action . fayren

[ubiquitously]

 [After putting it off forever, Uai finally went to the Dream Docks in order to tie up loose ends. At first, he was impressed and curious about the technology. But after the worst canon update he could have, he's just upset and having a meltdown.]

[Closed Prompt. A for Azura]
[When Uai exits the Dream Docks, he's dazed and confused. There's some mental whiplash as he tries to settle between the feelings he just inherited, and the person he left behind in Genessia. He doesn't immediately realize that his internal turmoil is physically apparent: His human form keeps "glitching," briefly flickering to his dragon form. He's such a mess that the electronics around him-- street lights, most notably-- are beginning to flicker as well. Just as his appearance is uncertain, Uai isn't sure what to feel.

It's almost on accident that he notices Azura is there. The sight of her helps him drag his recent Genessia memories out of the mess that is Uai. That's right. She said she would wait for him. So he wouldn't be lonely.]

... Ah. [That's what he's feeling. Lonely.]

[He shakes his head. Aware of incoming tears and his feelings, but trying to push it aside for a smile. A fake expression, but one he's mastered.] Azura! I'm back!

[Open Prompt. B for Bad Life Choices(Lakendell/Fayren Tea Shop)]
[A few days later, after a lot of misery, Uai is sulking around Lakendell. He's been quiet for the past few days: Not even teleporting or snarking, which he usually does more than he ought to. Instead, Uai serves tea at his job in silence. He comes home to Lakendell and keeps trying to bake. Before anything can finish baking, he purposefully sabotages himself so that he has to start from the beginning.

Like when he arrived, his human form occasionally flickers away and is replaced by a shadowy dragon skeleton. It doesn't affect his environment due to how quickly the flickers happen, but it's not hard to miss either.]

Comments

[ubiquitously]

[A hug was somehow not on his list of expectations. His new memories were interlacing with the sight of Azura, and her blue hair. Lighter than Alyce's, but briefly haunting none the less. Alyce loved him too. She wanted to keep him from being lonely too.

And that had killed her.

Uai initially freezes up as a result. He isn't sure what to be feeling. There's a part of him that is trying to learn from what he's dreamed through, and an equal part of him that refuses to change. The part of him that doesn't want to be lonely wins out, as Uai hugs Azura back. His grip isn't very tight, but he's trying to be in the 'now.']

Hana's happier now! The girls even call him 'Father.'

[There's a gross voice crack at that word. Even though Azura is there, the fact that his daughters have a new 'father' makes him lonely. To Uai, that's very selfish and not something he wants to admit. So he smiles and lies,]

I'm happy for them.

[lazuline]

Oh... Uai. I'm so sorry. [no such luck. He may be happy for his girls and for Hana sure, but she knows that must hurt. It must feel alienating to return home to something like that. She just tightens her grip around his shoulders.]

I'm glad that they are happy... but I... selfishly, I am more worried about you. What can I do Uai, to ease this ache I know you feel?

[She pulls back so that she can look him in the eyes. One hand even reaches up to touch the side of his face gently.]

[ubiquitously]

[Selfishly. She says that, like she could understand being truly selfish. It doesn't make Uai angry at Azura (he finds it endearing,) but angry at himself. And, perhaps, a touch scared. If Azura knew how selfish he was-- How horrible, and cruel true selfishness could be-- Would she push him away?

Would that be bad? He currently has a record of getting the people who love him killed.

It's because of these thoughts that he stares back at her with a look of fear. As his complex emotions settle, Uai finds himself afraid of and afraid for Azura. Isn't it only a matter of time before he hurts her too? ]

... [The confused sound he makes couldn't be mistaken for any words. It's hardly a real sound: It's closer to the whispery creaks that his true form makes. Uai doesn't realize that he's going to unravel. Even as he speaks, his voice is beginning to disappear.]

It doesn't matter. I should be hurting.

[lazuline]

Uai... no. Darling, you don't deserve to hurt...not at all!

[she feels something panicked well up in the deepest part of her gut. she can tell something is unraveling here, and her mind flashes back to the time they first met, when he was in pain and trapped in the form he seems to hate so much.]

Let's go home, Uai. I'll walk with you, we'll take our time and before you know it you'll be with people who care about you. I'll be there... whatever happnened while you were gone...

I'll do what I can to soothe the aches you're feeling now.

[ubiquitously]

[Her response is so kind, as always. She's everything he's ever wanted in a partner, but he doesn't deserve it. He can hear her concern and panic, and knows he's the cause of it.

His false smile almost returns. Between being scared, ashamed, sad, angry, and in love, Uai puts on a false smile. He doesn't want to deal with all of these emotions.]

You don't even know what I've done.

[How can she say he doesn't deserve it? Uai isn't trying to imply that she's not smart: If anything, he sounds amused. The fact she sees and trusts something good in him has always been an anchor... but right now, he's not sure if he deserves it.

So, like a hypocrite, Uai reaches up to tuck some hair behind her ear. The act fuels his self-hatred: Even when he knows it's a crime, he can't help but want to stay close to her.]

I've been so selfish, and doing such horrible things. I thought I could justify my actions by pretending the girls needed me, but that was never true. No one needed me. They don't even want me. [Though he is calm in confessing his crimes, Uai immediately follows it with what is almost a sob. But he's too COOL to cry.

So it mixes with a fake laugh, and just sounds gross.] I really am a monster.