass]

What do you do with these? It fuels your existence, but what else?

Do you carry out retaliation against them? If they die because of it, is the grudge satisfied?

Or does it persist past that?

[Voice]

[0_times_0]

I don't know if my feelings were to persist past the death of those I hate, because that never happened, but I have a feeling that even if they were to perish, by my own actions...

I feel that I would still carry a grudge. Those feelings are too deeply rooted in me for me to let them go now.

But I am an unique being, so my feelings may not work the same as what one would expect. Specially humans.

... I assume you are one of them.

t e x t

[keymemory]

[ He got the first two sentences in before he decides to respond: ]

Sometimes we hold grudges but we can choose to let it go! We can be happier this way!

[sarcastass]

wow thanks im cured

[keymemory]

You're super welcome! Any time you need help or advice, you can ask me!!!

[brat_from_hell]

[Whoever you are, anon, Phibrizzo wants to meet you because you've probably got a ton of issues and negative emotions.]

Are you holding a grudge that's important to you?

[sarcastass]

['Issues' and 'negative emotions' make up about 75% of Szel.

The rest of it is sarcasm]

The very nature of holding a grudge suggests that you find it important. It takes energy and effort to maintain after all.

[brat_from_hell]

That's true. Do you have one, or do you have many grudges?

[Ie. How much of a buffet of negative emotions are you? He wants to know if it's worth trying to learn your identity.]

I once knew a Princess who held a grudge so strong that she managed to put a curse on the person she hated despite not being able to use magic.

text

[sleepingbagsensei]

You Scorpio?

Re: text

[sarcastass]

I don't do star signs.

Re: text

[sleepingbagsensei]

What you typed there and asking is close to one. Try reading about them.

anon text

[youfool]

[Anything to do with hatred of persons is, in fact, inherently negative, ergo one picosecond is too long for that.]

text, not anon

[inquisitor_lavellan]

Considering I used to have Elgar'nan's markings tattooed onto my face -- the elven God of Vengeance -- I'm afraid I don't have any useful answers for you.

But I definitely relate to using it as fuel.

perma anon perma text!

[sarcastass]

At what point does it all start to hurt, though? I've noticed that, at some point, it begins to eat through everyone, a bit like trying to hold an ember in your hand.

It might not burn through too much at first, but eventually it'll destroy what's holding it.

[inquisitor_lavellan]

Hurt is... subjective. I have no problem admitting that it's done some damage. Hollowed out parts that weren't meant to be hollow.

The way I figure it, there's a reason Rage demons are made of fire.

And there's a reason they bee-line for me.

Video????

[affiances]

[Oh, this sounds familiar in a certain way.]

You don't have to forgive someone for doing something terrible to you. But it's... a relief when you decide to move on. When it keeps you from living, you've held it too long.

[she pauses. thinking.]

I think it can be replaced with something better, but you should do it on your own terms. It's your grudge so you have to be the one to decide when it's time to replace it with something better.

[With better memories, with someone else. It's complicated.]

FOREVER TEXT

[sarcastass]

[A pause. No one so far had suggested that moving on didn't have to include forgiveness.]

How do you move past it?

What do you replace it with? What outweighs past damage?

[affiances]

I'm... not sure how to answer that. I think it would be different for everyone, but for me... I figured out that it was because of her I also got the chance to learn how to live, and I got to meet someone that I care about more than myself. I won't forget her because of that, but I'm not going to forgive her either.

[she tilts her head to the side at the next part, her voice still quiet and thoughtful.]

Replace it with new things. Better memories. People that you've learned to trust bit by bit. [she can name so many people that have helped her, especially Elias.] It's hard at first, I didn't think I could do it. But I'm free.

[Text, anon]

[chocobosnap]

The problem with grudges is that you never feel better while you're holding one. All that anger and energy spent on a grudge that kind of sits with you and controls your life.

Letting go of the grudge doesn't mean you forgive the person who caused you to have it, you know.

I don't think so anyway.

Grudges, don't make anything better. Whatever they did that was so unforgivable, can't be undone just with some anger.

Re: [Text, anon]

[sarcastass]

I'm aware that just anger won't solve anything.

The application of it is usually the important part.

It's far easier to say one should get over a grudge than it is to do so, what would be the steps to moving past it?

[Text, anon]

[chocobosnap]

I know. But once you get that revenge, do you really feel better?

Maybe for a minute, but the hurt they inflicted is still there.

Probably the hardest thing to do is to admit you don't want the grudge anymore.

Then...yeah, you have to let it go. It's not easy. It's not like there's steps but eventually you don't think about it anymore. It takes time. I know that's not what you want to hear.

And considering I'm nursing a really intense grudge right now, I might not be the best at taking my own advice. I've let some go but this one is just, yeah.