genessia | 004: My love & loathing always collide [ VIDEO ]

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004: My love & loathing always collide [ VIDEO ]

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[ Misery enjoys company, but Gren has discovered that he lacks the associations to coordinate such an affair. The realization hit him hard after a recent fallout with a friend that brought his numbers down to 2, and that’s including a fifteen year old acquaintance that he just likes to harass. His social standing is pretty abysmal at the moment which is disappointing considering just how outgoing and personable he actually is.

He acknowledges the lack of effort on his part, but now he’s willing to give it a good honest try now that he’s no longer fussing over the friend he lost. It still hurts, but he’s found distractions in work, his music, a cute guy, and now in the pages of a sketchbook.

He’s not an artist by any stretch, but he enjoys the odd doodle from time to time. It’s been good enough to charm an ancient, reticent type so Gren figures it could work on others too.

The feed starts on a curtain-esque black, sweeping mass that is soon revealed to be the drape of Gren’s hair as he leans over his phone trying to stabilize it. Once it’s secure he backs away, sits down, and settles himself in the frame. ]

We good? Okay... Hey.

[ He smiles and grabs a black sketchbook that was sitting just out of frame. ]

So, I’m doing portraits for anyone who wants one. I’m a musician, so this isn’t exactly my thing, but I do enjoy it at times. Just don’t expect the greatest quality. I think it’ll be a fun way to get to know some of you more and you get a little something out of it, too. This is what you can expect. Quality will vary, sorry.

[ He flips open the sketchbook and turns it to the camera. The first image is of a handsome dhampir in a horrendous hat. ]

Cute guy, cuter in person.

[ He turns to another page. It’s a woman. Her name is written in cursive and beneath that there’s a small heart. A sweet, little detail that no longer bears any meaning. The sketch is old. Gren’s smile falters and he turns to the next page without a comment. The next image, well... ]

This is Sora the Soaring Menace laying eggs upon the public for absolutely no reason. That’s me being assaulted.

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[ He felt his restraint distending against the burden of her words. I thought the idea of a friend was to pick you up when you were down. He closes his eyes to hide the evidence of them spiraling in his head. You know my insecurities and you preyed on them. I didn’t think that was what friends were supposed to do. He winces at being likened to a predator and the dash of guilt dealt by a blow of passive aggression almost makes Gren hang up on her.

He wants to rail her for questioning his friendship and his efforts. It’s like nothing ever sticks with you, nothing is ever good enough. His own words bubble to the surface with that bitter reminder as Faye confirms it as truth.

He rolls his lower lip into his mouth and gnaws at it until she finishes. When she does, he opens his eyes and takes a deep, stabilizing breath before speaking. ]

...Okay. I’m fallible and I have my limits. Apologies aren’t incantations that magically undo everything. My forgiveness is finite. I can’t promise to always accept them and I wouldn’t expect that from you, either.

No. You're right.

*She knows his forgiveness is hard to win - that much is obvious to her. Other friends have accepted her apologies, have been able to see how sorry she truly is, have believed her when she's said she won't do treat them that way again. But not Gren. Right now, nothing she can do is good enough either.

But she really didn't think he was good enough, she wouldn't waster her time, she wouldn't feel so wretched*

And me? I don't know if I'm too late now... But how can I be a better friend for you?

*Faye is so keen to know what she can do to repair things and how she can regain that confidence and warmth from him, that she forgets she is hiding her eyes from him. She lifts her face so that her shining eyes are visible; they are rubbed red, raw and painful; the scratches she'd given herself show up as faint white welts against the red, the whites of her eyes bloodshot*

Mindfulness.

[ He spares her from the treatment of guilt and passive aggression that she gave him. He honestly doesn’t have the energy for it anymore.

When Faye lifts her face, he averts his eyes. He can't deal with that anymore, either. He genuinely wants to try to make this work, but he has his doubts and he will for a while. ]

*At that, Faye actually starts to laugh - not at him, but at the cruel amusement of it all. It seems like such a simple answer, such a simple solution. But he's not wrong, and the very unmindfulness of herself is just too funny*

Shit, Gren. Can you imagine how different I would be if I had that? How different my life would be?

