genessia | [Video]

So? Sometimes the things that don't come naturally to you are the best things to work for. It's hard for me to do a lot of things, but it's worth it.

What makes you think it's stupid?

Because it's like pointless anyway? I don't need food and while my body like processes the food and all it's not affected by it, I could like cook something poisonous and not realize it. Or something that like tastes horrible and there's just not really like any reason to do it.

I just was like curious, you know? I've like heard my mother say multiple times that she like hated cooking but that when she began to like cook for my father it changed and now she loves it. And like there was the time when Odette had a guy she liked and she was like making a huge fuss about cooking for him even just a sandwich. So I just like wondered what would like happen if I tried.

But like there's no point to it anyway. And like I could use the time spent trying to like learn to cook working on cases. I like hate to waste time doing something that like ends not giving any result when I could have been studying clues. It like doesn't sound fun to think of Sora and you like getting food poisoning or something just because I was like curious.

[She shrugs, resting importance to the matter and hoping that she has made her point across.]

[So she can't do like her mother, cook for the two guys she has been referring to as her "family" and see them enjoy something delicious she has made with her own hands. It's okay, no big deal.]

[She can still rip to shreds whoever that tries to harm them, that counts as taking care of them, doesn't it?]

[She's so cute.]

[So so cute.]

[He wants to hug and lean all over her ahhhhhhhhh.]

Don't give up before you even get started. We'll double time it. You can talk to me about the cases while I cook, and I'll tell you what I'm doing. It'll bleed over. You're far too smart to assume it's out of your range. So no excuses. And I won't let you accidentally poison us. I love you too much for that.

[Pouting now.]

Why do you like care so much now? There are like many things I can't do that humans do, it's like natural, tcha? I can like also do things that you could like never do.

Youd don't like have to worry, it was just me like being curious, it's not important. And like just because it wouldn't give you food poisoning doesn't like mean it would taste good. So like why bother?

[She doesn't want to spend time and effort doing something and it taste terrible or too spicy or something because she can't taste it and have you eat it despite it for some stupid sentimental reason like not wanting to hurt her feelings.]

[SO SO CUTE!]

[HE WILL DIE OF CUTE.]

[BRB DYING OF CUTE.]

[He needs to pick her up, set her in his lap, and cuddle the stuffing out of her like a giant baby succubus teddy bear. Which is now a thing. He just made up. Because she is.]

It is important. I think you're too quick to assume you stopped being human. And that your other sides override your totality.

You're not just Angelique, but you still have more of her left than you remember. I'm greedy. I want to see that side blossom too if given proper chances, not locked away and hidden for fear of what might not be there.

You're not alone in this. I'll be with you every step I can, and I'll even promise to be brutally honest if it'll make you feel better. That way if you know I like it, it's like smiles. I'll know they're for real, and you'll know I mean it.

[A pause. ~~And in an awkward Alec Hardy moment:~~] Want a hug?

[She tenses when he says that it's important, quickly trying to deny it.]

It's not-!

[But then he says everything else and she just... Bites her lower lip and frowns.]

[She doesn't like to hear that. And she realizes that she also doesn't want to hear it. Even if she doesn't understand why she doesn't like it or want it.]

[She's too quick to assume that she stopped being human? But she stopped being human. Angelique died and left nothing behind. She didn't even know how to read, only how to talk and even with that there were times on the first days and weeks that she found herself wondering what words meant. She still does at times.]

[But he says that maybe there was something left and that he wants it. Is that why he's with her? Because he thinks there is something human left in her?]

[What is that supposed to mean? That he doesn't want her for what she is but for what he thinks she may be? Though it makes sense, doesn't it? Soon it will be a month since they arrived here and met, just a month, that's not much time. And she had said it, hadn't she? Humans take a long time to give their love and to know someone.]

[Fear of what might not be there? Who said she was afraid? Who said she needs to have any hidden side of her blossom? That she even has any hidden sides? She's what she is, nothing more nothing less. She's Chrysalis and that's all. There's no Angelique there, she only acts like how she thinks Angelique would have been when she's with her family and sometimes outside of them, but here? Here it has been Chrysalis, specially with Carver.]

