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Is there a law against killing parrots?

[Parrots, not pirates... for once. And if there is such a law... THE LAW IS WRONG!!!!]

[In the background, a newly hatched parrot happily (and LOUDLY) chirps despite the cage and blanket thrown over it:]

Smoker's in love with pirates! And he always lets them go! Or makes out with them!

[Smoker twitches. Violently. And his two roommates, too tall to properly stand in the apartment appear VERY VERY busy with pretending they don't notice a god damn thing. It's been one hell of a 24 hours.]

Tell me there's a better way of shutting them up...

He's in luuuuuuurve! But he's gonna cuck himself! AGAIN!

[Kuzan just... SIGHS.]

[While Smoker appears to be all but dying.] I don't even know where it learned these words.... It just hatched!

He doesn't care about rank or promotions or money, but that doesn't cure his addictions to--

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

[Slams the comm off. FOR NOW.]

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Smoker, yer lit'rally the only person that didn't know that shit, an' that mostly due t' a really bad case a headupyerassitis.

Fuck you.... [Squeaky puppy.]

The pirate Law stole his heart!!!

[The parrot seems affronted that Namur thinks it only knows things... everyone knows.]

Yaaaawn! Same story, differnt name.

Seriously, Gullboy. Yer worried 'bout a li'l bird what jus' says the same shit over an' over?

[Facepalm.]

It's annoying my roommates. Not embarrassing me. Just obnoxious. [WELL NO, HE IS EMBARRASSED. AND HE FOUGHT WITH A LOT ALREADY BECAUSE HE IS A DUMBASS.]

How is it learning these things? [He's on his knees in front of the cage, wondering how the hell this sort of thing happens here. Crazy comes standard equipped, and obnoxious.] It's not fair to it to keep it shut up. Maybe it needs something, and then it will settle down?

Beats me.

Like what???

Hell if I know. But it's an infant. Even if it's a bird... [He's gonna pull the cover off, see if the damn thing wants attention.]

[SIGHS.]

[The bird floofs!]

Smoker got his ass kicked by Doflamingo and couldn't lift a finger against him!!!

[Smoker just twitches again.]

[Just gonna reach a long finger through the bars, see if baby bird wants attention.] Could be worse. [He could have died, after all. And didn't, so Rosinante doesn't see anything to be embarrassed about.]

[The bird rubs his beak against the fingers! YAY!]

I guess.

Smoker likes Tashigi!

That's not secret.

He even doesn't mind when she spills coffee on his lap, because he knows she's got a good heart and he just worries she'll hurt herself!

Are you sure we can't shut it up?

[How cute. He really thinks it's adorable, he likes little animals. And this one is new and innocent and without flaw, despite the whole weird sayings thing.] It's not doing anything harmful. Has anything it's said been a real secret? Or damaging?

It's annoying.

Smoker's favorite pirate is Gold Roger!

[Smoker blinks. He hasn't told ANYONE that. The rest could be picked up from around, but he's 99% sure he didn't even DRUNK spill that to Rip or Aizawa. Or anyone else.]

[Well. He doesn't have to say anything. Just ignore it.]

One time at the academy--

Don't you dare, bird.

Hina and Smoker snuck out to--

[Smoker might be drowning it out with a loud whistle to make the dogs howl.]

You're acting like a child. [Pet pet, scritch and preen, birds are better than people.]

Yeah, I know, I'm fine with that.

[Okay, it's all yours Rosi.]

Ah, please don't kill the parrot.

[She paused for a moment trying to figure out how to help them.]

But have you tried keeping them occupied?

[Rolling his eyes now, let's see if birdie wants to come out, he tries to get it to step up onto his hand.] You're a grown man, with a-[He cuts himself off. He doesn't want a tangent.] With relationships and responsibilities. [If you're old enough to keep having that pirate sneak in, you're old enough to handle a bird without making the dogs howl.]

Edited 2019-04-16 15:25 (UTC)

[Oh shit.]

[Relationship.]

[He's in a relationship with Portgas again. He somehow forgot that.]

[Rosi's really reminding him of Tashigi though.]

I'm handling them.

[DEBATABLE. VERY VERY DEBATABLE.]

Not yet.

What do you suggest?

[The parrot happily chirps out:] Smoker likes cheap detective novels, and being a workaholic! [Smoker for his part seems unfazed.]

Fry it. Feed it to the dogs.

[TEXTING FOR REASONS.]

They won't let me. And it might be illegal.

[Rosinante just pulls the bird out of the cage, regardless.] Pretty bird, pretty bird, pretty bird. [Just soft and calm and clear, birds learn by repetition and if Smoker wants it to say something other than just off secrets they'll actually need to get it to want to say something. Positive reinforcement works, more flies in honey than vinegar. That method should do well with Smoker too.]

[That would work if it wasn't a magical torture bird.]

Smoker's scared of getting fat!

[Smoker attempts to stuff it with food.]

Edited 2019-04-16 19:12 (UTC)

Probably is.

This one won't shut up either.

What's it saying?

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