*By this stage, she sounds genuinely amused to be thinking of the fact*

We'd be sitting in a garden somewhere while we drink wine and watch the dog run around. I'd gossip with a baby on my knee with my husband at work. I'd bake cookies and wear pretty colours.

*She couldn't think of anything further from the truth of her life. She readjusts her hat so that it covers her eyes again*

I should give it a try. Maybe then at least I won't be sitting here trying to figure how to be a better friend and feeling like...feeling like I do.

Edited (phone typos 4 lyf) 2018-10-17 08:12 (UTC)

[ His mood doesn’t accommodate the humor so he watches Faye’s amusement without any of his own. A small smile tugs his lips, but it’s only a courtesy. ]

If you aspire to be that boring then put the work into it.

[ It’s a joke, but it’s delivered flatly. ]

*Truthfully, the sudden swing in mood was making her feel a little delirious - it was a strange kind of amusement. Still, she smirks at his comment and waves a dismissive, and almost regal, hand*

I'd be boring, but I'd have friends. I'd host parties ans people would actually come to them. People would look forward to seeing me. "Oh? Are you going to Faye's too? I wouldn't miss it for the world. Isn't she a darling?"

Then I’d have to turn down yet another invitation because your parties are only elaborate gatherings for you to talk about coupons and baby shit. Boring. I said mindfulness, Faye. Not a new personality. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. You just need some adjustments here and there. Hell, we all do.

[ The image bobs a bit as he gets off of the floor and plops into his bed. He props his phone up against the headboard and settles onto his stomach with a pillow wedged under his chin. The comfort of his new position rejuvenates him a bit and he continues with another piece of advice. ]

Fantasizing about being someone else is only going to make you hate yourself more. So, stop it. You’re a work in progress, not a demolition site.

But sweetie I wouldn't need to talk about coupons because my man would be working hard to make sure I had everything I needed.

*Though she knows that totally isn't what he means. She understands him perfectly well*

I'm not fantasting about being someone else, I'm just speculating on how things could have been for me. That's all. That life would bore me shitless too. I'd be a functioning alcoholic and sleeping with all of my husbands employees.

*Faye grins at that - it's far from anyone's ideal life, but it's amusing to think about, at least while her brain is hurting from all this thinking about herself. Finally, though, Faye sighs deeply at rubs at her eyes again, exhausted more than anything, though she does wince at how sore that is*

I'm working on it. A work in progress is always messy, that's all...

It’ll all come together soon enough…

[ He’s exhausted his supply of things to say on that particular subject and part of him, bitterly, doesn’t want to risk wasting anymore of his breath. His lids fall over his eyes for a moment and it would seem that he’s falling asleep, but just as things become uncomfortably quiet his eyes open again to refocus on Faye. ]

You didn’t kill our son because you were mad at me, did you?

Edited 2018-10-18 13:44 (UTC)

I hope so...

*Faye just watches as Gren begins to fall asleep and bites her lip, wondering how she managed to mess up so badly... She is about to turn her feed off when he opens his eyes again*

No. He knows that whatever happens between his Mommy and Daddy, he'll still be loved. He misses his daddy though...

[ He smiles a little, his arms tightening around the pillow. Bringing up the little stuffed bear conjures memories of how he tried to cheer Faye up that day, but his smile dissipates as he wonders if any of it truly mattered to her. ]

That so? Daddy misses him, too.

*She thinks of the bear, where it sits propped up against the lamp on her bedside table. Seeing that brief smile gives Faye a hopeful jolt*

He knows that Daddy can visit...whenever he is ready. He'll wait.

[ Playing around with a little inside joke between them is helping to alleviate a little of the tightness in his chest. Just a little, but it’s enough to make him sigh softly with relief. ]

So… back to the deputy thing. Genessia City is out of your jurisdiction, right? I like to get up to no good from time to time. I don’t need you cramping my style.

*Faye shakes her head slightly at his question, smirking a little at it - smiling was much easier to do now the difficult subjects had been put aside*

Genessia has nothing to with me. If you're in Nova, or anywhere else, so long as you're not hurting anybody, then your business is your business and not mine.

*Surely he wasn't getting up to anything too untoward - there was no need for that here*

Edited 2018-10-18 15:29 (UTC)

No, I’m not hurting anyone. Others may disagree, but they wouldn’t understand.