[He calls her Chrysalis but now says that there is still some Angelique left in her?]

[She frowns and closes her fists, angry and... Hurt. And somehow blaming herself because it was that stupid idea, that stupid curiosity which brought this. A small voice says that Carver probably already thought that and this just brought it up but she doesn't listen. She brought up the idea and somehow Carver took it as meaning that there is some hidden part of Angelique in her.]

And if I don't?

[For all the anger she feels in this instant she's almost amazed at how freezing cold her voice is when she talks.]

And if I don't have some hidden side that needs to be rescued and revealed? If all I am is exactly who I say I am, Chrysalis?

You've never met Angelique, or even seen anything of her besides this body, so how do you know if there's something of her left in me? Or is it just what you hope? That Angelique is still inside me? That the evil demon is holding her hostage inside her own body and is needing someone to notice and rescue her?

Is that why you are with me? Not because of who I am but because of what I may be? What she may be? I've read her diaries and I assure you she would never be like me, she was a stupid bimbo that only thought of guys and thought that fashion was all that mattered in the world.

[The coldness in her voice melts to give away a great amount of disdain when she talks about Angelique.]

[She glares at the hug question.]

No. I want to be who I am, I want to be Chrysalis. And for once not have someone I love expecting me to be a dead girl.

Edited 2018-08-26 05:08 (UTC)

It's Chrysalis I love, not the fake smiles.

Remember? I want to see you transform, I won't run or be scared off.

You don't have to be anything you don't want to. But I don't think there's as much you're incapable of as you think. You managed to find control, you're stronger and smarter than I ever was at any age. And don't say that's just because I'm human.

I don't think your past was that bad, just naive. Innocent. Unaffected. She's still part of you.

You are Chrysalis, you don't have to pretend to be anything less than you are.

You asked earlier if you annoy me or if you should do something different to please me. Not a thing. Not a single damn thing. I've never been this happy. I don't think I've ever been happy before this. And you're the only reason for any of that. Whole new world, nothing I thought I knew makes sense, but with you by my side, I don't have to fear a second of it. Be you. Just don't be scared of what that means.

[She hears his reassuring words, each and every one of them, searches the reassurance in them. But while she can see it in some, there are other words that aren't even if he thinks they are.]

[Like how he insists that Angelique is still part of her. So even when he says that he loves Chrysalis, he still talks about Angelique, someone he has never even met. Someone he wouldn't even know that existed if she hadn't told him about her.]

[The thought of it makes her even angrier. Because it's true after all, if she hadn't told him then he wouldn't go around talking about hidden parts or parts of someone else that should blossom in her.]

Bullshit.

[She glares at the image through wet eyes, refusing to cry, to let herself be that weak.]

You... You liar! How stupid do you think I am? You keep saying that I just have to be myself yet keep still talking about someone else being part of me?! Do you really think I'm so blind I wouldn't see the contradiction in your words?

[At least her tone isn't cold anymore, but it's angry and hurt. Her fists remain tightly closed and when she bites her lower lip there's enough strength to make it bleed slightly.]

You wouldn't even know that she ever existed if I hadn't told you! You wouldn't even think about secret parts of someone being in me or whatever if I hadn't told you, how can you really think that there's part of her in me? You never met her, you wouldn't even know she ever existed. That's like me telling you that there's a part of those that bombed that other country in you and that you should let those parts flourish!

They aren't part of you, all they have in common with you is your country and species. And all I have in common with Angelique is her body, nothing more!

[Even when he tells her that she makes him happy the words sound almost fake somehow. Or maybe she can't hear them well after all. But the last part makes her snarl and growl almost ferally.]

I'm not scared of being me. I've never been scared of that, worried maybe because you humans are so stupidly weak and sentimental. Because the moment you hear there was once a human you just latch into that and start to hope and push for that human to still be there somehow.

