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Well, it was fucking nice while it lasted.

[Li's sitting somewhere on the shores of Fayren under the moonlight with nothing more than a large shirt on and looking annoyed. She liked being a Siren damn it and now several days later, she's still wishing she had it. Then again, it wasn't what she really was... She sighed and glanced to her phone while she ran a hand through her hair, noting that it was getting longer again. Unlike when she was a siren, it's back to being a sandy blonde instead of black once more.

She grumbles softly.]

So, is everyone else back to what they're supposed to be or are there still a few sirens out there? It was... nice not being the only one again.

[Locked To Gellert and Albus]

...I think I need a fucking vacation. You two back to normal? And Albus, I hate you. I want more sweets damn it and can't eat them now.

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[Her face went white, and she finally tore her eyes off the surf to look at Li.]

Wait, what?

[The waves closest to her feet seemed to still a little as her blood went cold.]

What?

[Li was confused by Dove's sudden reaction. To her, mating was just something that happened and admittedly, the round with Styxx made her think about reconsidering bedding humans.]

I mean.. that's what you mean, right?

[She just stared at the other woman, trying to sort through Li's confusion and the sudden onslaught of her own emotion. Li was confused- genuinely confused. She couldn't fault her for that.

Her own anger turned first toward the demon she had been with, for being so casual, for tricking her so easily... then turned on herself. It wasn't true. Styxx... wasn't like that. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't fault him either... not really.

She had known better. She had known not to get so involved, to let herself slip. The fact that he had been a demon at the time was just an extra slap to the face, and that on top of the rejection and knowing Li had been involved as well...]

I....yeah. That's what I meant, [she sighed, failing to hide the fire in her voice, even as she flopped back into the sand to stare up at the moon instead... as if she would help at all.

With the ocean at her beck and call, the moon couldn't relate. Dove crossed her arms over her face and gave a frustrated, muffled growl.] Uuuuuugh, I'm an idiot.

[Well, Dove was right. Styxx normally wasn't like that. However, none of them had been themselves during that curse, Li included and to be free of her original curse had been a blessing and let her taste how her life had once been and what it would never be again.

So yes, she was genuinely confused by Dove's reactions. They didn't make sense to her. ]

Then what's the problem? Why the hell are you calling yourself an idiot?

[She was quiet a moment, wondering how on earth she would respond to the question. She just... was, but to voice why would be to admit something she vehemently refused to admit even to herself.]

Remember that conversation we had about... 'stallions' and... charm and wit and all that, [she sighed, waving a hand in the air and still trying to get herself in check as her face burned against her arm.]

[Give her a moment to remember that conversation and then..Oh. Well then. Now she got it.]

You wanted him to be your stallion. Well, if I knew that, I wouldn't have mated with him.

[She almost groans.] No, I just- it's not....

[Another frustrated sigh.] ...I don't know what it is. [She definitely hadn't expected him to get around so quickly, that's for sure. Especially after the week they had had, but what claim did she have over him? None. Did she even want it?]

No one could have known that. ... I don't even know that.

Dove, the fact you're getting worked up over me mating with him briefly pretty much says it all whether you realize it or not.

[She works her toes into the sand, burying them as she watches Dove.]

Besides, knowing Styxx, he's probably going to apologize profusely to both of us and avoid us until he either sucks it up or we force him to say hello.

Personally, to me it was just mating. A night in bed with no attachments.. I think humans call it a 'one night stand' and besides, beyond that why would I want anything else?

[Li was right, of course. It spoke volumes that even Dove couldn't deny, but the fact the angel wasn't supposed to react this way to made her all the more defiant, strained as it was.

She ignored the gentle pulsing of the markings along her arms and the small bit of skin showing along her hips where her shirt had ridden up in her less than graceful flop into the sand. Dim as the patterns were, there was no doubt in he restlessness of the surge of emotional Light below.]

I knew better.

[She wondered if Li could smell the fear deep, deep down, hidden under it all. There was enough of it under the later state of hurt, and frustration, and regret... that longing that Dove probably could have felt it in anyone else a mile or two away.

She gave a short laugh, harsh and uncharacteristically cold, despite the dulling fire in her veins. Again, the kelpie was right, though she hadn't had any contact with the god killer since.... since then.

She didn't want to think about it. The regret- not her own, at the time, but his- had stung more deeply than she could have ever imagined.