[ He’ll leave it at that. Gren’s a big proponent for autonomy and if people found relief through unconventional means then so be it. Besides, his work is lucrative and he has a whole new apartment that needs proper furnishing and a love interest that he needs to look cute for. These things are expensive.
]

Hm...

[ Speaking of love interest… There’s something he wants to talk about, but the last time he brought it up Faye flipped every shit within a ten mile radius. Things have developed since meeting that guy at a bar and it’s exciting for Gren, but the only person he could really talk to about it aside from Faye would be… the actual guy.

He gnaws at his lip as he debates bringing it up. ]

Edited 2018-10-18 16:02 (UTC)

Long as no one comes and complains. Otherwise the cuffs will have to come out.

*But now he's chewing his lip and looking unsure about something. Maybe he's been hurt, or he needs help. Whatever it is, Faye wants to listen*

Gren, is something wrong...?

*She looks at him with the concern of a friend, rather than that of a deputy*

[ Her concern surprises him as he wasn’t aware of how much his uncertainty manifested in his face. He smiles a little and shakes his head. ]

No, I’m okay.

[ He decides not to risk it. He’ll keep his romantic ventures to himself right now. They’re still on shaky ground and he doesn't want to set her off. ]

You think I should cut my hair?

Okay.

*She knows very well that there was clearly something on his mind, something he wants to say. It disappoints her that he doesn't. But then, why would he open up to her now? He's surely found better people to talk to by now. And that's her own fault. She swallows.

Then looks at his hair and shakes her head*

Not unless it's being a nuisance. I know my own hair's been getting longer but I never did understand hair that long... Looks good though. You fed up with it?

[ He idly ruffles his bangs a bit. ]

Nah, not really. I’ve kept it long since middle school. Not as long as this, but that’s where it all started. They called me Grenevieve because of it.

[ He chuckles softy. ]

And I’ve been rebelling against that ever since. I’ll never conform to the ideas of my middle school peers. I’ll keep my hair long until I die. Again. Besides, I like having it pulled during sex.

*Faye rolls her eyes but in good humour - if he has no intention of getting rid of it then why ask?*

Are you just looking for compliments, mister?

*He gets the same face when he mentions sex. Yes, she had reacted horribly before, but she had just been rejected and felt he was being boastful. Besides, there was the fact that he'd chosen to have sex instead of going to the interview of the job she'd set up for him, a real attempt at being a good friend*

Better keep it long for all those one night stands, hmm?

*She's teasing, because although she has to rely on the hidden contents of a drawer to keep her satisfied, it's hardly fair for her to be mad at him just because he's getting the real thing*

Edited (phone typos 4 lyf) 2018-10-18 17:11 (UTC)

[ He playfully bats his eyelashes at Faye. ]

Always. If you had told me to cut it I would have just assumed that you wanted to be prettier than me. Sorry, not happening.

[ He didn’t think that she would bring up the one night stand, but now he feels emboldened to share a bit. ]

Does it still count as a one night stand if it turned into two nights and two dates and all sorts of feelings…?

What if I just grew my hair? Would that make me nearly as pretty as you?

*Faye blinks at this information from him, but she soon is smiling, genuine and curious*

Did it really? Well, no wonder you didn't have nuch need for me anymore! So who is this mystery stranger?

It would be close. I think our tits would have to be the deciding factor.

[ He frowns a little, although he knows she's probably joking. Even so, Faye would find a way to convince herself that it's true. He sighs and shrugs a shoulder. ]

His name is D, he's half vampire. I sorta want him to suck me dry. That's about it.

They've never let me down yet.

*She tilts into the camera - even in her new deputy guardian outfit they are rather nicely on display.

She isn't sure about the vampire thing, but the added comment makes her cringe and she lifts a hand to cover her eyes*

Spare me the details. Please.

*She takes her hand away and focuses her eyes on him, again concerned*

But he's...safe?

[ He shrugs again, dismissive. ]

It's not my fault you automatically thought of that, pervert. That's not what I meant.

[ He considers her question, though. Snapshots of his memories flash before his mind's eye. The claw marks on the wall. The ferocity of a monstrous struggle that he pinned against himself... and beckoned. ]

We'll see.

004: My love & loathing always collide [ VIDEO ]

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