You're right, I guess I was naive. I thought that only Angelique's family would be stupid enough to do that, but I see that even someone who has never met her still manages to hope that she's there somewhere. Well, too bad! I am Chrysalis! I am the one alive now, this is my body now! And even if it was true that she's somehow still in me, even just a tiny specle, I would erase it with my own hands!

This is my life now! Not hers! Never hers!

[And the device goes flying, fortunately it doesn't crash and break into anything, but it still gets a good hit and lands with the camera down. So all Carver gets is the sound of a door slamming as Chrysalis storms out of the room to go... Somewhere. Anywhere.]

[She'll probably end at the police station hidden in some room and going over old cases. She doesn't really have many other places she would run to.]

Edited 2018-08-26 14:51 (UTC)

[He blinks, taken aback. Definitely didn't expect that. But before he can say anything, she throws the phone, and goes running.]

[He gives her some space, but later, hesitantly, seeks her out all the same.]

Hey.

[The space gives her time to calm down, specially after a chat with The Doctor. Though she still tenses when she senses Carver's presence and he seeks her out.]

[She's in a room in front of old dossiers and filling notes for herself regarding them, important details and aspects as well as the resolutions because one never knows when those thing may be relevant again. And she refuses to let something obvious evade her simply because she's new if there's a way to try to avoid it.]

[She looks at him briefly when he calls, looking away almost inmediately not really able to look at him in the eye at the moment.]

Hey.

[Sorry, Carver but you're going to have to try more to get her to talk again. She's not sure what to expect from him, but clearly isn't expecting anything positive.]

[He comes to sit next to her all the same and put his arm around her shoulders.] I'm sorry. I've tossed away parts of my life all the time.

When my parents got divorced I pretty much stopped speaking or dealing with either of them, just thought it was easier.

When I was fighting with my ex, I just ignored her. Completely discarded her even while we were still living together.

Politics, especially work politics? Making friends in departments, even learning everyone's names... Didn't bother with. I considered it all useless, getting in the way of bigger things.

[Gently nudges his free fist to her chin.] I wanted better for you. That's all, folks. [Loony Toons quote because of course.]

Meeting you was like, being born anew for me. In a really good way.

Things, everything I ever thought didn't matter, suddenly did again. Or could. In a good way. [Offers her a worried gentle grin, hoping she's still with him, not shut down.] All the stupid movies I sat through are suddenly really fun and important, because of you and Sora. All the time I wasted looking for ToonTown and riding the trolleys of San Francisco as a kid actually mean something now.

I never took to cooking. As a kid, because it would have meant being with my Mom and she didn't like cooking anyway, and as I was older, it was just a thing to survive.

In Gracepoint I didn't even do my own cooking. I got my meals as part of my commission to move out there, at the inn or takeout at the office.

And then suddenly here, now, it means something. And I'm still getting used to that.

[Shifts to the front and holds both shoulders in either hand, searching her eyes out and not budging or talking until she meets his.] I don't want you to be human. [A VERY SERIOUS GROWL.] Especially not if it means this past month and a half was fake. [Growl growl, serious eyes!] I meant it what I said before. I've never been this happy. I gave up all those unimportant things without a fight. Even my ex-wife. I gave up on her before her affair, and even when that happened, I walked away. The only one I didn't want to lose was Julienne.

But you? I will fight everything and anyone for you. [Gently boops her nose with a finger and softens his glower.]

But that even includes yourself sometimes.

And it includes myself, ALL the time. Because I have to fight my instincts. And I have to remind myself this is real. Or as real as it can be. And sometimes I have to let go, and that's really hard for me.

[Lets go of her shoulders and leans his forehead to hers.] But you're worth it.

I'm not actually a good cook. I've had very little practice. But for you, I want to be. Sora too, but mostly...

[Pulls back and tsun glances away!!] I want to impress you, that's all. [Glances back with only his eyes, head still turned a bit.] And everything is more fun with you around. Scratch that. [Turns back in full.] It is fun with you around. Even opera. And I'm not used to that.

