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[made_up_names]

[ Hey look, it's another teenager! A totally and completely normal teenager that has managed to scrounge up some clothes that aren't just whatever the hell he was wearing under his suit. Looks like a hoodie and some kind of shirt that looks like it might be nerdy? He tried for a nerdy aesthetic, anyway, which is hard when he doesn't even know what nerd culture looks like here. He's seated outside in Nova City somewhere, trying to figure out what to do next.

Anyway. He. Waves awkwardly? ]

Hey, um. I'd ask if people really just introduce themselves online like this without making it like "Welcome to My Star Wars Vlog And/Or Podcast" but I went back and looked at a bunch of posts and I guess that's exactly what it is? Which is cool. But weird? I'm weirded out.

[ Focus, Peter. Maybe breathe a little. He looks incredibly awkward, which is still only 50% of the Awkward Peter Parker Experience. ]

Anyway, I'm Peter Parker! I just got here like. A couple hours ago? And I have one really super important question.

[ Pause. Try not to look too excited. Look incredibly excited. ]

Did I see something about Pokémon? Like, actual physical Pokémon? Is that real or is this some super convincing AR thing? Because I'm down with both but if it's the first kind I am literally going to explode.

Comments

[cool_skeleton]

[A questionably healthy sentiment, but one he completely understands.]

OH NO!

[Aliens abducted one of his employees, though he doesn't know, and that's not the first theory he'd go to to explain her.]

WELL...WERE THEY NICE, OR NOT SO MUCH?

[He's not terribly familiar with invasions. Or aliens.]

[made_up_names]

[ Yeah uh, that gets a little bit of a look. ]

Definitely not nice. Like - super not nice. They dropped part of a building on my aunt's house.

[cool_skeleton]

OH, YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY HORRIBLE.

[He'd like to assume the aunt wasn't inside at the time.]

W-WELL! AS THE FAYREN GUARDIAN I'LL KEEP MY EYES OUT FOR ANY INVADING ALIENS, AS WELL AS AUNTS AND THEIR HOUSES!!

[He bravely pivots into confidence.]

[made_up_names]

[ The aunt is, indeed, alive and well. The house not so much. ]

What's Fayren? And also what's a Fayren Guardian? Is that like a Jedi Knight or something?

[cool_skeleton]

[There there, Peter. Houses were never alive to begin with.]

FAYREN IS A GREAT CITY TO THE SOUTH! WHICH IS ALSO A KINGDOM!! AND I'M THE ELECTED GUARDIAN!!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT A JEDI IS. BUT BOY DO WE HAVE KNIGHTS!! BUT I'M NOT A KNIGHT. I'M THE GUY THAT TELLS KNIGHTS WHAT TO DO!!

WELL, REALLY RICH NOBLES DO THAT TOO. IT'S KIND OF A PROBLEM RIGHT NOW.

BUT I'M WORKING VERY HARD ON EQUITABLE TREATMENT PLANS!!!

[made_up_names]

Okay, that's super cool. Being a captain and having equitable treatment plans. Sounds like you got all the bases covered.

[cool_skeleton]

[The C-word: music to his earholes.]

I COULDN'T HAVE PUT IT BETTER MYSELF! AND ONCE I GET SOME TIME AWAY FROM THIS POKECRAZE, I'LL HAVE THE PUZZLES COVERED TOO!! THE FOUNDATION OF ANY GOOD DEFENSE SYSTEM!! LOOK FORWARD TO IT!!!

[made_up_names]

Wait, puzzles? Is this like an Indiana Jones thing or more of a tower defense thing?

[cool_skeleton]

[Peter and his pesky pop culture references he doesn't get]

IT'S A FUN-AND-FAYREN THING!! DEADLY SPIKES! TREACHEROUS BRIDGES! PUSHING BLOCKS!! SOME WOULD CALL THEM THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF YOUTH...

YOU DIDN'T GROW UP WITH THAT???

[First alien invasions and now this! What an impoverished childhood!]

[made_up_names]

Uh - I mean, I played an ancient copy of Tomb Raider, does that count?

[cool_skeleton]

PLAYED AN ANCIENT COPY...?

[Videogames weren't much of a thing with him either. He's heard of them here, but who would wanna bother with that stuff when you could have some real fun! Like a job! He flounders for something to say.]

UM, PLEASE DON'T RAID TOMBS!! THAT'S VERY ILLEGAL!

[made_up_names]

[ Papyrus, please. Let Peter introduce you to them sometime. ]

It's not a real tomb. It's a fake one. Y'know, pushing blocks and dodging blade traps for fun. I actually think you'd get a kick out of it.

[cool_skeleton]

[Like anime, he'd relegate it to the realm of "baby stuff" he's way too mature to indulge. Only the power of friendship can overcome this.]

OH, LIKE FOR PRACTICE!! YEAH, THAT WOULD BE FUN, ESPECIALLY IN PREPARATION FOR THE REAL THING!!

[He likes his puzzles in glorious 3D.]

[made_up_names]

Real tomb raiding? I though that was illegal.

[cool_skeleton]

YEAH, AND YOU SHOULD KEEP THINKING THAT TOO!! I MEANT REAL SWINGING BLADES AND BLOCKS!! MUCH MORE WHOLESOME!!!