Himura Tomoe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
willing_sheath) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2018-11-29 11:11 pm
willing_sheath) wrote in genessia2018-11-29 11:11 pm
Entry tags:
005//Anonymous Text
Not long ago someone posed a question about moving on after losing someone important to death.
But this place offers a different sort of dilemma.
I am the one who died. I arrived without memory of my death only for it to return to me weeks afterward. I had been comforted at first with assurances that time is halted in our worlds, that no time will be lost in the interim--but that is not the case for me. If I leave this place I leave to nothing. I have no hope of seeing my family again. I have no hope of knowing what became of them--and the events surrounding my death do not indicate anything good.
What am I supposed to do? When the husband I had arrives fifteen years after my death with too much blood and time separating us to rekindle what we once had... and when that same husband is then sent back without a trace. He will not remember me. He will only remember the ghost that has haunted him for all that time. I am dead to him all over again.
And what of me? Do I continue trying to live as a wife whose husband may or may not ever return here? Who may return again years past and distant? Who may return re-married with a new family? Do I consider myself a widow? Because for me it is as though they have all died. My husband, my father, my brother, everyone I ever knew or loved--all of them out of reach with no hope of seeing them again aside from the whims of whatever these "gods" seem fit to play.
What am I supposed to do with this unwanted "second chance" where I am trapped in my own head to the point that I feel as though I've been consigned to my own personal hell?
What am I supposed to do? What is the right thing to do?
But this place offers a different sort of dilemma.
I am the one who died. I arrived without memory of my death only for it to return to me weeks afterward. I had been comforted at first with assurances that time is halted in our worlds, that no time will be lost in the interim--but that is not the case for me. If I leave this place I leave to nothing. I have no hope of seeing my family again. I have no hope of knowing what became of them--and the events surrounding my death do not indicate anything good.
What am I supposed to do? When the husband I had arrives fifteen years after my death with too much blood and time separating us to rekindle what we once had... and when that same husband is then sent back without a trace. He will not remember me. He will only remember the ghost that has haunted him for all that time. I am dead to him all over again.
And what of me? Do I continue trying to live as a wife whose husband may or may not ever return here? Who may return again years past and distant? Who may return re-married with a new family? Do I consider myself a widow? Because for me it is as though they have all died. My husband, my father, my brother, everyone I ever knew or loved--all of them out of reach with no hope of seeing them again aside from the whims of whatever these "gods" seem fit to play.
What am I supposed to do with this unwanted "second chance" where I am trapped in my own head to the point that I feel as though I've been consigned to my own personal hell?
What am I supposed to do? What is the right thing to do?
no subject
But I don't think there is any 'supposed to', or any 'right' thing to do. We are given lives wholly divorced from what we had before. I do not think anyone could fault you if you lived as if you still had a family, nor fault you if you acted as if they were gone from you entirely. It is up to those who arrive here to do whatever is best for themselves, in whatever way allows them to continue forward.
Anon Text
no subject
The only way forward is continuing on. It does not need to be more complicated than that. You live your life here and see where it takes you.
ANON TEXT
no subject
[Anon Text]
I imagine it is simply too fresh.
And what do I call myself now? Am I a widow?
no subject
As for that...I don't know. I don't know what the terminology is for when the dead exist apart from the living this way. I think if you tell people what you situation is, they will understand even without words for it.
ANON TEXT
no subject