genessia | action . fayren

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action . fayren

[After putting it off forever, Uai finally went to the Dream Docks in order to tie up loose ends. At first, he was impressed and curious about the technology. But after the worst canon update he could have, he's just upset and having a meltdown.]

[Closed Prompt. A for Azura]
[When Uai exits the Dream Docks, he's dazed and confused. There's some mental whiplash as he tries to settle between the feelings he just inherited, and the person he left behind in Genessia. He doesn't immediately realize that his internal turmoil is physically apparent: His human form keeps "glitching," briefly flickering to his dragon form. He's such a mess that the electronics around him-- street lights, most notably-- are beginning to flicker as well. Just as his appearance is uncertain, Uai isn't sure what to feel.

It's almost on accident that he notices Azura is there. The sight of her helps him drag his recent Genessia memories out of the mess that is Uai. That's right. She said she would wait for him. So he wouldn't be lonely.]

... Ah. [That's what he's feeling. Lonely.]

[He shakes his head. Aware of incoming tears and his feelings, but trying to push it aside for a smile. A fake expression, but one he's mastered.] Azura! I'm back!

[Open Prompt. B for Bad Life Choices(Lakendell/Fayren Tea Shop)]
[A few days later, after a lot of misery, Uai is sulking around Lakendell. He's been quiet for the past few days: Not even teleporting or snarking, which he usually does more than he ought to. Instead, Uai serves tea at his job in silence. He comes home to Lakendell and keeps trying to bake. Before anything can finish baking, he purposefully sabotages himself so that he has to start from the beginning.

Like when he arrived, his human form occasionally flickers away and is replaced by a shadowy dragon skeleton. It doesn't affect his environment due to how quickly the flickers happen, but it's not hard to miss either.]

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[-And Big Brother Ryoma heard that Uai had been back. It was a shame that their schedules contradicted each other, he could hardly see the young man during the day or nights. But today was different. Ryoma hit Uai's day off. He rushed home, still having his security guard uniform, hair tied up and professional, and found Uai in the kitchen..? Again?

They have to stop meeting like this.]

Uai. You came back. I had heard from Azura that you were here and-

[There was a glitch to the young man, and how he made bread was..somewhat odd now]

You..just turned into a Dragon and back... You do not look well.

[Also confused that he looked like a bone dragon for just a second there. That was creepy. Maybe he was just seeing things from exhaustion?]

[Uai is staring at some finished pastry dough, trying to braid it for baking. Usually he would probably respond to Suddenly Ryoma by teleporting away in fear, acting like a scared cat. Today, he ignores the initial arrival. What would he even say? He's not sure. Uai isn't even sure if he wants to be in Lakendell, or anywhere at all. Even his dragon form is tempting: At least then, he can't care about the people he's hurting.

Yet, it's when Ryoma mentions seeing that form that Uai snaps to attention. He turns around swiftly, back to the counter, with a horrified expression. His sakura gaze is rapidly checking Ryoma for wounds, afraid his glitches are far reaching.]

... Uh. [He can now feel his human guise beginning to break, as panic fogs his focus. Though he isn't changing form yet, Uai can tell it might happen if he doesn't chill.]

It's... I don't know what you're talking about. D-Dragons... Don't be weird.

[A+ Lying.]

[she'd been sleeping likely, dosing with a book in her lap for at least an hour. She'd been tired, but not tired enough to leave her post waiting for Uai's return. She's already starting to rouse when he walks out into the room she's waiting. Upon seeing him, she quickly wakes up, drawing herself up to her feet, book forgotten even as it clatters to the ground.]

Uai...! [She's up and closing the distance between them quickly, arms wrapping around his shoulders to squeeze him tightly, her face buried in the crook of his neck. She'd noticed the look on his face, the pain so very clearly written there. She just held him there tightly, an attempt to ground him as much as she could with her physical presence.

Remember to breathe, Uai.]

[A hug was somehow not on his list of expectations. His new memories were interlacing with the sight of Azura, and her blue hair. Lighter than Alyce's, but briefly haunting none the less. Alyce loved him too. She wanted to keep him from being lonely too.

And that had killed her.