[Gently rakes his hand through her hair and grins softly.] Sorry for being selfish. I do want all of you. And I still want you to transform for me, so I can prove even to myself, you're still you. All of you. [Leans his head forward again, searching out hers. He wants to kiss her, but can't be that permissive right now, no matter what he wants.] But you're right, I don't need or want a missing girl I never met. I do need you. And... I'm still getting used to that idea. So I'm pretty clumsy and daffy like that anyway.

[She doesn't fight the arm around her shoulders, nor tenses more, but she doesn't really relax or look up from her notes. Still she slows down and it's clear that she is paying attention as he speaks.]

[She frowns a little when he says that he wanted better for her, because for a moment it sounds too fatherly and... Maybe she blew it after all. Maybe now he only sees her as a child.]

[But she forces herself to keep listening without interrupting him. Even what he says next makes her turn deep red in embarrassment. It is warming, though, and she can't say that she doesn't understand that because it is kind of similar. She had studied and all only because she had to, but most of it hadn't been important, and yet now she tries to learn about the world history of a whole different world. Because it's his.]

[She resists meeting his eyes when he searches for hers, only relenting when she realizes that he has more to say but won't until she's looking right into his eyes. When she does and he talks, though, she wishes she hadn't because his words make her instantly tear up and she can't keep the tears from falling this time. Because those words hit well in the mark of why it hurt when he talked about a hidden part of her or something similar.]

[The thought that maybe the doctors had been right and she was just Angelique with amnesia, that one day she would wake up and be just Angelique. And what would happen to Chrysalis then? To the her that she is now?]

[She lets him continue even as the tears keep falling and she keeps getting redder the more he talks. Part of her wants to kiss him but another part says that she shoudln't. Not yet at least. As nice as it would be, as much as she wants, it wouldn't really solve anything.]

I don't... I have been alive for like two years and like never I've really cared about like anything. I just like learned what I needed to keep the act and like to pass in school. But I didn't care, I couldn't like bring myself to be interested in the world and its history.

When I began to like work with Gaff, it was like all new, but like even more because for me everything was really like new. But like instead of having to like solve a giant puzzle without the pieces, they were like smaller puzzles. And like nothing else mattered, only what was like pertaining to the case, no need to like learn in depth world history or like the history of a family. And once it was solved I could like move on to another case. I liked that.

I liked working in the station because like even if they called me Angelique, it was me, Chrysalis. Because like she would have never ended there, doing that. I don't like need to wear someone else's shoes.

[She looks down at her hands, holding one of the dossiers she had been studying.]

When I like woke up here, I thought I would like keep it up. Even if part of me like thought that I didn't have to like hide. But like, better safe than sorry?

But then you were like there with the broadwalk and like your question about the ransom for our kidnapping... And like I was me. With you I don't like ever act, I don't like wonder what I should do to like keep up the illusion of being human or Angelique.

Everything I like show you is just Chrysalis. And even when I like act with others here it's not the same as back home, because like you're here and... I'm more me than I've ever been in like two years. This, specially here in Genessia it's my life. Only mine.

[She looks up at him, wondering if she is even explaining herself properly. If he understands. If he can understand.]

And I don't like want to share it with anyone. Not with a girl that like wouldn't be known here if not because I like mentioned her.

Maybe I like have something human in me after all? But like even if so that's like still me, still mine. Not her somehow surviving, you know? Or maybe I don't like have anything human at all but like even then it's me. And like, that's all there is and there will be.

[He rests his hand on her cheek and smiles softly.]

[She's so cute.]

[Ahhhhh.]

[Jealous of herself. It's so cute!]

[He's back to dying of cute.]

[And can't resist it any longer, just kisses her.] You don't have to share me with your past.

And yeah. I think anything that's human about you is still part of you, Sweetheart. That's why I want to see it. As much as your demon side. [Another kiss!] Not because I want you to be human. Human is boring. I've had humans. I like this. Whatever you are. Lemenae, baby succubus, you're mine, and I'm going to be greedy about it. [Gently nibbles her pouty bottom lip.]

