Rose Tyler (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bigbadrose) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
genessia2019-03-30 11:15 pm
bigbadrose) wrote in genessia2019-03-30 11:15 pm
Entry tags:
Backdated!!!! Pre-Ice -> 28th / Video & Action
[A is for Audio-Visual: Aka: VIDEO!]
Nothing is better than combining adventurous locations with great food, right? Yeah! Which is why we're going to open a food stall for every single subgate through the gates themselves. Apply now at Torchwood for great opportunities! [Poses, making a W with both thumbs and pointers. Because she never did get the hang of her father's slogan and thumbs up wink gun, and anyway, that's his, so she should make her own.] Likewise, we're still hiring for non-human foods! Don't forget, living should be fun! Why just survive, when you can THRIVE?
Completely unrelated, [NO IT IS NOT. NOT EVEN A LITTLE!!!!] does anyone have more open source data on the pendants we all have and their reality orientation properties? Funny thing... my lead scientist on that was close to a breakthrough and [Snaps fingers.] Poof. [SAD SMILE.] I'm sure it's a coincidence.
[B is for Banal:]
[She's doing her best around Torchwood, trying to hide how frustrated she is internally. She knows Fluffy knows. She knows Fluffy is trying to be like her, hiding his exhaustive pain, and only giving her the tidbits she can handle piece by piece, but she, more than ever, misses her parents. And how pathetic is that? Okay, she's gotten USED to missing Pete, here. Which is itself, kind of weird to think about, because initially she'd run away without intending to ever see him ever again. EVER. And now... she would? So what was the big deal? But he wasn't here. And she needed his advice and direction and help here. And her Mum! She could ABSOLUTELY live without seeing her Mum ever again, and she'd told the Doctor so multiple times, even if he always sent Rose back to Jackie for both of their sakes, but it just... weighs on Rose. Reminds her of things she wishes she could say, but when she tries to write them into songs or even just messages in a bottle never sent; nothing happens. It wasn't like her phone reached her Mum in 1/2 of the alternate dimensions via dimension cannon either. Only if Torchwood was beyond fully functional, or the holes were wide. But then, Rose had been on a MISSION. And here... now? What mission did she have now? Keep Fluffy company? Give HIM purpose? What about her? Why had she made Torchwood anyway? It wasn't just for Jack. And it certainly wasn't just for the female Doctor she wasn't even fully sure would exist but...]
[She's quiet around the office for a month. Holding it together... but barely.]
[Making cutbacks on plans. Oh sure, Fluffy and Bowtie and Norm were still the Doctor, so it wasn't like 90% had to be scrapped or anything, but without the female Doctor, all the tinkering was just left there. Rose couldn't even touch it. She certainly couldn't reallocate it or rent it out. Maybe she'd come up with something eventually.]
[The Haunted House gets all forest themed and leprechauns and Bride of Chucky style for Spring at least. For some reason, the horror is cathartic.]
[Between Valentine's Day and March 27th Jack's re-arrival, she can be found not exactly meeting her OWN standards and motto. She's not thriving. She's existing. She hasn't faded to a ghost, but she's vaguely sure she's stone's skip from letting her team down. She's not exactly carrying them, and when Jack, Martha, and the future female Doctor go, she even put in emergency hiatus with the games club for a month. She couldn't fake her head would be in it, much less her heart.]
[C is for Chamomile:]
[The 28th sees a bit of a different Rose, hungover, sure, but back to business with a little more intensity. Maybe Jack wasn't going to re-join TW, but how could she DARE let him down?! He NEVER let her down! Not even once! Not even when shespoilers redacted hidden from all Bad Wolf was here! So of course she wouldn't let him down now! No way!!]
[But saying and believing were still different than following through with action not words. And Rose is wearing a pair of Sonic Sunglasses, and only drinking chamomile tea to soothe her stomach and make sure she doesn't throw up. Sometimes it's not easy being the young normie in a group of ancient immortals, but still trying to be the ADC.]
Knock it off!
