Himura Tomoe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
willing_sheath) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2018-11-29 11:11 pm
willing_sheath) wrote in genessia2018-11-29 11:11 pm
Entry tags:
005//Anonymous Text
Not long ago someone posed a question about moving on after losing someone important to death.
But this place offers a different sort of dilemma.
I am the one who died. I arrived without memory of my death only for it to return to me weeks afterward. I had been comforted at first with assurances that time is halted in our worlds, that no time will be lost in the interim--but that is not the case for me. If I leave this place I leave to nothing. I have no hope of seeing my family again. I have no hope of knowing what became of them--and the events surrounding my death do not indicate anything good.
What am I supposed to do? When the husband I had arrives fifteen years after my death with too much blood and time separating us to rekindle what we once had... and when that same husband is then sent back without a trace. He will not remember me. He will only remember the ghost that has haunted him for all that time. I am dead to him all over again.
And what of me? Do I continue trying to live as a wife whose husband may or may not ever return here? Who may return again years past and distant? Who may return re-married with a new family? Do I consider myself a widow? Because for me it is as though they have all died. My husband, my father, my brother, everyone I ever knew or loved--all of them out of reach with no hope of seeing them again aside from the whims of whatever these "gods" seem fit to play.
What am I supposed to do with this unwanted "second chance" where I am trapped in my own head to the point that I feel as though I've been consigned to my own personal hell?
What am I supposed to do? What is the right thing to do?
But this place offers a different sort of dilemma.
I am the one who died. I arrived without memory of my death only for it to return to me weeks afterward. I had been comforted at first with assurances that time is halted in our worlds, that no time will be lost in the interim--but that is not the case for me. If I leave this place I leave to nothing. I have no hope of seeing my family again. I have no hope of knowing what became of them--and the events surrounding my death do not indicate anything good.
What am I supposed to do? When the husband I had arrives fifteen years after my death with too much blood and time separating us to rekindle what we once had... and when that same husband is then sent back without a trace. He will not remember me. He will only remember the ghost that has haunted him for all that time. I am dead to him all over again.
And what of me? Do I continue trying to live as a wife whose husband may or may not ever return here? Who may return again years past and distant? Who may return re-married with a new family? Do I consider myself a widow? Because for me it is as though they have all died. My husband, my father, my brother, everyone I ever knew or loved--all of them out of reach with no hope of seeing them again aside from the whims of whatever these "gods" seem fit to play.
What am I supposed to do with this unwanted "second chance" where I am trapped in my own head to the point that I feel as though I've been consigned to my own personal hell?
What am I supposed to do? What is the right thing to do?
[Anon Text]
The best advice I can give is to try to find something worth living for. Another person, an activity, even an ideal. If you can't think of anything you have now, then try getting involved in new things. And if you feel upset, try to work the emotions out of yourself. I did some of these things to come to terms with my own losses, and some of them helped me. They might help you, too.
That's the best I can think of. I hope it helps.
[Anon Text]
[That all makes sense... but feels so impossible right now. Save one. She could work. She she kept herself busy enough she wouldn't have time to think. And when she did have time to think she would likely begin drinking herself into a stupor again...]
It makes sense. Thank you for your thoughts.
Re: [Anon Text]
[Even Archer and Rin want to help him, which speaks volumes. However, Shirou is probably the most passionate about helping Kiritsugu.]
[Anon Text]
I see.
How did he pass? Illness? Accident?
Re: [Anon Text]
[Or as close to it as he could divulge.]
He hasn't fallen ill yet here, though.
[Anon Text]
I a sorry that you had to endure that, and that he still must.