[She blushes again at the kiss, gasping softly because she didn't expect it. She didn't think he would want to kiss her, at least not yet.]

Good, because I don't like really have much of a past.

[Angelique's past was her own. No matter how much she read her diaries and whatever she wrote and left behind, no matter how many family pictures and videos she watched. It wasn't hers, it would never be and she didn't want it to be.]

[She just wants her own story. Her own life.]

[When he repeats that, it is a bit easier to accept it when it's just "something human" in general. It doesn't hurt or makes her think that he means that there's someone else in her, trapped or hidde. And humans like to think that certain things are "human specific traits" so that also makes it easier.]

[And it is finally reassuring to hear him say that he doesn't want her to be human. Maybe it's a lie, but right now she can't tell and doesn't care.]

I'm sorry that I like snapped at you like that.

[She's also still not initiating kisses because she honestly doesn't feel like she deserves it.]

[He laughs at that. Genuinely chuckling.] Did you? I didn't notice. Julienne is worse when she's being nice to me.

[Takes her hand, laces their fingers together, and rubs his thumb over her hand.] You don't have to change anything or try to please me. You know what turns me on the most? When you're dancing around in your pjs singing and decorating the wall with clues. When you talk cases and inspection work to me. Pretty sure your demon side is gonna make me need to screw you into a wall too. Okay? [Kisses her forehead.] Don't do things to please me. I'm happy when you're with me. I do think your body might need human food more than you think, [Gently pokes her cheek.] But only because... It's how I don't feel hungry if I'm working hard enough.

Or having sex with you. [Shrugs.] Maybe I'm wrong, I just don't want to risk anything with you like that. Ya dig?

[She pouts at that, is he serious or is he teasing her? Probably teasing or trying to not give it too much importance. And she's not sure if she likes it or not but he doesn't have the will to complain.]

[There's a soft snort as he tells her to not do things to please him.]

The only one I like really care to please is myself. I would never like do something I don't like want to just for someone else.

[Which may be cruel or harsh, but it's the truth. It also means that when she does something that happens to please him, he can be sure that it was done not just for him.]

And like I never said I would like stop eating or anything like that. Regardless of like if I need it or not, eating with you is like something I really like. Even if only because like you are there and made the food.

[He's serious.]

[And he grins and gently tickles her ribs.] And what makes you think I'm any different?

[She gasps and jumps away from his fingers, that tickles! Which probably was the intention but still, she protests against that.]

That like way too many things that you do totally like make me happy?

[Laughs.]

Same with me, Chrysalis.

[She sighs, for a moment forgetting everything as she looks at him laugh.]

[Now that they have talked again, she feels that even if she hadn't gone to The Doctor she would have been okay. But she would have still been worried and haunted deep down.]

[She bites her lower lip, wondering if she should bring it up or not. But... It may help? Make everything clearer?]

Actually... After I like snapped at you I like went to talk with The Doctor, about that. I mean, like what you said about Angelique like still being there, somewhere.

He like entered my mind, tcha? And like... [She shakes her head.] He confirmed that she's like gone. Nothing left there or like hidden. He said all there was was like "a graveyard of broken doors that once were linked" and that was being like overgrown by me. So... Yeah.

Just Chrysalis here.

[He's watching her reaction over it, and finally very simply:] But you're not happy.

[She shakes her head again.]

No, actually I am. I mean, it's what I had like come to figure on my own months ago. And it is like a huge relief to know that, well, that I'm not like holding her back or anything, you know?

I didn't like want her to be anywhere there. This is like my life now and like specially here in Genessia. With you. She like had no place anyway and I had like no intention to let her.

[A pause.]

But it is still like sad somehow. When he like confirmed it, I just felt... Bad and like really sad. Because like it's confirmed now, he like went into my mind and checked himself and there's absolutely nothing left. And like all I could think of was that like her family really will never like see her again, or Odette. And that like Kristen was really right when she like said I wasn't her friend and like died because she rejected me.