Uai initially freezes up as a result. He isn't sure what to be feeling. There's a part of him that is trying to learn from what he's dreamed through, and an equal part of him that refuses to change. The part of him that doesn't want to be lonely wins out, as Uai hugs Azura back. His grip isn't very tight, but he's trying to be in the 'now.']

Hana's happier now! The girls even call him 'Father.'

[There's a gross voice crack at that word. Even though Azura is there, the fact that his daughters have a new 'father' makes him lonely. To Uai, that's very selfish and not something he wants to admit. So he smiles and lies,]

I'm happy for them.

Oh... Uai. I'm so sorry. [no such luck. He may be happy for his girls and for Hana sure, but she knows that must hurt. It must feel alienating to return home to something like that. She just tightens her grip around his shoulders.]

I'm glad that they are happy... but I... selfishly, I am more worried about you. What can I do Uai, to ease this ache I know you feel?

[She pulls back so that she can look him in the eyes. One hand even reaches up to touch the side of his face gently.]

[Selfishly. She says that, like she could understand being truly selfish. It doesn't make Uai angry at Azura (~~he finds it endearing~~,) but angry at himself. And, perhaps, a touch scared. If Azura knew how selfish he was-- How horrible, and cruel true selfishness could be-- Would she push him away?

Would that be bad? He currently has a record of getting the people who love him killed.

It's because of these thoughts that he stares back at her with a look of fear. As his complex emotions settle, Uai finds himself afraid of and afraid for Azura. Isn't it only a matter of time before he hurts her too? ]

... [The confused sound he makes couldn't be mistaken for any words. It's hardly a real sound: It's closer to the whispery creaks that his true form makes. Uai doesn't realize that he's going to unravel. Even as he speaks, his voice is beginning to disappear.]

It doesn't matter. I should be hurting.

Uai... no. Darling, you don't deserve to hurt...not at all!

[she feels something panicked well up in the deepest part of her gut. she can tell something is unraveling here, and her mind flashes back to the time they first met, when he was in pain and trapped in the form he seems to hate so much.]

Let's go home, Uai. I'll walk with you, we'll take our time and before you know it you'll be with people who care about you. I'll be there... whatever happnened while you were gone...

I'll do what I can to soothe the aches you're feeling now.

[Her response is so kind, as always. She's everything he's ever wanted in a partner, but he doesn't deserve it. He can hear her concern and panic, and knows he's the cause of it.

His false smile almost returns. Between being scared, ashamed, sad, angry, and in love, Uai puts on a false smile. He doesn't want to deal with all of these emotions.]

You don't even know what I've done.

[How can she say he doesn't deserve it? Uai isn't trying to imply that she's not smart: If anything, he sounds amused. The fact she sees and trusts something good in him has always been an anchor... but right now, he's not sure if he deserves it.

So, like a hypocrite, Uai reaches up to tuck some hair behind her ear. The act fuels his self-hatred: Even when he knows it's a crime, he can't help but want to stay close to her.]

I've been so selfish, and doing such horrible things. I thought I could justify my actions by pretending the girls needed me, but that was never true. No one needed me. They don't even want me. [Though he is calm in confessing his crimes, Uai immediately follows it with what is almost a sob. But he's too COOL to cry.

So it mixes with a fake laugh, and just sounds gross.] I really am a monster.

Edited (au where I close html tags) 2019-01-29 06:59 (UTC)

(She visits the Tea Shop to test some of the brews and find which one is to her liking. However she is not expecting to see a dragon skeleton - briefly or otherwise - baking. Daenerys shifts in her seat to get a better look and, finally, her curiosity overwhelms her. She leaves her tea behind and gets as close to Uai as she can - without trespassing.)

Excuse me?

Hm?

[Uai only turns his head to see her, but does not give up on the useless attempt to bake. Normally, he might drop everything in order to engage with a customer.

Today, he just looks disinterested and tired.]

What do you need?

Your body... I thought I saw a skeleton? (She could avoid bringing it up, but Daenerys is direct if nothing else.) A dragon's to be more specific.

[Hearing someone describe his true form is rattling, enough to shake Uai out of his disinterested state. It becomes apparent that he was previously ignoring her, as he now looks at her with wide eyes and some fright.]

... Ah?

[He shakes his head.] N-No. You must be seeing things.

I know a dragon when I see one - even if it lacks muscles and skin. (Nope, she isn't buying that and her gaze is unwavering.) Is that your true nature?