[She accidentally snaps in public a little at the Haunted Eatings while waiting for Vaggie.]
[Ugh. Embarrassing. She hopes no one saw that.]
Nothing is better than combining adventurous locations with great food, right? Yeah! Which is why we're going to open a food stall for every single subgate through the gates themselves. Apply now at Torchwood for great opportunities! [Poses, making a W with both thumbs and pointers. Because she never did get the hang of her father's slogan and thumbs up wink gun, and anyway, that's his, so she should make her own.] Likewise, we're still hiring for non-human foods! Don't forget, living should be fun! Why just survive, when you can THRIVE?
Completely unrelated, [NO IT IS NOT. NOT EVEN A LITTLE!!!!] does anyone have more open source data on the pendants we all have and their reality orientation properties? Funny thing... my lead scientist on that was close to a breakthrough and [Snaps fingers.] Poof. [SAD SMILE.] I'm sure it's a coincidence.
[B is for Banal:]
[She's doing her best around Torchwood, trying to hide how frustrated she is internally. She knows Fluffy knows. She knows Fluffy is trying to be like her, hiding his exhaustive pain, and only giving her the tidbits she can handle piece by piece, but she, more than ever, misses her parents. And how pathetic is that? Okay, she's gotten USED to missing Pete, here. Which is itself, kind of weird to think about, because initially she'd run away without intending to ever see him ever again. EVER. And now... she would? So what was the big deal? But he wasn't here. And she needed his advice and direction and help here. And her Mum! She could ABSOLUTELY live without seeing her Mum ever again, and she'd told the Doctor so multiple times, even if he always sent Rose back to Jackie for both of their sakes, but it just... weighs on Rose. Reminds her of things she wishes she could say, but when she tries to write them into songs or even just messages in a bottle never sent; nothing happens. It wasn't like her phone reached her Mum in 1/2 of the alternate dimensions via dimension cannon either. Only if Torchwood was beyond fully functional, or the holes were wide. But then, Rose had been on a MISSION. And here... now? What mission did she have now? Keep Fluffy company? Give HIM purpose? What about her? Why had she made Torchwood anyway? It wasn't just for Jack. And it certainly wasn't just for the female Doctor she wasn't even fully sure would exist but...]
[She's quiet around the office for a month. Holding it together... but barely.]
[Making cutbacks on plans. Oh sure, Fluffy and Bowtie and Norm were still the Doctor, so it wasn't like 90% had to be scrapped or anything, but without the female Doctor, all the tinkering was just left there. Rose couldn't even touch it. She certainly couldn't reallocate it or rent it out. Maybe she'd come up with something eventually.]
[The Haunted House gets all forest themed and leprechauns and Bride of Chucky style for Spring at least. For some reason, the horror is cathartic.]
[Between Valentine's Day and March 27th Jack's re-arrival, she can be found not exactly meeting her OWN standards and motto. She's not thriving. She's existing. She hasn't faded to a ghost, but she's vaguely sure she's stone's skip from letting her team down. She's not exactly carrying them, and when Jack, Martha, and the future female Doctor go, she even put in emergency hiatus with the games club for a month. She couldn't fake her head would be in it, much less her heart.]
[C is for Chamomile:]
[The 28th sees a bit of a different Rose, hungover, sure, but back to business with a little more intensity. Maybe Jack wasn't going to re-join TW, but how could she DARE let him down?! He NEVER let her down! Not even once! Not even when she
[But saying and believing were still different than following through with action not words. And Rose is wearing a pair of Sonic Sunglasses, and only drinking chamomile tea to soothe her stomach and make sure she doesn't throw up. Sometimes it's not easy being the young normie in a group of ancient immortals, but still trying to be the ADC.]
Knock it off!
[She accidentally snaps in public a little at the Haunted Eatings while waiting for Vaggie.]
[Ugh. Embarrassing. She hopes no one saw that.]
no subject
"It's the thinking on the bad things, the knowledge I messed up, the knowing how badly I messed up that makes me sad."