[She shrugs.]

I'm like happy but I also feel like sad about it somehow. Even if like I know that if he had like said that she was like still there I wouldn't have liked it. It's weird, tcha?

Mm.

[Pulls her forward, leaning their foreheads together, thinking on it. It makes sense. He had been thinking of her as more of a fusion, a new version, but no. That's not a bad thing.]

How did you learn about the other lemenae and her pact?

I think... I sort of thought your soul was still being recycled. And before you say lemenae don't have souls... [Presses her bottom lip down with a finger.] Your essence. Whatever carries between planes that isn't physical. A new soul's not bad either. [Eskimo kisses.] But I guess it really -- [Pause.] would be a bit pointless to try to feed your human body... can it even age? I mean... you don't look fifteen, but... [Snort.] Maybe that's just me trying to convince myself.

[She closes her eyes, leaning her forehead against his before smiling.]

How do you like learn about something like who moved a body? Through witnesses.

There were like none on the human world, those that could have like talked died and those who lived... They are like part of the cult so they wouldn't talk. But when a portal opens there are like many lemenae attracted to it, even if like only one can cross.

There was a parasite type lemenae that like had tried to cross but was beaten to it. Still he like found another way. And the hospital like ended with a huge problem because like everyone was like getting healed suddenly! I helped Vincent, who like works as a doctor, with it and we located who was like the unaware host of the lemenae, and worked things out so like he could stay and live and wouldn't like call too much attention, tcha? He was like the one that told me of what he had like seen through the portal before it like closed.

He thought I was like his friend because, well, I look like the girl he had made a deal with.

[She blinks, she wasn't going to say that lemenaes don't have souls, they do, just not the same way as humans. She bites his finger in retaliation.]

But like I still want to like sit and eat with you. And like when I woke up, in the following months my body like changed, I thought I was like ageing but maybe it was just still like finishing adjusting or something. I've not like aged or changed at all in a year. Not even my hair has like gone longer.

[Pause and sigh as she tugs lightly at it.]

Though it like gets longer when I transform.

Why is healing a problem?

Ah. That makes sense.

[Nibbles her ear in retaliation and thinks it over.]

[Okay, so she was born out of the death. Of two souls. Isn't that still soul and bodies fusing and being recycled?]

[He pushes a hand back through his own hair.]

[Maybe he's trying too hard to put into human Earth terms.]

[Which is so unnecessary. It's not like he wants her to be any different.] I think.... you shouldn't give up on things just because you think they're too human.

I still want to see if comfort foods work better for you, and I'm with you. Angelique is gone, yeah? But it's not for her, it's for you. You're still something else. Unique. You said yourself, the other lemenae thought maybe you were his friend crossed over too. I was thinking of you as sort of a combination of both, and I get it better, you're neither. But -- [Runs a hand through his hair again.] I don't get the relationship to your soul and body, and I don't think you do yet either. And that's not bad. Humans, at least in my world, still haven't figured theirs out. And ghosts are just what, body-less souls, right?

But until we know more... [Shrug.] I want to protect it.

[Makes a face.] Maybe I have to think of it like that, otherwise I'm making love to the wrong body, so unless you want to transform for sex, and that also requires me not being too... whatever by it, right?

Grrrr.

[HUFF.] Just humor this stupid human, all right? It's not that I think you're a lie, or anything to do with Angelique... Just... You're too hard on yourself! It's very un-demonic. And yeah, sure fine, maybe it's because you were treated like a normal sixteen year old girl for so long it rubbed off, but then, maybe other weird effects on your body did too? [Rubs his eyes with one hands' fingers.] Or maybe the way the cult summoned you and killed you both created a new thing... I don't know. Just know that if there's something other lemenae can't do... I don't want you to think that means you can't either, all right? If you really don't want to, then sure, whatever, who cares? I mean I can swim, but like hell's bells is anyone going to make me.

But [Leans their foreheads together again.] I'd hate to be the reason you miss out on something beautiful. Let yourself be surprised if you want to. All right?

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