[The dragonic image flickers into view again. This time, it leaves its large and monstrous shadow under his human form. Uai also seems to darken, perhaps bristling defensively. He doesn't like the term "true nature," because it's the correct way to describe it.

His voice comes with a light growl, also as if his true form is threatening her too.]

I said that you're seeing things.

I say you are lying.

(But that just makes him more interesting. She has no stake in seeing him or not and, since he isn't going to share, she gives him a cool smile and returns to her table.)

[Her answer rattles him. Uai is neither used to conflicting opinions, nor used to being spoken to that way. He had hoped she would accept his answer and quietly sit down. The way that she instead smiles at him, refuses his answer, and sits down without a shred of wavering...

Well. All of that left Uai feeling more off balance than he had expected.

It takes him a few minutes to approach her again. He'd like to say that it's because he needed time to brew her a new pot of tea (which she did not order,) but it's actually because she scared him.

Uai sets the fresh pot at her table, still frowning. Trying not to look like he's scared of her.
It probably shows more than he'd like.]

I'm not a dragon. I'm a monster. They're very different.

(She wonders if he will approach her or not. Whatever he is has interested her greatly, but she has never been a fan of hiding one's true identity. She had to do it for too long in the East and it only brought her pain. Now that she has embraced her true self, she has a chance of righting the wrongs done against her family and her people.)

Dragons are treated as monsters by many in my world.

It's not that I'm a dragon who is called a monster.

I'm a monster, who happens to be mistaken as a dragon.

[He isn't sure if he can hang around her table to chat. It isn't as if they have many customers at this particular tea shop... The reason he seems so antsy is less a fear of bad work ethic, and more being wary of her.]

This human form contains the real me. I'm like a pretty jar that holds a toxic liquid.

Is it magic that helps you hold this form? (Now there is a topic to make her antsy, though she hides it behind a cool mask.) I'm not frightened of men or monsters. In my experience the former can be worse than the latter. Maybe the descriptors are ill-placed.

I won't argue that point.

[Not noticing any change, Uai answers her question bluntly. If he's known it made her antsy, he might have shown some tact.

Maybe.]

Yes. I made this form to reflect what I would have looked like, if I hadn't lost my humanity. [...

Finally, he recognizes his blunt and honest answers at this point. Normally Uai tries to keep the truth hidden. Much like how he hides his true form, he prefers to create an illusion of being a normal human with his verbal lies.

He brushes his white braid over his shoulder as he averts his gaze.]

Sorry. I've said too much.

What I meant to say is that the "jar" is cracked right now. That form is "leaking" through. So... Keep your distance. And I'll keep mine.

I see. (It's frightening - magic has stolen so much from her and shown her things that simply cannot be. She will never trust it.) How was your humanity stolen?

(Her voice is gentle and soft; it isn't demanding or callous. He can choose to answer or not.)

I think you are beautiful either way. (The bones of dragons are all that is left of most of them in Westeros. Except for her sons.) I mean you no harm.

[She may mean no harm, but Uai's fears show briefly in response to her words. He doesn't want for anyone to find that side of him beautiful. Uai wants for it to be hated, and to die.

He doesn't realize that this self hatred is why his true form, the reflection of his true self, is a dead dragon.

Still. Her voice isn't frightening. He doesn't feel threatened directly by her, and is realizing that any threat he perceives is just that: Something only he sees and has made-up. This girl actually seems exceptionally kind... Which, in his current mental state, he decides to take as a challenge.]

... I was something akin to a god once. I was supposed to absorb negative energy, then take it away from the world in death. But I decided not to die. [He isn't looking at her. He hasn't even told Azura this part, because he's afraid of being hated for it.

But he's actually trying to get Daenerys to take back her kind words.]

(Beauty can be innocent and sweet or dark and imposing. Some might find something like a battlefield, strewn with bodies appealing. The Seven know her father delighted and was aroused by the sight of blood. Daenerys is not like him in that respect, thankfully; she takes more after her mother in temperament.)

No one wants to die. I can understand you avoiding it and I think your punishment... (if that is the right word for it) is too severe.

(She has one story she can share with him, but she hesitates, remembering the choice she had been given at the House of the Undying.)