She whined and cuddled the youkai, quickly handing over the alcohol. "If it makes you more receptive to company you should be careful until I get more in me," she snorted quietly. "Unless you want the misery. And then just wait for Fluffy to come around too. Misery loves company, isn't it? And he just wants me to share it with him, and I don't want to even feel it." She whacked her head onto the desk.
no subject
She looked thoughtful. "It's a part of human nature, I suppose. Regret, I mean. I don't remember if I ever felt regret. If I could feel it now I suppose I would putting my sister through all that. But I can't so I don't."
no subject
"Remember how angry I was the first year?" CUDDLING THE YOUKAI!!! "I don't regret it. I should. That makes me feel guilty." She leaned her head on Koishi and took the bottle back to drink more too, but embraced the calm instantly.
A quiet grunt at the last part. "D'you think I'm too much like your sister with that too, maybe? Satou is, that's her magic. And that's me too, and uuuuuuugh. It's why I hate -- I can't... I can't even even feel my own stuff when it's too overwhelming, yeah?" Another quiet laugh. "You... probably don't have that problem exactly. Or do you? I dunno."
A sigh. She was distracting. But maybe that was what she wanted? Was it what she needed?
She chewed a nail in thought. "Doctor thought I was mad that he left me in another universe," a headshake, "Wasn't. I was mad he left Jack the first time. Jack forgave him, but I --"
Her nostrils flared again. "I can't, because he didn't tell me. When he left me in another universe. And maybe I'll grow my own TARDIS and break back into his universe and help Jack myself, but I dunno that I can, or that I'll ever find out that I made him immortal -- oh right, and now that he's back again, he doesn't know I know, yeah? So I'm tryin' ta hide it from him just how much I know because I don't want him to be miserable, and every time I think about it so I don't say nothing, I wanna cry and beg him to forgive me too, but I don't even that, because I don't deserve it." CHUG. "That. Guilt. Yeah?"
"I don't do better talkin' about things. I don't think. I just feel like... you should know? Make sense???"
no subject
Koishi returned the cuddles all the same though.
She looked thoughtful for a long moment, letting Rose talk and snuggle, reaching up to remove her hat so it wasn't knocked completely askew. "Hmm... I dunno about doing all that. But you know, if you don't tell him and he finds out he's going to be more upset." A frown. "And if you know how he feels then you shouldn't have to beg for forgiveness again. You can tell him straight forward what you know and that you're telling him so that you're honest and that you're sorry. And that you want to move past it all and be friends and things. It might sting a little but whats done is done. Instead of feeling bad you should try to make the best of it."
She tilted her head. "I mean... That's what logically should happen. Emotions aren't like that at all though. But it's important to know that so you can move past it. I'm not saying that 'it will be okay' because things aren't okay after you make a mistake. And you can never make them 'okay.' But that doesn't mean that you can't learn to live with them without hating yourself."
no subject
She whined at Koishi's reprimand. "Nooooooo." That sounded like torture to her. For all parties involved.
She squished her face, and snorted at the final part. "I don't hate myself. I can't. Jack and the Doctor would never let me. So I don't. I'm just tired of feeling guilty, and if I apologize to him, that's me pushin' my feelin's on him, not takin' into consideration how he feels. I already know he'd tell me the same things. It's not my fault, I didn't know what I was doin', I just loved him that much, but even that's embarrassing! Best I can do is try to make life better for him while he's here. And that means not burdening him with all this or remindin' 'im!!"
no subject
"It wasn't your fault from what I understand. And even if you say you don't hate yourself you're still mad at yourself. If you genuinely didn't know what was going on and what you were doing then that's that." A pause. "And there's nothing embarrassing about love. It's the strongest and most important emotion of all. Things are going to remind him anyway. I bet he feels nervous about it too. If you clear the air you'll both feel less bad."
A pause. "Also you aren't very good at hiding how you feel. I don't even need my mind reading to tell what you're thinking. I think the saying is 'wearing your heart on your sleeve' right?" She learned an idiom!