She sighed after another moment and lulled to glance at Li before shaking her head.] I know... I'm not upset with you. [She sat up slowly, fading her wings as she did so and wrapping her arms around her legs before pressing her forehead to her knees.] I just hate that I can't make myself think the same way you do. It's not like he's bad in... [A glance at the sand.] ...bed.

[Could she smell the fear from her friend? Yes. Li wasn't human and her senses were definitely better than a humans when it came to things she knew on instinct. Plus, the pulsing of marks told her quite a bit as well.

However, Li still didn't quite understand why Dove would be upset about it and regret spending the night with Styxx the same way she had. The downside of not being anything even remotely human...]

Why not? I mean... Sex, mating.. it's just something we do. It's instinct no matter what type of creature you are. And yeah, he was very good in bed.

[She shrugged a little.]

First being I've bedded in over a hundred and fifty years...or at least, the first one I've brought into my bed and not eaten.

[She grimaced a little, not wanting to compare notes on the experience. Regardless… she was glad Li hadn’t eaten him. That would have been… something.

She frowned, too busy trudging through her reasoning.]

I don’t know… That sort of thing is… just… [She shook her head, struggling to find the right words.] It’s not just the sex…

[Another long pause. If she was going to dump all this on Li, she might as well explain properly.] We sort of… got into it while we weren’t ourselves and woke up the next morning as… us. [She had been pinned in the sand by a demon and woken up with Styxx. It wouldn’t be hard to imagine the whiplash, given Li obviously knew him both ways.]

[Li would admit that she knew about as much about Styxx as he knew about her and that was a fair amount considering their long talks and the multitude of drawings he's done for her of her herd.]

Well, then ask yourself this. Why does that matter? Yeah, we were all change and some of us were more instincts than reason but, the instincts usually tell you something you already know.

You just might not realize it yet. So, who cares if he was a demon and you were a siren. Or that you were normal in the morning. I don't see how that has anything to do with this... ball of mess you are now.

The same reason you said you wouldn't have... 'mated' with him if you had known. [She might not be anything remotely human, but that had sounded like some sort of boundary at least. Maybe, despite herself, there was a little understanding in it.

She almost laughs again, but takes a deep breath instead.] But I knew something was off. I'm an angel, Li... I've had my fair share of demon experiences. [No, okay, she does laugh, but it's incredibly harsh for herself and clipped.] Hell... I spent years with one, in bed and out. [Not something she's admitted to too many people; its definitely not something she's proud of.] Styxx is nothing like that, and to let it all go down the way it did and then... to feel him wake up and panic...

[She had hurt him, plain and simple, by falling into a trap she had set for herself.]

Edited 2018-11-22 03:10 (UTC)

[Well, when she put it that way... Li huffed softly and started running a hand through the sand near her feet. Mostly, she didn't understand human hang ups or why they react the way they do.

But, this was starting to make a little sense to her as pieces fell into place. ]

Years with a demon huh? Must have been one wild ride I'm guessing didn't end so well. Yeah, Styxx has his issues, we all do and I can understand some of his... any maybe why he panicked.

Have you tried talking to him since then?

Damien is why I am what I am, [she near sing-songs, the words laced in piercing sarcasm toward herself and the memories.] And the reason I shouldn't have even been thinking along those lines in the first place. [There's a strange sharpness in her eyes as she glares out at the water. She knew better, acted on emotion instead of logic just as she had those years ago, and now...look where it had gotten them.

She ignores the conflicting voice at the back of her mind, urging her to take it back.

She frowns. Styxx's issues were his own, and not something she terribly wished to discuss, even with a friend. Especially not now, with the information so fresh in her mind.]

No, [she finally admits quietly.] ...I don't know how.

Uh huh. Then I'm placing that tidbit of information in the category of emotional hang-ups I'm probably never going to understand.

[To be fair, that was a pretty big category to begin with. It was right next to 'Anything human related' which was a category Li tried to never poke at since it encompassed pretty much everything human.

....Li wasn't fond of getting to know her food source even if she's had to live among them in recent years.]

Well, first you open your mouth in his general direction and start with 'Hi Styxx. Want to talk?' or something along those lines. You're over thinking otherwise.

At least this time it didn't end in blood all over my hands, [she grumbles, absolutely disgusted with herself. No... no blood, but likely a severed connection with a rather close friend she had finally been able to confide in.

She shot Li a look.]

Right. And then what? 'Sorry, I may or may not have feelings for you that I shouldn't have and that I slept with you anyway, despite knowing how you still feel about Bethany?' [She turns her face away as the tears begin to sting her eyes again.

Oops.]

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Li gets a golden ticket~

Yay~

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