The Undying use magic in the East. They welcomed me into their home and tried to trap me with fantastic visions. I saw the husband and child I had lost and I was sorely tempted to stay. They would have kept me, lost in my own mind, for a thousand years or more. At least until they tired of me.

I was able to break free of it because of my sons - three dragons. They were hatchlings then, and they cried out for me.

Death would have meant an end to my pain, but death in a place like that is a slow decay. I wanted to stay with my husband and my first son, yet I was a mother again and they needed me too.

[Uai listens to her story, quietly. Perhaps too quietly. He can feel his heart swaying, as he relates far too much to her tale. Having just returned from the Dream Docks, Uai can relate to being trapped in a vision. He just saw his daughters in that vision, and his former lover. But in his case, he saw them move on and decide to live without his cursed presence.

As he snaps out of his attentive state, Uai reaches for the tea pot. Less to pretend he is productive for the sake of his job, but because he doesn't want Daenerys to realize how emotional he got over her story.]

I would say you look young to be a mother, but I guess we both look too young for it.

[He starts pouring a cup of tea with a shaking grip.]

It wasn't severe at all. I knew that my choice would hurt everyone around me, but I chose it anyway. The world was better off without me. I knew that.

[Even though Uai claims to be a great actor, and claims to be in full control of his emotions, he's very much not. He may have turned his face from her, but the fact he's tearing up becomes disgustingly obvious when tears hit the table.

She accidentally got him thinking of his daughters.]

I endangered my own girls. This isn't severe enough for that.

I was seventeen when I was married to Khal Drogo. (Now she is twenty-three, so yes, she is young to be a mother, ~~though not as young as she would be in the books. Thirteen is the right time to be married and have sex, right? Right.~~)

I think we've all told ourselves that at one point or another. While we're alive, we have a chance of changing for the better, which is why I don't understand why your choice hurt those that should care about you most?

(Choosing life should be celebrated; not condemned.)

How?

[~~weeps for the books~~.

He's been pushing to make her hate him, yet he freezes at the question. If he elaborates, he'll definitely get the hatred that he wants. But he hesitates, temporarily afraid of the reaction he acts like he wants.]

Because I had absorbed so much negativity, I became a Monster. All of that negative energy stayed in the world, and spread to those close to me. Gradually, it would have spread around the entire world and multiplied due to my corrupted "god" nature.

[Uai sets the tea pot down again. He's let the cup overflow by accident.]

I'm still holding on to that power. I can bottle it up in this form, but it's still there. If I'm not careful, it will be spill over here too. That's why: "Keep your distance."

(~~Oh that is only the beginning for the books. Sob.~~

He cares, she realizes. What he has done and the choices he has made weigh upon his shoulders. The negativity hasn't killed his heart and that saves him from being a monster in her eyes.)

You wouldn't hurt me or anyone else on purpose.

(Why explain all of this to her? Why give a warning? Daenerys hands him some napkins for the spilled tea.)

Forgive me for not agreeing to your terms. After all, I am cursed too.

[Uai does take the napkins, but only to be polite. His magic is already in effect, and causing the tea to evaporate in seconds.

He is about to begin folding the napkins into cute towelette origami, but freezes at her words.]

... ah? [Cursed? Uai's curse god instincts almost get the better of him.]

What kind?

It is said that each time a Targaryen is born, the gods flip a coin. We are either geniuses or mad. (Sometimes they have a taste of both sides, which is entirely unhelpful.) I fear madness, so I have surrounded myself with those who will tell me the truth if they see me faltering.

... Hm.

[He's not sure how to respond to that. In his "world," she would be the sort of person that likely got fought over by the gods. She could be so useful for swaying history.

Knowing that probably won't help her, so he keeps that to himself.]

Fear it too much, and you'll go mad anyway.

I know. It's a balance. (Being wary is better than being ignorant, but she can't be too wary to the point she loses her sense of reality.)

That is why I need support.

[He’s probably stayed at her table for too long, but Uai is getting worried. Or rather, moreso. At least she’s distracting him from his own problems and self hatred.]

How will you find support here? You don’t seem like you talk about this. No one can help you if no one knows.

I will make friends in time. I've found that small connections make all the difference; it reminds me that I am human and that it's okay to feel.

(Extreme emotions aren't a weakness if she keeps her core values in mind.)

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action . fayren

[Bad Life Choices]

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